leo21

Here I am again folks. I had a long run once, lasted a little over 6 years. A couple years back another blow out in my marriage struck again and eventually I found myself buying a drink and slowly watched it progress over time. Things were looking up again in my marriage of 20 years when May25th came and when i got home from work she had moved out. There wasn't any fighting, but for her the grass was greener on the other side. It was that day that instead of a drink here and there it went full blown nuclear. I was alone and having to scramble to save money to move as well. I was numb but in total pain at the same time. All I knew how to be was a hubby and it was taken. I've been going non stop and today is my Day 1. I've been drinking to fill the void that was left behind and honestly day 1 has been emotional because I'm having to stare my emotions in the face. I'll probably be going to back to Celebrate Recovery at a local church. This hole though, I'm not sure what to do with it. Drinking made me forget the break up....a 20 year marriage vanishing is very hard to cope with. Anywho, hi everyone, Leo is back again.

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome back. I'm glad you made it , some don't.
I'm sorry for what you've been going through. That must be rough.
But, as you know, it's nothing a drink is going to make better.
I really feel for you, and don't know what to write. Just know you're not alone.
Best to you.

Opivotal

Leo, I'm glad you're back, too. I'm sorry for your pain, I can feel it through your post. Sometimes the only way to get through tough times is to walk through them and try to keep focused on your recovery.

Sounds like you made the decision to do just that. I think it's a great idea to go back to Celebrate Recovery and get some support. Maybe fill that hole in your heart by giving to others. I found that volunteering helped me forget my problems for a while and the rewards lifted my spirits.

There are no answers in that bottle ... only more sorrow and pain. Took a lot of courage to make today your day 1. We're here for you, Leo.

Keep posting, you can do this.

Daisybelle

Welcome back Leo and I'm sorry for all you've been through. We're all here for you, stick close and post as often as you can. xxxx

Dee74

Hi Leo

I'm glad today is day one - and I think Celebrate Recovery is a great idea

As for what to do with the hole....sometimes you just have to get yourself well first -m then you can think about making opeace with the pasty, moving on, and ruminate a little on what you want your new sober life to look like.

Dealing with a void of any kind is painful...but there's always support here

D

Callas

All the best. It will be hard, but as you know time heals. The emotional pain caused by the breakup and the drinking.

Hawkeye13

Drinking costs us so much. My spouse nearly left me too over drinking. It isn't always about fighting, but just not being there for them emotionally.

Celebrate Recovery sounds like a great idea. I'm sorry you are hurting but if you had six years sober you know you can do this.

biminiblue

When I first separated I did what you did. . .try to drown my sorrows. Problem was that they didn't drown, they bought scuba gear.

Only way to face it is to face it. You will meet the challenge and it will be okay.

My divorce was painful but it was the springboard to my new, much better life.

There's so much to do out there!

leo21

I knew I wouldn't forget what a safe place this is. Off of work now, and my usual is to get it going, but like what many people say, alcohol won't fill up that hole I now have. I'm in the middle of Day 2 and made sure I have plenty to eat and ice cold water bottles to drink. Reading and spending time on here soaking in the good bad and ugly has always helped. I'm thankful for yesterday and today.....keeps me from being wreckless. Thanks to all who have been posting

Hawkeye13

Congrats on Day 2 leo--keep up the good work!

leo21

Thanks Hawkeye! My adult daughter came to visit, eat and swim. I felt the thoughts crawling around in the back of my head here and there but thankfully I had comfort and courage in the moment. I'll keep working to stay focused and remember the stories of those who have been here before me and those who are here right now. I realize when I wake up in the morning I'll have to start over again and keep away from cruise control. Every moment matters.

SnazzyDresser

Glad you're on the right track again with the sober days, Leo. That's brutal about your marriage ending. I had 20 year marriage of my own end back in the day. But the way forward as you know starts with the sober days, the solid first principles. All the best to you. You're capable of a lot more than you know, we all are.

NYCDoglvr

I hope you realize that drinking doesn't help with the pain, it exacerbates it. The only way to deal with pain is to go through it when sober. That's how you get to the other side.

SoberCAH

Glad you're here and getting sober.

I got sober and then, many years later, divorced.

If my ex and I saw each other today, we would probably stop and talk for a long time.

We got divorced with dignity and generosity toward each other.

That would not have been the case had I still been drinking.

I hope that you pursue the Celebrate Recovery program - I sure hear a lot of good things about it.

I started with treatment, then AA and now, even more AA.

And it's worked for me.

Keep us posted.