cchip

Like I said in my other post. It was not easy staying sober. I did stay sober, I did stop the drinking but the pain after was almost unbearable. For years, yes years. I was in a constant struggle to fight this thing. The advertisments on TV, the billboards, the liquor stores, all reminders, all temptions. The unseen power or whatever you want to call it, that took over my very being. I was okay during winters, but summer were most unbearable. I would see people in my neighborhood having Bar-b-ques with Ice cold beers in their ice chests. My mouth would just water at the thought of drinking just one beer. Which of couse I knew was impossible to drink just one. I knew I could never drink just one. It had never worked out that way before I quit, just a few, I'll stop I thought. I would drink till I could no longer drink. I would either pass out or throw up. I would do alot of things that I could not remember doing. It was embarassing after people would tell me what I would do while drinking, while being drunk. And I hate to admit it, and an very ashamed of it now. I don't know how I did it, but I would drive drunk? How I use to make it home, I don't know how? I guess the brain knows where home is? Lucky for me I never got caught by a police officer. Never did get a DUI,
or thank heaven get in an accident. Anyway, I did get to a point where I said, " I have to quit drinking for many reasons I have to stop." Some days were good, and some days very bad. Uncomfortable feelings would set in, this very nasty feeling, can't describe it, but everyone knows the feeling. I was very tricky trying to deal with this "thing". We could all be cured, if could just
defeat this "thing". Why does it have so much power over people?
Anyway as time went on it did get easier, to totaly ignore the signs on billboards, the tv advertisments, neighbors, friends, relatives with beers in hand. Today 20 years later. It doesn't even bother me. As a matter of fact, I feel sorry for those that are drinking, dependant on it for what seems like their survival. Sorry to see how they are stuck in a rut, can see how they are in denial that they have a problem. The saddest ending to this story. And I am shedding tears. "I" am happy to be sober. "But" my husband of 25 years could not stop drinking! Today he has cirrhosis of the liver, end stage liver disease. We both thought this day would never come, but it has caught up with him, and it is here now "cirrhosis". A horrible disease. I have to watch him day after day deteroiate fighting end stage symptons. He has this brain thing, where he can't think straight, hernia, bleeding disorder caused by liver, low blood count, anemia, portal hypertension, swollen spleen, swollen legs, ascities. fatique, poor vision, poor hearing, yellow eyes and skin, has an esposide of bleeding varcies. Has gone to the hospital more times than I could count. His only hope is a liver transplant. And believe me it's not easy to get on transplant list. And if lucky to get a transplant, have to be on anti-rejection drugs for life. Those of you that have a chance to quit drinking, "do it now for your health". If you think you have problems now, wait till you have end stage liver disease caused by drinking. Then your life will be a living hell
then you will want to live, then you won't want to drink, you will try and save yourself when it's too late. Take care of your body now, get on a good diet, excercise program. Enjoy your life while you still have a chance, without alcohol or drugs.
The saddest of all to this story, Is that we have a 16 old son. Who loves his father so much, a father son love like I've never seen, wants his father to live a longer live, they have been spending lots of time lately just in case he has to leave this earth. A bond so tight, has no friends, just his dad. Dad has been giving him all the advise that he can, while he can. Together they have been working on restoring an old truck. It is taking every last inch of energy from him but he has to do it for his son.
Some kids don't have fathers, because the fathers chose to be away from their kids. In this case father and son want to be together, and may not have much time left.

Morning Glory

cchip

I am so sorry for the pain that you and your husband and son are going through.

Thank you for sharing your story. It really may help others and encourage them to remain in recovery.

I will pray that your husband gets a liver transplant. I have a friend who has a liver transplant. He also got liver disease from alcohol. He is doing well, but still in and out of the hospital with minor complications.

He runs a group now for those who are waiting for a liver transplant.

Please fill free to come over to the alanon board and get support from others who are dealing with loved ones who are alcoholics.

There is always hope.

Hugs,


MG

Paulie

Cchip -

MG is right, there is always hope.

I will pray for you and your family.

mathisonpaige

count your blessings, i didn't read the entire thread, but you wondered how you made it home, i have now TWO DUI'S, second is jail, upcoming, being a single parent with a 6 year old. i am seeking a rehab where i can take him with me. 2nd DUI, in pa, $5000 fine, 30-90 days in jail, and a felony on your record. over what a drink? i am ashamed of myself. and i am still drinking my wine. trying to cover the fear of court on jan. 6th over my second DUI. in three years. this drug that we drink, forget the barbeques, won't you whather be sober then be behind bars? they too perhaps are on the road to the disease themselves, do not envy those who drink, feel sorry for them and remember them in prayer. any alcohol is a poison to the body. stay clean and hopefull. look what it has done for me. i am in deep depression over it. just on nov. 9th seeking a rehab for my son and i, and on nov 21st, a second DUI, going for medicine for my father with cancer. should have stayed home but all happens for a reason. what does someone tell a 6 year old, where is mommy, in jail. never been in jail in my life, scared. anyone would be but over a drink? that is the sick part of being addicted. forget the cold beers in summer. take a jog instead and feel good about yourself. love paige