Back and in a low place
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Well, back home! A really great day with no negatives and a lot of positives. The main one being that conflict about drinking just wasn't there. But then again I did have a lot of support from my friends. It was a small wedding (80 odd folk) and our crew of about 8-9 all kinda stuck together. We're all around 40 now and are kinda slowing down anyway. It's now 11.30 and what happens between now and 3am isn't worth worrying about. As weddings go I do accept that this was a soft ball. There are other environments, less supportive, less comfortable for me that it would be foolish to go near. But am still pretty chuffed to have not just gotten through my first sober wedding but to have really enjoyed it.
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
Certain activities are more triggering than others. A trip is going to have multiple associations for you that will make you feel let down in early sobriety and cause resentment.
Change the narrative. I mean, golf? Guys I know who golf basically go drinking, and just happen to be golfing. The dinners, the vacation itself, all of it might be too much.
It took over a year to even face things that might be too close to drinking. I chose other things.
One thing that’s hard to do as a drunk is be active. Can you get fitter in the gym? That opens up hiking, spartan races, running, climbing, etc. there aren’t many drunks doing these kinds of things. It’s pleasant to have a healthy body and a clear mind for all sorts of things that are active, natural and fun.
I planned a Hawaii vacation this year and because sobriety is always at the forefront of my mind, I literally chose an island based on doing something other than drinking on the beach (big sassy trigger.). I chose the big island due to the rain, the hikes, the rainforest, the activities.....I don’t want to go see a bunch of people getting hammered on the beach so I shifted the entire vacation.
This goes back to sobriety first. If you’re going to recreate like you always did, your addiction will push you toward the lifestyle that you always had.
I may even skip a family reunion next July in New Orleans. Why? New Orleans triggers me. I’d say a third of its appeal was drinking. If I’m working my life with total honesty and sobriety first, I have to deeply consider these things.
Don’t go just half assed with plans anymore. Your plans matter. What you do in your down time really matters now, I’d even say it’s probably a life or death direction. Make your choices about recreation very carefully.
Change the narrative. I mean, golf? Guys I know who golf basically go drinking, and just happen to be golfing. The dinners, the vacation itself, all of it might be too much.
It took over a year to even face things that might be too close to drinking. I chose other things.
One thing that’s hard to do as a drunk is be active. Can you get fitter in the gym? That opens up hiking, spartan races, running, climbing, etc. there aren’t many drunks doing these kinds of things. It’s pleasant to have a healthy body and a clear mind for all sorts of things that are active, natural and fun.
I planned a Hawaii vacation this year and because sobriety is always at the forefront of my mind, I literally chose an island based on doing something other than drinking on the beach (big sassy trigger.). I chose the big island due to the rain, the hikes, the rainforest, the activities.....I don’t want to go see a bunch of people getting hammered on the beach so I shifted the entire vacation.
This goes back to sobriety first. If you’re going to recreate like you always did, your addiction will push you toward the lifestyle that you always had.
I may even skip a family reunion next July in New Orleans. Why? New Orleans triggers me. I’d say a third of its appeal was drinking. If I’m working my life with total honesty and sobriety first, I have to deeply consider these things.
Don’t go just half assed with plans anymore. Your plans matter. What you do in your down time really matters now, I’d even say it’s probably a life or death direction. Make your choices about recreation very carefully.
I'll hold off on thinking along those lines for a while and see where I'm at down the line...
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Originally Posted by Dee74
hows it going Briansy?
D
D
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Figured I'd check in as some thoughts crept into my mind today that I didn't like very much.
I am a huge golf fan so I was working from home today and will be tomorrow (and have the whole weekend to do that and whatever else I want to do) to watch the Open championship (final major event of the year) and chill - to be fair, the plan was never to do much work. So, a lot of time with myself and my thoughts. In between watching wall to wall golf (coverage from 6.30AM to 8.30PM!) I guess I got a bit restless and bored.
There are certain things I associate with drinking - airports have always been a huge association - weddings of course - or just any kind of social situation like dinners, meeting for "drinks" (well, duh) or any kind of activity that could bleed into drinking at some point. Another one was when I'm back home in Ireland and having dinner with my folks - having a bottle of wine with my Mom (I would always have another to myself) and just chatting to Mom and Dad watching telly or sports or whatever. These past associations I have worked hard over the last year to break and have been in various of those situations and not drank. Being at home in Ireland and not drinking is not even an issue anymore as it's been so well established now that I don't drink that I just never would - I couldn't. I cleared a wedding hurdle last weekend as well as a lunch and a dinner since my last drink with no issues - and I've had a couple of flights I've handled fine.
Oddly, I'm at my most vulnerable when I'm alone and have no external pressure from anyone to drink - when I've got a stretch of days ahead of me with not much on and my mind goes to this reflex reaction in these scenarios - when I'm at my worst it's just straight going to the liquor store and getting started on a big binge. But the sneakier thought is the idea of waiting til the Indian restaurant opens at 6 PM and then going to my favourite table where they instantly bring a large beer and I completely lie to myself that having 2-3 of those with food and then only a few more at home is somehow not going to completely eff me up for days - and, let's face it, it's not exactly an activity that in any normal person's eyes would equate to embracing life!
So anyway, my mind strayed to that thought a couple of times today. I was not close to acting on it in truth but I hated that a little niggle was there. I think it was less a craving, and more a default that my mind goes to when I get a bit restless. Maybe I just need to establish a precedent of acknowledging it and bit by bit completely removing the association - the way I have with other things? Anyway, no real point to this post other than maybe to get it off my chest! I've found this time that I've told someone every time I've had a twinge - usually one particular friend of mine who has been v supportive as she lost her sister to alcohol last year. I feel like if I see it for what it is when it happens, maybe I'm more likely to diffuse it and not let it develop into that "obsession" feeling which just mounts and mounts and is really not where any of us want to be!
But good to get to the end of day 26 anyway...
I am a huge golf fan so I was working from home today and will be tomorrow (and have the whole weekend to do that and whatever else I want to do) to watch the Open championship (final major event of the year) and chill - to be fair, the plan was never to do much work. So, a lot of time with myself and my thoughts. In between watching wall to wall golf (coverage from 6.30AM to 8.30PM!) I guess I got a bit restless and bored.
There are certain things I associate with drinking - airports have always been a huge association - weddings of course - or just any kind of social situation like dinners, meeting for "drinks" (well, duh) or any kind of activity that could bleed into drinking at some point. Another one was when I'm back home in Ireland and having dinner with my folks - having a bottle of wine with my Mom (I would always have another to myself) and just chatting to Mom and Dad watching telly or sports or whatever. These past associations I have worked hard over the last year to break and have been in various of those situations and not drank. Being at home in Ireland and not drinking is not even an issue anymore as it's been so well established now that I don't drink that I just never would - I couldn't. I cleared a wedding hurdle last weekend as well as a lunch and a dinner since my last drink with no issues - and I've had a couple of flights I've handled fine.
Oddly, I'm at my most vulnerable when I'm alone and have no external pressure from anyone to drink - when I've got a stretch of days ahead of me with not much on and my mind goes to this reflex reaction in these scenarios - when I'm at my worst it's just straight going to the liquor store and getting started on a big binge. But the sneakier thought is the idea of waiting til the Indian restaurant opens at 6 PM and then going to my favourite table where they instantly bring a large beer and I completely lie to myself that having 2-3 of those with food and then only a few more at home is somehow not going to completely eff me up for days - and, let's face it, it's not exactly an activity that in any normal person's eyes would equate to embracing life!
So anyway, my mind strayed to that thought a couple of times today. I was not close to acting on it in truth but I hated that a little niggle was there. I think it was less a craving, and more a default that my mind goes to when I get a bit restless. Maybe I just need to establish a precedent of acknowledging it and bit by bit completely removing the association - the way I have with other things? Anyway, no real point to this post other than maybe to get it off my chest! I've found this time that I've told someone every time I've had a twinge - usually one particular friend of mine who has been v supportive as she lost her sister to alcohol last year. I feel like if I see it for what it is when it happens, maybe I'm more likely to diffuse it and not let it develop into that "obsession" feeling which just mounts and mounts and is really not where any of us want to be!
But good to get to the end of day 26 anyway...
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Hi Briansy!
I don't know if the association with drinking ever fully goes away, but I can assure you that the voice inside telling you to drink chirps up less often and becomes less powerful over time. I can also promise from experience that Indian food is still delicious without alcohol
Glad you're enjoying the open. Golf isn't really my thing but my parents live just a little bit around the coast from where it's happening and they keep filling me in on all the gossip about the celebs who have come to visit. Quite funny!
I don't know if the association with drinking ever fully goes away, but I can assure you that the voice inside telling you to drink chirps up less often and becomes less powerful over time. I can also promise from experience that Indian food is still delicious without alcohol
Glad you're enjoying the open. Golf isn't really my thing but my parents live just a little bit around the coast from where it's happening and they keep filling me in on all the gossip about the celebs who have come to visit. Quite funny!
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Originally Posted by August252015
How are you today? What's on your usually full calendar? Enjoy today.
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Well, I drank yesterday. Classic scenario of spending all day on my own and having a stressful work situation - nothing more than an excuse to drink and to block it all out - but certainly not ideal conditions when trying to resist the urge. And because I knew it wasn't the right thing to do I didn't even relax and let myself enjoy it. But that's actually a good thing, not a bad one. I'm not beating myself up over it but trying to assess what I can learn from it. Pounding sugar as a substitute because "at least I'm not drinking" is not good enough. And, weirdly, being in social situations is actually helping me stay sober and not the other way around. It's when I'm on my own with my thoughts that things get skewed. There are other things too. But the last 5 weeks have been great and have set the tone for my future sobriety. Being in many situations where others drank and feeling relaxed. Generally being more content and comfortable in my own skin. One day of drinking doesn't change that it out me back to square one. Just as the descent into the bad place isn't linear, neither is the ascent out of it. So onwards and upwards.
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I know that space of being led by the nose to something I know I shouldn't do but I do it anyway for the relief of continually having to struggle. When I was drinking it was a daily struggle of waking, resolving not to drink that day and by late afternoon giving in to that sucking hole in the gut. What made a difference in the early days of sobriety, after having admitted powerlessness of course and starting to wrestle with the ego, was to when I came to that fork where I could choose to drink or not was to go to an aa meeting. In time the habit becomes to make the right choice.
Having made the wrong choice it gets a bit tough because it can seem not so bad, but, particularly if something like cocaine is involved, it's a really slippery slope and the possibility is you might not be back here for a long time if at all. Have you got a sponsor or someone like that. You sound like someone who might need that. Don't entirely depend on a strong will and intellect.
Having made the wrong choice it gets a bit tough because it can seem not so bad, but, particularly if something like cocaine is involved, it's a really slippery slope and the possibility is you might not be back here for a long time if at all. Have you got a sponsor or someone like that. You sound like someone who might need that. Don't entirely depend on a strong will and intellect.
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Hi Grymt, I gave AA a very good go last year and it wasn't for me. I can say that with 100% certainty. And I can also say that I have had good support. Here to some extent but mainly from a girl I am spending a lot of time with who lost her sister to alcohol - she actually has stopped also - only very partially in solidarity with me but mainly as she genuinely sees no point in it and realises it's adding nothing. I would be lying to myself if I said I drank because I didn't have the right support. In fact, I generally find that saying: "I drank because I didn't do X well enough" is not good for me or my mindset. I found that a little bit with AA when my sponsor would say: "well, guess you didn't work the programme well enough"! The fact is I was consuming AA materials morning noon and night! But the reality is that, for me, nothing external was going to solve my problems, it had to come from within. Although I will caveat that by saying Annie Grace has totally transformed my mindset for the better.
Like I said in my last post, I view the stint I have just come off as really successful in terms of getting "reps" and being happy sober. I had a blip, I didn't enjoy it, I don't feel very well today and I'll move on with building the contented, fulfilling life that I have had glimpses of these past 5 weeks. But I think an important part of it is checking in here and feeling accountable. What I regret doing is not posting here yesterday. But no point dwelling!
Like I said in my last post, I view the stint I have just come off as really successful in terms of getting "reps" and being happy sober. I had a blip, I didn't enjoy it, I don't feel very well today and I'll move on with building the contented, fulfilling life that I have had glimpses of these past 5 weeks. But I think an important part of it is checking in here and feeling accountable. What I regret doing is not posting here yesterday. But no point dwelling!
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Ok. Good.
I just want to say, and that's not saying you have to do this or that, watch that ego.
Also make sure you depend on the dependable. What happens if your friend disappears one day and you are alone again. Just you and your thoughts. Please, next time logon here first.
Cheers.
I just want to say, and that's not saying you have to do this or that, watch that ego.
Also make sure you depend on the dependable. What happens if your friend disappears one day and you are alone again. Just you and your thoughts. Please, next time logon here first.
Cheers.
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Originally Posted by Grymt
Ok. Good.
I just want to say, and that's not saying you have to do this or that, watch that ego.
Cheers.
I just want to say, and that's not saying you have to do this or that, watch that ego.
Cheers.
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Hey Briansy - glad you shared. Not sure what "reps" means....echo Grymt's concern about depending on others/right people....another person is always a gamble, opposite people more so, and someone who sounds like they are kinda trying out sobriety even more so...for those of us in newly (and relapsing) sobriety. Ego around things we don't think are ego-based creep up so easily. Just cautionary words for you my friend.
My usual question- what you are up to today? Further changes to your plan so that "blip" or such misnomers for "I drank" are erased from your vocab?
My usual question- what you are up to today? Further changes to your plan so that "blip" or such misnomers for "I drank" are erased from your vocab?
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Originally Posted by Briansy
I hear you and it's a very valid point. I just feel like it's right for me to frame all of this in positive terms. And I know you probably get that. Ugh, I have the withdrawal anxiety today. Very unpleasant. But it will pass...
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Originally Posted by August252015
Hey Briansy - glad you shared. Not sure what "reps" means....echo Grymt's concern about depending on others/right people....another person is always a gamble, opposite people more so, and someone who sounds like they are kinda trying out sobriety even more so...for those of us in newly (and relapsing) sobriety. Ego around things we don't think are ego-based creep up so easily. Just cautionary words for you my friend.
My usual question- what you are up to today? Further changes to your plan so that "blip" or such misnomers for "I drank" are erased from your vocab?
My usual question- what you are up to today? Further changes to your plan so that "blip" or such misnomers for "I drank" are erased from your vocab?
I am at work currently and doing very little. Today we pushed the button on a major business decision and we are sitting at our desks awaiting the fall out. That was always the way this day was going to pan out but I didn't expect dealing with the fallout of drinking to be part of it. I am meeting that friend again later for a vegan dinner because I didn't want to go back to the scene of the crime after work.
As for the support aspect. Yeah. I guess she is my main support and it's a weird relationship. I think it's good for me in many ways but it is just one person. But the reality is that it's hard to get really good quality support from multiple sources. I found that AA meetings which on the face of it were there for support, often felt a bit empty to me. Everyone in there seemed to be inside their own head. And I certainly wouldn't say that I am reliant on that person to maintain sobriety - but an objective observer may say differently.
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Originally Posted by dpac414
Hey Briansy, just wondering how you’re doing? Did you drink again or nah?
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