Daily Ramblings, Check Ins, and Maybe Other Stuff
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
one word texts.
My last guy used to answer my texts with, "k" presumably for "okay."
That's so rude. I don't think texting is a benefit in life, to be honest. In my day (here it comes...) we didn't even have answering machines, and had to actually talk to people.
My last guy used to answer my texts with, "k" presumably for "okay."
That's so rude. I don't think texting is a benefit in life, to be honest. In my day (here it comes...) we didn't even have answering machines, and had to actually talk to people.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Huge wrench in my plans, y'all.
Turns out this dude's ex is still living at his house four days a week and he lied about it to me and only admitted it when pressed.
So that's that. Extremely disappointed if I'm being honest.
Oh well.
Turns out this dude's ex is still living at his house four days a week and he lied about it to me and only admitted it when pressed.
So that's that. Extremely disappointed if I'm being honest.
Oh well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, honesty now is better than honesty in a year...
Sorry, dpac. I had that exact same thing happen.
Different thing, different guy, but the weirdest was a guy who told me he'd been married and had two kids. I didn't find out until his bio family told me otherwise a couple years later that he'd never been married and had no kids. He also called his roommate his cousin, though they were just friends. I dunno, I would have liked him better if he wasn't, "divorced and had two kids." Who lies in that direction?
But then he was the one who was "in AA" and went off the rails with drugs, alcohol, stole my car, cheated, he was a gem. Pretty much every word out of his mouth was a lie. Turned out he had a rap sheet six pages long (the police showed me.) Scammy McScammerson.
Next.
Sorry, dpac. I had that exact same thing happen.
Different thing, different guy, but the weirdest was a guy who told me he'd been married and had two kids. I didn't find out until his bio family told me otherwise a couple years later that he'd never been married and had no kids. He also called his roommate his cousin, though they were just friends. I dunno, I would have liked him better if he wasn't, "divorced and had two kids." Who lies in that direction?
But then he was the one who was "in AA" and went off the rails with drugs, alcohol, stole my car, cheated, he was a gem. Pretty much every word out of his mouth was a lie. Turned out he had a rap sheet six pages long (the police showed me.) Scammy McScammerson.
Next.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by dpac414 
Yeah I mean supposedly he's "done with the relationship and has been for some time" but like.....clean up your mess before you invite the next person in, please.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
The situation is pretty complex. We talked about it last night. I'm going to copy and paste something I wrote to someone else, just because I think it summarizes my thoughts on the situation pretty well. I am waiting until the beginning of October to see what happens.
The long answer is that yeah, he made a pretty big omission so I do have the right to be angry about it, and I am. But I've also only known him around a month now, and I do really like him despite what I recently learned. Besides all that mess, he really does seem like a good person. I didn't want to just dump him immediately because this relationship really does feel (or felt? idk anymore) promising, and I don't want to throw that away if it turns out he really is a good man in a ****** situation.
So I'm waiting to see what he does, and if he can keep his promises. From what he's told me, he has not had feelings for this other woman for a long time, and she kind of just takes advantage of his good will. And from what it seems like, he really is trying to get her to get out. He mentioned he has an agreement drafted by a lawyer about the terms of her stay, he just has to get her to sign it (psh good ******* luck with that) and she'll be required to leave by October 1. I want to see what happens if that doesn't pan out the way he wants it to.
So I'm giving him time to figure out what his deal is. If I am to trust that he is not ******* this other girl and she just stays on the couch a couple nights, then I think I can deal with it, as long as she gets out in the aforementioned time frame. They were married, so it's a little more complicated than a non legally binding relationship.
Maybe I'm too soft on people. Maybe this makes me look like a fool. I don't know yet. But despite this thing, we get along really well, he's funny, kind, gentle, understanding as far as I can tell. If he's serious about cleaning up his mess, he'll do it.
So yeah, I'm not just dumping him. I know this forum is open for discussion but I'm pretty confident in the decision I've made here. I didn't post the long version because I didn't really want to be criticized, because from an outside perspective this sounds absolutely bonkers. Maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe I'm being a total idiot, I don't know yet. I feel in control of the situation to some extent, and have a good plan of what I'll do if it doesn't work out the way it's supposed to.
I dunno.
The long answer is that yeah, he made a pretty big omission so I do have the right to be angry about it, and I am. But I've also only known him around a month now, and I do really like him despite what I recently learned. Besides all that mess, he really does seem like a good person. I didn't want to just dump him immediately because this relationship really does feel (or felt? idk anymore) promising, and I don't want to throw that away if it turns out he really is a good man in a ****** situation.
So I'm waiting to see what he does, and if he can keep his promises. From what he's told me, he has not had feelings for this other woman for a long time, and she kind of just takes advantage of his good will. And from what it seems like, he really is trying to get her to get out. He mentioned he has an agreement drafted by a lawyer about the terms of her stay, he just has to get her to sign it (psh good ******* luck with that) and she'll be required to leave by October 1. I want to see what happens if that doesn't pan out the way he wants it to.
So I'm giving him time to figure out what his deal is. If I am to trust that he is not ******* this other girl and she just stays on the couch a couple nights, then I think I can deal with it, as long as she gets out in the aforementioned time frame. They were married, so it's a little more complicated than a non legally binding relationship.
Maybe I'm too soft on people. Maybe this makes me look like a fool. I don't know yet. But despite this thing, we get along really well, he's funny, kind, gentle, understanding as far as I can tell. If he's serious about cleaning up his mess, he'll do it.
So yeah, I'm not just dumping him. I know this forum is open for discussion but I'm pretty confident in the decision I've made here. I didn't post the long version because I didn't really want to be criticized, because from an outside perspective this sounds absolutely bonkers. Maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe I'm being a total idiot, I don't know yet. I feel in control of the situation to some extent, and have a good plan of what I'll do if it doesn't work out the way it's supposed to.
I dunno.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Sounds like the right call. These things aren't black and white. Ex wife too means it kinda makes sense that he might be in this messy situ. And the last thing I would worry about it is seeming a fool by others - it's your life and not theirs. You've put a decent amount of work into this relationship so you're right to give it a chance and take his words on face value for now.
Good luck!
Good luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
No no, O. Not harsh.
I know I am making a risky decision. I know I am risking getting hurt. The concerns are valid. I think that’s where my defensiveness comes from - I know you guys are right but I’m gonna do it anyway.
So please, you can share your opinion. I was unfairly defensive.
I know I am making a risky decision. I know I am risking getting hurt. The concerns are valid. I think that’s where my defensiveness comes from - I know you guys are right but I’m gonna do it anyway.
So please, you can share your opinion. I was unfairly defensive.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Thanks, Sao. I guess only time will tell. As of right now, things are still good.
He came over last night and we talked more about everything. Still resolutely keeping it very casual. We just watched wrestling and chatted for a few hours and everything was good. Life is complicated most days.
Other than that, I'm still feeling really strong in my sobriety. I've barely had any thoughts of drinking over the past week or so, but I haven't been lacking in my recovery or anything, so that's a positive. AA tonight, which should be nice. I'm really waffling on the whole sponsorship thing. Dunno if I really want to do it. Feels like it's a little late? Idk.
Life is just normal. And this is how normal people go about it, I guess. I feel good, physically, mentally, etc. I feel strong and capable. I feel in control of my actions and can manage my emotions. It's a good feeling.
Otherwise I don't have too much else to reflect on. The rest of the week is going to hopefully be chill. A dinner for a friend leaving the zoo to pursue another job tomorrow, Friday I'm going to be hanging with friends, Saturday zoo, Sunday zoo, and then back to Monday again. Not sure what'll happen in between.
He came over last night and we talked more about everything. Still resolutely keeping it very casual. We just watched wrestling and chatted for a few hours and everything was good. Life is complicated most days.
Other than that, I'm still feeling really strong in my sobriety. I've barely had any thoughts of drinking over the past week or so, but I haven't been lacking in my recovery or anything, so that's a positive. AA tonight, which should be nice. I'm really waffling on the whole sponsorship thing. Dunno if I really want to do it. Feels like it's a little late? Idk.
Life is just normal. And this is how normal people go about it, I guess. I feel good, physically, mentally, etc. I feel strong and capable. I feel in control of my actions and can manage my emotions. It's a good feeling.
Otherwise I don't have too much else to reflect on. The rest of the week is going to hopefully be chill. A dinner for a friend leaving the zoo to pursue another job tomorrow, Friday I'm going to be hanging with friends, Saturday zoo, Sunday zoo, and then back to Monday again. Not sure what'll happen in between.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Ok, here goes. Anyone who is still entangled with their ex has no business forming new potentially-romantic relationships with anyone else. Giving him the benefit of a doubt, that this guy is so nice or so much of a push-over to let his ex stay at his place signals that he's not really disengaged. You don't deserve that. She doesn't deserve that. I think letting this play out until Oct 1 is a good boundary given that you've decided to go with it anyhow. In my book, odds are that Oct 1 will come and go with no change. My opinion is that you should have a solid plan for Oct 2 that doesn't allow for any fudging. If he's "the one," allowing time for a break while he gets things sorted should work out for the best in the end.
Since I'm on a roll, I'll also offer input on the sponsor thing.
From what I understand, it's never too late to get a sponsor. When you find the right fit, this person can become your ally and advisor regardless of where you are in your journey. I've been in and out of the rooms for years and just "found" the right one by sharing in a meeting that I was looking and saying a little bit about who I was looking for. We've just started, but both of us are benefiting from this relationship. Couldn't hurt to give it a whirl, right?
O
Since I'm on a roll, I'll also offer input on the sponsor thing.
From what I understand, it's never too late to get a sponsor. When you find the right fit, this person can become your ally and advisor regardless of where you are in your journey. I've been in and out of the rooms for years and just "found" the right one by sharing in a meeting that I was looking and saying a little bit about who I was looking for. We've just started, but both of us are benefiting from this relationship. Couldn't hurt to give it a whirl, right?O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Heavy meeting last night. The topic was "the gift of desperation" which sounded easy at first but the shares were really intense. I was desperate to stop drinking, I think, even though I didn't really know it. I was desperate to feel better, to feel anything other than what I was trying to numb, but I couldn't figure out how to stop. I had tried to quit a couple times before this last one (as my join date and posts can attest) and I guess I wasn't quite ready yet. I'm grateful and lucky that I was ready before I killed myself.
There was a type of desperation that brought me to AA, too. One of them obviously was that I needed to stop drinking and I didn't know how else to do it. Another was that I was desperate to say the words "I am an alcoholic" to another human being and have them understand - really understand - what I meant. I needed people to talk to, to care, to know what I was going through without judgment. And I think that's why this time has been so successful so far.
I'm extremely lucky to really understand that I have a problem before something really bad happened to me or someone else. If God does exist, he's the one who made me realize that. My desperate times were not on par with some others, but I am still an alcoholic just like them. Last night's meeting was a good reminder of what it was like before I got sober. I can never forget that.
Other than that, there was a woman at our meeting who told us she was going to leave her abusive husband today. She had a plan and was ready. She sobbed openly and you could hear how scared she was. But she is so brave. I'm thinking of her today and hoping that she's all right. She promised to come next week so that we would know she's okay.
So I went to the milkshake factory and got a milkshake after all that hard stuff, hah. Then watched some wrestling and went to bed.
I did work out this morning, although I am sore from boxing on Tuesday. Felt good to get back into doing it in the morning. Get that heart pumping and blood flowing early.
Otherwise, still moving forward.
Edit: Thanks for sharing, O. I mean that. I hear your concerns and I am very happy to come tell you that you were right if/when this all goes south (this is not meant with passive aggressive intonation at all). I do have a plan for October 2nd that if things aren't as he said they will be, I'm going to tell him to give me a call when they are if he's still interested. I have to be firm in this resolve. If I'm not, then I'm really a fool.
There was a type of desperation that brought me to AA, too. One of them obviously was that I needed to stop drinking and I didn't know how else to do it. Another was that I was desperate to say the words "I am an alcoholic" to another human being and have them understand - really understand - what I meant. I needed people to talk to, to care, to know what I was going through without judgment. And I think that's why this time has been so successful so far.
I'm extremely lucky to really understand that I have a problem before something really bad happened to me or someone else. If God does exist, he's the one who made me realize that. My desperate times were not on par with some others, but I am still an alcoholic just like them. Last night's meeting was a good reminder of what it was like before I got sober. I can never forget that.
Other than that, there was a woman at our meeting who told us she was going to leave her abusive husband today. She had a plan and was ready. She sobbed openly and you could hear how scared she was. But she is so brave. I'm thinking of her today and hoping that she's all right. She promised to come next week so that we would know she's okay.
So I went to the milkshake factory and got a milkshake after all that hard stuff, hah. Then watched some wrestling and went to bed.
I did work out this morning, although I am sore from boxing on Tuesday. Felt good to get back into doing it in the morning. Get that heart pumping and blood flowing early.
Otherwise, still moving forward.
Edit: Thanks for sharing, O. I mean that. I hear your concerns and I am very happy to come tell you that you were right if/when this all goes south (this is not meant with passive aggressive intonation at all). I do have a plan for October 2nd that if things aren't as he said they will be, I'm going to tell him to give me a call when they are if he's still interested. I have to be firm in this resolve. If I'm not, then I'm really a fool.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
I'm sorry I'm sounding so passive aggressive! really not my intention.
Lol internet convos can be a mess. I welcome and appreciate all advice and perspectives. As much as I'd love to keep it to myself and do what I know is the wrong thing, exposing it on here helps.
Lol internet convos can be a mess. I welcome and appreciate all advice and perspectives. As much as I'd love to keep it to myself and do what I know is the wrong thing, exposing it on here helps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Things are moving along just fine for now.
I went to a dinner for a zoo coworker last night at a fancy schmancy yacht club and it was nice. She got a new job so it was her farewell dinner and we'll all be sad to see her go. I really love all my zoo friends and this particular one I have been friends with for around 5 years now.
Other than that I got home, relaxed, and went to bed. Still need to exercise today but plan to do that after work, as well as clean my kitchen a little and hopefully take out some trash. Otherwise today has been quiet.
I'm tired. I did take next Friday off, so I'm looking forward to that. I'd like to sleep in a little bit, maybe.
I went to a dinner for a zoo coworker last night at a fancy schmancy yacht club and it was nice. She got a new job so it was her farewell dinner and we'll all be sad to see her go. I really love all my zoo friends and this particular one I have been friends with for around 5 years now.
Other than that I got home, relaxed, and went to bed. Still need to exercise today but plan to do that after work, as well as clean my kitchen a little and hopefully take out some trash. Otherwise today has been quiet.
I'm tired. I did take next Friday off, so I'm looking forward to that. I'd like to sleep in a little bit, maybe.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hey dpac, glad to hear things have been relatively quiet and "normal." Sounds like the yacht shindig was very nice and no challenge at all with temptation to drink? I'm sure you've said so elsewhere, but what do you do at the zoo? I think I'd like that gig just for the free entry. (I'm struck over and over again by how cheap I am, but had absolutely no compunction spending $70 drinking every week. Madness.)
I've plenty of things to do around the house myself; perhaps I'll actually do some of them today!
O
(I'm struck over and over again by how cheap I am, but had absolutely no compunction spending $70 drinking every week. Madness.)I've plenty of things to do around the house myself; perhaps I'll actually do some of them today!
O
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