August252015

I'm sorry to hear you chose to drank.

Whatever you decide on drinking (and you know what we think), best to your husband and you.

Dropsie

Glad you decided that stopping was the right answer.

Stopping is not aways a straight road, but in the end you will still get there.

You might want to check out Tempest, which used to be Hip Sobriety. She runs an online school and support group that I think is super.

I am not a believer in day counting, maybe just think of it as a few hour break from your new sober life.

XX

Hawkeye13

Yes, the way we respond to alcohol changes over time and with excessive use.

I really don't enjoy much of a "buzz" any longer, and I quickly want to sleep.

Then there is the insomnia and feeling grotty for several days afterwords.

It simply isn't worth it anymore to me.

Glad you are back on the sober bus!

nez

The second sentence really resonates with me because that was my experience as well. So knowing that, then why would I drink again at some point in the future. I didn't want to drink, but inevitably I did.

Talking with people who had accomplished what I was seemingly incapable of doing taught me how to be able to do the same. I also learned quite a bit else along the way.

In the future, if you find yourself reaching out for a drink and you don't know why or you don't want to, reach out to the people on this website instead.

Stayingsassy

This. Every single time I went back out, I disliked the feeling. As an alcoholic, I chose every time to chase the feeling with booze until that euphoric obliteration came back, it was like training myself to be a drunk again, every time. Because my brain works like that. I eat past fullness. I drink past satisfaction. I am sure I would pop pills until I was hounding doctors, it’s just that knowing myself, I know better than to dabble with drugs. I know exactly who I am and how I respond to things that jack up my dopamine. I had to learn, or I’d be dead.

I hope you are learning the right path for yourself.

CallingYouOut

Just checking in to update my thread. Things are good.

I had an emotionally exhausting day yesterday, and successfully withstood the urge to drink (yay!). I spent two hours on the phone with a partner at a law firm discussing a potential case we have against the hospitals/doctors who have cared for and/or are caring for my husband. We went over the factual history in grueling detail. I felt like I was reliving all of it - a total nightmare.

I was given homework over the weekend to fill in some of the gaps in the narrative. This will sure keep me busy and will be draining. However, the drinking of wine the other night was so dissatisfying that I imagine that I won't have insurmountable urges. Sure, I may feel the pull, but I will come here and vent if I need to, as someone suggested.

Times like these.....

CallingYouOut

When I had bought that wine that I mentioned I had -- what is it now, a week or so ago? -- it was four bottles: two of the economical vintage and two that were a bit higher end. Well, it's now proving impossible for me to have red wine in the house, because yesterday I got into the third bottle. Two had been consumed by Saturday night. It has been a rough few days and my husband had an assistant with him all day yesterday. I only had a couple of glasses, so I am not that angry with myself.

Before writing this post, I read some of the thread "How much did you drink on average." I cannot relate to any of that. Thank goodness.

There is a bottle and a 1/3rd or so left. I don't know when I may feel that tug again, but I will try really really hard to come here when I do.

biminiblue

Throw away that last bottle now.

If you want to stop drinking, you have to stop drinking. Comparing "how bad I am" to others was never useful for me. I was bad enough. More justifying and rationalizing. Either I make a decision and quit, or keep drinking. It is one of those all-or-nothing choices.

Throw it out. Pour out the 1/3 bottle. I would suggest opening and pouring out the last bottle too. And get rid of your wine opener and your wine glasses. Or at least pack the glasses away to take to the thrift store.

August252015

Sorry to hear you are still choosing to drink, and to this amount and level of mental obsession.

I hope you stop.

Good advice above from bimini- those are the small things you can do right away....

fini

from my point of view as an alcoholic, you are missing the point. assessing returns to drinking by whether it was satisfying or not and by how much you drank and by how angry you are with yourself or not misses the crucial element of the return to drinking. and why you go there again. and what you might/will do to not go there.

CallingYouOut

Wow, you all are so negative. Way to help! (not)

doggonecarl

So if this isn't the way to help, what is?

What help can SR give that will keep you from drinking?

AAPJ

I am going to re-phrase Carl’s answer a bit.

Is there anything we folks on SR can offer you to make your life better and does so through encouraging abstinence from alcohol?

This site promotes abstinence from alcohol and drugs as a way to improve our lives. For most of us that means not drinking – at all. Please understand that we are a biased lot. But I think most of us are truly trying to help you.

Your thread title indicates that you are not sure which path you want to take regarding your personal use of alcohol and you are still drinking some of the time. I certainly understand that. I have friends who choose to drink and friends who have quit drinking.

Perhaps you would benefit from a personal therapist? After all I’m just some bozo with a keyboard on an internet chat forum. Why listen to anything I say?

Only you can choose the right path for you. I wish you success in life.

August252015

^^^^Exactly. Things we don't want to hear sure do fall into that "everyone's being negative" category in short order.

Clearly, it seems we aren't helping you - so I'll bow out of further comments because I am not sure what it is you want, other than maybe us saying we don't think you need to quit, or are an alcoholic?

I hope you live a life you enjoy, whatever you do with its years.

ScottFromWI

We are a community dedicated to total abstinence. So you won't find anyone approving of keeping alcohol around the house or continued experimentation with moderation. I'm sorry if you find the posts to be negative, but to be quite frank what would you have us say when you only come here to tell us that you have several bottles of wine and you might come here again if you get the urge? We all know exactly where you are right now so we are trying to give you advice based on our own first hand experience. AKA - sometime you have to hear things you don't want to hear in order to get better.

fini

hm...see, i don’t see my response as negative but as realistic. it comes from my lived experience as a person who told myself pretty much the same things it sounds like you are saying. and who has now been sober quite a while, which has made my former self-deceptions much more obvious to me.
i can see why you consider the comments negative from where you are at.
but didn’t you come here to get other perspectives, especially from people who have “been there” and are now not “there”anymore?

CallingYouOut

"We are a community dedicated to total abstinence. So you won't find anyone approving of keeping alcohol around the house or continued experimentation with moderation."

I see, so this *is* an AA place. That was what I thought. A few people said in this thread that it isn't, but coming from a Forum Leader, now I know.

"I'm sorry if you find the posts to be negative, but to be quite frank what would you have us say when you only come here to tell us that you have several bottles of wine and you might come here again if you get the urge?"

Well, I guess it is good cookie-cutter advice from an AA standpoint. I have never really it found it helpful to be told: you have no power, no control. That's one of the more repulsive aspects of AA.

"We all know exactly where you are right now so we are trying to give you advice based on our own first hand experience. AKA - sometime you have to hear things you don't want to hear in order to get better."

I must respectfully disagree and say not necessarily. Many of you have serious alcoholism issues. Just read that "How much did you drink on average" thread! The majority of the comments there seem to be from people who don't know what it is like to just have a couple of glasses of wine, maybe do that a few times, put the bottles aside until months later, and do that for years, if not the rest of one's life.

Not everyone who has periods in their life where they"struggle" with alcohol is an alcoholic, so it would be helpful if people were treated as individuals.

Atlast9999

biminiblue

AA is abstinence based.

I am not an AA member.

This site is abstinence based, too.

So, are you planning to keep drinking, CallingYouOut? If so, look for a website that supports continued drinking. No one here is going to agree that it's a healthy lifestyle.

Maybe re-read your first post.

For what it's worth, I used to drink one or two here and there, not drink for weeks at a time, etc.

Then - my *control* slowly slipped away. It is gradual and it is insidious.

If you become willing to see that your drinking is problematic, we'll leave a light on for you.

suki44883

If SR isn't what you are looking for (and it apparently isn't) there are other places where you might better fit in. There is really no need for the snarky remarks...just move on.