Lost a classmate
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 958
Lost a classmate
I lost an old high school classmate. His funeral was just last month.
His death made an impact on me because I don't think of myself as being at the age when people in ones peer group die (I'm in my mid 50's).
My first thought was that he had died of cancer because I knew that people in his family had died of cancer. But at his memorial service his ex-wife shared that he had been struggling with alcoholism for a long time and was the main cause of their divorce. He had also had DUIs recently.
JG had everything going for him. He was the son of professors. Had an ivy league education. Good looking, great job and two great kids.
And yet he hid his problem from that core group of friends he had spent so much time with and shared so many life events with.
A couple of the guys saw him within the last six months (he lived out of state from my home town). And they said that he looked like he had aged about 20 years and that he looked like his health had declined dramtically. And still they did not realize (nor did he share) that he had been struggling with alcoholism for decades.
All I could think was that everyday people make the choice not to drink. Young and old. Educated and uneducated. Rich and poor.
He had so many people in his life (including his ex-wife) who would have been more than willing to help him. And yet he chose not to reach out to them and ask for help. This was the part that saddened me the most.
That and the fact that he no longer gets to plan a cool vacation or see a sunset. Or see the lives that his college age twins build as they come into their own.
It pained me.
His death made an impact on me because I don't think of myself as being at the age when people in ones peer group die (I'm in my mid 50's).
My first thought was that he had died of cancer because I knew that people in his family had died of cancer. But at his memorial service his ex-wife shared that he had been struggling with alcoholism for a long time and was the main cause of their divorce. He had also had DUIs recently.
JG had everything going for him. He was the son of professors. Had an ivy league education. Good looking, great job and two great kids.
And yet he hid his problem from that core group of friends he had spent so much time with and shared so many life events with.
A couple of the guys saw him within the last six months (he lived out of state from my home town). And they said that he looked like he had aged about 20 years and that he looked like his health had declined dramtically. And still they did not realize (nor did he share) that he had been struggling with alcoholism for decades.
All I could think was that everyday people make the choice not to drink. Young and old. Educated and uneducated. Rich and poor.
He had so many people in his life (including his ex-wife) who would have been more than willing to help him. And yet he chose not to reach out to them and ask for help. This was the part that saddened me the most.
That and the fact that he no longer gets to plan a cool vacation or see a sunset. Or see the lives that his college age twins build as they come into their own.
It pained me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
My sympathies for your loss. I've been sober for a while and what strikes me is the utter self-destructiveness of the disease. I consider it a miracle that I'm not dead (I came close, which made me fearful of drinking). I'm glad you can have compassion for your friend's plight. Big hug.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Condolences on the loss of your friend StellaBlu. I lost 2 of my closest friends I went to high school with to alcohol and they were brothers. One drowned in 2002 while fishing with friends (drunk/high) and the other died in a car accident in 2014 (drunk/high). Both were great guys, I think about them regularly and will always miss them like family. In a way we were, because their family always treated me like family. It could have easily been me as I was right beside them partying and doing stupid stuff for many years. Hell I might have been in the car with the latter brother but I got sober the year before he died and we stopped hanging out together.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
