Still drinking - Don't know what to do
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
Congrats on getting started! Remember to eat well, eat regularly, start an exercise routine (this is huge because it helps the brain put back feel good chemicals it forgot how to make), breathe, relax as much as possible, and never choose booze as an option. 
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Originally Posted by Dropsie
Great job, DC.
Loved Sassy's post. Great advice there ...
Loved Sassy's post. Great advice there ...
Hope you’re doing well, darkcloud!
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 296
Originally Posted by Darkcloud
Thanks for that SMART advice. I have lost all the love I once had for many things. My guitar and singing and songwriting, fishing, anything. All I do is exist and get chores done when I can and feed the family. Not easy to just say OK.....Today I'll play guitar and write a song. The feeling is gone. It's all the depression brought on by beer. Maybe all that will come back when I stop. So far I have not touched anything and don't intend to.
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Originally Posted by Milano58
Please sing... Scream it all out. Maybe write a song about the suicide and let it go. You have a right to feel pain from witnessing this but you also have a right to a sober ever after. One day at a time. Music is a great healer.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
We;re always here to help darkcloud.
Don't wait to late to change your life
D
Don't wait to late to change your life
D
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi DC
no, I remember how things would overwhelm me when I was drinking\.
If your son won't find her a home, maybe you should - and then you can focus on your own problems?
D
no, I remember how things would overwhelm me when I was drinking\.
If your son won't find her a home, maybe you should - and then you can focus on your own problems?
D
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Dee74
I agree drinking over the dog situation is pointless.
Maybe taking him for a walk a few times a day will give you something to do and make him bark less?
D
Maybe taking him for a walk a few times a day will give you something to do and make him bark less?
D
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Darkcloud, you’re stuck in the mindset that your life causes your drinking.
It’s the other way around.
The drinking is causing the misery that is your life.
This thread is full of excuses to drink.
The first intention is sobriety, and doing everything you can to avoid a drink, not finding every excuse you can possibly find to allow you to drink.
Your misery, and the trap you are in, is self made.
There’s not one sober person here who didn’t completely change their lives and relationships to attain sobriety, which not everyone gets. Most of us die drinking. We didn’t want that.
If this isn’t your life goal, then it won’t happen. Sobriety is my total life goal. Otherwise, I won’t be sober.
It’s the other way around.
The drinking is causing the misery that is your life.
This thread is full of excuses to drink.
The first intention is sobriety, and doing everything you can to avoid a drink, not finding every excuse you can possibly find to allow you to drink.
Your misery, and the trap you are in, is self made.
There’s not one sober person here who didn’t completely change their lives and relationships to attain sobriety, which not everyone gets. Most of us die drinking. We didn’t want that.
If this isn’t your life goal, then it won’t happen. Sobriety is my total life goal. Otherwise, I won’t be sober.
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Darkcloud, you’re stuck in the mindset that your life causes your drinking.
It’s the other way around.
The drinking is causing the misery that is your life.
This thread is full of excuses to drink.
The first intention is sobriety, and doing everything you can to avoid a drink, not finding every excuse you can possibly find to allow you to drink.
Your misery, and the trap you are in, is self made.
There’s not one sober person here who didn’t completely change their lives and relationships to attain sobriety, which not everyone gets. Most of us die drinking. We didn’t want that.
If this isn’t your life goal, then it won’t happen. Sobriety is my total life goal. Otherwise, I won’t be sober.
It’s the other way around.
The drinking is causing the misery that is your life.
This thread is full of excuses to drink.
The first intention is sobriety, and doing everything you can to avoid a drink, not finding every excuse you can possibly find to allow you to drink.
Your misery, and the trap you are in, is self made.
There’s not one sober person here who didn’t completely change their lives and relationships to attain sobriety, which not everyone gets. Most of us die drinking. We didn’t want that.
If this isn’t your life goal, then it won’t happen. Sobriety is my total life goal. Otherwise, I won’t be sober.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Darkcloud
The funny thing is I know exactly what you are saying. I mentioned it myself that the dog was no reason to drink. I just went down to the river to fish. I used to do that a lot to keep busy and pass time, but today's humidity was just too much. I'll make it. One thing I can't do is change relationships. I have my wife, son and daughter. That's it. I don't go out and have zero friends....
"Changing your relationships," means changing the dynamics in close relationships, becoming more focused on being that good husband and father instead of the drunk husband and father. Adding more people so those family members aren't our whole lives. Getting some therapy if that's needed.
Letting go of our past traumas and learning to make peace with the world as it is. That leads to better relationships with family, neighbors, the girl in the grocery line. Peace is the goal.
Most of us did change our circle of friends or at least learn to not go to events that were strictly about drinking.
The dog isn't a good reason to drink. If you can't rehome it, I'd say take it to a dog trainer and learn to live in peace with the dog. It's not the dog - the dog's reacting to the energy it is living with. It needs healthy structure, exercise, and kind balanced leadership, and YOU and your family need to provide that. There is no dog that would bark for seven hours in my presence. Heck, it wouldn't bark for seven minutes. It's not the dog.
The dog needs the same stuff we all need.
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Posts: 67
Originally Posted by biminiblue
That's not what she meant.
"Changing your relationships," means changing the dynamics in close relationships, becoming more focused on being that good husband and father instead of the drunk husband and father. Adding more people so those family members aren't our whole lives. Getting some therapy if that's needed.
Letting go of our past traumas and learning to make peace with the world as it is. That leads to better relationships with family, neighbors, the girl in the grocery line. Peace is the goal.
Most of us did change our circle of friends or at least learn to not go to events that were strictly about drinking.
The dog isn't a good reason to drink. If you can't rehome it, I'd say take it to a dog trainer and learn to live in peace with the dog. It's not the dog - the dog's reacting to the energy it is living with. It needs healthy structure, exercise, and kind balanced leadership, and YOU and your family need to provide that. There is no dog that would bark for seven hours in my presence. Heck, it wouldn't bark for seven minutes. It's not the dog.
The dog needs the same stuff we all need.
"Changing your relationships," means changing the dynamics in close relationships, becoming more focused on being that good husband and father instead of the drunk husband and father. Adding more people so those family members aren't our whole lives. Getting some therapy if that's needed.
Letting go of our past traumas and learning to make peace with the world as it is. That leads to better relationships with family, neighbors, the girl in the grocery line. Peace is the goal.
Most of us did change our circle of friends or at least learn to not go to events that were strictly about drinking.
The dog isn't a good reason to drink. If you can't rehome it, I'd say take it to a dog trainer and learn to live in peace with the dog. It's not the dog - the dog's reacting to the energy it is living with. It needs healthy structure, exercise, and kind balanced leadership, and YOU and your family need to provide that. There is no dog that would bark for seven hours in my presence. Heck, it wouldn't bark for seven minutes. It's not the dog.
The dog needs the same stuff we all need.
We don't go to any events. Maybe out to eat once in a blue moon and I get lemon water to drink.
Here's the one thing you say I agree with. The therapy. I have to take out a small home equity loan to go to therapy. I don't qualify for any "sliding scale" and they don't take insurance. It's $45 a visit for group, and $111 an hour for one on one. Thanks for your input. It's appreciated, I am a mess, but I am not a bad Father or husband in any way. I asm well-liked in my community. Just no real friends. I am the treasurer here for our community and also the designated grass cutter for the entire sub-division. I am well- liked at the grocery store as well. I am not what you think I am. I have a problem, agreed, but it isn't changing my home life at all, or any aspect of being around people. Living in the woods like this, well, there are no people.
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
A few weeks ago I had a really bad neighbor that was blasting loud rap music and I told myself "i just cant quit drinking until this problem is taken care of". And then one day the music stopped. Im not sure if the guy moved away or just quit playing the loud music. After that I stayed sober like maybe 25 days or so.
But then I bought some stocks and they went down 20%. I drank over that and now its been 15 days of drinking.
The point is that even if your dog stopped barking or if dog left to live with another family....a new problem will just arrive to take its place and to provide another impetus for continued drinking.
In my case i had to really do some psychological "re-arranging" and separate my drinking from the performance of the stock market. Your addictive voice has managed to create a symlink or "association" with the dogs barking = sustained alcohol consumption and now you are stuck in this situation.
But our addictive voice ALWAYS wants to drink so its going to find a way (one way or another) and that is why we drink when we have a problem and also why we drink "in celebration" after overcoming a problem or after some good news. In all cases we are being manipulated by the addictive voice. I call it the devil on my left shoulder.
But basically you are being manipulated by the addictive voice. but if the dog is a behavior problem maybe talk to your son about it and ask him if you can go to the animal shelter and exchange your dog for another one.
But recognize that the bad dog is a completely separate issue from your alcoholism. And that you need to acknowldege that a symlink has been created and you need to consciously sever that symlink.
In my case now that I severed the symlink it no longer matters what happens with the price of my stock, My future drinking is now completely disassociated from the stock. Symlink has been severed.
But then I bought some stocks and they went down 20%. I drank over that and now its been 15 days of drinking.
The point is that even if your dog stopped barking or if dog left to live with another family....a new problem will just arrive to take its place and to provide another impetus for continued drinking.
In my case i had to really do some psychological "re-arranging" and separate my drinking from the performance of the stock market. Your addictive voice has managed to create a symlink or "association" with the dogs barking = sustained alcohol consumption and now you are stuck in this situation.
But our addictive voice ALWAYS wants to drink so its going to find a way (one way or another) and that is why we drink when we have a problem and also why we drink "in celebration" after overcoming a problem or after some good news. In all cases we are being manipulated by the addictive voice. I call it the devil on my left shoulder.
But basically you are being manipulated by the addictive voice. but if the dog is a behavior problem maybe talk to your son about it and ask him if you can go to the animal shelter and exchange your dog for another one.
But recognize that the bad dog is a completely separate issue from your alcoholism. And that you need to acknowldege that a symlink has been created and you need to consciously sever that symlink.
In my case now that I severed the symlink it no longer matters what happens with the price of my stock, My future drinking is now completely disassociated from the stock. Symlink has been severed.
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Originally Posted by stayingsassy
there’s not one sober person here who didn’t completely change their lives and relationships to attain sobriety, which not everyone gets. Most of us die drinking. We didn’t want that.
If this isn’t your life goal, then it won’t happen. Sobriety is my total life goal. Otherwise, i won’t be sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by fini
“ There is no better Father or husband than me anywhere...” whoa!
really?
i don’t know you, obviously, but just will say anyway that this seems like an extremely unrealistic self-perception.
really?
i don’t know you, obviously, but just will say anyway that this seems like an extremely unrealistic self-perception.
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