Oh Well Part 2
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey there
I'm good. Sorry I didn't respond.
The brother I refer to is just mentally ill on a level that is hard to comprehend. The add to it that he's a covert or almost inverse narcissist and the result is mind boggling. I go from hating him to feeling compassion for him. The whole situation is too complex to go into. Its just frustrating and I feel/am powerless. On most levels I'm so glad I'm not moving there. But there's that piece of me that wants so badly to help. Ugh. More than help, save the situation. I know I could, but at what cost?
I am seeing a counselor. She reminds me of the scientist lady in Meet the Robinsons. Total spazz, running around with nic patches all over her. She's nice but since when did being a basket case become part of being a therapist. haha. Oh well. At least its someone to talk to....even if she does most of the talking.
So I'm ok. Countdown to kiddo moving out....7 days. Yikes.
I'm good. Sorry I didn't respond.
The brother I refer to is just mentally ill on a level that is hard to comprehend. The add to it that he's a covert or almost inverse narcissist and the result is mind boggling. I go from hating him to feeling compassion for him. The whole situation is too complex to go into. Its just frustrating and I feel/am powerless. On most levels I'm so glad I'm not moving there. But there's that piece of me that wants so badly to help. Ugh. More than help, save the situation. I know I could, but at what cost?
I am seeing a counselor. She reminds me of the scientist lady in Meet the Robinsons. Total spazz, running around with nic patches all over her. She's nice but since when did being a basket case become part of being a therapist. haha. Oh well. At least its someone to talk to....even if she does most of the talking.
So I'm ok. Countdown to kiddo moving out....7 days. Yikes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I relate to part of the work discussion and can easily understand you don't want to slow down in that area unless it is really necessary. I am someone who has a tendency to over-identify with my professional roles, or at least that was definitely very true in the past. Or, to be more accurate, the tendency is to over-indentify with my mind, whatever that can involve - work (I chose a profession that is highly intellectual and focused on problem-solving), introspection, whatever needs analytical skills and creativity. I often want to use such endeavors to escape from some of my true basic needs and personal problems. That mindset can be hard to get out of because things that require conscious mental processes are something I can control relatively easily and success can be more proportional to effort than in other areas of life that are less predictable. It is the easiest to make useful contributions and make tangible progress. I was also raised quite strongly to put a lot of focus on my professional life by my father, who I regarded as one of the most significant early life influencers for sure. And I've just been surrounded by high achievers in most of my life - in part because of the nature of my work but also because I tend to be drawn to such people/environments given I have similar values. The truth is though, no amount of exciting learning, problem solving, being respected for my contributions etc will lead very far if I have not resolved my own, most pressing problems, if I just keep escaping into yet another project from truly following through until real, constructive change happens. I even used SR in the wrong way in the past, for a long time - more for intellectual stimulation and conversation rather than anything else that could have supported my recovery more directly. Surely it was better than drinking but still not where my true goals are. Not suggesting you or anyone else has done the same because I cannot know what goes on in someone else's mind, just sharing my experience. I was not drinking but still obsessive, manic and avoidant for a long time. Psychotherapy helped me a bit with realizations and I was really into it for a couple years, but eventually quite because I realized was more using it for mental stimulation in the end, sort of like yet another escape, and none of the therapists pointed that out to me.
The strong focus on work has changed quite a bit during the worst of my alcoholism (due to just now having the focus and effort) and then, in healthier ways, in recovery... so that I am actually now motivated (and able) to take longer vacations without the compulsion to still keep up with work emails etc. There was nothing in particular that forced me into this different attitude in recovery although becoming highly aware of the tendency has helped a lot. It's been more the byproduct of wanting to improve myself and my life in more diverse ways, for a better satisfaction, and then I am much less likely to seek out unhealthy substitutes. It is definitely a worthwhile change but one that's not always comfortable and still often hard to get out of my mind and deal with more practical issues (including health) simply because the latter also just interests me less and usually does not provide the same level of momentary stimulation and gratification. But without truly dealing with those tasks and solving those issues stably, everything else will stagnate as well or at least I will not achieve the same quality, including at work or in any of my intellectual endeavors. So, I agree with those suggesting that taking a break and slowing down for a while with old habits (even good ones) can help to really achieve recovery goals. I posted a thread about similar things recently and people have commented many interesting things in the context of recovery.
I quite liked Refuge Recovery but my favorite organized program, by far, was SMART. Do you have access to those meetings? I found it very useful for relapse prevention and it generally suits people with a preference for rational thinking and practical problem solving probably more, although there is also the thing that you would likely be using some of the same skills that have not gotten you out very stably yet. Also, if you like psychotherapy, SMART draws a lot from different modalities and the meetings I went to could be quite a lot like group therapy. It also encourages individuals to feel empowered and resourceful, which is something that comes more naturally, to me at least, than some other programs. If you generally like RR/AVRT but cannot achieve lasting change using only that, maybe SMART is a reasonable alternative with more support and meetings. I also liked very much that it promotes resourcefulness but does not encourage dissociation, more the opposite. I actually liked juggling the different programs and drawing whatever I found useful from each. I don't see a reason to choose only one and focus on only that one - a bit like having these conversations here and varied feedback from different people. Sorry if any of this has already been discussed with you before, I definitely have not read all the posts.
The strong focus on work has changed quite a bit during the worst of my alcoholism (due to just now having the focus and effort) and then, in healthier ways, in recovery... so that I am actually now motivated (and able) to take longer vacations without the compulsion to still keep up with work emails etc. There was nothing in particular that forced me into this different attitude in recovery although becoming highly aware of the tendency has helped a lot. It's been more the byproduct of wanting to improve myself and my life in more diverse ways, for a better satisfaction, and then I am much less likely to seek out unhealthy substitutes. It is definitely a worthwhile change but one that's not always comfortable and still often hard to get out of my mind and deal with more practical issues (including health) simply because the latter also just interests me less and usually does not provide the same level of momentary stimulation and gratification. But without truly dealing with those tasks and solving those issues stably, everything else will stagnate as well or at least I will not achieve the same quality, including at work or in any of my intellectual endeavors. So, I agree with those suggesting that taking a break and slowing down for a while with old habits (even good ones) can help to really achieve recovery goals. I posted a thread about similar things recently and people have commented many interesting things in the context of recovery.
I quite liked Refuge Recovery but my favorite organized program, by far, was SMART. Do you have access to those meetings? I found it very useful for relapse prevention and it generally suits people with a preference for rational thinking and practical problem solving probably more, although there is also the thing that you would likely be using some of the same skills that have not gotten you out very stably yet. Also, if you like psychotherapy, SMART draws a lot from different modalities and the meetings I went to could be quite a lot like group therapy. It also encourages individuals to feel empowered and resourceful, which is something that comes more naturally, to me at least, than some other programs. If you generally like RR/AVRT but cannot achieve lasting change using only that, maybe SMART is a reasonable alternative with more support and meetings. I also liked very much that it promotes resourcefulness but does not encourage dissociation, more the opposite. I actually liked juggling the different programs and drawing whatever I found useful from each. I don't see a reason to choose only one and focus on only that one - a bit like having these conversations here and varied feedback from different people. Sorry if any of this has already been discussed with you before, I definitely have not read all the posts.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by entropy1964 
But there's that piece of me that wants so badly to help. Ugh. More than help, save the situation. I know I could, but at what cost?
Originally Posted by entropy1964
I am seeing a counselor. Oh well. At least its someone to talk to....even if she does most of the talking.
xoxo
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Posts: 6,069
It was quite the day full of forms and signatures and whatnot.
I spent a little over 2 hours at ATS. They breathalyzed me then gave me my first dose of antabuse, a few extra doses and a prescription. The PA did a physical exam and didn't find anything alarming. My blood pressure was "perfect," thank you very much. She was completely on board with the idea of me returning to work 25-30 hours/week; thought it was a fantastic idea.
I spent the bulk of my time with the "Senior Counselor" who seems to be sort of an intern; like she'll graduate to being an individual counselor at some point. I like how this program is structured. At their most intensive level (where I am), the requirements are to take antabuse, attend three 50-minute group sessions and one individual counseling session/week. I chose from a smorgasbord of group meeting options. Apparently, I will have the opportunity to do this each week, so if my schedule with work changes, we can work around that. Nice.
Did a bunch of forms, then she asked me for my accountability plan for taking the antabuse. Stopping in there every day isn't really a viable option - it's at least a 45-minute drive from home and a 30-minute commute from work. So I said, "I can not straight out lie to my middle daughter - how about if I text her every day when I take it?" That was acceptable, so I sucked it up and called middlest to ask if she'd be ok with that; they will call periodically to make sure I've been texting. She said "sure, I can do that." I hung up the phone and had a little cry. Senior counselor said, "I'm really proud of you - that was a hard thing to do." And she teared up! Awww
Called my therapist to tell him the 25-30 hours/week plan and that I'd like to start back Monday if I'm cleared by EAP. Fine by him - he said he'd email EAP with this as my official medical return to work recommendation.
(It is now 5:03pm and I have not heard from EAP; the guy told me he'd call today, so I'm wondering what's up with that. Sent an email...)
The bank thing was another 2 hours. There's a lot of paperwork to be done opening trust accounts. Also, they want curious information, such as the date of birth of the persons who established the trusts. This gave me occasion to call this woman I haven't spoken with in 15 years. I honestly had planned to call her to let her know I'd opened the accounts after I got home, but instead had to call her right then and there. She was great, no problem, gave me the info I needed.
The agent I spoke with yesterday came to observe the process because it's her aspiration to have the same position as this financial adviser guy I met with. So that was cool - she was really appreciative to have that chance. The guy and I really hit it off, so that was great because I've got some savings that should really be invested, not sitting around making virtually no interest. But those trust accounts still aren't open! They have to send all of the paperwork off for review before I can deposit the checks. Oh my.
Finally got in touch with the FMLA guy to straighten out the claim information, then called my kids' benefactor, who used to be my boss. She said she has trouble hearing on the phone, so she will email me her stories from the past years, and I will email her back. When I left the business, she was pretty displeased with me. Today she said she dreams of me often, and we're always working together and having fun. And she ended the call with, "I love you, O." WOW. Just wow.
I spent a little over 2 hours at ATS. They breathalyzed me then gave me my first dose of antabuse, a few extra doses and a prescription. The PA did a physical exam and didn't find anything alarming. My blood pressure was "perfect," thank you very much. She was completely on board with the idea of me returning to work 25-30 hours/week; thought it was a fantastic idea.
I spent the bulk of my time with the "Senior Counselor" who seems to be sort of an intern; like she'll graduate to being an individual counselor at some point. I like how this program is structured. At their most intensive level (where I am), the requirements are to take antabuse, attend three 50-minute group sessions and one individual counseling session/week. I chose from a smorgasbord of group meeting options. Apparently, I will have the opportunity to do this each week, so if my schedule with work changes, we can work around that. Nice.
Did a bunch of forms, then she asked me for my accountability plan for taking the antabuse. Stopping in there every day isn't really a viable option - it's at least a 45-minute drive from home and a 30-minute commute from work. So I said, "I can not straight out lie to my middle daughter - how about if I text her every day when I take it?" That was acceptable, so I sucked it up and called middlest to ask if she'd be ok with that; they will call periodically to make sure I've been texting. She said "sure, I can do that." I hung up the phone and had a little cry. Senior counselor said, "I'm really proud of you - that was a hard thing to do." And she teared up! Awww
Called my therapist to tell him the 25-30 hours/week plan and that I'd like to start back Monday if I'm cleared by EAP. Fine by him - he said he'd email EAP with this as my official medical return to work recommendation.
(It is now 5:03pm and I have not heard from EAP; the guy told me he'd call today, so I'm wondering what's up with that. Sent an email...)
The bank thing was another 2 hours. There's a lot of paperwork to be done opening trust accounts. Also, they want curious information, such as the date of birth of the persons who established the trusts. This gave me occasion to call this woman I haven't spoken with in 15 years. I honestly had planned to call her to let her know I'd opened the accounts after I got home, but instead had to call her right then and there. She was great, no problem, gave me the info I needed.
The agent I spoke with yesterday came to observe the process because it's her aspiration to have the same position as this financial adviser guy I met with. So that was cool - she was really appreciative to have that chance. The guy and I really hit it off, so that was great because I've got some savings that should really be invested, not sitting around making virtually no interest. But those trust accounts still aren't open! They have to send all of the paperwork off for review before I can deposit the checks. Oh my.
Finally got in touch with the FMLA guy to straighten out the claim information, then called my kids' benefactor, who used to be my boss. She said she has trouble hearing on the phone, so she will email me her stories from the past years, and I will email her back. When I left the business, she was pretty displeased with me. Today she said she dreams of me often, and we're always working together and having fun. And she ended the call with, "I love you, O." WOW. Just wow.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by Aellyce2
Psychotherapy helped me a bit with realizations and I was really into it for a couple years, but eventually quit because I realized was more using it for mental stimulation in the end, sort of like yet another escape, and none of the therapists pointed that out to me.
I quite liked Refuge Recovery but my favorite organized program, by far, was SMART. Do you have access to those meetings? I found it very useful for relapse prevention and it generally suits people with a preference for rational thinking and practical problem solving probably more, although there is also the thing that you would likely be using some of the same skills that have not gotten you out very stably yet. Also, if you like psychotherapy, SMART draws a lot from different modalities and the meetings I went to could be quite a lot like group therapy. It also encourages individuals to feel empowered and resourceful, which is something that comes more naturally, to me at least, than some other programs. If you generally like RR/AVRT but cannot achieve lasting change using only that, maybe SMART is a reasonable alternative with more support and meetings. I also liked very much that it promotes resourcefulness but does not encourage dissociation, more the opposite. I actually liked juggling the different programs and drawing whatever I found useful from each. I don't see a reason to choose only one and focus on only that one - a bit like having these conversations here and varied feedback from different people. Sorry if any of this has already been discussed with you before, I definitely have not read all the posts.
I quite liked Refuge Recovery but my favorite organized program, by far, was SMART. Do you have access to those meetings? I found it very useful for relapse prevention and it generally suits people with a preference for rational thinking and practical problem solving probably more, although there is also the thing that you would likely be using some of the same skills that have not gotten you out very stably yet. Also, if you like psychotherapy, SMART draws a lot from different modalities and the meetings I went to could be quite a lot like group therapy. It also encourages individuals to feel empowered and resourceful, which is something that comes more naturally, to me at least, than some other programs. If you generally like RR/AVRT but cannot achieve lasting change using only that, maybe SMART is a reasonable alternative with more support and meetings. I also liked very much that it promotes resourcefulness but does not encourage dissociation, more the opposite. I actually liked juggling the different programs and drawing whatever I found useful from each. I don't see a reason to choose only one and focus on only that one - a bit like having these conversations here and varied feedback from different people. Sorry if any of this has already been discussed with you before, I definitely have not read all the posts.
I actually started my journey on the SMART Recovery Board. Went to a few meetings while I was in IOP, and you know what? It just wasn't for me, which was really surprising. I think maybe it was too rational for my emotional side to benefit. But I'm completely a fan of AVRT, so maybe it was the (to me, forced) rational responses to feelings. AVRT doesn't pay no never mind to feelings.
Or maybe it was that "toolbox" with its worksheets; I've never liked worksheets. I dunno. Anyhow, I believe I've benefited from everything I've tried or experienced recovery-wise. For the time being, I'll keep going to AA if only for the fact that the meetings are so easy to get to and I've established a few good connections there. That, and I think I would like to do the steps when I find the right person to do them with.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey O
Yeah no desire or even capacity to save brother. He's lost. He baffles me completely...and frankly that doesn't happen often. I usually 'get' people at least a bit. And the mentally ill ones? Even more so. Schizophrenia is a tough one ....but my brother is a complete puzzle.
No I'd like to 'save' the parent situation. Save, meaning, keep it from sinking. That I could do. But at too great a cost to my own well being.
The therapist? I'm trying to do this through my crappy insurance so my options are few. I'm going to give it a solid try because really I just need to talk **** out. I'm not looking for trauma processing or anything like that. Just talk therapy. And yeah, I'll tell her to shut her trap. She's really nice, for sure. Just a ding bat. Anyone that asks me 'how do you find joy?' in the first session....ugh. Just ugh. I have had maybe a few moments of joy in my life. I don't even seek joy. What even is it? Good lord. Hehe.
Yeah no desire or even capacity to save brother. He's lost. He baffles me completely...and frankly that doesn't happen often. I usually 'get' people at least a bit. And the mentally ill ones? Even more so. Schizophrenia is a tough one ....but my brother is a complete puzzle.
No I'd like to 'save' the parent situation. Save, meaning, keep it from sinking. That I could do. But at too great a cost to my own well being.
The therapist? I'm trying to do this through my crappy insurance so my options are few. I'm going to give it a solid try because really I just need to talk **** out. I'm not looking for trauma processing or anything like that. Just talk therapy. And yeah, I'll tell her to shut her trap. She's really nice, for sure. Just a ding bat. Anyone that asks me 'how do you find joy?' in the first session....ugh. Just ugh. I have had maybe a few moments of joy in my life. I don't even seek joy. What even is it? Good lord. Hehe.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
“Anyone that asks me 'how do you find joy?' in the first session....ugh. Just ugh. I have had maybe a few moments of joy in my life. I don't even seek joy. What even is it? Good lord. Hehe.”
oh groan!
tell her what you said here: I don’t even seek joy. What even is it?
you might end up having a good chat about that.
oh groan!
tell her what you said here: I don’t even seek joy. What even is it?
you might end up having a good chat about that.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by fini
“Anyone that asks me 'how do you find joy?' in the first session....ugh. Just ugh. I have had maybe a few moments of joy in my life. I don't even seek joy. What even is it? Good lord. Hehe.”
oh groan!
tell her what you said here: I don’t even seek joy. What even is it?
you might end up having a good chat about that.
oh groan!
tell her what you said here: I don’t even seek joy. What even is it?
you might end up having a good chat about that.
And I echo fini. Be right up front with her about everything; it might change the dynamic?
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Oh and also...
I thought maybe you were referring to the parent situation. Totally in agreement that while you probably could handle it, it's probably best for you to stay out of that whole crazy family dynamic. If it sinks, someone will need to do the baling, and it needn't be you. Worst case scenario you could call the appropriate county agency to get them to intervene.
How are you doing with the kid leaving shortly? Sad? Excited? Both?
I thought maybe you were referring to the parent situation. Totally in agreement that while you probably could handle it, it's probably best for you to stay out of that whole crazy family dynamic. If it sinks, someone will need to do the baling, and it needn't be you. Worst case scenario you could call the appropriate county agency to get them to intervene.
How are you doing with the kid leaving shortly? Sad? Excited? Both?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Drat, I returned to a draft post to you, and lost it!
Suffice to say, I’m so pleased to read how positively proactive and productive you’re being, O. Plus, I’m so happy with your communications with Middlest, progress, indeed.
Suffice to say, I’m so pleased to read how positively proactive and productive you’re being, O. Plus, I’m so happy with your communications with Middlest, progress, indeed.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
You speak the truth, fini. I just wrote a very long email to my mom giving her the rundown of the past several days. As I was writing, I was thinking, Dang! That's a lot of stuff; good thing I'm not working and asked to have these couple of extra days out.
The meeting last night was good. It's a very intimate sort of setting - a library room in a church hall where the chairs are arranged in a circle, no "head table" - and I think that really lends to the overall tone. The topic was, naturally, the 1st step.
I have no meetings today! Just need to wait to hear back from EAP, will likely muster my will to vacuum, get my prescription filled, and go to a meeting. Middlest will be coming to stay the night, so I'm looking forward to that. Maybe we can have a real discussion about my drinking face-to-face.
Oddly or perhaps predictably, when she told me last night that she'd be coming over, I was "triggered." I guess predictably because my response to her discovery that I'd been drinking was to go straight off the deep end. Whatever. Beastly beast.
The meeting last night was good. It's a very intimate sort of setting - a library room in a church hall where the chairs are arranged in a circle, no "head table" - and I think that really lends to the overall tone. The topic was, naturally, the 1st step.
I have no meetings today! Just need to wait to hear back from EAP, will likely muster my will to vacuum, get my prescription filled, and go to a meeting. Middlest will be coming to stay the night, so I'm looking forward to that. Maybe we can have a real discussion about my drinking face-to-face.
Oddly or perhaps predictably, when she told me last night that she'd be coming over, I was "triggered." I guess predictably because my response to her discovery that I'd been drinking was to go straight off the deep end. Whatever. Beastly beast.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Well regarding the ding dong counselor: She's nice. Ya know? Like we could have a cup of coffee and she'd be 'nice'. But she's a cliche of a cliche. She has no concept of how to be a mirror. I know more about her in 2 sessions than I should. I feel like telling her she needs to check herself, her issues, at the door before she sees a client. She does the 'relational' thing.....oh yeah, I've been there, I've done that. Oh yeah, I get that. And it just shuts me down. She's clearly pretty new at this. Anyway, I did basically laugh out loud when she asked about the joy thing. I said, what is joy? And she said something like "I feel joy when I'm in my garden". Wah wah. I'm like, I would say that is contentment. Anyway, she's a dumb ass. I'll go one more time, see if she is able to listen, because that's all I'm looking for. If not I'll tell her its not working and I'd like to try someone else. If there's no one else at this facility I'm not sure. There are literally only a couple places I can go. Otherwise its outta pocket and I'm not willing to pay that right now. And frankly, I have been to probably 6 private counselors in my area over the last decade. They all sucked save 1. And she is retired. So maybe it's me!
Daughter move out date in 6 days. I'm not sure how I feel. Excited. Scared. Weird. Unsettled. Really I'm not attaching to the feelings...and I don't think I need to. Just letting things happen. We move her in next Wed. Then she'll be officially sleeping there on Friday. I am sure Friday night will be weird. But I'm not going to overthink it. This is natural, healthy and positive. She is also quite close. I'm excited for her and I'm excited for me. I'm scared too. But kind of a anticipatory scared...not a petrified scared. I find that putting 1 foot in front of the other, not 5 or 6, works best for me. Stay in the moment.
And this moment is good. And I'm SO glad you are doing good O. Addiction is a bitch.
Daughter move out date in 6 days. I'm not sure how I feel. Excited. Scared. Weird. Unsettled. Really I'm not attaching to the feelings...and I don't think I need to. Just letting things happen. We move her in next Wed. Then she'll be officially sleeping there on Friday. I am sure Friday night will be weird. But I'm not going to overthink it. This is natural, healthy and positive. She is also quite close. I'm excited for her and I'm excited for me. I'm scared too. But kind of a anticipatory scared...not a petrified scared. I find that putting 1 foot in front of the other, not 5 or 6, works best for me. Stay in the moment.
And this moment is good. And I'm SO glad you are doing good O. Addiction is a bitch.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I don't know how many counselors I saw before I found the right one - six seems in the ballpark. So if it's you, it's me too. I think taking it as it comes is a great approach to the kid going off to school. You'll be fine, and if I were a betting woman, I'd wager that it won't be too long before you relish your solitude.
Today I spent many hours online. Reading and posting here, looking up random things I was interested in, checking work email for my clearance to return to Occupational Health. The latter did not come through; the EAP guy had told me that Daniel said he would send the paperwork over today. EAP guy emailed me at 1:30 pm to say his shift was over and he hadn't received the paperwork yet. Do you think he told my therapist he was only working a half day? I'm guessing not. *argh*
Found a 2pm meeting to attend because I didn't want to leave for a meeting while middlest was here (she's still not arrived). It was one where we read from the book "Experience, Strength and Hope." I had no idea the book existed, but I think I'll buy it. It's old-timey personal stories from the early days of AA.
Around 1pm, eldest texted to let me know she was drunk and didn't know how to do her job. I texted back to say, hon you need to call someone and tell them you need to go home sick. Called her back 15 minutes later and she said it was fine, she was on her way home, she just fell but she was ok. Could not get clarity on why she was on her way home. Someone came in to relieve her? Her shift was over? (unlikely where she works) She was fired? Lost the connection, called her back and she was home, said she was fine and was going to bed. As I was driving back home from the meeting, she called to say, "Guess who walked out on their job due to an anxiety attack?" Uh, I dunno, who? "I did!" That's not what you told me earlier today - do you remember speaking with me? Nope, not at all. She dissolved into tears and self-denigration and of course I said you're not a horrible person; you're a wonderful person with a horrible problem.
I drove over to her place and found her on the back porch, clearly extremely intoxicated. Went to her room, packed a bag, and said "Come on, we're going to the hospital." Nope, no way, no. So I called 911. The paramedics came and said we're so sorry but she's an adult and she's not in any physical distress and hasn't done anything to try to harm herself or anyone else; we can't take her. So I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and drove home. Shaking my head - what was I thinking calling 911 in the city? I should've known this would be the outcome. In the county, they woulda taken her. I know because I once got took. Anyhow, next time we talk, I'm going to start drawing boundaries - "If you call me drunk and you're safe and don't want help with this problem, I'm hanging up. And don't tell me any more about your drinking (and how you were "good" by only having one drink) either unless you want help."
oy
Today I spent many hours online. Reading and posting here, looking up random things I was interested in, checking work email for my clearance to return to Occupational Health. The latter did not come through; the EAP guy had told me that Daniel said he would send the paperwork over today. EAP guy emailed me at 1:30 pm to say his shift was over and he hadn't received the paperwork yet. Do you think he told my therapist he was only working a half day? I'm guessing not. *argh*
Found a 2pm meeting to attend because I didn't want to leave for a meeting while middlest was here (she's still not arrived). It was one where we read from the book "Experience, Strength and Hope." I had no idea the book existed, but I think I'll buy it. It's old-timey personal stories from the early days of AA.
Around 1pm, eldest texted to let me know she was drunk and didn't know how to do her job. I texted back to say, hon you need to call someone and tell them you need to go home sick. Called her back 15 minutes later and she said it was fine, she was on her way home, she just fell but she was ok. Could not get clarity on why she was on her way home. Someone came in to relieve her? Her shift was over? (unlikely where she works) She was fired? Lost the connection, called her back and she was home, said she was fine and was going to bed. As I was driving back home from the meeting, she called to say, "Guess who walked out on their job due to an anxiety attack?" Uh, I dunno, who? "I did!" That's not what you told me earlier today - do you remember speaking with me? Nope, not at all. She dissolved into tears and self-denigration and of course I said you're not a horrible person; you're a wonderful person with a horrible problem.
I drove over to her place and found her on the back porch, clearly extremely intoxicated. Went to her room, packed a bag, and said "Come on, we're going to the hospital." Nope, no way, no. So I called 911. The paramedics came and said we're so sorry but she's an adult and she's not in any physical distress and hasn't done anything to try to harm herself or anyone else; we can't take her. So I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and drove home. Shaking my head - what was I thinking calling 911 in the city? I should've known this would be the outcome. In the county, they woulda taken her. I know because I once got took. Anyhow, next time we talk, I'm going to start drawing boundaries - "If you call me drunk and you're safe and don't want help with this problem, I'm hanging up. And don't tell me any more about your drinking (and how you were "good" by only having one drink) either unless you want help."
oy
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