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Day One, again..

Old 10-28-2019, 07:45 PM
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Day One, again..

After about six weeks of sobriety, I got too cocky and drank last night. The shame, guilt, worsening anxiety and depression is very real today. I am focused again and hoping this time it will stick. Very fragile today and feeling so upset. I donít have any friends with addiction issues so Iím doing this without much support. Checking in for accountability.
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Old 10-28-2019, 07:48 PM
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You have support now - you have us! Come here often to read and post, especially if you feel like drinking. Come here instead so we can talk you out of it.

I got sober almost 10 yrs ago and don't regret a minute of it. Waking up feeling good never gets old.
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Old 10-28-2019, 07:59 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
You have support now - you have us! Come here often to read and post, especially if you feel like drinking. Come here instead so we can talk you out of it.

I got sober almost 10 yrs ago and don't regret a minute of it. Waking up feeling good never gets old.
I appreciate that, thank you. I canít wait until I have some time under my belt. Unfortunately, I had a weak moment and let myself down. Itís ok though, Iím more focused now more than ever. I can tell you, the feeling of being refreshed after a genuinely good nights rest is something I got used to. It felt amazing to not be sluggish everyday.
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Old 10-28-2019, 09:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Gatorboootz View Post


I appreciate that, thank you. I can’t wait until I have some time under my belt. Unfortunately, I had a weak moment and let myself down. It’s ok though, I’m more focused now more than ever. I can tell you, the feeling of being refreshed after a genuinely good nights rest is something I got used to. It felt amazing to not be sluggish everyday.

Forget about time. Just don't pick up a drink today.

I had no credibility even with myself the day I got sober. I honestly didn't know how long it would last.

But I did grasp the one day at a time concept.

Yeah, I won't drink today. And tomorrow is tomorrow. I have no idea what is gong to happen then. I might very well get drunk but today, tonight I'm not drinking.
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Old 10-28-2019, 09:45 PM
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Welcome to SR Gatorbootz

just focus on today day by day and you'll look back soon at 6 weeks or more - and work on how you can make that a permanent change of existence rather than a simple day count

D
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Old 10-29-2019, 07:14 AM
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Man, do I understand what you mean about time. It's a truly horrible cycle - I may take some of that one day at a time stuff myself.
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Old 10-29-2019, 07:31 AM
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Hi Gatorboootz - So glad to meet you. Being here, you never have to feel alone.

Sometimes we just need further proof that it's never going to be fun for us, and only brings misery. I kept trying to relive the early days of my drinking when I still had control & was not dependent on it (yet). Those days are gone & can never come back. To try & be a social drinker now will only bring despair & anxiety. You learned something - and you can do this.
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Old 10-29-2019, 11:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Ken33xx View Post
Forget about time. Just don't pick up a drink today.

I had no credibility even with myself the day I got sober. I honestly didn't know how long it would last.

But I did grasp the one day at a time concept.

Yeah, I won't drink today. And tomorrow is tomorrow. I have no idea what is gong to happen then. I might very well get drunk but today, tonight I'm not drinking.
You are absolutely correct. I know for me personally, I have to take it one day at a time. Today I will hold myself accountable to stay sober. Tomorrow may not be the same. I do believe Iím strong enough to handle those bad days. I meant to word it as I canít wait to have some time under my belt to look back and see how far Iíve come.
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Old 10-29-2019, 11:27 AM
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Sorry you relapsed but there's a lessen to be learned from it-if you're anything like me, you can never control your drinking.
Remember how you feel now the next time you get the urge to drink. And remember you never have to feel this way again.
Best to you.
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Old 10-29-2019, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
Hi Gatorboootz - So glad to meet you. Being here, you never have to feel alone.

Sometimes we just need further proof that it's never going to be fun for us, and only brings misery. I kept trying to relive the early days of my drinking when I still had control & was not dependent on it (yet). Those days are gone & can never come back. To try & be a social drinker now will only bring despair & anxiety. You learned something - and you can do this.
Thank you. I hope I donít have to feel alone anymore. Itís very hard to talk to my friends because they donít understand how twisted your mind can be when youíre an alcoholic.
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Old 10-29-2019, 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Ghostlight1 View Post
Sorry you relapsed but there's a lessen to be learned from it-if you're anything like me, you can never control your drinking.
Remember how you feel now the next time you get the urge to drink. And remember you never have to feel this way again.
Best to you.
I absolutely know I can not control it. I have to abstain or else I will be going down a path I promised I would never go down. My issue is that I have a lot of downtime during the weekends. Thatís the most dangerous time for me. Thank you.
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Old 10-29-2019, 05:48 PM
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Yeah, weekends can be hard. They're still hard for me, too. Kinda boring. I always tried to work weekends when I was working full time.
But I've made it through ten and a half years of weekends now, so I hope you can do it, too.
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Old 10-29-2019, 05:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Gatorboootz View Post

I absolutely know I can not control it. I have to abstain or else I will be going down a path I promised I would never go down. My issue is that I have a lot of downtime during the weekends. Thatís the most dangerous time for me. Thank you.
You'll need to find something to fill that downtime. Devil's playground and all that. I replaced my idle time with gym time and an AA meeting or two for the time I don't have my daughter. And hunting now that the season is here.

Maybe you'll like AA and even meet people that you can talk to since your friends can't understand.
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Old 10-29-2019, 05:50 PM
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Meetings? Lots of same-as-me people at those.

Support to you.
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Old 10-29-2019, 07:19 PM
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Originally Posted by abgator View Post
You'll need to find something to fill that downtime. Devil's playground and all that. I replaced my idle time with gym time and an AA meeting or two for the time I don't have my daughter. And hunting now that the season is here.

Maybe you'll like AA and even meet people that you can talk to since your friends can't understand.

I went to a meeting every night. 6-10 pm. was a dangerous time. What was I supposed to do? Go to the gym? Study something? Do something constructive? What?

So I went to meetings and returned home around 9:45. I went to bed around 11;30.

Weekends I hit the afternoon meetings as well. I liked the meetings and found many of the members interesting people.

90 in 90 was no problem for me.

Now, I didn't get a sponsor right away nor did I jump right into the steps.

But I kept coming back.

I had something to do when I got off work and on the weekends. All of which helped me to stay sober when I was new.
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Old 10-30-2019, 06:25 PM
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I started out strong, but quickly realized that burning myself out, constantly being on the go, was not conducive to my sobriety either. I need 1 or 2 days a week where I simply don't go anywhere or do anything except maybe a little house work.
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Old 10-31-2019, 02:29 PM
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I wouldn't be sober without the support of other alcoholics in AA. It's a simple program for complicated people ... don't drink today, go to a meeting and help another alcoholic. Now I have 10,227 days.
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