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Old 07-10-2019, 11:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Just some memories



Well one of them.

​​​​​​When you were actively drinking do you remember yourself at the store with a bottle early in the morning already experiencing withdrawals just waiting there super anxious by the check-out for the sale hour?

Now that I reflect back I could laugh at it as I'm approaching the one year mark. Just one of the many deterrents when drinking comes to mind.
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Old 07-11-2019, 12:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I had occasion to visit the shopping centre I used to go to today - the liquor store store there always open half an hour earlier than every where else for some reason.

The stores actually moved but the mall still stirred up some not very happy memories.

D
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Old 07-11-2019, 01:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
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How about every time I open the WhatsApp app. The stuff I've sent to people in the midst of blackouts. Jeez. Chilling. But people move on. As long as you get your **** together...
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Old 07-11-2019, 06:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Not that exact memory as I always stockpiled enough beer that i'd never run out in the AM..... I do remember days though where I would attempt to chug my first beer of the day to stave off withdrawals - but immediately throw it back up due to my stomach being so messed up from drinking all day the day before. And then drinking another one right after I threw the other one up but more slowly so it would hopefully stay down. Just one of the many things that i still want to remember so i never go back to that way of life.
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Old 07-11-2019, 07:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Oh god yes. I see a box of Black Box wine and I gag. 5:58am, standing there , wine in hand and waiting....just 2 minutes. Hang in there.
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Old 07-11-2019, 08:22 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Not that exact memory as I always stockpiled enough beer that i'd never run out in the AM..... I do remember days though where I would attempt to chug my first beer of the day to stave off withdrawals - but immediately throw it back up due to my stomach being so messed up from drinking all day the day before. And then drinking another one right after I threw the other one up but more slowly so it would hopefully stay down. Just one of the many things that i still want to remember so i never go back to that way of life.
Not stockpiling was my personal attempt to "control" my drinking lol. Therefore my last 2 years of drinking I would always try to buy pints. Which was odd because this didn't do much to control it. It would just complicate things when I would get up early in the morning to go to the store and get more haha.

Don't miss those days at all.
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Old 07-11-2019, 12:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Mtphc View Post

Well one of them.

​​​​​​When you were actively drinking do you remember yourself at the store with a bottle early in the morning already experiencing withdrawals just waiting there super anxious by the check-out for the sale hour?

Now that I reflect back I could laugh at it as I'm approaching the one year mark. Just one of the many deterrents when drinking comes to mind.
I certainly do.

When I was in college, you could buy beer from 5:00 a.m. until 3:00 a.m. the following morning.

But that 3:00 - 5:00 a.m. window got to be a real headache because it took place in the middle of some fairly critical drinking hours.

I remember going to the convenience and just waiting around for the last 30 minutes of that dreadful 2 hour period to end.

And then the whiskey store would open at 9:00 a.m. and have to close at 11:00 p.m. and on Sundays entirely.

I worked at a liquor store while I was in grad school.

If I showed up to open the store at a few minutes after 9:00 a.m., people who had been waiting in the parking lot would be downright hateful to me.

I'm glad these types of concerns no longer have any place in my life.
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Old 07-11-2019, 05:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I remember that well, hands shaking as I handed over my money early in the morning, the cashier looking at me with pity and disgust in their eye, it was horrible.
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Old 07-11-2019, 08:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
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You see replies like these and it just gives you more good reasons not to drink 😉
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Old 07-12-2019, 02:59 PM   #10 (permalink)
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How about every time I open the WhatsApp app. The stuff I've sent to people in the midst of blackouts. Jeez. Chilling. But people move on. As long as you get your **** together...
I did this a couple time while drunk of course via text and just made an ass of my self talking about personal stuff. God how embarrassing, and it was somebody I hadn't spoken to in ages too on one of those 😬
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Old 07-12-2019, 07:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Not stockpiling was my personal attempt to "control" my drinking lol. Therefore my last 2 years of drinking I would always try to buy pints. Which was odd because this didn't do much to control it. It would just complicate things when I would get up early in the morning to go to the store and get more haha.

Don't miss those days at all.
I purposefully did not buy enough. Iíd buy two six packs of hard seltzer and say ďthis should be enough and if itís not then itís ridiculous.Ē Middle of the day, about 7-8 in, realize the alc content wasnít high enough to give me the hit I wanted, and switch to gin or vodka and drink until blackout.

Next day or next drinking binge Iíd have four left over to start with. Then all of the husbands clear liquor to finish with....unless I was doing whiskey, in which case I could start and finish with whiskey.

Iíd just wipe out entire days. I know that one drink takes me right back to that and who in hell would voluntarily go back to that?? I suppose not knowing that youíll always drink your way right back to the exact part of your past that started your sobriety. I do know many, many, many relapses started with ďof course I can control it, thereís no way Iím a real alcoholicĒ and ended with ďoh ****....I am a real alcoholic....Ē. Then it became ďIím a real alcoholic, but I donít care, and Iíll drink anyway.Ē Did that for awhile, and then consequences; the kind that matter, started to rack up.
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Old 07-12-2019, 08:59 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I was rarely without booze in the house. I always made sure I had enough to take the edge off. To square me away.
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Old 07-12-2019, 10:00 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Iíd just wipe out entire days.

That right there is one of the things that would make it feel so dark and depressing.
​​​​​​
I remember waking up still drunk right before sunrise, then after that the day was one big blur, then next thing I know it was sunset again, uggh it was horrible just being in that continuous drunken state and then realising that you're stuck again, and with the sober time I have now it makes it feel that much worse looking back at it.

Sorry if I talk about this so much it's just that to this day I'm still very baffled about what had transpired from all the drinking.
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Old 07-13-2019, 02:33 PM   #14 (permalink)
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That right there is one of the things that would make it feel so dark and depressing.
​​​​​​
I remember waking up still drunk right before sunrise, then after that the day was one big blur, then next thing I know it was sunset again, uggh it was horrible just being in that continuous drunken state and then realising that you're stuck again, and with the sober time I have now it makes it feel that much worse looking back at it.

Sorry if I talk about this so much it's just that to this day I'm still very baffled about what had transpired from all the drinking.
I think itís good to talk about it. I rehash here plenty. I remind myself who I am and where I came from. Itís what reminds me of the blessing I have now.

Iím not exactly happy or content right now. But my sobriety is an intense blessing. It took nearly two years to understand that those two concepts donít have to have anything to do with each other for me to get sober. Sobriety doesnít have to ďfix your life.Ē Being sober is the point, itself.
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Old 07-13-2019, 03:37 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I think itís good to talk about it. I rehash here plenty. I remind myself who I am and where I came from. Itís what reminds me of the blessing I have now.

Iím not exactly happy or content right now. But my sobriety is an intense blessing. It took nearly two years to understand that those two concepts donít have to have anything to do with each other for me to get sober. Sobriety doesnít have to ďfix your life.Ē Being sober is the point, itself.
I think I would be afraid of experiencing the effects or slight buzz of one beer. I guess you could say that I'm afraid of alcohol now, after what it did to me and what could of happened had I continued on.

Enough was enough after going to rehab for a month being away from everything, and just being scared to death of losing it all while I was in there. I think that's exactly what I needed: my personal rock bottom.

Now I appreciate the little things in life much more, and I'm in a much better place.

​​
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Old 07-13-2019, 03:55 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I was rarely without booze in the house. I always made sure I had enough to take the edge off. To square me away.
I also did this too for a long while, but I remember when I would take time off from work or vacation time, I would easily embibe or very close to a fifth and a half of vodka when ever I could. Not very fond memories.
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