Just some memories
 

Now that I reflect back I could laugh at it as I'm approaching the one year mark. Just one of the many deterrents when drinking comes to mind.

I had occasion to visit the shopping centre I used to go to today - the liquor store store there always open half an hour earlier than every where else for some reason.

The stores actually moved but the mall still stirred up some not very happy memories.

D

How about every time I open the WhatsApp app. The stuff I've sent to people in the midst of blackouts. Jeez. Chilling. But people move on. As long as you get your **** together...

Not that exact memory as I always stockpiled enough beer that i'd never run out in the AM..... I do remember days though where I would attempt to chug my first beer of the day to stave off withdrawals - but immediately throw it back up due to my stomach being so messed up from drinking all day the day before. And then drinking another one right after I threw the other one up but more slowly so it would hopefully stay down. Just one of the many things that i still want to remember so i never go back to that way of life.

Oh god yes. I see a box of Black Box wine and I gag. 5:58am, standing there , wine in hand and waiting....just 2 minutes. Hang in there.

Not stockpiling was my personal attempt to "control" my drinking lol. Therefore my last 2 years of drinking I would always try to buy pints. Which was odd because this didn't do much to control it. It would just complicate things when I would get up early in the morning to go to the store and get more haha.

Don't miss those days at all.

I certainly do.

When I was in college, you could buy beer from 5:00 a.m. until 3:00 a.m. the following morning.

But that 3:00 - 5:00 a.m. window got to be a real headache because it took place in the middle of some fairly critical drinking hours.

I remember going to the convenience and just waiting around for the last 30 minutes of that dreadful 2 hour period to end.

And then the whiskey store would open at 9:00 a.m. and have to close at 11:00 p.m. and on Sundays entirely.

I worked at a liquor store while I was in grad school.

If I showed up to open the store at a few minutes after 9:00 a.m., people who had been waiting in the parking lot would be downright hateful to me.

I'm glad these types of concerns no longer have any place in my life.

I remember that well, hands shaking as I handed over my money early in the morning, the cashier looking at me with pity and disgust in their eye, it was horrible.

You see replies like these and it just gives you more good reasons not to drink 😉

I did this a couple time while drunk of course via text and just made an ass of my self talking about personal stuff. God how embarrassing, and it was somebody I hadn't spoken to in ages too on one of those 😬

I purposefully did not buy enough. I’d buy two six packs of hard seltzer and say “this should be enough and if it’s not then it’s ridiculous.” Middle of the day, about 7-8 in, realize the alc content wasn’t high enough to give me the hit I wanted, and switch to gin or vodka and drink until blackout.

Next day or next drinking binge I’d have four left over to start with. Then all of the husbands clear liquor to finish with....unless I was doing whiskey, in which case I could start and finish with whiskey.

I’d just wipe out entire days. I know that one drink takes me right back to that and who in hell would voluntarily go back to that?? I suppose not knowing that you’ll always drink your way right back to the exact part of your past that started your sobriety. I do know many, many, many relapses started with “of course I can control it, there’s no way I’m a real alcoholic” and ended with “oh ****....I am a real alcoholic....”. Then it became “I’m a real alcoholic, but I don’t care, and I’ll drink anyway.” Did that for awhile, and then consequences; the kind that matter, started to rack up.

I was rarely without booze in the house. I always made sure I had enough to take the edge off. To square me away.

That right there is one of the things that would make it feel so dark and depressing.
​​​​​​
I remember waking up still drunk right before sunrise, then after that the day was one big blur, then next thing I know it was sunset again, uggh it was horrible just being in that continuous drunken state and then realising that you're stuck again, and with the sober time I have now it makes it feel that much worse looking back at it.

Sorry if I talk about this so much it's just that to this day I'm still very baffled about what had transpired from all the drinking.

I think it’s good to talk about it. I rehash here plenty. I remind myself who I am and where I came from. It’s what reminds me of the blessing I have now.

I’m not exactly happy or content right now. But my sobriety is an intense blessing. It took nearly two years to understand that those two concepts don’t have to have anything to do with each other for me to get sober. Sobriety doesn’t have to “fix your life.” Being sober is the point, itself.

I think I would be afraid of experiencing the effects or slight buzz of one beer. I guess you could say that I'm afraid of alcohol now, after what it did to me and what could of happened had I continued on.

Enough was enough after going to rehab for a month being away from everything, and just being scared to death of losing it all while I was in there. I think that's exactly what I needed: my personal rock bottom.

Now I appreciate the little things in life much more, and I'm in a much better place.

​​

I also did this too for a long while, but I remember when I would take time off from work or vacation time, I would easily embibe or very close to a fifth and a half of vodka when ever I could. Not very fond memories.