The Pendulum
All is Change
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
The Pendulum
Pendulum
'the pendulum's mass (plus gravity, momentum and inertia) causes it to oscillate about the equilibrium position, swinging back and forth.'
http://physicsandwaves.pbworks.com/f/1256797231/Pendulum%20Wave%202.gif
I think sometimes I'm afraid of feeling good.
instead I end up feeling not good and struggling to get to a good place.
Once well, I do things that may feel good in the moment but leads to feeling unwell.
It's as if I'm cutting myself through a thick jungle. Whenever it starts to thin out and I can see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about freedom, I reboot back deep into the jungle, once again struggling to get out.
The why of the reboot? Habit, latent tendencies, volitional momentum. Anger, lust, pride. Me, me me.
As I'm poised to become free I feel the loss of I Me Mine and that's scary. I revert to a defensive posture. I'm back in the jungle.
What would happen if I instead stayed vunerable. How would I do that. How to be 'not-I-Me-Mine'...
I think this is where meditation comes in. It's like a bridge from the 'comfortable because its known' to the unknown. I can choose to sit in a safe place and explore the unknown inside. Just being in the present moment as it is. Watching the storm of wanting, craving, coming, washing over me, and eventually passing away. Watching the sadness come, and go. Watching the happiness come, and go.
'the pendulum's mass (plus gravity, momentum and inertia) causes it to oscillate about the equilibrium position, swinging back and forth.'
http://physicsandwaves.pbworks.com/f/1256797231/Pendulum%20Wave%202.gif
I think sometimes I'm afraid of feeling good.
instead I end up feeling not good and struggling to get to a good place.
Once well, I do things that may feel good in the moment but leads to feeling unwell.
It's as if I'm cutting myself through a thick jungle. Whenever it starts to thin out and I can see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about freedom, I reboot back deep into the jungle, once again struggling to get out.
The why of the reboot? Habit, latent tendencies, volitional momentum. Anger, lust, pride. Me, me me.
As I'm poised to become free I feel the loss of I Me Mine and that's scary. I revert to a defensive posture. I'm back in the jungle.
What would happen if I instead stayed vunerable. How would I do that. How to be 'not-I-Me-Mine'...
I think this is where meditation comes in. It's like a bridge from the 'comfortable because its known' to the unknown. I can choose to sit in a safe place and explore the unknown inside. Just being in the present moment as it is. Watching the storm of wanting, craving, coming, washing over me, and eventually passing away. Watching the sadness come, and go. Watching the happiness come, and go.
Last edited by Grymt; 10-17-2019 at 04:27 AM. Reason: Link
That image is a good one for meditation - try to focus on the dot in the middle of the page and think about nothing else. I find myself distracted by the movement and the red trajectory.
Throughout the day I find myself jerked from dull nothingness to agitation, anger, fear, frustration. Who's doing the jerking? I Me Mine. Who can control my reactions if not me me me? It seems I can't help it and I think a little wistfully about the days when I looked forward to a drink to remove me. Or really, to fully immerse myself in me.
Well, that's not happening.
So yeah, meditation to quietly explore the unknown in me. Such a paradox - exploring myself to free myself of self.
Thanks, Grymt
O
Throughout the day I find myself jerked from dull nothingness to agitation, anger, fear, frustration. Who's doing the jerking? I Me Mine. Who can control my reactions if not me me me? It seems I can't help it and I think a little wistfully about the days when I looked forward to a drink to remove me. Or really, to fully immerse myself in me.
Well, that's not happening.
So yeah, meditation to quietly explore the unknown in me. Such a paradox - exploring myself to free myself of self.
Thanks, Grymt
O
All is Change
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
Control...
Some things lately have led me to further ponder the role of control in addiction.
When 'I' is weakened the response is to assert, establish, strengthen control. The habit may be to control something outside of self or it may be to control something inside. Exactly where inside and outside meets depends on the person. Someone may consider other people and things 'mine' and someone else may be satisfied with calling just the mind-body phenomenon 'mine'. Whatever it is, the attempt is to try to control something ephemeral, constantly changing, which seems like a lifelong job.
What about relinquishing control? Letting go. Relaxing.
It's probably easier to start with some external object. Something universally available that's also universally regarded as owned. (ironically something that can be said to not exist, fiat, based on faith.) - Money. Practicing letting go of money is beneficial to all. It may not seem so, initially, to the person letting go of it. But wait a few weeks. It won't be long before you never head in to town without some loose change in the pocket, gladly giving it to anyone asking for it or looking like they need it.
Ok. Having established an experiential knowing of the benefit of letting go, renunciation, what about something else. A loved one. A child leaving home, an elder passing away, a lover leaving. Not as easy.
So much harder to let go of control over self. Ones own mind-body phenomenon.
Nevertheless all these things are 'out of control'. The body gets old and sick. Children leave home. Someone says something and the sense of being in control (of the uncontrollable) is lost...
When 'I' is weakened the response is to assert, establish, strengthen control. The habit may be to control something outside of self or it may be to control something inside. Exactly where inside and outside meets depends on the person. Someone may consider other people and things 'mine' and someone else may be satisfied with calling just the mind-body phenomenon 'mine'. Whatever it is, the attempt is to try to control something ephemeral, constantly changing, which seems like a lifelong job.
What about relinquishing control? Letting go. Relaxing.
It's probably easier to start with some external object. Something universally available that's also universally regarded as owned. (ironically something that can be said to not exist, fiat, based on faith.) - Money. Practicing letting go of money is beneficial to all. It may not seem so, initially, to the person letting go of it. But wait a few weeks. It won't be long before you never head in to town without some loose change in the pocket, gladly giving it to anyone asking for it or looking like they need it.
Ok. Having established an experiential knowing of the benefit of letting go, renunciation, what about something else. A loved one. A child leaving home, an elder passing away, a lover leaving. Not as easy.
So much harder to let go of control over self. Ones own mind-body phenomenon.
Nevertheless all these things are 'out of control'. The body gets old and sick. Children leave home. Someone says something and the sense of being in control (of the uncontrollable) is lost...
All is Change
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
yes, the way I mean it is that whatever the feeling may be in a moment, pleasant or unpleasant, habitually wanted or habitually not wanted, because the feeling is in a constant flux, always changing and not subject to control, it's useless to try to assert control over the feelings (which as active alcoholics is basically what we do) and instead nurture a different habit of just being aware of the feeling, whatever it may be in the moment.
Such a detachment from what is basically a product of past habits and outside of any present control leads, in time, to serenity.
Such a detachment from what is basically a product of past habits and outside of any present control leads, in time, to serenity.
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