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Old 06-22-2019, 11:28 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Sohard,

Such a good result, but I agree with Dee that you should think about ways to avoid getting that close, and what got you there. For me, its all about remembering that I cannot stop once I start (abstience truly is not control) and it would be back to the constant debate about when where how and how much, and the guilt that I will feel would be overwhelming.

You know your AV, but I dont understand the listerine thing for the reason Sass suggests, plus you dont even drink it. I use it all the time.

Keepa Go
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Old 06-23-2019, 04:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Dropsie View Post
Sohard,

Such a good result, but I agree with Dee that you should think about ways to avoid getting that close, and what got you there. For me, its all about remembering that I cannot stop once I start (abstience truly is not control) and it would be back to the constant debate about when where how and how much, and the guilt that I will feel would be overwhelming.

You know your AV, but I dont understand the listerine thing for the reason Sass suggests, plus you dont even drink it. I use it all the time.

Keepa Go
God I hate that “constant debate”. It is life draining!
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Old 06-23-2019, 11:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post

God I hate that “constant debate”. It is life draining!
I promise you that there will be 1 day...then 2.... and 3 and 5 and then 15,.... 45, then 79,and then maybe 187, all the way to and past 362 when that debate won't have any more meaning because you will have lost all desire to drink.

It will be as absurd for you to want to drink alcohol as it would be for you to want to drink bleach.

Hang in there, you're doing great.
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Old 06-24-2019, 05:47 AM
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Old 06-24-2019, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post

God I hate that “constant debate”. It is life draining!
Yes, I hated it too. Just saying "NO" to alcohol in every form every time is actually far less draining. The decision is made, so no energy is required to "decide" to stay sober. It's the default. . .
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Old 06-24-2019, 05:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post

God I hate that “constant debate”. It is life draining!
That’s just it really.

I think that’s where the peace comes from. The debate finally quiets down to silence.
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Old 06-24-2019, 06:07 PM
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Congratulations Sohard, another week and you'll have 2 months. You're doing really well, keep going. xx
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:44 PM
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I’m excited to be coming up on 2 months.

Some thoughts. When I think of being addicted to alcohol, my first thought is “what!? I turned out to be an alcoholic!?!?” I know this is because what I thought of alcoholics when I was growing up was just NOT GOOD. They were immoral, lazy, irresponsible, not family oriented, etc.

I, however, am moral, hardworking, responsible, family oriented, etc.

So, if I think about alcoholics the way the media and world fed them to me my whole life, then it actually weirdly encourages me to drink, because I know but I am NOT any of those attributes I was fed. I am neither immoral, lazy, irresponsible, or not family oriented. SO, I guess I CAN drink, I think to myself.

And that is not good at all.

So, I have to actively, daily, sometimes hourly remind myself what I believe to be true. And that is that the term alcoholic has been so stigmatized and twisted to now make it so damaging and, to me, dangerous. I simply cannot identify with it. Instead, I think of myself as an addict. I was taught all along the dangers of addiction. My first president when I was a kid (actually Ronald Reagan and his wife) spear headed the “just say no!” to drugs campaign. Firefighters were invited into my school to teach us kiddos about it, Fried eggs were cracked on burning pans in commercials, warning me that “this is your brain on drugs”. People understood addiction is a curse. At least in my judgement and amongst my peers/family, we might have judged the initial indulgence in a serious drug (“why would anyone take insert-drug-here!?l” we might have wondered), but we didn’t judge the continued taking of it once addicted. We understood or at least did not judge the addiction. Addiction was scary and powerful.

Now I really get from my own hellish experience with cigarettes and alcohol what addiction is. I understand that it is a chemical thing that is happening in the brain. I understand that drinking again just once starts the obsession and craving back up and going. I understand it is not a personality trait but a reality of the brain. I understand that firefighters should have been discussing alcohol and so should have the commercials. I understand that society should say “drugs” not “drugs and alcohol”. Alcoholics IS a drug, why is anyone implying it is not?I understand all of this, and I remind myself of it all the time. If I think of myself as an alcoholic, I know that is not what I am. I am, however addicted to a drug. My family/friends and I might have said “why would anyone take insert-drug-here and risk addiction!?”, but none of us ever said “why would anyone try alcohol and risk addiction!?” It was such a blind spot.

So, to me, I'm an addict, not an alcoholic. The difference keeps me from drinking.

Just some thoughts.
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Old 06-25-2019, 05:47 PM
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Whatever works to keep you sober, keep doing it.
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Old 06-26-2019, 12:03 PM
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The alcoholic term is just a loaded word. I use it because it helps me, I don’t like being one (even though it’s undeniable) so I stay sober. The fact that I’d rather not be one does not in any way shape or form make me want to drink. I’m much less alcoholic when I don’t.

If it doesn’t help you, focus on your quality of life as a drinker vs as a sober person. What happens when you drink? If you don’t like how it always ends up, don’t drink.

Label or no label the end result is the same.

Lots of folks decrying labels within the younger population. Consider the term “bisexual” vs the term “pansexual.” The latter is a much more human, more sensitive term. Words we use to describe ourselves change over time.

Docs wouldn’t call you an alcoholic, actually. They’d put “alcohol use disorder” in your chart.
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Old 06-26-2019, 02:11 PM
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Old 06-26-2019, 06:50 PM
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'grats on 2 months sohard

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Old 06-27-2019, 01:10 PM
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My family (mom, sister, brother-in-law, etc.) are all wine drinkers. I’m not going to drink, but I miss sitting around and drinking with them when we are all together. As everyone gets a nice wine buzz, I’m such a sober bore. I don’t laugh as much as I used to. I feel left out. I’m not as much fun (this isn’t in my head, it’s been confirmed). No one wants me to drink again (they can stop, after they go to bed I would always continued until I blacked out and passed out). I miss contributing to the fun. I really do. Again, I’m not going to drink. But I’m visit family for 2 weeks and it’s just not as fun anymore. I find myself going to bed at 8:30 instead of drinking and laughing with them until they used to go to bed at 10ish and I would keep going. I even liked zoning out in front of the tv with wine solo after they went to bed. I looked fwd to night. Now I just end the day. It’s strange.
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Old 06-27-2019, 05:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
My family (mom, sister, brother-in-law, etc.) are all wine drinkers. I’m not going to drink, but I miss sitting around and drinking with them when we are all together. As everyone gets a nice wine buzz, I’m such a sober bore. I don’t laugh as much as I used to. I feel left out. I’m not as much fun (this isn’t in my head, it’s been confirmed). No one wants me to drink again (they can stop, after they go to bed I would always continued until I blacked out and passed out). I miss contributing to the fun. I really do. Again, I’m not going to drink. But I’m visit family for 2 weeks and it’s just not as fun anymore. I find myself going to bed at 8:30 instead of drinking and laughing with them until they used to go to bed at 10ish and I would keep going. I even liked zoning out in front of the tv with wine solo after they went to bed. I looked fwd to night. Now I just end the day. It’s strange.
It’s an entirely different way of living life. I know exactly what you’re saying. Sobriety means feeling uncomfortable for a long time. Once the cravings lessen and drinking becomes unimportant in your life, you’ll find you laugh easier, you start joking with people again, you’ll have a quick smile once more. It will feel like before. I didn’t believe it would ever happen, I thought I’d be stiff as cardboard for an eternity.

But I relaxed once the cravings left me. The wanting it, the desire to drink in company, it feeds resentment and martyrdom and the mental work of it all; well, that really gets in the way of social enjoyment.

I can’t say when it got better...
Maybe about 14-18 months in? I had a great time at the boozy Xmas party sans booze this last Xmas...(15 months) but gritted my teeth through the first party, sat in my chair, didn’t mingle, didn’t talk at the first Xmas party (3 months in). My first summer vacation I moped and binged on sugar (8 months in) but this summer vacation (22 months in) I expect to have a fun time.

After a year it becomes almost exponentially better, which surprised me. Because when you’ve been sober a year you kinda feel like you’ll always feel that way, but no.....it keeps getting better.

Bulldog is at 3 years and he is making huge physical and fitness strides that I still struggle with a bit...I’ve seen others at 3 years make these same fitness strides so I too am waiting for more milestones in my own journey.

I’ve heard 5 years is awesome....that will be cool, looking forward to the five year mark also.

You will feel better with your family. How you feel now is not how you’ll feel forever.

You’re killing it, even it doesn’t feel like you are, we can see you nailing this thing.
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Old 06-27-2019, 06:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
It’s an entirely different way of living life. I know exactly what you’re saying. Sobriety means feeling uncomfortable for a long time. Once the cravings lessen and drinking becomes unimportant in your life, you’ll find you laugh easier, you start joking with people again, you’ll have a quick smile once more. It will feel like before. I didn’t believe it would ever happen, I thought I’d be stiff as cardboard for an eternity.

But I relaxed once the cravings left me. The wanting it, the desire to drink in company, it feeds resentment and martyrdom and the mental work of it all; well, that really gets in the way of social enjoyment.

I can’t say when it got better...
Maybe about 14-18 months in? I had a great time at the boozy Xmas party sans booze this last Xmas...(15 months) but gritted my teeth through the first party, sat in my chair, didn’t mingle, didn’t talk at the first Xmas party (3 months in). My first summer vacation I moped and binged on sugar (8 months in) but this summer vacation (22 months in) I expect to have a fun time.

After a year it becomes almost exponentially better, which surprised me. Because when you’ve been sober a year you kinda feel like you’ll always feel that way, but no.....it keeps getting better.

Bulldog is at 3 years and he is making huge physical and fitness strides that I still struggle with a bit...I’ve seen others at 3 years make these same fitness strides so I too am waiting for more milestones in my own journey.

I’ve heard 5 years is awesome....that will be cool, looking forward to the five year mark also.

You will feel better with your family. How you feel now is not how you’ll feel forever.

You’re killing it, even it doesn’t feel like you are, we can see you nailing this thing.
Thank you so much for your support always. It is appreciated.
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Old 06-27-2019, 11:37 PM
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I think for me, I was sort of "in shock" for the first 10 months or so.

If I break it down to it's most basic gut reaction, recovery has sort of been like this...

1-6 months ...Holy *****, I'M GONNA LIVE?!..I need to throw myself into sobriety like a man possessed with a new passion for life...HOW DO I DO THIS??? Everything is RAW. Time to gut up. I was terrified.

6-10 months...this**** is hard....(sarcastically)...I KNOW....I don't drink under any and all circumstances....when does it get better? My brain was tremendously overloaded with information and emotions. It truly felt like sensory over load. I'm grumpy, but resolute. I can barely manage day to day stuff. I'm a mess.

10-12...I'm sooooooooo tired. It was around this time when my brain stopped running to alcohol or relapse every time i felt an emotion. I didn't realize that until it was pointed out to me by my wife.

12 month anniversary...WOW......OMG OMG OMG....WOW...maybe I can do this...

12-15 months....ummmmm.......*****......there is so much to be done. I gotta figure out how to learn to "live" again. It was right around here where I had an epiphany that my first year was learning how to survive...year 2 was gonna be about figuring out "life"

15-24 months...I was on a sobriety tear. Everything was getting easy and I was full of gratitude and just in a full on sprint.

2 years....I've never been sober this long. **** everything not about recovery.

2-3 years, I gained a lot of strength. I worked on me a lot more emotionally. I was repairing relationships and I needed to figure out who I was and what i wanted. Holy **** I'm FAT!!

3 years....Time to stop treading water and do some life changing stuff. I lost about 80 pounds and started to get my career back on path. I still struggle with the fitness stuff. I'm always dieting or working out. I'm always sore....Maintaining anything is always harder than getting there. I have my dream job back, and I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to.

Now...look at what I wrote...life got better.

You're doing great. You're here talking every day and I get the sense this is it for you. All I can say is I'm so glad you made the decision to get back to living. This life we embrace, both the good and bad is so much better than the alternative. I'm excited about the future.
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Old 06-28-2019, 12:53 AM
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glad to read your thread and see how you are, SoHard!

Some great shares above about how things change and evolve, and fun and ease enter our lives.

What is your recovery program?
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Old 06-28-2019, 10:17 AM
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I have had an experience similar to Sassy--what started out as forced, uncomfortable, and difficult form me in terms of "sober socializing" has become better than before when I drank.

The biggest thing is I listen a lot more and talk much less. I ask people questions, and follow up with comments and more questions, and actually focus on their answers, making eye contact, and really being there in the moment. I didn't do that nearly as much when I drank. I wanted to be witty, make people laugh, and that has become far less important to me in sobriety.

I think I have very few social connections these days, but the ones I have are actually meaningful and not as superficial. I like it better.
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Old 06-28-2019, 01:38 PM
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Good job on not boozing trust me your not missing anything
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Old 06-28-2019, 03:27 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
How's your doggie?
I forgot to reply to this...she (Josie!) is great. A true life saver. I wouldn’t have been able to have her love or give her love if I was still drinking. I’m really lucky to have her. She is a little rescue beagle who could not be cuter if she tried. Thank you for asking!
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