Still drinking - Don't know what to do
 

Hi all.
I posted here back in April after years of being away. I tried as many of you suggested to work with my PCP, but he has given up on me. AA doesn't work for me. I can't afford rehab so I need to do this on my own. I think one of the reasons I can't stop is because I witnessed a suicide in my home. My future son in law took his life with a gun just 5 feet from me. I can't get the picture out of my mind. I would love to hear some success stories from those who quit booze without help.....IF there are any people out there who have. I am 67 years old and I need to stop. I am fine all day, the 3 PM rolls around and it is like a trigger to start drinking. I am tired all the time and drinking makes me want to do things and have fun. Somebody help. Please:headbange

Hi DarkCloud

sounds to me like you need a new PCP and a referral to a psychiatrist or therapist to help you deal with what you witnessed.

As far as drinking goes if AA didn't work for you have you tried other meeting based methods like SMART or Lifering?

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

There are other methods which are not meeting based, like Rational Recovery, and you'll find that discussed there.

Whatever you do, you can;t do nothing - not with this problem...this is a fight for your life and your future - try and many things as you can - you can beat this with determination and effort.

D

Dark,

Quitting hurt like nothing I hve ever experienced.

Seeing a suicide is pretty horrible and nobody could tell me how I should feel about that.

My drinking was all about pure addiction. There was no magical reason. It was addiction.

Physical and mental. It hurts to get clean. Getting drunk feels good until the morning. Then it hurts until I drank again. Viscous cycle.

I quit because I needed to be able to function in this world. If I was already retired with nobody needing me, I doubt I would have been able. I quit at 50.

The brain damage really shown through after a few months clean. I was getting all sorts of weird symptoms for well over a year. The crave lingers today.

Some folks drink until they die and would consider 67 a good age to die. Obviously, you don't.

The only way I know out is to suffer. I used to curl up in a ball and whimper. I suffered harder than most folks talk about as normal, but who cares.

After a while, I wore my suffering like a badge of honor. That is how I do it today. I also have sober role models. They are folks that don't drink and kick but. Rock stars and friends etc.

I am proudly sober. I earned it. Never going back.

I have heard that prescription meds might help, but drinking while on them makes things worse. My Dad does booze and anti depressants. He is a mess.

Hope this helps in some way.

Thanks for the therapy.

Thanks Dee74
 

Thanks for the response and the links! I will look things over and start working on myself ASAP. Problem with psychs or therapists are the high co-pays. I have to do this alone. People tell me I find the money for the beer, so find the money for therapy. It doesn't work that way. co-pays for me are $60/week. My PCP is only $20 and all he has to do is prescribe something other than what I am taking which obviously doesn't help. I'll be back with a success story. It's now or never!

Thank you
 

Thank you for your story. Everything I read here gives me power to get through this. I don't want meds, really, but if they help I would take them. Knowing me I would drink with them. I have already done that. Man! I never thought this would be me. At least I have my family pulling for me and not leaving me! Thanks again.

Sorry about the money thing.
I'm not an American so I have no suggestions but perhaps others will.

Clearly drinking is not doing the trick.

If you find yourself continuing to drink over what happened I hope you find a way to find and afford the help you need Darkcloud :)

D

Talk to the office manager and / or therapist about waiving or reducing your copay.

I was able to do this even though it wasn't "official policy" which exists supposedly to keep people from "abusing" their benefits.

Given your situation, and the fact they will get the insurance payment, they may be fine with it.

Ask to speak to manager in private and not in front of other patients.

You witnessed something that horrific and your PCP didn't think "that's a potential traumatic trigger for alcohol abuse?"

It sounds like your PCP is a bleeping moron. My advice is to do what Dee said and get a new PCP.

I understand what you say about the medical treatment being expensive, that is very difficult when the office visit and prescription co-pays add up if you are on a limited or fixed income.

It's worth another shot with a new PCP to see if you can get some more attention. Dancing around between medications is just frustrating. It is worth some effort on that front.

Have you looked into finding group meetings that are for people who are suffering from post-traumatic stress that are open (at no cost)?

I find that cognitive behavioral therapy works for me to help deal with negative emotion and anxiety. It's something that you can practice on your own and is based on some very simple techniques. Your local library may have some books on it for you to read, too.

I'm sorry that you had to bear witness to such a horrific thing, and I hope that you can find your way out of that suffering as well as to quit drinking.

I'm sorry you have been suffering, many of us had reasons to continue drinking. PTSD, childhood trauma, abuse, death in the family, and so on. While drinking may bring you temporary relief, it is also prolonging your internal suffering. I think a support group for trauma would be beneficial, many cities have groups free of charge, I would check out:

Churches
Community Centers
Meetup Groups (online website for local groups in your area)

There is free support available, spend some time seeking peace and serenity and kick that alcohol to the curb. You can heal this pain, I know you can. :grouphug:

Thanks Dee74
 

It's been a horror show for 5 years now and I am still living in this house! My wife was with me but she gets free help. They have a place here called women's initiative, but nothing free like that for men. I looked into sliding scales where they reduce your payment, and since my wife still works and makes decent pay, I don't qualify..NICE, HUH? She was put on meds and she is a new person, but I can't get that help. Right now my heart is beating so hard I am scared. I need to call my Dr. now and explain I need "something" .....

Sounds like you've abdicated your own power.

You are the healing you're looking for. You are the closure. It's in your mind and it's being fueled by alcohol. The fast-beating heart and spinning thoughts? That's also being caused by alcohol - I had that too.

If you were to quit drinking for six months to a year and really work on this trauma by reading books, the Bible, going to groups (yes, AA, trauma recovery or something similar) I think you'd find your own closure around this event. You have to actually work on it yourself. It's not in a pill and it's not in paid therapy necessarily. Been there. And a pill won't help right now because they don't work when you're drinking.

Step ONE. Put down the alcohol. I couldn't get well until I was physically clean.

biminiblue - Just spoke to my Dr. and he said almost the same thing. No pill will cure you, you need to cure yourself. He said quitting drinking won't kill you, but continuing WILL....Today I will not drink...I promise myself that!

Excellent, really good to hear.

Go to bed sober tonight. Sober Sunday mornings are a precious gift.

You will be uncomfortable for a few days and I'm not gonna blow sunshine at you and say everything will be beautiful in a week, but you can heal from this.

Those scary nightmare flashbacks are going to be lessened. Just hang on, make it through and you WILL regain control of your mind. It's gonna take a little time.

Stay the course. We're here for you to vent/talk/cry/whatever you need.

DarkCloud - really glad you are here and even more that you have taken initial steps to critical IRL support. I echo everything bimini has said in particular.

Please keep the next appointment but more importantly stay sober TODAY. Those first days, weeks, whatever it takes - occupy yourself, leave the house if you can, or stay in it and have all alcohol removed. Literally do whatever it takes a minute, half hour, til 3pm then a plan for after...to not drink.

You're alive now- there is always hope when we are still here.

You are right. A little bit about me...I am the type of drinker that if I can get ONE night sober, I go for 101 nights sober, no lie. Then maybe some trigger gets me and I go off. My last Dr. visit a few months ago I was 10 days sober and all my blood work came back normal. I was elated and the Dr. gave me Kudos. BUT! Those Kudos turned on me. I figured as long as I can do 10 days and the bloods were normal, what's wrong with cheating...Well, what about the day I cheat and don't wake up! I am gonna do this - 5-17-19 will be a new tattoo for me when I get money - lol - PS - I do plenty of crying here on my own :-) But thanks for being there.

:-)
 

I even emailed my wife and told her my plan. I made her day and will not let her down. Or, let myself down.:c011:

I'm 68. Values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life. If you don't have them get them, if you lost them find them. People change when they are motivated to change. They better themselves when they recognize how their habits, violate who they were, what they want to be, where they want to go in life. What are the main values in your life? Write them out, because until you clarify your values, you can’t live by them.

I'm sorry for your traumatic experience and loss. Life is full of trauma and how we respond is contingent on our values and purpose.

Addictive behavior always serves and emotional purpose! Addicts have learned to empower themselves and regain control of how they feel, with a displaced quick fix or mood changer of substances and other behaviors. Non-addicts empower themselves and regain control of their feelings by facing them directly and replacing them with a more healthy high-value behavior.

The choice is always ours. Change your thinking and change your life, choose a better life.

Thanks for that SMART advice. I have lost all the love I once had for many things. My guitar and singing and songwriting, fishing, anything. All I do is exist and get chores done when I can and feed the family. Not easy to just say OK.....Today I'll play guitar and write a song. The feeling is gone. It's all the depression brought on by beer. Maybe all that will come back when I stop. So far I have not touched anything and don't intend to.

Your OP basically says "I have a drinking problem and I cannot quit, but all resources are out of reach for me. Therefore I'm helpless and can't stop."

It's great that you've made a vow to stop drinking, and I firmly believe that positive reinforcement such as playing guitar, fishing, and working goes a long way to keeping us that way.

However, for me sobriety required a plan of action, and from what you've said you're finding reasons to NOT do anything to further your aim of living a life without alcohol. AA isn't for you. Your doctor has given up. Therapy is too expensive. It's all due to a traumatic event, which I'm not going to seek help or treat. How much do you really want to be sober, and what effort are you willing to take?

I loathed AA, it didn't work for me. I did it anyway until I found something that was a better fit. It got me into a community where I could explore my addiction and meet people that had found a way to stop drinking.

I wish you well. This site itself is a great resource to help maintain sobriety if you commit to it, just like you have to commit to anything in order to stay sober. Some have used it as their sole resource. Please check in and let us know how you are doing.