Turning down drinks
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Turning down drinks
My 22 year old does not drink. She never has. Because of our family history she’s kind of turned off by it. She recently got an awesome job with the state. One of the projects is with a big local winery. She was supposed to tour it today, so before she headed to work I said “you know, they’ll probably offer you a glass or bottle of wine.”
She said “what do I say when I’m at work and I’m offered drinks? I don’t know how to say that i don’t want it in an easy way.”
I said, just tell them “no thank you, I don’t drink.”
Sure enough, they gave out cans of wine AND bottles of gin at the end of the tour. She said No thank you, I don’t drink...and her team lead said, “how funny, we are probably going to put you on this project team.”
She said it was no big deal....her work is not pertinent to tasting alcohol at any time or in any way. the point of the story is, however: man, alcohol is ubiquitous in western culture. It’s everywhere. And: it’s not just alcoholics that feel funny when they need to assert their lifestyle choices. It’s not just us.
.
Yet, the answer can be the same.
She said “what do I say when I’m at work and I’m offered drinks? I don’t know how to say that i don’t want it in an easy way.”
I said, just tell them “no thank you, I don’t drink.”
Sure enough, they gave out cans of wine AND bottles of gin at the end of the tour. She said No thank you, I don’t drink...and her team lead said, “how funny, we are probably going to put you on this project team.”
She said it was no big deal....her work is not pertinent to tasting alcohol at any time or in any way. the point of the story is, however: man, alcohol is ubiquitous in western culture. It’s everywhere. And: it’s not just alcoholics that feel funny when they need to assert their lifestyle choices. It’s not just us.
. Yet, the answer can be the same.
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Both my older girls (22 and 21) are successful people; way more confident and happy than I was at that age. I’d been drinking since age 14 when I was 22.
I honestly believe it’s because they didn’t “party.”
They chose friends and boyfriends that had interests other than drinking, because they just weren’t into it.
Just imagine what you can do with your life in your 20’s without staying out all night, hanging out with slackers and getting hangovers? The world is their oyster.
I told them their whole lives not to drink, that they’d likely be alcoholics. Alcoholism is everywhere in my family. But it was also probably just life happenstance and the kind of people they are rather than my warnings, I mean who knows what our teaching does...it could work on one kid and not the other.
22 year old has never had more than a few sips in her life. 21 year old has been drunk twice, and has had one glass of wine here and there. But overall her life just doesn’t involve drinking, it’s about academics, travel, friends, romance etc: drinking doesn’t factor into the equation much.
Of course: 21 year old hasn’t lived in our home for awhile and could be feeding me tall tales.. Doesn’t appear that way, though.
I honestly believe it’s because they didn’t “party.”
They chose friends and boyfriends that had interests other than drinking, because they just weren’t into it.
Just imagine what you can do with your life in your 20’s without staying out all night, hanging out with slackers and getting hangovers? The world is their oyster.
I told them their whole lives not to drink, that they’d likely be alcoholics. Alcoholism is everywhere in my family. But it was also probably just life happenstance and the kind of people they are rather than my warnings, I mean who knows what our teaching does...it could work on one kid and not the other.
22 year old has never had more than a few sips in her life. 21 year old has been drunk twice, and has had one glass of wine here and there. But overall her life just doesn’t involve drinking, it’s about academics, travel, friends, romance etc: drinking doesn’t factor into the equation much.
Of course: 21 year old hasn’t lived in our home for awhile and could be feeding me tall tales.
. Doesn’t appear that way, though.
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I came across the statement that "Alcohol is the only drug we have to explain not using." There is great freedom in not explaining it, even if others expect it.
Love hearing about young 'uns making healthy choices.
Love hearing about young 'uns making healthy choices.
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
22 year old has never had more than a few sips in her life. 21 year old has been drunk twice, and has had one glass of wine here and there. But overall her life just doesn’t involve drinking, it’s about academics, travel, friends, romance etc: drinking doesn’t factor into the equation much.
Of course: 21 year old hasn’t lived in our home for awhile and could be feeding me tall tales.
. Doesn’t appear that way, though.
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Originally Posted by Briansy
That's a recipe for contentment and must give you quite a bit of satisfaction as a parent. The fact that they didn't ever feel the need to drink to "fit in" - were secure enough in themselves not to do that. Is that rare? I feel it probably is...
One of my guiding principles for my kids has always been “be yourself, even when it’s hard.”
It was hard sometimes growing up, kids will give you flack for not trying to fit in or conform.
When 21 year old was a teen, she was angry with me for awhile saying I “let them be weirdos” and that made it harder for them to make friends.
Then, when she got to 19-20 and realized how much the world opens up when you don’t limit yourself to others’ opinions about how you should look or act, what you should wear, what your interests should be...she started studying the Russian language at age 15 just out of curiosity (because again, she wasn’t trying to please people who thought it was weird) and now she is fluent and taking a semester abroad. Now, she thanks me. She calls me a “feminist.” Maybe. I like to think if I ever had sons I’d raise them the same.
Thanks for saying that Briansy, your comment made me happy.
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Thank you briansy.
One of my guiding principles for my kids has always been “be yourself, even when it’s hard.”
It was hard sometimes growing up, kids will give you flack for not trying to fit in or conform.
When 21 year old was a teen, she was angry with me for awhile saying I “let them be weirdos” and that made it harder for them to make friends.
Then, when she got to 19-20 and realized how much the world opens up when you don’t limit yourself to others’ opinions about how you should look or act, what you should wear, what your interests should be...she started studying the Russian language at age 15 just out of curiosity (because again, she wasn’t trying to please people who thought it was weird) and now she is fluent and taking a semester abroad. Now, she thanks me. She calls me a “feminist.” Maybe. I like to think if I ever had sons I’d raise them the same.
Thanks for saying that Briansy, your comment made me happy.
One of my guiding principles for my kids has always been “be yourself, even when it’s hard.”
It was hard sometimes growing up, kids will give you flack for not trying to fit in or conform.
When 21 year old was a teen, she was angry with me for awhile saying I “let them be weirdos” and that made it harder for them to make friends.
Then, when she got to 19-20 and realized how much the world opens up when you don’t limit yourself to others’ opinions about how you should look or act, what you should wear, what your interests should be...she started studying the Russian language at age 15 just out of curiosity (because again, she wasn’t trying to please people who thought it was weird) and now she is fluent and taking a semester abroad. Now, she thanks me. She calls me a “feminist.” Maybe. I like to think if I ever had sons I’d raise them the same.
Thanks for saying that Briansy, your comment made me happy.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by Briansy
That's a recipe for contentment and must give you quite a bit of satisfaction as a parent. The fact that they didn't ever feel the need to drink to "fit in" - were secure enough in themselves not to do that. Is that rare? I feel it probably is...
On reflection, though, I no longer do, While alcohol is widely promoted and I had been brought up with it by my parents, it wasn't society telling me to drink, it was the AV and sometimes other drinkers. I guess with hindsight I tended to hang out with other problem drinkers (we all had varying degrees of self awareness/denial), And then rationalised that's how the world is. It took a long time to realise that drinking is not necessary to get along with people whereas my daughter grew up knowing that, Appreciate it may vary a bit by location/culture..,
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Yep, my eldest says lots of people she knows don’t drink. That was part of her “it’s no big deal” comment, “people my age aren’t as into drinking.”
It’s the 40-50 year olds who are drinking all the booze.
It’s the 40-50 year olds who are drinking all the booze.
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