JPA

tomsteve

i started drinking when i was 13. got sober at 36.i had no clue what life sober was. early recovery wasnt sunshine,daiseys, and sparkle fartin unicorns. no pink clouds. no quick fix.
i was a miserable wreck.
i trudged. fought the mental obession with everything i had because i had faith in those that went before me- those ones that said that as long as i put in the footwork to change and didnt drink even when my ass was falling of, I would get better.
dam glad i trudged, fought the mental obsession, didnt drink even when my ass was fallin off, and put in the footwork to change. in doing so I got better-mentally,emotionally, and spiritually.
i havent had a drink(or drug) since my last drunk-4/21/05 and my life got better,too. that doesnt mean i eventually had sunshine, daisies, and sparkle fartin unicorns. in fact, i was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma about 13 months in. then fought for my life for the next 2 1/2 years. all kinds of lasting side effects from when i went through during those 2 1/2 years. but my life STILL rocks!
ill take my worst day sober over my best day drunk any day.

otter

I find sober life much better.

Once I would get a few drinks in me, I'm stuck in my house not being able to drive unless I want to risk a DWI. Then I'd wake up the next day and have to have a drink to get rid of the shakes, dry heaves, inability to eat and anxiety.

Restart cycle.

It also take more than 8 days to fully get over abusing yourself.

August252015

It is the best way I can imagine living now, and I was given a yr, 18 mo if I didn't quit. I was 39 and now I'm 43. Best 3.5 yr of my life so far. It takes commitment to staying sober permanently, effort and it can become your norm, too. Up to you.

Dee74

Hi JPA
The sober life is the life I was always meant to lead.

You can paralyse yourself with what ifs, but sober life is better in every way.

I thought I'd lose who I was without booze but the crazy thing is that sober I feel authentically me. I could never say that as a drinker.

It's hard to change but no harder than the crazy drunk life we led.
I hope to find the courage to go for it

D

One23

It's a lot better. And this is coming from a negative, angry, worrier with too intense feelings (myself). My biggest fear of getting sober was not being able to survive my feelings or thoughts.

Anyone who holds on enough will undoubtedly tell you it's better. I personally enjoy love waking up refreshed, having food, clothing, and shelter.

Now for all those scary things I did not want to deal with. I had to find guidance and support that worked for me so i would feel less alien and afraid, then I was able to say it has gotten better. I was very slow with what many consider actual "recovery", but it didn't take long to realize that no booze/drugs was the best choice. Withdrawals are a mutha ... but we only have to go through it once.

least

It took me several months sober before I was feeling 'better'. But my life now is so much better than my drinking life was. The best part is waking up every day feeling good. I used to wake up feeling horrible and hating myself and wishing I were dead. Those days are gone and I'm never going back to drinking.

MyLittleHorsie

I love life sober. I will never go back to booze.

Before I got sober, I would do dry months. Anybody can do anything for a month. I read that somewhere and it stuck, true or not, whatever. So when I finally decided to never drink again, it was during a dry month. It started as a month, went to six weeks, three month, a year...
Try being sober for a month, see how you feel, then go from there.

Grymt

Boozing ends up being all about not feeling just how sick you really are.

Becoming not sick means allowing the sickness to pass away unhindered. No more pushing it back deep inside and whenever it raises its nauseating head it's forced back inside with drugs and booze.

Naturally when you stop denying the sickness it reveals itself.

The feelings of the sickness is how getting well feels.

In time the intensity of it lessens and it fades away. The result is well worth it.

doggonecarl

You could quit drinking and still be miserable. Why? Because there is more to enjoying the sober life than putting down the drink. Some of us, like me, had to learn how to live sober first. Loving the sober life came second.

I say if you aren't too impatient, give sobriety the time it needs, and devote yourself to your recovery, there is a good chance you will enjoy life.

fini

well, you are not enjoying your life drunk.
when sober, and staying that way, you have the chance at your life being better, and/or much better.
a chance you don’t have now.

so the odds are in your favour

i think of it not so much as life being better as such, but as me being better in it.

nightshade131

If you are questioning your life now you are already 3/4 of the way to admitting that your drinking is not working for you. The last 1/4 is about your personal commitment to ditch it and take back control of your life.
Remember too, we never became drunks overnight, so too recovery will not happen overnight. You have to learn to put yourself first and not your AV

ColoradoRocky

It sounds to me as if you are trying to bargain your way out of -- and back into -- drinking. "I'll stop drinking but only if I know life gets better."

What do you mean by a "better" life? And what happens if life gets "worse" as in you hit a really rough patch? Then you go back to drinking because life didn't keep up it's end of the bargain?

Nobody promised me a better life. They told me if I stopped drinking my life would change. That was enough for me.

Obladi

If nothing else, leaving the compulsion behind will be a great relief. Along with it, you'll leave many other things behind, at least in regard to the negative aspects of being a problem drinker. For me, those included lying, sneakiness, guilt, digestive issues, feeling that special brand of drunk maudlin, worry about being detected, driving when I shouldn't, having to figure out how to dispose of the empties... Probably more, but you get the drift. To me, that in and of itself is a better life.

O

August252015

Well said, all of this!!

Briansy

I am noone to talk about long term sobriety, but I will say one thing that I think might help. In the process of making a genuine attempt at giving up alcohol for good (this has involved several relapses), I wrestled with the sense of "deprivation" for a long time. Each attempt at quitting was followed by a period of mourning - that all of the goodness in life would be gone - the laughing and joking with friends, crazy nights out - really "connecting" with people - that, because of my own actions, I would have to accept a life that was inferior to the one I had created before my drinking got out of control. This was all nonsense of course, as any long term sober person here will tell you.

Slowly but surely, this feeling faded and I can honestly say that recent relapses had nothing to do with me feeling like my life was incomplete without alcohol and everything to do with the fact that my brain had become so accustomed to the presence of alcohol in certain situations that it continued to seek it out despite my knowing absolutely NO good can come of it. Grappling with the "beast" - the unconscious mid-brain is tough but with repeated effort, experience and just time, it gets easier.

I have had some really lovely periods of sobriety over the last few months. I'm into my 4th week and that hopeless feeling of being damned if I do and damned if I don't when trying to quit alcohol is gone. I now know that only good things will come if I stay quit - I've had several tastes of what that can look like - it took a couple of years to get there but that mindset absolutely shifted. One thing that has helped hugely is genuinely observing what other people around me were drinking - this idea that EVERYONE drank just wasn't the case and those that did, drank so much less than my addicted brain would have given them credit for in my darkest times. These happy, well adjusted people are happy despite their drinking (which isn't at problem level) and not because of it.

One final thought: what is keeping me committed to staying quit and, if I relapse again getting back up, is the knowledge that if I start up drinking again then I am effectively hitting the pause button on my life. Back to looking and feeling like crap, back to hiding from people, back to being constantly afraid. Back to needing an entire week to recover from a session. Back to not living in the "real" world. The sober you (the one who has gotten past the detox and that deprived feeling) is the real you. And your real friends will know that and support you through it.

Says me, the sage!!!!

SnazzyDresser

You might as well look at living sober vs. being a drunk in this frame: Is life, with all its infinite possibilities, better than the sullen one-note finality of death? I'd say so, yes. No question, not even close!

ScottFromWI

It's just my personal opinion of course, but I can unquestionably say that there is not a single facet of my life that isn't better or more enjoyable since I quit drinking. My health ( both mental and physical ) , my work, my relationships, my financial status, every one of those things has improved and there's no possible way it could have happened if I was still drinking.

One thing I did have to change though was my definition or perception of what "enjoying life" really means. For many addicts, enjoying life=being drunk or high. And for most of us, that was a result of us trying to avoid the things that don't feel good. And unfortunately, all of those things that we avoided are still right there when we quit drinking/using. Many times they are worse in fact, and largely because we've neglected them so long by our escapism.

There's no sugar coating it - withdrawals suck. The first few weeks after quitting any substance are very unpleasant, both from a mental and physical perspective. Sometimes it can last months depending on how much damage we did. I drank every day for over 25 years, so to think that a couple weeks sober would cure all that ails me was follly - but I did think it at the time.

As others have mentioned, it's going to be hard work - likely one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. You will have to do many things you don't want to do, and make major changes to your lifestyle. You may need to address physical health issues with a doctor. You possibly might need to addresss mental heath issues with a professional. You will likely have to make some changes to the people you surround yourself with and the places you hang out.

But at the end of the day, you will never even have the chance to address any of those issues if you keep drinking. Kind of like bailing out a boat with a 5 gallon bucket that is taking on 5.1 gallons of water with every cycle....just keeps sinking slowly further and further.

Plug that hole in the boat and there's no limit to where you can go.

doggonecarl

So what do you say, JPA? Ready to walk through that dark tunnel? We can try to convince you all you want, but that first step has to be taken by you.

ColoradoRocky

This is what's known as "Experience, Strength, and Hope."

Thank you.