I’m terrified to fly
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
Oh Hawaii sounds amazing!
I cannot help at all, I love to fly LOL
However, this is kinda funny, the first time I ever flew after getting sober, free booze in the lounge and on the flight. In 20 years of flying and being legal to drink, as soon as I get sober
Oh well, there were free cookies too and they were tasty and you could eat as many as you wanted! I didn't drink the airline dry, but I had a major sugar rush and food coma on the flight!
I cannot help at all, I love to fly LOL
However, this is kinda funny, the first time I ever flew after getting sober, free booze in the lounge and on the flight. In 20 years of flying and being legal to drink, as soon as I get sober
Oh well, there were free cookies too and they were tasty and you could eat as many as you wanted! I didn't drink the airline dry, but I had a major sugar rush and food coma on the flight!
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
The last time I flew, to New Orleans in 2016, I must have had at least a half bottle of Jack before the flight, and then more and more during, so I got through it fine, I was living in a continual fog as it was back then.
I’m tired of being that person who never takes her family anywhere due to fear, it’s no way to live, so I decided we’d go to Hawaii this summer.
I hate the mind-trick that fear of flying is, how the brain can hijack sense and take something that rarely happens and make it something the brain believes absolutely will happen. It reminds me of the delusions people have about drinking even when they know it’s destroying them, believing the opposite, that it’s helping them is such a tremendous lie the brain is telling itself to get what it needs, the drink.
I wish I could do the same thing with this fear, I suppose if I had to fly every day for work, there would become a kind of desensitization that would take care of it: kind of like how daily sobriety and enough time does for alcoholism.
Ugh just wish me well on this 30,000 foot journey in the sky, completely sober, because the sober me can’t hide and pretend it’s ok that no one gets to go somewhere cool with Mom because she’s afraid. I’m the one the kids want to hang with, maybe if I’d ruined those relationships with a bit more drinking I could have gotten out of it, huh?
My dear friend at work (this is an aside) had a holiday blackout and now one of her adult daughters will not speak to her. She doesn’t remember any of it. She is devastated. She started AA. She said “I knew I drank a lot and was getting more blackouts and things were worse but what’s weird is, I never realized I was an alcoholic. Then this happened. My first consequence was a bad one.” She asked me to go to an AA meeting with her just as a social thing and I may do it, as a support for her. I told her I believe in my heart that with enough sober time, her daughter will learn to trust her again, it’s just too early yet, she doesn’t believe Mom will stay sober. Yet. Time can heal.
So I should be grateful I didn’t incur the losses I could have, that I took a very sick problem out of my life before it did these kinds of things to me, that my adult daughters think going to Hawaii with me sounds awesome and it’s a blessing, not a damned curse that now I have to get on that godforsaken plane.
I’m tired of being that person who never takes her family anywhere due to fear, it’s no way to live, so I decided we’d go to Hawaii this summer.
I hate the mind-trick that fear of flying is, how the brain can hijack sense and take something that rarely happens and make it something the brain believes absolutely will happen. It reminds me of the delusions people have about drinking even when they know it’s destroying them, believing the opposite, that it’s helping them is such a tremendous lie the brain is telling itself to get what it needs, the drink.
I wish I could do the same thing with this fear, I suppose if I had to fly every day for work, there would become a kind of desensitization that would take care of it: kind of like how daily sobriety and enough time does for alcoholism.
Ugh just wish me well on this 30,000 foot journey in the sky, completely sober, because the sober me can’t hide and pretend it’s ok that no one gets to go somewhere cool with Mom because she’s afraid. I’m the one the kids want to hang with, maybe if I’d ruined those relationships with a bit more drinking I could have gotten out of it, huh?
My dear friend at work (this is an aside) had a holiday blackout and now one of her adult daughters will not speak to her. She doesn’t remember any of it. She is devastated. She started AA. She said “I knew I drank a lot and was getting more blackouts and things were worse but what’s weird is, I never realized I was an alcoholic. Then this happened. My first consequence was a bad one.” She asked me to go to an AA meeting with her just as a social thing and I may do it, as a support for her. I told her I believe in my heart that with enough sober time, her daughter will learn to trust her again, it’s just too early yet, she doesn’t believe Mom will stay sober. Yet. Time can heal.
So I should be grateful I didn’t incur the losses I could have, that I took a very sick problem out of my life before it did these kinds of things to me, that my adult daughters think going to Hawaii with me sounds awesome and it’s a blessing, not a damned curse that now I have to get on that godforsaken plane.
I decided when I quit drinking my extra money would be used for vacations so in the last year iv travelled 5 times and I'm no longer as scared. I used to get full on body numbness and crying hyperventilating beforehand.
I don't know if removing alcohol before the flight has actually helped me?!?
Download some good gripping shows on Netflix to watch on your flight, it helps to pass the time. Do some quiet meditation before the flight too, I use an app called stop breath think, good for anxiety.
Have a wonderful trip with your loved ones, hawaii wow I'd love to visit there let us know how it is.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Lpg
Sassy I feel your pain I used to have a terrible fear of flying, and would have to be well lubricated in booze before I would step foot on the plane (which of course I loved as it meant drinking at 6am was acceptable) I even used to mix my diazapam from the doctor with the alcohol, I can't remember a few flights landing at my holiday destination ��
I decided when I quit drinking my extra money would be used for vacations so in the last year iv travelled 5 times and I'm no longer as scared. I used to get full on body numbness and crying hyperventilating beforehand.
I don't know if removing alcohol before the flight has actually helped me?!?
Download some good gripping shows on Netflix to watch on your flight, it helps to pass the time. Do some quiet meditation before the flight too, I use an app called stop breath think, good for anxiety.
Have a wonderful trip with your loved ones, hawaii wow I'd love to visit there let us know how it is.
I decided when I quit drinking my extra money would be used for vacations so in the last year iv travelled 5 times and I'm no longer as scared. I used to get full on body numbness and crying hyperventilating beforehand.
I don't know if removing alcohol before the flight has actually helped me?!?
Download some good gripping shows on Netflix to watch on your flight, it helps to pass the time. Do some quiet meditation before the flight too, I use an app called stop breath think, good for anxiety.
Have a wonderful trip with your loved ones, hawaii wow I'd love to visit there let us know how it is.
Strangely, I was reading about plane crash deaths and found it comforting: apparently you either die almost instantly or survive, so if my number was up, would that really be so bad?
I think it’s cool you’re spending extra money on vacations!! We aren’t going until late July, but I will definitely fill everyone in.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I used to travel a lot, including many long intercontinental flights. Never had a problem with flying when I was young, for me it seems to be something related to some forms of anxiety also getting worse with aging, not much to drinking/sobriety. Interestingly, I am not bothered by the noise at all, the parts that I tend to find the most uncomfortable are the sensations during turbulences, descend, and being forced to sit still packed in so close to other people. I always prefer window seats, not so much for the view but because it gives me more a sense of privacy - at least other people are only on one side. Sometimes in the past I forgot to reserve my seat ahead of time (or it wasn't available to do so) and only had middle seats left on long-distance flights - that's the worst!
I agree with others that distractions can help. When I travel on business, I usually try to use that time to get some work done even if it only means planning something mentally. When it is pleasure, reading an engaging book is usually the best for me, helps me much more than watching movies, music and other entertainment. And the awareness that it is a form of anxiety I am now prone to. I also try to make sure to wear comfortable clothes and to have something to eat (usually buy something I like at the airport instead of relying on the limited on-board selection) because starving and low blood sugar can make the anxiety worse. Try not to drink too much coffee. These things help but I still almost always look forward to the end of the flight. Again, for me, it is more an age thing as I never had this type of anxiety young, I flew a lot sober, sometimes drinking a bit, that did not make a difference.
I agree with others that distractions can help. When I travel on business, I usually try to use that time to get some work done even if it only means planning something mentally. When it is pleasure, reading an engaging book is usually the best for me, helps me much more than watching movies, music and other entertainment. And the awareness that it is a form of anxiety I am now prone to. I also try to make sure to wear comfortable clothes and to have something to eat (usually buy something I like at the airport instead of relying on the limited on-board selection) because starving and low blood sugar can make the anxiety worse. Try not to drink too much coffee. These things help but I still almost always look forward to the end of the flight. Again, for me, it is more an age thing as I never had this type of anxiety young, I flew a lot sober, sometimes drinking a bit, that did not make a difference.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Lots of great advise here. I really can't add much. I will say that this year for me, has been all about walking through my fears. I used to avoid it at all costs.
My friend died earlier this year after a failed organ transplant from a lung disease. She had a stroke and passed away. Gone wayyy too soon. Her whole life was about confronting that which was killing her and while I know it scared her, she did it with a fearless attitude.
She once said to me "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees" ...a phrase she had heard somewhere else but she lived it to her very last day. She died trying to save her life. A life she desperately wanted to really "live".
She had endured dozens of surgeries. Medication that kept her sick 80% of her life and infections that took months to get over, thousands of days in her short life.
She cut no corner...she did everything that was asked. She was 100% committed till her last breath. She lost, but man...what a fight.
An I'm afraid to do something??
That meant a tremendous amount to me. I try to take it with me in my own life.
Anytime I'm afraid to do something, I ask myself what would she do? It never takes more than a few seconds...I know. Her message was simple and it was priceless.
It's ok to be afraid, just don't let it stop you.
What a blessing it is to be in a position for you to go to Hawaii with your girls, sober and 10000% better than you were, little more than a year ago.
You should be so proud of yourself for all the fears you've already walked through.
I'm 100% confident, you'll do fine.
My friend died earlier this year after a failed organ transplant from a lung disease. She had a stroke and passed away. Gone wayyy too soon. Her whole life was about confronting that which was killing her and while I know it scared her, she did it with a fearless attitude.
She once said to me "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees" ...a phrase she had heard somewhere else but she lived it to her very last day. She died trying to save her life. A life she desperately wanted to really "live".
She had endured dozens of surgeries. Medication that kept her sick 80% of her life and infections that took months to get over, thousands of days in her short life.
She cut no corner...she did everything that was asked. She was 100% committed till her last breath. She lost, but man...what a fight.
An I'm afraid to do something??
That meant a tremendous amount to me. I try to take it with me in my own life.
Anytime I'm afraid to do something, I ask myself what would she do? It never takes more than a few seconds...I know. Her message was simple and it was priceless.
It's ok to be afraid, just don't let it stop you.
What a blessing it is to be in a position for you to go to Hawaii with your girls, sober and 10000% better than you were, little more than a year ago.
You should be so proud of yourself for all the fears you've already walked through.
I'm 100% confident, you'll do fine.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by BullDog777
Lots of great advise here. I really can't add much. I will say that this year for me, has been all about walking through my fears. I used to avoid it at all costs.
My friend died earlier this year after a failed organ transplant from a lung disease. She had a stroke and passed away. Gone wayyy too soon. Her whole life was about confronting that which was killing her and while I know it scared her, she did it with a fearless attitude.
She once said to me "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees" ...a phrase she had heard somewhere else but she lived it to her very last day. She died trying to save her life. A life she desperately wanted to really "live".
She had endured dozens of surgeries. Medication that kept her sick 80% of her life and infections that took months to get over, thousands of days in her short life.
She cut no corner...she did everything that was asked. She was 100% committed till her last breath. She lost, but man...what a fight.
An I'm afraid to do something??
That meant a tremendous amount to me. I try to take it with me in my own life.
Anytime I'm afraid to do something, I ask myself what would she do? It never takes more than a few seconds...I know. Her message was simple and it was priceless.
It's ok to be afraid, just don't let it stop you.
What a blessing it is to be in a position for you to go to Hawaii with your girls, sober and 10000% better than you were, little more than a year ago.
You should be so proud of yourself for all the fears you've already walked through.
I'm 100% confident, you'll do fine.
My friend died earlier this year after a failed organ transplant from a lung disease. She had a stroke and passed away. Gone wayyy too soon. Her whole life was about confronting that which was killing her and while I know it scared her, she did it with a fearless attitude.
She once said to me "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees" ...a phrase she had heard somewhere else but she lived it to her very last day. She died trying to save her life. A life she desperately wanted to really "live".
She had endured dozens of surgeries. Medication that kept her sick 80% of her life and infections that took months to get over, thousands of days in her short life.
She cut no corner...she did everything that was asked. She was 100% committed till her last breath. She lost, but man...what a fight.
An I'm afraid to do something??
That meant a tremendous amount to me. I try to take it with me in my own life.
Anytime I'm afraid to do something, I ask myself what would she do? It never takes more than a few seconds...I know. Her message was simple and it was priceless.
It's ok to be afraid, just don't let it stop you.
What a blessing it is to be in a position for you to go to Hawaii with your girls, sober and 10000% better than you were, little more than a year ago.
You should be so proud of yourself for all the fears you've already walked through.
I'm 100% confident, you'll do fine.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Bulldog,
What an amazing post, really just what I needed right now. Funny how that happens -- that ole universe.
I will remember this "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees" and this It's ok to be afraid, just don't let it stop you.
BD, thanks for the wonderful message, and Sass, for creating the space to do so.
What an amazing place and people.
X
What an amazing post, really just what I needed right now. Funny how that happens -- that ole universe.
I will remember this "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees" and this It's ok to be afraid, just don't let it stop you.
BD, thanks for the wonderful message, and Sass, for creating the space to do so.
What an amazing place and people.
X
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Like many here I traveled a lot for work and that repetition does desensitize one to the fear of flying. Sort of like the fear of getting sober, working through those cravings successfully and realizing I can cope without alcohol. The more times I do this, the more my brain says 'hey, yeah, I can do this'. The more times I cave, or the more times I avoid, the more I teach my brain I cannot do something. And it grows from there, one way or the other.
Fear is such a primal emotion. I'm sure it was quite useful as hunter gatherers, and still has some use. Gun to head? Might want to be afraid in order to act. About to rear end someone? Might want to slam on those breaks. But in my day to day life do I need to be afraid? Nope, almost never. Like never. So why am I afraid, pretty much, well, a lot. I mean fear doesn't have to mean terrified. It comes in lots of shades of grey. Its a sneaky bugger. And it is so limiting.
So maybe this is a huge opportunity for you. I am not religious but I love the phrase 'thy will be done'. Fear of death, the thing that I think is at the base level of most human behavior including addiction, is pointless. And normal. But such a sick kind of joke right? My dog doesn't walk around the house thinking, OH GOD, is it gonna be today?
I used to look around the plane, find a baby and say 'ok, now it cannot be that little fella's time so we're good'. Ha! That's rational. And of course it was all about me. The last time I flew in March I had such a different feeling. I thought, hope its not my time, I'd hate to take all these people with me.
Its all about acceptance, isn't it? Like pretty much everything.
Fear is such a primal emotion. I'm sure it was quite useful as hunter gatherers, and still has some use. Gun to head? Might want to be afraid in order to act. About to rear end someone? Might want to slam on those breaks. But in my day to day life do I need to be afraid? Nope, almost never. Like never. So why am I afraid, pretty much, well, a lot. I mean fear doesn't have to mean terrified. It comes in lots of shades of grey. Its a sneaky bugger. And it is so limiting.
So maybe this is a huge opportunity for you. I am not religious but I love the phrase 'thy will be done'. Fear of death, the thing that I think is at the base level of most human behavior including addiction, is pointless. And normal. But such a sick kind of joke right? My dog doesn't walk around the house thinking, OH GOD, is it gonna be today?
I used to look around the plane, find a baby and say 'ok, now it cannot be that little fella's time so we're good'. Ha! That's rational. And of course it was all about me. The last time I flew in March I had such a different feeling. I thought, hope its not my time, I'd hate to take all these people with me.
Its all about acceptance, isn't it? Like pretty much everything.
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