I don't know what to call this
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
I don't know what to call this
I'm just checking in I guess. I had to call the police to do a well check on my parents today. Nobody had heard from them in days, and their phone was off the hook.
So the officers called me to tell me all was well. Their phone fell off the cradle and they never hung it up so the line was dead.
Glad they're fine.
I'm gonna go over on mother's day and give my mom a gift. I'm really trying not to be so distant. Trying to meet them kinda halfway.
I've been feeling kind of bummed out over being 46 and I'm still stalling on my career. It makes me wonder how passionate I really am about it now. I keep turning down work to do my own thing.
I think a lot of it is me still having an inability to prioritize and execute tasks on a broad scale. I start and stop a lot. An it's stupid s#it...like just day to day stuff. Taking the kids to the go kart track or making dinner or giving the dog a bath or going grocery shopping.
I can't seem to do everything and be able to focus on this big ass project I wanna do...or even meeting simple deadlines. I gotta figure out some balance.
I'm still working out...I've met my goal weight and now I'm going to go beyond that. I really wanna start getting in really good shape...like not just to be an active 46 year old dad but like i used to train.
I'm thinking about asking my doctor to fix my hernia so i can get back to training MMA. I loved that. There's a BJJ place that opened up near where I live that has an incredible pedigree. Gracie pedigree. I'd love to go train there, but I gotta get fixed first.
Last thing is, my dad is keeping the neurologist appt. with the surgery specialists.
He said he doubts he'll get the surgery, but he at least owes it to himself to see if there's anything else that can be done. Like new medication and other possible procedures. There is a new ultrasound procedure that is pretty new that is less invasive. I dunno...I'm not gonna press it. I'm grateful he's going.
Oh, and my 6 month organ check/ blood work is due. That ought to throw me into some grand tailspin for a bit.
Can't wait. 
So the officers called me to tell me all was well. Their phone fell off the cradle and they never hung it up so the line was dead.
Glad they're fine.
I'm gonna go over on mother's day and give my mom a gift. I'm really trying not to be so distant. Trying to meet them kinda halfway.
I've been feeling kind of bummed out over being 46 and I'm still stalling on my career. It makes me wonder how passionate I really am about it now. I keep turning down work to do my own thing.
I think a lot of it is me still having an inability to prioritize and execute tasks on a broad scale. I start and stop a lot. An it's stupid s#it...like just day to day stuff. Taking the kids to the go kart track or making dinner or giving the dog a bath or going grocery shopping.
I can't seem to do everything and be able to focus on this big ass project I wanna do...or even meeting simple deadlines. I gotta figure out some balance.
I'm still working out...I've met my goal weight and now I'm going to go beyond that. I really wanna start getting in really good shape...like not just to be an active 46 year old dad but like i used to train.
I'm thinking about asking my doctor to fix my hernia so i can get back to training MMA. I loved that. There's a BJJ place that opened up near where I live that has an incredible pedigree. Gracie pedigree. I'd love to go train there, but I gotta get fixed first.
Last thing is, my dad is keeping the neurologist appt. with the surgery specialists.
He said he doubts he'll get the surgery, but he at least owes it to himself to see if there's anything else that can be done. Like new medication and other possible procedures. There is a new ultrasound procedure that is pretty new that is less invasive. I dunno...I'm not gonna press it. I'm grateful he's going.
Oh, and my 6 month organ check/ blood work is due. That ought to throw me into some grand tailspin for a bit.
Can't wait. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Gooooooaaalll!!! Weight met. 
. There’s my soccer reference for the day. I don’t watch soccer, but...Awesome work, bulldog.
I would totally get my hernia fixed if I were you!! Despite not losing weight, going to the gym and working out hard is still my most favorite thing to do. What it does for my brain is a literal miracle. I honestly don’t know how people can even get through the day without regular exercise. For me: it’s the difference between being a weepy, achy, miserable mess who can’t get out of bed and a normal, calm, rational person who feels physically capable. The depression I experience without exercise is stark. It’s why I have decided that anything I do with the diet is now secondary to the exercise....since I can’t stop myself from lifting weights....I literally will say “only the rower” and end up on the floor doing pushups...then I have to center diet around that kind of exercise. Bouldering, sit-ups, push-ups, weighted squats, all that heavy stuff that makes most people cringe is the only thing saving my life from crippling depression, I’ve learned that in sobriety.
So go for it, the mma goals.
Parents. I worry about my mother day and night, so much that it crowds out concerns about my kids or work, in fact I get my ass to work way more often now because it helps me not worry about my mother, who is in the tunnel of grief. If she knew I was that stressed about it she’d hate it but it is what it is.
How much of midlife is taken up with this, the worry and stress about our parents. This is why in so many cultures the whole family just lives together. So much of the worry about what is happening is eliminated. I couldn’t deal, but it does make so much more sense than the American way.
I hope you find your bearings with work: working from home is tough especially when your only deadlines are your own. I’m sure you will progress through this as well, the stagnation may breed new passions or maybe light a new fire someday.
. There’s my soccer reference for the day. I don’t watch soccer, but...Awesome work, bulldog.I would totally get my hernia fixed if I were you!! Despite not losing weight, going to the gym and working out hard is still my most favorite thing to do. What it does for my brain is a literal miracle. I honestly don’t know how people can even get through the day without regular exercise. For me: it’s the difference between being a weepy, achy, miserable mess who can’t get out of bed and a normal, calm, rational person who feels physically capable. The depression I experience without exercise is stark. It’s why I have decided that anything I do with the diet is now secondary to the exercise....since I can’t stop myself from lifting weights....I literally will say “only the rower” and end up on the floor doing pushups...then I have to center diet around that kind of exercise. Bouldering, sit-ups, push-ups, weighted squats, all that heavy stuff that makes most people cringe is the only thing saving my life from crippling depression, I’ve learned that in sobriety.
So go for it, the mma goals.
Parents. I worry about my mother day and night, so much that it crowds out concerns about my kids or work, in fact I get my ass to work way more often now because it helps me not worry about my mother, who is in the tunnel of grief. If she knew I was that stressed about it she’d hate it but it is what it is.
How much of midlife is taken up with this, the worry and stress about our parents. This is why in so many cultures the whole family just lives together. So much of the worry about what is happening is eliminated. I couldn’t deal, but it does make so much more sense than the American way.
I hope you find your bearings with work: working from home is tough especially when your only deadlines are your own. I’m sure you will progress through this as well, the stagnation may breed new passions or maybe light a new fire someday.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Bulldog, I agree wholeheartedly that it would be a good thing to get that hernia fixed. It's better to do it now if you are in a situation to get it handled. It is also a goal that you can check off as done.
You are talking about adding a new routine to your already full plate. Do you have projects that are simply best abandoned for now that you can (box up and) set aside as off the table, vs. the things that you can complete to make room? How many are commitments that you really need to make time to complete, as they are promises to others? Sometimes we need to focus on bringing some order to our world, to say no to things. I'm not saying to not pick up your training again, but you should make space for it, too. We only have so many hours in the day, right?
You are talking about adding a new routine to your already full plate. Do you have projects that are simply best abandoned for now that you can (box up and) set aside as off the table, vs. the things that you can complete to make room? How many are commitments that you really need to make time to complete, as they are promises to others? Sometimes we need to focus on bringing some order to our world, to say no to things. I'm not saying to not pick up your training again, but you should make space for it, too. We only have so many hours in the day, right?
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Originally Posted by BullDog777 
Oh, and my 6 month organ check/ blood work is due. That ought to throw me into some grand tailspin for a bit. Can't wait.
Can't wait. 
I've had 2 open heart surgeries but still get that "pit" in my stomach every time I schedule a routine office visit. Glad to hear your Dad is going through with the appointment with the doctor. At least if he still decides not to go through with the procedure it will be an informed decision.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sounds like a lot going on BD, and I can very much relate to the indecision/inability to focus on projects at times. For me personally the root problem was my anxiety. Getting a handle on that really allowed me to start looking at stressful situations from the outside in and making decisions based on the realities, vs all of the additional "spinning thoughts" that my anxiety would create.
Another thing that helped me was to start using some of the tools that I use to organize my work to organize my life. Even something as simple as putting stuff into a calendar helps - you then have a place to go look and see what you are supposed to be doing at least, rather that just sitting round worrying about how much you don''t have time to do. I did that a LOT.
Another thing that helped me was to start using some of the tools that I use to organize my work to organize my life. Even something as simple as putting stuff into a calendar helps - you then have a place to go look and see what you are supposed to be doing at least, rather that just sitting round worrying about how much you don''t have time to do. I did that a LOT.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Gooooooaaalll!!! Weight met. . There’s my soccer reference for the day. I don’t watch soccer, but...Awesome work, bulldog.
I would totally get my hernia fixed if I were you!! Despite not losing weight, going to the gym and working out hard is still my most favorite thing to do. What it does for my brain is a literal miracle. I honestly don’t know how people can even get through the day without regular exercise. For me: it’s the difference between being a weepy, achy, miserable mess who can’t get out of bed and a normal, calm, rational person who feels physically capable. The depression I experience without exercise is stark. It’s why I have decided that anything I do with the diet is now secondary to the exercise....since I can’t stop myself from lifting weights....I literally will say “only the rower” and end up on the floor doing pushups...then I have to center diet around that kind of exercise. Bouldering, sit-ups, push-ups, weighted squats, all that heavy stuff that makes most people cringe is the only thing saving my life from crippling depression, I’ve learned that in sobriety.
So go for it, the mma goals.
Parents. I worry about my mother day and night, so much that it crowds out concerns about my kids or work, in fact I get my ass to work way more often now because it helps me not worry about my mother, who is in the tunnel of grief. If she knew I was that stressed about it she’d hate it but it is what it is.
How much of midlife is taken up with this, the worry and stress about our parents. This is why in so many cultures the whole family just lives together. So much of the worry about what is happening is eliminated. I couldn’t deal, but it does make so much more sense than the American way.
I hope you find your bearings with work: working from home is tough especially when your only deadlines are your own. I’m sure you will progress through this as well, the stagnation may breed new passions or maybe light a new fire someday.
. There’s my soccer reference for the day. I don’t watch soccer, but...Awesome work, bulldog.I would totally get my hernia fixed if I were you!! Despite not losing weight, going to the gym and working out hard is still my most favorite thing to do. What it does for my brain is a literal miracle. I honestly don’t know how people can even get through the day without regular exercise. For me: it’s the difference between being a weepy, achy, miserable mess who can’t get out of bed and a normal, calm, rational person who feels physically capable. The depression I experience without exercise is stark. It’s why I have decided that anything I do with the diet is now secondary to the exercise....since I can’t stop myself from lifting weights....I literally will say “only the rower” and end up on the floor doing pushups...then I have to center diet around that kind of exercise. Bouldering, sit-ups, push-ups, weighted squats, all that heavy stuff that makes most people cringe is the only thing saving my life from crippling depression, I’ve learned that in sobriety.
So go for it, the mma goals.
Parents. I worry about my mother day and night, so much that it crowds out concerns about my kids or work, in fact I get my ass to work way more often now because it helps me not worry about my mother, who is in the tunnel of grief. If she knew I was that stressed about it she’d hate it but it is what it is.
How much of midlife is taken up with this, the worry and stress about our parents. This is why in so many cultures the whole family just lives together. So much of the worry about what is happening is eliminated. I couldn’t deal, but it does make so much more sense than the American way.
I hope you find your bearings with work: working from home is tough especially when your only deadlines are your own. I’m sure you will progress through this as well, the stagnation may breed new passions or maybe light a new fire someday.
I'm gonna talk to my doctor about the hernia when i get my blood work done. I don't mind going under the knife, but I have a couple of friends who have had abdominal and umbilical hernias that have torn the mesh only to make it worse after the surgery. It seems like the old surgery method might still be the best solution.
parents...we've been getting a ton of rain as of late. their phones were down because there was a short in the wiring that had become damaged in all the weather. The phone company had to come out to fix it. They call to leave me a message every morning to tell me their ok. I feel like i finally got them to at least take me seriously on that.
work...I need to work on that. It might just be s#itty time management.
Originally Posted by Guener
You are talking about adding a new routine to your already full plate.
I have a rare opportunity to do something. I have a publisher that's interested in a proposal i pitched and I just need to work on it. Back in the 90's I worked as an illustrator and I did well. I illustrated comics, painted sci-fi/magazine book covers and stories, and did some concept work for TV and the movie industry. I've always been on the cusp of going into creator owned work, and now I can pursue it. I'm just not doing a very good job at staying full steam ahead and I wonder if I take on this project if I'll be able to sustain the work load or embarrass myself trying to cement a legacy.
Gotta work on that...
Originally Posted by Grungehead
I have an appointment on May 17th for my 6 month check. Ditto on the tailspin. I've had 2 open heart surgeries but still get that "pit" in my stomach every time I schedule a routine office visit. Glad to hear your Dad is going through with the appointment with the doctor. At least if he still decides not to go through with the procedure it will be an informed decision.
I've had 2 open heart surgeries but still get that "pit" in my stomach every time I schedule a routine office visit. Glad to hear your Dad is going through with the appointment with the doctor. At least if he still decides not to go through with the procedure it will be an informed decision.
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Sounds like a lot going on BD, and I can very much relate to the indecision/inability to focus on projects at times. For me personally the root problem was my anxiety. Getting a handle on that really allowed me to start looking at stressful situations from the outside in and making decisions based on the realities, vs all of the additional "spinning thoughts" that my anxiety would create.
Another thing that helped me was to start using some of the tools that I use to organize my work to organize my life. Even something as simple as putting stuff into a calendar helps - you then have a place to go look and see what you are supposed to be doing at least, rather that just sitting round worrying about how much you don''t have time to do. I did that a LOT.
Another thing that helped me was to start using some of the tools that I use to organize my work to organize my life. Even something as simple as putting stuff into a calendar helps - you then have a place to go look and see what you are supposed to be doing at least, rather that just sitting round worrying about how much you don''t have time to do. I did that a LOT.
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