Not certain I have an alcohol addiction
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Your logic seems to go: SR promotes abstinence. AA promotes abstinence too. Therefore, SR = AA.
This is incorrect. AA is merely one particular method for achieving and maintaining abstinence. There are many others, all of which SR embraces as well.
The responses to your comments are based on a wealth of collective experience from people who are well versed in alcohol addiction, its insidious and progressive nature, and its warning signs. We all found abstinence to be the only sure solution to our problem, so it stands to reason that it's what we're going to recommend to you, too. If that makes for "cookie cutter advice," so be it.
If you're looking for someone on SR to reassure you that you really don't have a problem with alcohol, you just need to cut back a bit and manage your drinking better, you have indeed come to the wrong place.
This is incorrect. AA is merely one particular method for achieving and maintaining abstinence. There are many others, all of which SR embraces as well.
The responses to your comments are based on a wealth of collective experience from people who are well versed in alcohol addiction, its insidious and progressive nature, and its warning signs. We all found abstinence to be the only sure solution to our problem, so it stands to reason that it's what we're going to recommend to you, too. If that makes for "cookie cutter advice," so be it.
If you're looking for someone on SR to reassure you that you really don't have a problem with alcohol, you just need to cut back a bit and manage your drinking better, you have indeed come to the wrong place.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
i got and stayed sober using Lifering, an abstinence-based organization. abstinence-based meaning that abstinence is the goal, and not that you need to be abstinent to join or participate.
the question of control and power, choice, was the one most frustrating and elusive to me, and i battled with that for years before i got sober and months and months after i got sober.
i had enough experience of having lost control, but it didn't fit into my belief system or how i saw myself or humans in general.
but no point elaborating on that now.
your own struggles with returns to drinking after deciding not to are your story, your experience. your experiences will tell you where you are at, what the problem is. depending on what you think the problem really is, you will settle on a solution.
so , deciding what the problem is is really crucial.
i do want to add that i don't read the "how much did you drink" threads that you mention, as i find those comparisons useless. my alcoholism had nothing to do with volumes drunk and everything to do with loss of control, choice, power.
the question of control and power, choice, was the one most frustrating and elusive to me, and i battled with that for years before i got sober and months and months after i got sober.
i had enough experience of having lost control, but it didn't fit into my belief system or how i saw myself or humans in general.
but no point elaborating on that now.
your own struggles with returns to drinking after deciding not to are your story, your experience. your experiences will tell you where you are at, what the problem is. depending on what you think the problem really is, you will settle on a solution.
so , deciding what the problem is is really crucial.
i do want to add that i don't read the "how much did you drink" threads that you mention, as i find those comparisons useless. my alcoholism had nothing to do with volumes drunk and everything to do with loss of control, choice, power.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
I have never been to AA, I have used some crude version of AVRT to help with my recovery. The reason why I’m on SR is because of the wealth of experience, passion, and compassion of the folks here.
Of course they might not always say what you want to hear (or, ahem, rather what your addiction wants to hear). When it comes to the question whether or not you’re an alcoholic, I found the ‘how much do you drink’ aspect to be meaningless - for me the key question is are there occasions where you can’t stop after the first class.
If so, then this is a problem - but is it a problem big enough for you to want to stop? That’s for you to decide. However, the combined experience here on SR tells us that this will get worse over time, so please go inside yourself and check for denial. I wish you all the best!
Of course they might not always say what you want to hear (or, ahem, rather what your addiction wants to hear). When it comes to the question whether or not you’re an alcoholic, I found the ‘how much do you drink’ aspect to be meaningless - for me the key question is are there occasions where you can’t stop after the first class.
If so, then this is a problem - but is it a problem big enough for you to want to stop? That’s for you to decide. However, the combined experience here on SR tells us that this will get worse over time, so please go inside yourself and check for denial. I wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by CallingYouOut 
"We are a community dedicated to total abstinence. So you won't find anyone approving of keeping alcohol around the house or continued experimentation with moderation."
I see, so this *is* an AA place. That was what I thought. A few people said in this thread that it isn't, but coming from a Forum Leader, now I know.
"I'm sorry if you find the posts to be negative, but to be quite frank what would you have us say when you only come here to tell us that you have several bottles of wine and you might come here again if you get the urge?"
Well, I guess it is good cookie-cutter advice from an AA standpoint. I have never really it found it helpful to be told: you have no power, no control. That's one of the more repulsive aspects of AA.
"We all know exactly where you are right now so we are trying to give you advice based on our own first hand experience. AKA - sometime you have to hear things you don't want to hear in order to get better."
I must respectfully disagree and say not necessarily. Many of you have serious alcoholism issues. Just read that "How much did you drink on average" thread! The majority of the comments there seem to be from people who don't know what it is like to just have a couple of glasses of wine, maybe do that a few times, put the bottles aside until months later, and do that for years, if not the rest of one's life.
Not everyone who has periods in their life where they"struggle" with alcohol is an alcoholic, so it would be helpful if people were treated as individuals.
I see, so this *is* an AA place. That was what I thought. A few people said in this thread that it isn't, but coming from a Forum Leader, now I know.
"I'm sorry if you find the posts to be negative, but to be quite frank what would you have us say when you only come here to tell us that you have several bottles of wine and you might come here again if you get the urge?"
Well, I guess it is good cookie-cutter advice from an AA standpoint. I have never really it found it helpful to be told: you have no power, no control. That's one of the more repulsive aspects of AA.
"We all know exactly where you are right now so we are trying to give you advice based on our own first hand experience. AKA - sometime you have to hear things you don't want to hear in order to get better."
I must respectfully disagree and say not necessarily. Many of you have serious alcoholism issues. Just read that "How much did you drink on average" thread! The majority of the comments there seem to be from people who don't know what it is like to just have a couple of glasses of wine, maybe do that a few times, put the bottles aside until months later, and do that for years, if not the rest of one's life.
Not everyone who has periods in their life where they"struggle" with alcohol is an alcoholic, so it would be helpful if people were treated as individuals.
But: I started out like you. I was right where you are right around age 35-36. Why do I know this?
Because alcohol has been screwing with me since my late teens, and it has caused the kind of mental obsession that makes me remember these things.
I think you said you are older than your 30’s? Doesn’t matter. It’s progressive. If you’re already finding it “hard to keep wine in the house,” you’ll progress. It’s that simple.
If you “don’t think you’re that bad yet,” you can spend another ten years counting wine levels in your bottles and wringing your hands about that last bottle of wine in your house, or you can free your mind. Free your soul.
Think of it this way: “how much wine is left in my bottle” takes up space that art, music, learning, adventures, literature....well, everything...could be taking up instead. Do you want to spend more time in your precious life with booze claiming so much mental real estate? It’s a waste.
And yeah SR is an abstinence based forum!! Thank the holy heavens, and I say that without an ounce of religion in my body
I’d have left long ago if it wasn’t. Many of us are gratefully abstinent, but being abstinent is not following AA by definition. We all follow many different paths to sobriety. Hope you find it in you to free your mind, but if you don’t? We still aren’t going to have the kind of response you want when you talk about your wine collection.
We have left wine far behind us. And we like it that way.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
I see, so this *is* an AA place. That was what I thought.
From our rules:
We do not endorse any particular group name or affiliate our forums with any organization.
I ended up an all day everyday drinker but I started a once in a blue moon drinker.
Trouble was I could never stop once I started.
That sounds more similar to you than it sounds different, to me.
No one wants to fight with you - what is it you want from us? How can we help?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Hello again CallingYouOut
Sounds like you are not a fan of AA. There a forum here for folks who want to stop using that is not 12 step based. Have you checked out the Permanent Abstinence Based Recovery forum? Maybe you can find something that is more helpful to you in that forum.
You are correct that many of us had a "worse" problem in the amount of alcohol we consumed. So we are a bit biased. We see your situation and our guess is that your alcohol problem will get worse as time passes. I will certainly admit that we could be wrong in your case. Each person is unique. But I hope you see that we could be right too. It is common for alcohol problems to get worse as time passes.
Again perhaps some visits with a trained therapist would help you to get a more accurate personal assessment of your situation.
As I said before I wish you success and happiness in your life whatever path you choose.
Sounds like you are not a fan of AA. There a forum here for folks who want to stop using that is not 12 step based. Have you checked out the Permanent Abstinence Based Recovery forum? Maybe you can find something that is more helpful to you in that forum.
You are correct that many of us had a "worse" problem in the amount of alcohol we consumed. So we are a bit biased. We see your situation and our guess is that your alcohol problem will get worse as time passes. I will certainly admit that we could be wrong in your case. Each person is unique. But I hope you see that we could be right too. It is common for alcohol problems to get worse as time passes.
Again perhaps some visits with a trained therapist would help you to get a more accurate personal assessment of your situation.
As I said before I wish you success and happiness in your life whatever path you choose.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Lots of great information to all of your queries here CYO. Yes, SR is an abstinence based community and so is AA. Seems like the real question that has to be answered here is one that only you can - and it relates back to the main topic of your thread that you started the whole thing out with. I tried to argue my way out of addiction for years and it appears that's what you are trying to do here, but again no one is going to confirm for you that it's OK to drink - we just don't do that here. Neither does AA or any other recovery group. At this point I think you simply need to make a decision as this thread has run it's course. You are welcome to start another support thread if abstinence/recovery is what you seek - but the continuous argument about whether or not some can moderate needs to stop, therefore this thread is closed.
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