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Old 07-10-2019, 01:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Baffled


Hi all, Iím a normie who is currently watching her beloved husband drink himself to death. This is beyond painful, and although I have done all I can, he refuses to go to the hospital or detox. He cries and says he doesnít know what to do. He says he canít figure his way out. Then I cry. Some, any insight would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I thought you were taking a vacation.

How did the visit with the attorney go?
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I thought you were taking a vacation.

How did the visit with the attorney go?
I did take a day off at the beach. The papers will be served Friday. I have guilt. Heís torn up. He says why should he get better if I donít want him? This is torture.
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Old 07-10-2019, 02:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Have you arranged for some therapy for yourself yet? An internet list is not a substitute for the real face time connection you need to process your feelings right now--a qualified therapist could really help you.

I'm still baffled at my own addict's choices--she's dead now over 9 years now. I never got answers when she was alive or after. Most of us don't. The only thing that will help is taking the focus off him and putting it back on you. You cannot understand what your husband most likely doesn't understand himself. Logic is not part of alcoholism.

There is no "answer" that will make sense of this. I really think continually asking this question is destroying any chance of peace or healing for you. I am speaking from my own experience, and from many accounts I've read on this list.

Get some therapy, get the lawyer, and start the legal process to get him out of the house ASAP.

Take care of you now--he sure won't.
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All the study in the world - and all the subjective hierarchies - won't get people sober. . .

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Old 07-10-2019, 02:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Have you arranged for some therapy for yourself yet? An internet list is not a substitute for the real face time connection you need to process your feelings right now--a qualified therapist could really help you.

I'm still baffled at my own addict's choices--she's dead now over 9 years now. I never got answers when she was alive or after. Most of us don't. The only thing that will help is taking the focus off him and putting it back on you. You cannot understand what your husband most likely doesn't understand himself. Logic is not part of alcoholism.

There is no "answer" that will make sense of this. I really think continually asking this question is destroying any chance of peace or healing for you. I am speaking from my own experience, and from many accounts I've read on this list.

Get some therapy, get the lawyer, and start the legal process to get him out of the house ASAP.

Take care of you now--he sure won't.
ainít that the truth? I am going to Alanon meetings and have started psychological counseling. Heís the sick one and I go get help. Sick and sicker.
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Old 07-10-2019, 03:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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My wife left me after watching me slowly try to kill myself and learning of my infidelity. I wanted to love her but I did a terrible job of it. Unfortunately I had never learned how to love myself so I was incapable of loving even a pet goldfish, let alone a woman.

My advice to you is to put your needs and your emotional wellbeing first. It is not your job to fix him and trying would be pointless anyway. Only the alcoholic can fix himself/herself.

Towards the end of my marriage my wife asked me why I wouldn't stop drinking for her. It's because we're broken people spiritually. Until we resolve to get better alcohol will always take precedence over love, family, career, goals, all that good stuff. I wish I had a better explanation for you but I don't.

I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 07-10-2019, 04:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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My wife left me after watching me slowly try to kill myself and learning of my infidelity. I wanted to love her but I did a terrible job of it. Unfortunately I had never learned how to love myself so I was incapable of loving even a pet goldfish, let alone a woman.

My advice to you is to put your needs and your emotional wellbeing first. It is not your job to fix him and trying would be pointless anyway. Only the alcoholic can fix himself/herself.

Towards the end of my marriage my wife asked me why I wouldn't stop drinking for her. It's because we're broken people spiritually. Until we resolve to get better alcohol will always take precedence over love, family, career, goals, all that good stuff. I wish I had a better explanation for you but I don't.

I wish you the best of luck.
youíre very kind to reach out. Many thanks for the honesty. Just left, got a room, went swimming, ordering room service, and reading codependent no more. Taking care of me. ❤️
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Old 07-10-2019, 05:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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you stated the reality in your opening post: he cries and says he canít find his way and know not what to do and then refuses to do what is asked and/or needed.
unwilling.
nothing you can do for him as long as he is unwilling.
so glad to hear you are looking after yourself.
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Old 07-10-2019, 06:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Have you had him come to this site?
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Old 07-10-2019, 07:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Have you had him come to this site?
I would if he could sit up. He has been drinking 2 pints of gin a day for more than 10 days now. Passed out much of the time or chasing...😢
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