Emotions
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Emotions
In the 2019 movie, “Beautiful Boy,” the father asks his drug addicted son, "Why do you do all these drugs?" The son answers, “I don’t know why, when I tried it I felt better than I ever have, so I just kept doing it.”
What emotion do you "feel," right before you have that urge to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior?
It took me nearly 5 decades to learn that addictions always serve an emotional purpose. Reasons for drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness about whatever in my life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped. I escaped my feelings, escaped the trap of feeling bad by trying to feel better with a quick fix or mood changer of drugs. In essence I regained control of my emotions, with alcohol and drugs. I never learned that there are other ways to empower myself and regain control of how I felt with direct healthy behaviors. I was on auto-pilot for 47 years, making drugs and alcohol my values and purpose in life!
Understanding and managing our emotions is the key to overcoming addiction. "A fool vents all their feelings, but a wise person holds them in control." Proverbs 29:11. Making our emotions work for us instead of against us is called Emotional IQ (EQ).
What emotion do you "feel," right before you have that urge to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior?
What emotion do you "feel," right before you have that urge to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior?
It took me nearly 5 decades to learn that addictions always serve an emotional purpose. Reasons for drinking are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness about whatever in my life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped. I escaped my feelings, escaped the trap of feeling bad by trying to feel better with a quick fix or mood changer of drugs. In essence I regained control of my emotions, with alcohol and drugs. I never learned that there are other ways to empower myself and regain control of how I felt with direct healthy behaviors. I was on auto-pilot for 47 years, making drugs and alcohol my values and purpose in life!
Understanding and managing our emotions is the key to overcoming addiction. "A fool vents all their feelings, but a wise person holds them in control." Proverbs 29:11. Making our emotions work for us instead of against us is called Emotional IQ (EQ).
What emotion do you "feel," right before you have that urge to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior?
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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This is a good post. I felt relief just before that first drink. Every single time. Knowing that I will now engage with something that will immediately make me feel better, happier, more confident and provide more fun. This continued until the withdrawals, shaking, heart palpitations and extreme anxiety started after a drinking career of 30 years. The horror of the consequences became more than the short term instant pleasure. So I stopped.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
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I wrote in another post that when I'm sober I'm "here". When I'm intoxicated I'm "over there".
In the early days of my daily drinking I couldn't wait to get home from work. "Woo hoo finally finished another mundane day in my life it's time to go over there!"
In the final days of my daily drinking it was a feeling of dejection. "Another awful day in my worthless life gone, time to go over there where it's terrible but less terrible than here."
In the early days of my daily drinking I couldn't wait to get home from work. "Woo hoo finally finished another mundane day in my life it's time to go over there!"
In the final days of my daily drinking it was a feeling of dejection. "Another awful day in my worthless life gone, time to go over there where it's terrible but less terrible than here."
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What emotion do you "feel," right before you have that urge to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior?
Could it be that you feel helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control of a specific circumstance that is very important to you?
As an addict we escape the trap and regain control of our emotions with a quick fix or mood changer of chemicals.
The real challenge and thrill is finding healthy, high value behaviors that empower us to regain control of our circumstances and lives in general.
Addictions always serve an emotional purpose. Managing our emotions and regaining control is the antidote.
"A fool vents all their feelings, but a wiser person holds them in control." Proverbs 29:11.
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, SELF CONTROL."
No rocket science here, just scripture and behavior science. :-)
Could it be that you feel helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control of a specific circumstance that is very important to you?
As an addict we escape the trap and regain control of our emotions with a quick fix or mood changer of chemicals.
The real challenge and thrill is finding healthy, high value behaviors that empower us to regain control of our circumstances and lives in general.
Addictions always serve an emotional purpose. Managing our emotions and regaining control is the antidote.
"A fool vents all their feelings, but a wiser person holds them in control." Proverbs 29:11.
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, SELF CONTROL."
No rocket science here, just scripture and behavior science. :-)
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Originally Posted by Callas 
This is a good post. I felt relief just before that first drink. Every single time. Knowing that I will now engage with something that will immediately make me feel better, happier, more confident and provide more fun. This continued until the withdrawals, shaking, heart palpitations and extreme anxiety started after a drinking career of 30 years. The horror of the consequences became more than the short term instant pleasure. So I stopped.
I never had a shortage of causative circumstances because I actually believed that life should be fair, easy and painless, and I should always get what I want. When you think like this, and it doesn't happen, almost everything is a reason to get drunk! lol.
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I also like this post ((Callas)) as I was dealing with these thoughts over the weekend. I am 65 days sober and have been feeling really good aside from occasional mood swings - be they hormonal or just me wrestling with my 'old/drinking' thought patterns...
This weekend was different though. I was actually so anxious that I was 'reaching out' for something external to 'ease' or escape from what I was feeling.
While new to sobriety, Im very interested in understanding my thought processes in order to regain self-control and remain sober this time. Ive been drinking heavily for the past 30+ years; but never had I seen such a rapid decline in my health as I had seen this last years binge. Was something fearsome.
Thank God I enjoy being active and many of my symptoms have been alleviated by working out, eating more healthy, and aboveall, Not Drinking Poison.
This weekend i stayed home and alone with my thoughts and it nearly drove me crazy. By the end of the night, mentally, i felt as if I were having mild withdrawal symptoms. I was so anxious, restless, and irritable. I ended up bingeing on unhealthy food items, such as birthday cake, ice cream, and processed snacks. I had a burger from McDonald's to top off my in mindless indulgence, oh wait...I actually finished the night off with the cheeseburger that my son refused to eat. ��
I wasn't hungry, at all. I felt like a fraud. I was simply feeling overwhelmed & powerless over an issue im having with lack of communication with my eldest son, pessimism & negativity towards myself, and just a lack of motivation & energy to do anything useful so I obsessed & sulked over it. And yes, I had thoughts of picking up again, this time though, I quickly assured myself thats not a viable option.
I made it through the night and today I feel significantly better. I realize that It is not healthy to use 'food', or 'tweezing', or even, 'working out (excessively)' as a means to 'escape' negative emotions...
So now I've got to deal with this s***. How do you regain control?
This weekend was different though. I was actually so anxious that I was 'reaching out' for something external to 'ease' or escape from what I was feeling.
While new to sobriety, Im very interested in understanding my thought processes in order to regain self-control and remain sober this time. Ive been drinking heavily for the past 30+ years; but never had I seen such a rapid decline in my health as I had seen this last years binge. Was something fearsome.
Thank God I enjoy being active and many of my symptoms have been alleviated by working out, eating more healthy, and aboveall, Not Drinking Poison.
This weekend i stayed home and alone with my thoughts and it nearly drove me crazy. By the end of the night, mentally, i felt as if I were having mild withdrawal symptoms. I was so anxious, restless, and irritable. I ended up bingeing on unhealthy food items, such as birthday cake, ice cream, and processed snacks. I had a burger from McDonald's to top off my in mindless indulgence, oh wait...I actually finished the night off with the cheeseburger that my son refused to eat. ��
I wasn't hungry, at all. I felt like a fraud. I was simply feeling overwhelmed & powerless over an issue im having with lack of communication with my eldest son, pessimism & negativity towards myself, and just a lack of motivation & energy to do anything useful so I obsessed & sulked over it. And yes, I had thoughts of picking up again, this time though, I quickly assured myself thats not a viable option.
I made it through the night and today I feel significantly better. I realize that It is not healthy to use 'food', or 'tweezing', or even, 'working out (excessively)' as a means to 'escape' negative emotions...
So now I've got to deal with this s***. How do you regain control?
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>>I made it through the night and today I feel significantly better. I realize that It is not healthy to use 'food', or 'tweezing', or even, 'working out (excessively)' as a means to 'escape' negative emotions...
So now I've got to deal with this s***. How do you regain control? <<
You actually did regain control over your drinking and feeling overwhelmed, by substituting, eating! You escaped your feeling overwhelmed. While it wasn't ideal, it sure was better than getting drunk and for that you should be proud! The ideal is to find some healthy high value behavior, that is important to us, to empower ourselves, escape the trap of feeling overwhelmed, helpless, trapped, powerless and out of control. When we feel empowered, we feel in control. For some it might be a personal relationship with God (faith), others talking, writing, exercise, swimming, biking, reading, journaling one's feelings, etc. Often just the things you would do to have fun, besides the drinking behavior. It took me nearly 5 decades to realize that drinking and drugs worked, but in retrospect, it was absolutely the worst solution I could have come up with, duh! I've learned that I can find inner peace and regain control of life's overwhelming circumstances with behaviors that I personally value. I had to re-evaluate my values in life.
John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
So now I've got to deal with this s***. How do you regain control? <<
You actually did regain control over your drinking and feeling overwhelmed, by substituting, eating! You escaped your feeling overwhelmed. While it wasn't ideal, it sure was better than getting drunk and for that you should be proud! The ideal is to find some healthy high value behavior, that is important to us, to empower ourselves, escape the trap of feeling overwhelmed, helpless, trapped, powerless and out of control. When we feel empowered, we feel in control. For some it might be a personal relationship with God (faith), others talking, writing, exercise, swimming, biking, reading, journaling one's feelings, etc. Often just the things you would do to have fun, besides the drinking behavior. It took me nearly 5 decades to realize that drinking and drugs worked, but in retrospect, it was absolutely the worst solution I could have come up with, duh! I've learned that I can find inner peace and regain control of life's overwhelming circumstances with behaviors that I personally value. I had to re-evaluate my values in life.
John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
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