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Old 10-21-2019, 04:38 PM
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Scared

Scared, 2nd time through this after free for almost 2 years..

Day 6...trying to sleep, still feel awful. Appetite is coming back, but food isn't agreeing with me completely.

Just need positive encouragement to keep me from contemplating damage to myself, etc.
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:18 PM
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Sad- You have 2 years under your belt so it's not like you are starting all over- sorry for what you're going through, but what did you learn in those 2 years that can help you now- and what do you need to change so this doesn't happen again? 6 days out is great- keep going. Everyone stumbles- it's the ability to pick yourself up and keep going that makes you different. You came here for a reason- you know you must change and you have so many tools- now it's time to add to the toolbox- get some support, whatever kind you feel comfortable with and keep moving forward. You can totally do this- have no shame- just go forward. We are all here for you so please do reach out. I know you can succeed.
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:19 PM
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You've got almost a week sober and that's a great start. I hope our support can help you stay sober for good.

I drank again after 20 yrs sober. It took me almost three years to get sober again, but I did it and this December I'll have 10 yrs sober. It is possible.

Take good care of yourself. Good food, rest, and exercise will go far to restore you to good health.
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:22 PM
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You can do this! Wow...TWO YEARS sober and free??!! Youíre an inspiration to me. Iím at almost 6 months. I pray Iím as successful as you were and can surely be again. Youíve climbed this mountain already. You already know the challenging parts and what to do in crazy weather. Just put your head down and keep climbing and youíll pass up your last height and go even further. Relatively, itíll be a breeze. Remember it gets easier. It gets ENJOYABLE.
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:24 PM
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Thank you both.

Ashamed...I was at 18 months and then gave in little by little.

Feel like hell. Body hurts...can't sleep.

In tears tonight for failing myself.
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:30 PM
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Thank you. It's been a difficult 6 days...hoping the 'hopefulness' comes back to me soon. Right now it's just fear...
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:33 PM
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I relapsed after seven months once and would drink for more years than I care to remember.
Listen to Least who drank after twenty years sober.
Sorry you're feeling so bad, but remember, you never have to feel this way again.
Congratulations on day six, you're off to a great start. We're all here for you, so keep close and reading and posting if you like.
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:34 PM
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Oh, I know those tears only too well. But you are here and that's what's important, so go to sleep and tomorrow will be day 7. A week! That's great. Keep coming, keep posting and consider joining the class of October or the 24 hour commitment thread. I swear, those people saved my life. Be proud of your sober time and your commitment to yourself.
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:40 PM
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You can do this Sadforldr - 6 days in it gets better and better from here - you know this

you'll be OK

D
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Old 10-21-2019, 05:59 PM
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I guess my fear lies in knowing that this feels as if its my absolute last chance...terrified of damage I've done. Hope my body feels better soon...then maybe my brain, spirit and heart.

Thank you for the encouragement. I live alone and don't know anyone in the town I moved to months ago...makes this a bit harder.
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Old 10-21-2019, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Sadforldr View Post
I guess my fear lies in knowing that this feels as if its my absolute last chance...terrified of damage I've done. Hope my body feels better soon...then maybe my brain, spirit and heart.

Thank you for the encouragement. I live alone and don't know anyone in the town I moved to months ago...makes this a bit harder.
The good news is that I can assure you that your body, brain, spirit, and heart will all feel better soon if you just do not drink. Just breathe and take it day by day until not drinking becomes the new default state. It will become that, you know that. Just look ahead 30 days, not a lifetime. Anyone can do anything for 30 days (said someone else on this site). And itís true. And in 30 days this will all seem so much more doable. I promise you.

And, please really read this: do NOT feel ashamed, as you wrote a few posts up. DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED. You have an addiction to a substance that society shoves in our faces at every turn. You relapsed. In no other illness does someone get sick and they feel shame, and neither should you. You are here and fighting for your life. You should feel proud.
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Old 10-21-2019, 07:38 PM
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You can do this Sadforldr. I had 6 and a half years sober and went back out for a year. Then I got sober again for 7 years and went back out again for 8 years. I just passed 6 and a half years sober again a few days ago. I understand the fear of feeling this is my absolute last chance. That fear is actually what motivated me to give sobriety one more shot and go ALL IN on recovery, because things got so bad with that 8 year relapse that I knew it was now or never. Feeling it's your absolute last chance is not necessarily a bad thing if you use that as motivation. I feel very fortunate that I got multiple chances and I'm making the most of that opportunity this time, because realistically not everyone gets 2nd (or in my case 3rd) chances.
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Old 10-21-2019, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Sadforldr View Post
Thank you both.

Ashamed...I was at 18 months and then gave in little by little.

Feel like hell. Body hurts...can't sleep.

In tears tonight for failing myself.
I Failed myself many times too. Self reliance failed utterly. It was analogous to jumping out of a plane. I was offered an AA parachute ( A means to get the power to solve my problem) yet I chose to reject it in favor of flapping my arms. Sounds nuts doesn't it, yet just before my final fatal plunge, I pulled the ripcord and lived to tell the tale.
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Old 10-21-2019, 08:43 PM
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Give it time and you'll feel better again. Glad you're here.
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Old 10-21-2019, 09:18 PM
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Thanks to all that have posted tonight in response. I am hoping tomorrow is better. Desperately need some decent sleep.
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Old 10-22-2019, 11:52 AM
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Day 7...still fell like hell. Achy, tired, headaches...all earned and deserved. Scared I won't feel better this time.
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Old 10-22-2019, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Sadforldr View Post
Day 7...still fell like hell. Achy, tired, headaches...all earned and deserved. Scared I won't feel better this time.
Give it time. Your body is recovering from the shock. If you're really worried, you can go to the doctor.

Just make sure you're taking care of yourself--water, good food, rest etc.

I hope you feel better soon.
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Old 10-22-2019, 02:16 PM
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Thanks...I'm great at trying to help soothe others, but for me not much is soothing me today. Scared, lonely, sick and just utterly feeling depressed.
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Old 10-22-2019, 02:23 PM
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Sadforldr: 7 days with 2 years of experience! Body and mind will start leveling out....I'm at 1 month and feeling so much better than that first week. Stay close to those that support your efforts....healthy food and hydration goes a long way.
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Old 10-22-2019, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Sadforldr View Post
I guess my fear lies in knowing that this feels as if its my absolute last chance...terrified of damage I've done. Hope my body feels better soon...then maybe my brain, spirit and heart.

Thank you for the encouragement. I live alone and don't know anyone in the town I moved to months ago...makes this a bit harder.
The fear, shame, sadness and guilt are common, but I think they can sometimes be a trick our brain plays on us to get us to go back to drinking.

Conquering the addiction with this six day start is positive. It is life affirming, it is a giant step away from the addiction and the darkness. Fear, shame, sadness and guilt arenít part of your journey now. Youíre moving toward the light.

Itís ok to feel it, but donít let it sink you under. If the feelings start to overwhelm, itís usually that craving in your brain trying to get you to go back to the drink.
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