Checking in
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Checking in
Just checking in. It was a rough week for me all the way around.
Like I always say, "Some days you earn every second of your sobriety"
I'm trying to control less of what happens around me.
Maybe that's the wrong statement...maybe it's, "accepting the things I cannot change" might be a better description.
I think I still need to work a lot harder in that area. I'm a fixer. Always have been. It's a horrible flaw. It's difficult for me to walk away from something unresolved.
Everything else is ok on paper. I guess I'm finding myself frustrated with a lot of stuff right now that is simply out of my hands. I think I need to take a step back and count my blessings.
I also think I might start going to therapy again. Not really for any one thing either. I think I just need to talk some s#it out with a pro. It has done a lot for me in the past.
I miss my friend who passed away last year. She always kicked things in perspective when I got lazy or frustrated about stuff. She was such a brilliant mind. Even on the worst days, she'd have me laughing to a cackle in less than 5 minutes, and it always forced a perspective that was undeniable...that my s#it wasn't really all that bad. I really miss that.
Anyway....it is what it is. Time to soldier on.
Like I always say, "Some days you earn every second of your sobriety"
I'm trying to control less of what happens around me.
Maybe that's the wrong statement...maybe it's, "accepting the things I cannot change" might be a better description.
I think I still need to work a lot harder in that area. I'm a fixer. Always have been. It's a horrible flaw. It's difficult for me to walk away from something unresolved.
Everything else is ok on paper. I guess I'm finding myself frustrated with a lot of stuff right now that is simply out of my hands. I think I need to take a step back and count my blessings.
I also think I might start going to therapy again. Not really for any one thing either. I think I just need to talk some s#it out with a pro. It has done a lot for me in the past.
I miss my friend who passed away last year. She always kicked things in perspective when I got lazy or frustrated about stuff. She was such a brilliant mind. Even on the worst days, she'd have me laughing to a cackle in less than 5 minutes, and it always forced a perspective that was undeniable...that my s#it wasn't really all that bad. I really miss that.
Anyway....it is what it is. Time to soldier on.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Thanks for checking in Bulldog, glad to hear you are making some progress on the "control" thing that's always been on of my main issues. I think going back to therapy is a very wise decision - I still go about once an month just to keep my own work in that area on track. Think about mental health like physical health - we go see a doctor for checkups even when nothing is wrong at all, just to make sure . Our mental health is just as important, so there's no reason to not treat it as such.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm not sure being a fixer is a horrible flaw. Maybe its knowing the different between what needs fixing, what can be fixed and whether the person or situation even needs fixing. I don't like pain. Especially other people's pain. So it makes me really uncomfortable to see pain, or hear it and not try to offer solutions. In a way that is kind of a selfish motive, dressed up in service. I dunno. But I've learned to ask if 'help' or 'solutions' are even desired. They usually aren't. In the same way you need to just 'talk some stuff out'.....you probably don't expect to be fixed, just heard.
When the fix it personality is focused in the right direction, it is a powerful trait. I find that most of my good traits have an equal and opposite negative side. I guess it's all about motive and intent.
When the fix it personality is focused in the right direction, it is a powerful trait. I find that most of my good traits have an equal and opposite negative side. I guess it's all about motive and intent.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
“Some days you earn every second of your sobriety.”
Truer words could not be spoken. Ah, AA. The chant. I think there’s a reason they’ve been chanting that acceptance mantra for so many years, it is something I have remind myself of daily.
Let your friend inform you still. If you spent enough time with her, talked with her enough, let her counsel you for so long....let her still. She’s taught you what you need to know. Her death isn’t in vain. The impact she had on you is real and lasting, and beyond the grave your friend would want you to take that cache of beauty and knowledge and wisdom she gave you and draw on it for life. Your friend would want her task with you, as your friend, to be a completed project.
I do this. “What would my dad want.....”. “What would my dad say....”. “What was my dad most disappointed about with how I lived my life?”
My fear. That’s what disappointed him.
In the next month: I’ll be singing a song with my husbands band for a gig. This summer, I will fly to Hawaii. This spring... I found a way to live, instead of a way to die, in the midst of the most horrible grief and despair I’ve ever felt in my life.
No fear. That’s what dad wants, for me. To face fear.
What does your friend want for you, bulldog? Chances are, you know. She’s still there. Let her tell you.
Truer words could not be spoken. Ah, AA. The chant. I think there’s a reason they’ve been chanting that acceptance mantra for so many years, it is something I have remind myself of daily.
Let your friend inform you still. If you spent enough time with her, talked with her enough, let her counsel you for so long....let her still. She’s taught you what you need to know. Her death isn’t in vain. The impact she had on you is real and lasting, and beyond the grave your friend would want you to take that cache of beauty and knowledge and wisdom she gave you and draw on it for life. Your friend would want her task with you, as your friend, to be a completed project.
I do this. “What would my dad want.....”. “What would my dad say....”. “What was my dad most disappointed about with how I lived my life?”
My fear. That’s what disappointed him.
In the next month: I’ll be singing a song with my husbands band for a gig. This summer, I will fly to Hawaii. This spring... I found a way to live, instead of a way to die, in the midst of the most horrible grief and despair I’ve ever felt in my life.
No fear. That’s what dad wants, for me. To face fear.
What does your friend want for you, bulldog? Chances are, you know. She’s still there. Let her tell you.
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