The things I remember, or (don't remember)
 

I sitting here thinking about the joys of alcoholism. Getting so smashed the night before that you black out. Hmm, let's see. Your friends calling you and saying, don't you remember what you did to so and so last night?
Your neighbor coming over and knocking on your door, hey man, you owe my wife an apology?
Your wife, or husband...good grief honey you were out of control last night. You scare me?
Your arm, leg or some body part is bruised and you have know idea how it got there.
The money you keep in your pocket is down to a few dollars??
The car is not in the driveway?
The list goes on and on. Alcoholism just sucks. At the moment I don't any other word for it.
Stay sober my friends. There's nothing good about drinking if your an alcoholic.
And I know I am. Plan and simple!

This is my number 1 reason for staying sober. When Im sober Im really well behaved ..a bit of a lady I suppose. That means I was horrified at conversations like that. They traumatised me soooooooooooo much. Nobody and I mean nobody is going to say that to me again. Now its just a matter of recovering from the times they did say it cos I have a head full of horrible and painful memories. Blackouts are a form of hell. Im100% convinced of it.

No. I havent read it but Im going to now! Yes I do tend to talk about blackouts because there is a lot of trauma there. Anyway Im stable on my psych meds now so hopefully I will never see another one. My heart goes out to anyone who is still surfing the waves of blackout hell. Its the stuff of nightmares.

Towards the end I was just a maintenance drinker so I always remembered everything but I used to black out all the of the time when I was younger.

That feeling of absolute dread waking up in bed and not remembering anything from the night before, discovering you have a million messages on your phone or even worse it's missing, the anxiety and panic setting in, people being weird with you the next day and wondering what you did to offend them.

Blackouts scare me so much.. the fact you can still be fully functioning to where your body is moving, you can speak and walk around but your brain has effectively gone to sleep is terrifying!

It bloody is terrifying and so incredibly dangerous. I look back now and cant believe I did that for so long. Im lucky to be alive. Never Never again and I MEAN that with all my heart.

At last 999 I took your advice and bought the book Drunk mom. Those blackout stories are scary. They took me right back in time. A very good book but a very vivid one. Not one for those who are easily upset but it would be a good relapse prevention book because it would scare you away from drink.