First AA Meeting Question
 

Hello All,

This is my first time posting after being here a while reading along the way. Currently on my first day sober after many attempts. I know I can't do this alone. My question is, when should you attend your first AA meeting? Should it be after the withdrawal symptoms go away? It sounds silly but I don't want to go in shaking and feeling sick to my stomach. Any advise given would be appreciated.
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Go when you feel ready, but don't put it off. There's nothing to fear, and most AA meetings in my neck of the woods don't run much beyond an hour.

The best time to go to any kind of recovery meeting is now. Everyone there will completely understand what you are going through and offer support.

there was a detox in the town i got sober in. the clients would be loaded up anbd brought to meetings. many were shaking even with detox meds.
ive seen many people with withdrawl symptoms at meetings over the years.
im glad they didnt wait until the felt good.

Thank you.

I really wish I could go to a detox center. However, I work 6:30 to 3:30/4 pm Monday through Friday. I don't have anyone other support outside of myself. 😪

I understand how scary it is to attend your first meeting, but I promise, once you walk through those doors, the worst will be over. You only have to walk in for the first time once. Take a deep breath and jump in. You will be in a room full of people that have been exactly where you are now. We all started on day one!

Hugs, let is know how it went,
Cathy

understandable. the point was that we dont mind and like to see people show up no matter what their condition is.
something i think would benefit ya is to read the big book of AA to get an understanding of what the program is. you can find and read it online by doing a search for "big book online."

It is VERY scary. Admittingly and regretfully, i have always cared about what others thought of me. My road has been rough and I have prided myself on getting "through" alot if hardships even though they probably weren't the healthiest ways. I get scared knowing that I will have to admit to others that I am powerless to alcohol. I am tearful and terrified but kind of excited. Just a bunch of mixed emotions. It's hard for me to open up to people due to trust issues. I am trying to stay positive and will be in a meeting very soon. Thanks so much for reaching out to me. I really appreciate it. Hugs.

I actually purchased a small copy about 6 months ago. Made it half way through. The 12 steps are a bit overwhelming. I guess all I can really do is start with step one and feel comfortable in that. Thanks for the push and the support.

extrememely overwhelming for me,too. old fart at the meetings asked me how old are ya and how long did ya drink for?"
"im 37 and drank for 23 years."
"ok. welp, if ya drink for a week you could get it kicked pout quick.however ya drank for 23 years and have 37 years of life so ya have a lot to sort through and learn from. the steps are in order for a reason. keep it simple."

on other words, very good idea to start at step one until you get a full understanding of it and how it applies to you and your life.
i had that down a little walkin into my first meeting:
i was walkin into an AA meeting- not too many people walk into AA having power over alcohol and a managable life. :)

GoNwithTheFLOW-good user name. :)

I tried AA and hated it. Nonetheless it was crucial in early sobriety. I myself couldn't possibly have gone to an AA meeting while in withdrawal on my own, I required medical detox. I found myself in an AA meeting in rehab when I was in a group and someone started saying things that I recognized, and I thought "Holy crap, this is an AA meeting." I was still in withdrawal, but on a valium taper so the symptoms were manageable...there isn't a chance in hell I could have gotten myself to a meeting in the state I would have been in without the benzo taper, and without being in an environment where it just kinda happened. Since then I've seen people in meetings, usually brought by someone who found them or knew them, who were in pretty bad shape. In one case, they were taken to the hospital immediately as the meeting ended. I certainly gave AA a shot before I discarded it, and had other sobriety methods at my disposal.

My experiences aside, my overall advice would be to utilize whatever recovery resources are at your disposal. AA isn't a bad place to start by any means, and I'm sure people here can give you tips for finding a good meeting and getting there. I would also suggest that you consult with your doctor regarding your withdrawal, particularly if your symptoms are relatively severe.

I didn't think I could do inpatient either. It's amazing what you can manage when your life is at stake.

Do whatever you can as soon as you can to get sober.

LOL, I remember my first meeting, I sat with my arms crossed and a scowl on my face. When it got to me, all I said was "My name is Cathy and I am an Alcoholic, and I would rather be anywhere else in the world except here!" No one passed judgement, everyone seemed to have felt the same way at one point or another. Thankfully, I kept coming back!

hi there,
i like that you are tearful, terrified and that excited. very especially the excited part. tells me you are looking forward to a change for the better. at least, that is what i found so exciting:)
there is nothing you HAVE to do at a meeting; absolutely nothing. if you are not sure you are powerless over alcohol, then no reason to say so.
if you do know that alcohol has “got you licked”, you have already started the stepwork and are in a good place to start out in the better direction.
hope you will soon tell us about your first meeting!

I was also scared at my first meeting. I didn't go alone and it was all new to me. Actually it took many attempts to become comfortable at a meeting of any sort because I thought people were judging me or going to judge me if I opened my mouth. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. You'll know when the time is right. When I relapsed after 5 years and thought I could handle it on my own, 10 years later I went back after knowing I was really licked and had no control over my drinking. I just got away from sobriety being a priority, day to day. It was even harder going back than it was the first time and asking for help. It's still hard to ask for help. I know when I do or anyone does you get what you need and the big surprise is that the person helping you stays sober and probably helped as much or more than you. Much like the support on this site, people retain what they have by giving it away. So many paradoxes in life. You'll also learn that the newcomer is the most important person at any meeting. Good luck and keep and open mind. Don't judge by any one meeting but try many. If a friend hadn't told me that after my first meeting I don't know if I ever would have gone back. That was 31 years ago and we are lifelong friends now. You can do this.

I think we all connect with different parts of The BB at different phases in our process. Sometimes the direction and prayers go over my head. So I do not read too much at a time -- it's not a novel.

I believe some of the pamphlets and the Living Sober book are the best distraction and knowledge for under 90 days. That's just for me. Neither of those types of readings are as persuasive or decisive, so it's less pressure.

Hi everyone. Thanks for all or the advice and support. I wanted to check in and let everyone know I made it to a meeting. It took everything in my to get past the heart pounding and head shaking. Once I breathed enough to calm down I enjoyed hearing people and their success stories. Unfortunately, I didn't make and friendships. I didn't speak or course so it's probably my fault. I can't start a conversation to save my life. Again, trust issues. Ugh. I can't give up.

I never talk at first. Then you cannot shut me up. Making friends can be hard, I sit back and watch people. Keep going back, eventually you will feel comfortable enough to talk.

GoN,
good going on attending that meeting!
next time you go, raise your hand when the chairperson asks if there are any newcomers. you don’t need to speak. just raising your hand is a good-enough indication that you would like some help, and hopefully will result in someone else starting a conversation with you as soon as the meeting is over.

I didn't talk either at first. Like Horsie, then they couldn't shut me up.

It does get easier. People all know each other and it can be intimidating. Once you get adjusted it can be a very powerful experience, particularly in surrender.

Hey GoN - so glad to hear you went.

Like others said, I was sick (huge w/drawals and extended ones at that) and angry and....totally relate to how you feel right now. And, I am another one who was quiet for quite awhile - and wasn't about to try to make friends. I knew AA was my only option at the point I finally quit, but that didn't mean I was ready to "do" or "absorb" much of anything. I had to just sit, and keep coming back.

When are you going back? I promise it is ok to keep showing up however YOU need to, and lots of us are people pleasers too so I get that also! Like our wise friend tomsteve said, it takes time (which is a huge challenge for this alcoholic) and repetition.

Glad you are sharing here too.

Thank you! Honestly, I was so nervous to do that because I didn't want to to walk to the front to grab a coin! Yikes! I will try to go to another one here this evening. Still don't want to raise my hand. Just getting there and going in is so hard. I am weird.

you aint weird. i had quite a bit of fear walkin into meetings for some time. that fear was insecurity and low self esteem masked as fear. found that out by workin the steps.
until i learned that i kept having the courage to walk into meetings AND speak.
walkin in got easier as i worked the steps.

Go now to AA now and be gentle on yourself. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". Regarding the 12 steps, keep your focus on Step 1. It saved my life, I couldn't have gotten sober on my own. A big hug.

Well I went to my second one this evening. Just got home. It was a bit different because it was all women and a speaker. A little less pressure. I am exhausted but I haven't drank! Tomorrow will be day 4. I think I will go to work and maybe relax on the idea of attending a meeting tomorrow. Just kind of want to work and come home and watch TV with my cat. Ha. Still no friends yet... Thank you everyone for the support. I feel it here more than anywhere else in my life.

hey, that is 3 days!!
relaxing on the idea of a meeting....know why you are wanting that.
what i mean is along these lines: is it seriously overstress time wise, or is it about running away from the discomfort and anxiety about going?
friends...they don’t just ‘happen’; there is a reason it is called ‘making friends’. it implies we need to do something, put ourselves out, act.
you know what i’m saying:)

fini has the same thoughts as myself.
the thread was started with talk of withdrawls,then wishing to go to a detox center,talk of insecurities,fears,low self esteem......and now want to sit back,watch tv, and spend time with cat.
if you truly wantto stop drinking for good,yer gonna have to discipline yourself to do the actions for recovery. tv and cat time arent actions for recovery.
my favorite reading from the 24 hours a day book

AA Thought for the Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.

Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

Meditation for the Day
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it God cannot give me this power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.

Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God’s power in my life.

What fini said!!

I was told early on "go to a meeting when you want to, and when you don't want to - just go." That proved to be really wise advice- still does here at 3+ yr when I kinda sorta don't want to go, want to do something else, etc....learning to identify "WHY" I wasn't inclined to go is something important.

Also, just my experience, no one was going to "make" me speak or get a chip - I never got a white one. Now, I know I never will because I don't have a relapse in me. And, IMO, it is perfectly OK to say "Pass" if you find yourself in a meeting where it goes around in a circle to talk (which I greatly dislike). Womens' mtgs are a great fit for plenty of us (mens' too) - not me, but my now-friends often talk about finding a niche there.

I'd also suggest you keep going to different kinds of meetings- open discussion and newcomers were good for me at first, but I really didn't know what each one was - I went to the same time every day bc it fit in my schedule. I only gradually learned to experience different mtgs on purpose, and mainly as my schedule had to change around work - but I have always found time to go.

Other stuff on top of whatever recovery program you choose is great- but putting it as add-on not instead of is how I have found continued sobriety. Which reminds me I need to go to 3 mtgs the rest of this wk to be on my track!!

It' still amazing to me how I can think I am so unique in how I feel and then I keep going to meetings, stay sober, listen and share when I'm ready and find that everyone felt the same way. Different stages of life but life just the same. I also keep in the forefront of my mind, "don't drink no matter what." The meetings, steps, recovery, wisdom and experience of sober people, etc. helps me to do this. You are a miracle.

Congrats on going to meetings and sticking with your sobriety.

For me, it is a life and death matter and not just a quality of life issue.

Please keep coming back to meetings.

Nothing, including AA meetings, are fun when you are withdrawing from alcohol.

The meetings, and life generally, get better once you have been successfully separated from alcohol.

Please continue to keep us posted and, as we say in AA, keep coming back.