Help me find the missing piece?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 3
Help me find the missing piece?
Sorry, long post... appreciate your time.
I drink far too much. I remember having the realisation when I was 22 that I had basically been drinking heavily for 5 years, and that was shocking. It has not really changed since then however, and yesterday I turned 38, so that number is now 20 years.
I have had varying levels of concern about my habits, which have been varyingly severe over the years. I know it's a problem and I know I want to stop it. I’m trying to drill down to the root cause of something I know I don’t want to do, which I know is destroying my health, future, and that I know is a major contributor to most of my problems, and preventing from achieving most of what I want to achieve.
I have tried to identify my triggers, or points where wanting to drink overrides all my other thinking. I think I have done that, but knowing it doesn’t seem to help.
Arguments with my partner were a trigger in the past, but we have worked on this (without my drinking being a focus, as such) and, happily, this rarely happens now.
Feelings of depression, sadness, pointlessness etc disable my will power and positivity, leaving me craving something to help me feel normal/OK again for a while. I understand the resulting hangover only intensifies the negative feelings, feeding into a vicious cycle, but knowing this doesn’t help when its a choice between feeling like a piece of **** on the shoe of an unjust, selfish, ignorant, stupid world right now, or taking some respite and feeling that tomorrow (as I would anyway).
I try to focus on positive actions. I’m learning a new skill that I hope might lead to a new career, and i feel excited by this possibility, although I know I am a long, long way from achieving that, and that most people don’t. I am reading more, exercising regularly, I have a loving partner and paternal family, and an OK life, and although I don’t see much for the future the present is OK. Better than for a lot of people. Although I am prone to deep dark depressions, a can rationally see that my life is not terrible. Far from it.
This weekend I drank 2 bottles of gin alone. On Sunday I felt like **** all day. I suffered my way through a very sweet birthday meal organised by my partner. I came home, studied for several hours then got an early night (with the standard night sweats that accompany a non drinking day). On Monday I felt good. I felt strong and determined and felt I had turned a corner. I heard the usual internal arguments and ******** but confidently dismissed them as irrelevant to the new me.
I had decided: I don’t drink anymore. not ‘I’m stopping’ or ‘I’m cutting down’. I felt it strongly and clearly. I am done with this. I want this new life. I was in a great mood all day, achieved loads that day, didn’t even think about drinking.
Next day (yesterday) I went to work and throughout the day I was firm and happy in my decision. All day long, until around 3pm, when some ‘voices’ started creeping in again. It didn’t help that it was my birthday that day, but there is always something that can be used as an excuse. I was proud of using my birthday as a motivator to do something positive for the future, but then came the ‘ideas’: just get a couple of beers - its your b.day; or just a small bottle of vodka, (because vodka is a “clean” drink).
I left work and driving home realised it was decision time. What do I do now. I couldn’t make a firm choice anymore. I didn’t want to go home with alcohol, but I didn’t want to go home without it either. I wanted to just keep driving indefinitely, hoping something would come to me and make sense, but it was 5.30, stupid traffic and I don’t have money to burn fuel for no reason (UK - 1 gallon of fuel = 1 hour pay) so I pulled into the carpark of my local supermarket. I sat there in the car for about 20 mins trying to talk myself into one thing or the other. Actually i just sat there.
Eventually i went inside and bought a bottle (700ml) of vodka. [edit- as I said fuel = 1hr pay i should say vodka = 2hrs pay] I drink almost all of it last night and woke up this morning feeling like **** again and disappointed with myself. I have today off work and had planned so many things that need to be done around the place, but it’s pissing rain outside and my head was full of broken glass. I tried paracetamol, ibuprofen, CBD, tea, water, until eventually I took the remains of the vodka, mixed it in a tall glass and drank it.
Almost immediately I felt better. I started on my to-do list, but I knew that soon the nagging feeling would come back - get some more. make it even better!! I expected it and didn’t want to fall for it. I ignored it, and began reading a book I have been enjoying, but I became distracted so picked up another one, but after couple of hours the feeling was not going anywhere, so I went to the shop to buy a small bottle of vodka, and came home with a large one. [edit - I can pinpoint the moment I decided that. I was cycling into the wind and rain and let the thought “Fuck this” take control.]
So here I am, 2pm on a Wednesday, pretty buzzed, trying to work out what it is I need to change, or do, or work on to get out of this cycle.
The story above is not unusual. I have been through this before, but I have never felt the intense belief that I did on Monday that I was finished with it for good. That is what makes the drink by my side all the more crushing.
Ive looked at some of the post here. They describe how great it is to be sober, or how bad it is not to be. I am on-board with that, but I really need help on how to flick that switch, or to … I don’t know what.
[edit - Reading this back, it sounds like depressive feelings are a root cause. The problem is, I feel I can rationally explain the reasons for feeling without hope for the future. It is true that greed and ignorance are destroying the world around us, and that opportunities are largely limited to those who already have money. (I’ll stop here or this will become a rant!!)]
If anything here has chimed with any kindly soul who can suggest something, or open a dialogue, I would be grateful for your input.
Thanks.
I drink far too much. I remember having the realisation when I was 22 that I had basically been drinking heavily for 5 years, and that was shocking. It has not really changed since then however, and yesterday I turned 38, so that number is now 20 years.
I have had varying levels of concern about my habits, which have been varyingly severe over the years. I know it's a problem and I know I want to stop it. I’m trying to drill down to the root cause of something I know I don’t want to do, which I know is destroying my health, future, and that I know is a major contributor to most of my problems, and preventing from achieving most of what I want to achieve.
I have tried to identify my triggers, or points where wanting to drink overrides all my other thinking. I think I have done that, but knowing it doesn’t seem to help.
Arguments with my partner were a trigger in the past, but we have worked on this (without my drinking being a focus, as such) and, happily, this rarely happens now.
Feelings of depression, sadness, pointlessness etc disable my will power and positivity, leaving me craving something to help me feel normal/OK again for a while. I understand the resulting hangover only intensifies the negative feelings, feeding into a vicious cycle, but knowing this doesn’t help when its a choice between feeling like a piece of **** on the shoe of an unjust, selfish, ignorant, stupid world right now, or taking some respite and feeling that tomorrow (as I would anyway).
I try to focus on positive actions. I’m learning a new skill that I hope might lead to a new career, and i feel excited by this possibility, although I know I am a long, long way from achieving that, and that most people don’t. I am reading more, exercising regularly, I have a loving partner and paternal family, and an OK life, and although I don’t see much for the future the present is OK. Better than for a lot of people. Although I am prone to deep dark depressions, a can rationally see that my life is not terrible. Far from it.
This weekend I drank 2 bottles of gin alone. On Sunday I felt like **** all day. I suffered my way through a very sweet birthday meal organised by my partner. I came home, studied for several hours then got an early night (with the standard night sweats that accompany a non drinking day). On Monday I felt good. I felt strong and determined and felt I had turned a corner. I heard the usual internal arguments and ******** but confidently dismissed them as irrelevant to the new me.
I had decided: I don’t drink anymore. not ‘I’m stopping’ or ‘I’m cutting down’. I felt it strongly and clearly. I am done with this. I want this new life. I was in a great mood all day, achieved loads that day, didn’t even think about drinking.
Next day (yesterday) I went to work and throughout the day I was firm and happy in my decision. All day long, until around 3pm, when some ‘voices’ started creeping in again. It didn’t help that it was my birthday that day, but there is always something that can be used as an excuse. I was proud of using my birthday as a motivator to do something positive for the future, but then came the ‘ideas’: just get a couple of beers - its your b.day; or just a small bottle of vodka, (because vodka is a “clean” drink).
I left work and driving home realised it was decision time. What do I do now. I couldn’t make a firm choice anymore. I didn’t want to go home with alcohol, but I didn’t want to go home without it either. I wanted to just keep driving indefinitely, hoping something would come to me and make sense, but it was 5.30, stupid traffic and I don’t have money to burn fuel for no reason (UK - 1 gallon of fuel = 1 hour pay) so I pulled into the carpark of my local supermarket. I sat there in the car for about 20 mins trying to talk myself into one thing or the other. Actually i just sat there.
Eventually i went inside and bought a bottle (700ml) of vodka. [edit- as I said fuel = 1hr pay i should say vodka = 2hrs pay] I drink almost all of it last night and woke up this morning feeling like **** again and disappointed with myself. I have today off work and had planned so many things that need to be done around the place, but it’s pissing rain outside and my head was full of broken glass. I tried paracetamol, ibuprofen, CBD, tea, water, until eventually I took the remains of the vodka, mixed it in a tall glass and drank it.
Almost immediately I felt better. I started on my to-do list, but I knew that soon the nagging feeling would come back - get some more. make it even better!! I expected it and didn’t want to fall for it. I ignored it, and began reading a book I have been enjoying, but I became distracted so picked up another one, but after couple of hours the feeling was not going anywhere, so I went to the shop to buy a small bottle of vodka, and came home with a large one. [edit - I can pinpoint the moment I decided that. I was cycling into the wind and rain and let the thought “Fuck this” take control.]
So here I am, 2pm on a Wednesday, pretty buzzed, trying to work out what it is I need to change, or do, or work on to get out of this cycle.
The story above is not unusual. I have been through this before, but I have never felt the intense belief that I did on Monday that I was finished with it for good. That is what makes the drink by my side all the more crushing.
Ive looked at some of the post here. They describe how great it is to be sober, or how bad it is not to be. I am on-board with that, but I really need help on how to flick that switch, or to … I don’t know what.
[edit - Reading this back, it sounds like depressive feelings are a root cause. The problem is, I feel I can rationally explain the reasons for feeling without hope for the future. It is true that greed and ignorance are destroying the world around us, and that opportunities are largely limited to those who already have money. (I’ll stop here or this will become a rant!!)]
If anything here has chimed with any kindly soul who can suggest something, or open a dialogue, I would be grateful for your input.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, since you are drinking right now, your addiction is writing that post.
The way out is complete continuous sober time. Healing the brain, moving away from depression/anxiety/obsession only happens in time away from the bottle.
All the "whys" are not important, stopping the drinking is Job #1.
So.
Throw out what you've got. Eat something. Don't buy any more and don't drink any more.
The way out is complete continuous sober time. Healing the brain, moving away from depression/anxiety/obsession only happens in time away from the bottle.
All the "whys" are not important, stopping the drinking is Job #1.
So.
Throw out what you've got. Eat something. Don't buy any more and don't drink any more.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 3
biminiblue
I appreciate your response, but that post was a culmination of months, if not years of private internal thought, and was not easy to write.
To offer a trite, sanctimonious answer (within 2 mins of my posting it) achieved nothing but to, presumably, reinforce your own sense of self righteousness.
Seriously, why are you here? If it was all that simple this site would not need to exist.
I hope you feel good about yourself, and I'm happy for you if you have overcome something so easily that others have real trouble dealing with, and often ,despite knowing the obvious advice that you just pointed out, never do, and die of the problem.
I appreciate your response, but that post was a culmination of months, if not years of private internal thought, and was not easy to write.
To offer a trite, sanctimonious answer (within 2 mins of my posting it) achieved nothing but to, presumably, reinforce your own sense of self righteousness.
Seriously, why are you here? If it was all that simple this site would not need to exist.
I hope you feel good about yourself, and I'm happy for you if you have overcome something so easily that others have real trouble dealing with, and often ,despite knowing the obvious advice that you just pointed out, never do, and die of the problem.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Demijohn and thanks for writing that all out - it can definitely be beneficial to see it all in one place. Since you have asked for some suggestions, I'm happy to offer a few.
First off, you mention "triggers" and causes many times throughout your post. I personally don't feel that one can actually know what causes their addiction - you simply have to accept that you are an addict/alcoholic. Most addicts go t through a phase where the delve deeply into the "root causes" of their addiction, when in fact they are looking for a cure so they can go back to moderated/controlled drinking. I know I did for a long time, years in fact. The only way out for me was to unconditionally proclaim/accept that if I drink any amount of alcohol, bad things will always happen eventually.
That's not to say that most of us don't have underlying issues - depression, anxiety, the list is long. And indeed, some "self medicate" those conditions with alcohol - and it even works sometimes for a little while. But the only way you can ever have a chance to deal with those issues is to stop drinking entirely first. Therapy and meds and everyting else associate with fixing your mental health is ineffective when you are drinking. Alcohol is central nervous system depressant, so if you have depression too of course you are just pouring gasoline on the fire.
The other thing about "triggers" is that they are really just part of life. Family problems, work problems, personal relationship problems, money problems, the list is long and it never goes away. So it's not really possible to avoid them all - the key is that our default reaction is to drink/hide/run away. And its' not really even the alcohol itself that is the main problem - it's our choice to avoid rather than facing the situation head on. And its probably one of the hardest parts about quitting as it signifies really major change in your life. And hard work.
First off, you mention "triggers" and causes many times throughout your post. I personally don't feel that one can actually know what causes their addiction - you simply have to accept that you are an addict/alcoholic. Most addicts go t through a phase where the delve deeply into the "root causes" of their addiction, when in fact they are looking for a cure so they can go back to moderated/controlled drinking. I know I did for a long time, years in fact. The only way out for me was to unconditionally proclaim/accept that if I drink any amount of alcohol, bad things will always happen eventually.
That's not to say that most of us don't have underlying issues - depression, anxiety, the list is long. And indeed, some "self medicate" those conditions with alcohol - and it even works sometimes for a little while. But the only way you can ever have a chance to deal with those issues is to stop drinking entirely first. Therapy and meds and everyting else associate with fixing your mental health is ineffective when you are drinking. Alcohol is central nervous system depressant, so if you have depression too of course you are just pouring gasoline on the fire.
The other thing about "triggers" is that they are really just part of life. Family problems, work problems, personal relationship problems, money problems, the list is long and it never goes away. So it's not really possible to avoid them all - the key is that our default reaction is to drink/hide/run away. And its' not really even the alcohol itself that is the main problem - it's our choice to avoid rather than facing the situation head on. And its probably one of the hardest parts about quitting as it signifies really major change in your life. And hard work.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Demijohn 
biminiblue
I appreciate your response, but that post was a culmination of months, if not years of private internal thought, and was not easy to write.
To offer a trite, sanctimonious answer (within 2 mins of my posting it) achieved nothing but to, presumably, reinforce your own sense of self righteousness.
Seriously, why are you here? If it was all that simple this site would not need to exist.
I hope you feel good about yourself, and I'm happy for you if you have overcome something so easily that others have real trouble dealing with, and often ,despite knowing the obvious advice that you just pointed out, never do, and die of the problem.
I appreciate your response, but that post was a culmination of months, if not years of private internal thought, and was not easy to write.
To offer a trite, sanctimonious answer (within 2 mins of my posting it) achieved nothing but to, presumably, reinforce your own sense of self righteousness.
Seriously, why are you here? If it was all that simple this site would not need to exist.
I hope you feel good about yourself, and I'm happy for you if you have overcome something so easily that others have real trouble dealing with, and often ,despite knowing the obvious advice that you just pointed out, never do, and die of the problem.
But one rule we do have is that personal attacks are not allowed in any fashion. You have the ability to report any post you feel is offensive or otherwise inappropriate by clicking on the little white triangle. You also have the ability to ignore individual users you don't agree with. But it is against our policy to start personal arguments or call out other users publicly, and posts that do will be removed without notice.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm sorry you didn't like my suggestion, but I did read your post, and I stand by what I wrote.
I too spent many years drinking and trying to rationalize that I did it, "Because...." - and your story is not unique, so it's not like I haven't felt everything you are now saying.
The way out is to quit.
No, it isn't easy. It is the only solution, though. I don't believe in "triggers." I drank because I liked the feeling I got.
When it stopped being fun and started being misery it was time to stop.
There is no other way.
I again say that the way out is to quit.
I too spent many years drinking and trying to rationalize that I did it, "Because...." - and your story is not unique, so it's not like I haven't felt everything you are now saying.
The way out is to quit.
No, it isn't easy. It is the only solution, though. I don't believe in "triggers." I drank because I liked the feeling I got.
When it stopped being fun and started being misery it was time to stop.
There is no other way.
I again say that the way out is to quit.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
As hard as it may be to face, Bimini and Scott are absolutely correct. Backstory doesn't matter. "Reasons" don't matter. In the end, "triggers" are irrelevant.
It all boils down to a simple binary solution: drink/ don't drink. Simple, but not easy.
My backstory had a lot of similarities to yours. I realized I had a serious problem with alcohol in 2005, and decided it was time to quit. First, though, I figured I needed to figure out why I was drinking. I wasted 7.5 years on a journey of self-discovery that was essentially pointless because I'd put the cart before the horse and continued to drink. I went around in circles trying to figure out what was wrong with me, when mostly the problem was that I was still drinking. It was only after I finally quit for good in 2013 that my problems and issues and triggers began to resolve themselves.
No one said it was easy -- just simple.
Here's my simple recipe for sobriety: 1) want to be sober more than you want to be drunk; 2) do whatever it takes to keep your priorities in that order. The "doing whatever it takes" can include introspection and self-examination, but they have nothing to do with the action of putting down the drink in the first place.
If you decide you're ready to give sobriety a go, I think you'll find the support you receive on this site can be a valuable part of your sobriety toolkit.
It all boils down to a simple binary solution: drink/ don't drink. Simple, but not easy.
My backstory had a lot of similarities to yours. I realized I had a serious problem with alcohol in 2005, and decided it was time to quit. First, though, I figured I needed to figure out why I was drinking. I wasted 7.5 years on a journey of self-discovery that was essentially pointless because I'd put the cart before the horse and continued to drink. I went around in circles trying to figure out what was wrong with me, when mostly the problem was that I was still drinking. It was only after I finally quit for good in 2013 that my problems and issues and triggers began to resolve themselves.
No one said it was easy -- just simple.
Here's my simple recipe for sobriety: 1) want to be sober more than you want to be drunk; 2) do whatever it takes to keep your priorities in that order. The "doing whatever it takes" can include introspection and self-examination, but they have nothing to do with the action of putting down the drink in the first place.
If you decide you're ready to give sobriety a go, I think you'll find the support you receive on this site can be a valuable part of your sobriety toolkit.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome to SR, Demijohn. We're an encouraging, supportive group who understand exactly what you're going through.
I felt much as you do when I first signed on here. Except that I'd been drinking for 30 yrs. I had the same realizations- & knew I abused alcohol, but I had allowed myself to become completely dependent on it. At the end of my drinking career, there was never a time when it wasn't in my system - or I'd shake & be sick. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it's doing to your life. You're very self aware, and that will help. We're here to listen and share our hard-earned experiences with you. You can get free of it.
I felt much as you do when I first signed on here. Except that I'd been drinking for 30 yrs. I had the same realizations- & knew I abused alcohol, but I had allowed myself to become completely dependent on it. At the end of my drinking career, there was never a time when it wasn't in my system - or I'd shake & be sick. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it's doing to your life. You're very self aware, and that will help. We're here to listen and share our hard-earned experiences with you. You can get free of it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 598
I can not give advice as I am only 3 months into sobriety. I share your struggle. What I do know however is that I have reached that point where I most certainly want to not drink more than I want to drink. How one gets to that point I suppose can take various routes. For me the tipping point was withdrawal. I never want to experience that again. I wish you well and hope you find a solution.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Callas
I can not give advice as I am only 3 months into sobriety. I share your struggle. What I do know however is that I have reached that point where I most certainly want to not drink more than I want to drink. How one gets to that point I suppose can take various routes. For me the tipping point was withdrawal. I never want to experience that again. I wish you well and hope you find a solution.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Welcome to SR, Demijohn. We're an encouraging, supportive group who understand exactly what you're going through.
I felt much as you do when I first signed on here. Except that I'd been drinking for 30 yrs. I had the same realizations- & knew I abused alcohol, but I had allowed myself to become completely dependent on it. At the end of my drinking career, there was never a time when it wasn't in my system - or I'd shake & be sick. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it's doing to your life. You're very self aware, and that will help. We're here to listen and share our hard-earned experiences with you. You can get free of it.
I felt much as you do when I first signed on here. Except that I'd been drinking for 30 yrs. I had the same realizations- & knew I abused alcohol, but I had allowed myself to become completely dependent on it. At the end of my drinking career, there was never a time when it wasn't in my system - or I'd shake & be sick. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it's doing to your life. You're very self aware, and that will help. We're here to listen and share our hard-earned experiences with you. You can get free of it.
I think i found the wrong forum, as I see this is a place for people who have already found what I'm looking for (but perhaps cant articulate how) and are here to support each other.
I wish you all well.
Thank you kind people.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Demijohn - I don't think it's the wrong forum for you. It's a place for people who want to quit. Many, including myself, were still drinking when they arrived here. It took me a while to finally find the strength to stop. I read all the suggestions & found the courage to stop poisoning myself. We have to be ready - reading & posting here will help you. Please don't be discouraged.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Demijohn
I think i found the wrong forum, as I see this is a place for people who have already found what I'm looking for (but perhaps cant articulate how) and are here to support each other.
I wish you all well.
Thank you kind people.
I wish you all well.
Thank you kind people.
I would also ask if you could clarify exactly what you are looking for? That might help us help you more effectively.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Hi Demijohn,
Welcome to SR. I hope you stick around and keep posting.
For me, I struggled with knowing I had a serious problem and needed to quit. I admired that problem for over two years while my alcohol intake steadily increased. I had NO idea how to stop but I knew I needed to.
I went through the logical, rationalization, bargaining with myself, making promises, “moderating” and Failing day after day after day. Waking up in the same cycle of anxiety, shame, depression, anger, etc. And just kept that cycle going- all while knowing I needed to stop.
I honestly cannot tell tell you what happened to make me stop. On June 13, 2018 I woke up and knew that I was done and I would not drink ever again. And I haven’t gone back on that.
I think you can find a lot of support here and people who can relate to your situation.
Welcome to SR. I hope you stick around and keep posting.
For me, I struggled with knowing I had a serious problem and needed to quit. I admired that problem for over two years while my alcohol intake steadily increased. I had NO idea how to stop but I knew I needed to.
I went through the logical, rationalization, bargaining with myself, making promises, “moderating” and Failing day after day after day. Waking up in the same cycle of anxiety, shame, depression, anger, etc. And just kept that cycle going- all while knowing I needed to stop.
I honestly cannot tell tell you what happened to make me stop. On June 13, 2018 I woke up and knew that I was done and I would not drink ever again. And I haven’t gone back on that.
I think you can find a lot of support here and people who can relate to your situation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
The problem is, I feel I can rationally explain the reasons for feeling without hope for the future.
It is true that greed and ignorance are destroying the world around us, and that opportunities are largely limited to those who already have money.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 132
A lot of people stop because they cant stand something any more. For me it was the mornings. I will never never never live through another blackout because the coping tank is empty. They traumatised me so badly I just couldnt do it any more.
I need and I repeat need to know what I did last night for my own sanity. If a craving hits I just sit there and think of the following morning. That soon cures the craving.LOL
I need and I repeat need to know what I did last night for my own sanity. If a craving hits I just sit there and think of the following morning. That soon cures the craving.LOL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Demijohn
Thank you Hevyn, i really appreciate that. I dont know what to do, and I hoped someone here could help me. The "JUST QUIT" message is one I have obviously encountered before, and is what i say to myself every day from wakeup till around 4pm.
I think i found the wrong forum, as I see this is a place for people who have already found what I'm looking for (but perhaps cant articulate how) and are here to support each other.
I wish you all well.
Thank you kind people.
I think i found the wrong forum, as I see this is a place for people who have already found what I'm looking for (but perhaps cant articulate how) and are here to support each other.
I wish you all well.
Thank you kind people.
I think this is the perfect place for you to be and I do hope you choose to stick around.
Mostly everyone will tell you to quit drinking as that is the real solution to what plagues you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 23
I hear you saying you don't know what to do and think you've found the perfect place to be, as a lot of us can relate to "knowing" the right thing to do, but, being unable to "make" ourselves follow-through.
What finally helped me 10 months ago and every day since is trying to remember to go gentle on myself and all the should, would, could thoughts that run through my head I use to beat myself up over but contribute zero to the past I can't change or the tmrw I want to and can create.
You asked for help and want it. Be proud of yourself for taking the first step that requires enormous courage and vulnerability. That alone, makes you strong and rich in ways money can never buy.
Practically-speaking for me, I tried to look at sobriety one step at a time v. one day at a time. I truly value and live each as the only one that really counts in not drinking. But, it felt limiting to me to think the best I could ever do was to only get thru one day for the rest of my life.
By breaking it into smaller, achievable goals ~I let myself off the hook from having to "fix" it all at once and had a plan to look forward to achieving multiple goals long-term.
1st month was all about getting physically through withdrawals and focusing exclusively on that, every minute I could. No more than needed interaction with people or outside world and calm, quiet environments to, literally, live through the sweats, insomnia, headaches, etc. and healing my body needed before I could even think of facing anything else.
I don't think we give enough attention to the huge difference simply getting some space between us and alcohol has on our ability to effectively deal with everything else physically, mentally, physiologically, and spiritually.
2nd step was slowly reintroducing myself to the outside world with a clean slate for myself and everyone else, measured against whether or not they helped or hindered me staying sober. It feels good to selfishly protect my sobriety above any drama or BS ~regardless of who of where it comes from.
3rd and still in progress step is getting back a career that contributes to the well-being I've fought 10 months of one days at a time to achieve. We can't always choose our jobs, but, we can choose how much we let it get to or keep us down.
AA has helped so many here on SR, maybe, going to a meeting may also be of value in starting to find answers none of us knew when we made the decision to stop drinking. 《Be gentle with yourself
I hope you don't leave, as, I don't know if you could find a kinder, more compassionate, community of people who will tell it like it is.. Because, they truly care and will always be here for you as they've been exactly where you are.
Best luck and hope the one thing you never quit on is yourself!!
What finally helped me 10 months ago and every day since is trying to remember to go gentle on myself and all the should, would, could thoughts that run through my head I use to beat myself up over but contribute zero to the past I can't change or the tmrw I want to and can create.
You asked for help and want it. Be proud of yourself for taking the first step that requires enormous courage and vulnerability. That alone, makes you strong and rich in ways money can never buy.
Practically-speaking for me, I tried to look at sobriety one step at a time v. one day at a time. I truly value and live each as the only one that really counts in not drinking. But, it felt limiting to me to think the best I could ever do was to only get thru one day for the rest of my life.
By breaking it into smaller, achievable goals ~I let myself off the hook from having to "fix" it all at once and had a plan to look forward to achieving multiple goals long-term.
1st month was all about getting physically through withdrawals and focusing exclusively on that, every minute I could. No more than needed interaction with people or outside world and calm, quiet environments to, literally, live through the sweats, insomnia, headaches, etc. and healing my body needed before I could even think of facing anything else.
I don't think we give enough attention to the huge difference simply getting some space between us and alcohol has on our ability to effectively deal with everything else physically, mentally, physiologically, and spiritually.
2nd step was slowly reintroducing myself to the outside world with a clean slate for myself and everyone else, measured against whether or not they helped or hindered me staying sober. It feels good to selfishly protect my sobriety above any drama or BS ~regardless of who of where it comes from.
3rd and still in progress step is getting back a career that contributes to the well-being I've fought 10 months of one days at a time to achieve. We can't always choose our jobs, but, we can choose how much we let it get to or keep us down.
AA has helped so many here on SR, maybe, going to a meeting may also be of value in starting to find answers none of us knew when we made the decision to stop drinking. 《Be gentle with yourself
I hope you don't leave, as, I don't know if you could find a kinder, more compassionate, community of people who will tell it like it is.. Because, they truly care and will always be here for you as they've been exactly where you are.
Best luck and hope the one thing you never quit on is yourself!!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Not much in that original post that I couldn't have written myself about my past. For a lot of folks, all the uneasiness, the craziness, the depression (if it ever really was there) come to an end when they stop drinking. In my case it seems like those things only got worse when I stopped drinking and would continue to get worse, and eventually I would end up getting drunk again just to try and put an end to how uncomfortable I was. Overtime it started to become obvious that while I had a drinking problem, the more dangerous thing was this inability to be able to live sober and comfortably at the same time. Eventually, I learned this phenomenon or illness or disease as some call it is called alcoholism. In my case, not drinking was a good beginning but it did not solve the entire problem. For that I had to immerse myself in recovery. Nothing that has happened to me since is unique or special to me because millions of other people had done the same thing before me but I can tell you it's like getting a whole new life.
Go easy on those who tell you your problem is drinking. It may be their experience that that was all that was wrong with them. Again, we all have different past experiences and different futures ahead of us. What has work for some people may not work for you - just like I found out myself. My history was plagued with indecision, laziness, what seemed like a lack of motivation and a million other things that plagued me to the point where I could not stand one single thing about myself. I stand here now a new person no longer demonized by those old nightmares - not for the pas 12 yrs anywat.. The same as available to you if you if you are willing to work for it
Go easy on those who tell you your problem is drinking. It may be their experience that that was all that was wrong with them. Again, we all have different past experiences and different futures ahead of us. What has work for some people may not work for you - just like I found out myself. My history was plagued with indecision, laziness, what seemed like a lack of motivation and a million other things that plagued me to the point where I could not stand one single thing about myself. I stand here now a new person no longer demonized by those old nightmares - not for the pas 12 yrs anywat.. The same as available to you if you if you are willing to work for it
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Demijohn
The "JUST QUIT" message is one I have obviously encountered before, and is what i say to myself every day from wakeup till around 4pm.
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Here is a little passage from the book Alcoholics Anonymous :" At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail."
If you identify with this, as I did, you might find a solution in Alcoholics Anonymous as I did. Instead of that futile battle to just not drink, after a few weeks following some simple steps, I was amazed to find that the drink was no longer an issue, that I was easily able to abstain, and this seems to have become a permanent state of affairs.
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