relapse
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
For me, playing the tape forward of where one drink has always led in my life is very helpful. With that much time under my belt, if I had any thoughts of drinking I'd play the POSITIVE tapes. How good have I felt? How much better is life? Waking up with a hangover...NEVER. Risking a DUI...NEVER. Feeling in the moment, free and clear. Better relationships. More in touch with myself. Better sex. Consistently good mood.
Is that one drink ever worth it? Even if you COULD drink "normally," is that even worth it with the good you feel NOT drinking at all? And let's be real, the chances of even being close to a "normal" drinker are Slim to None, and Slim's out of town.
People often miss the good stuff. You're throwing all that away if you start drinking again. For me, if I put things in those terms, sobriety sells itself.
Is that one drink ever worth it? Even if you COULD drink "normally," is that even worth it with the good you feel NOT drinking at all? And let's be real, the chances of even being close to a "normal" drinker are Slim to None, and Slim's out of town.
People often miss the good stuff. You're throwing all that away if you start drinking again. For me, if I put things in those terms, sobriety sells itself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
People relapse at all stages: one day, 6 months, one year, many years....even if it is the nature of our condition, it doesn’t have to be the outcome for YOU.
Surly redhead is right: the shame you are feeling....while understandable, must be seen as a trick your addiction is using to get you to use. It’s this line of manipulation: “I screwed up again, I’ll never make it, I let everyone down...”. Don’t let it do that to you, the addiction loves this angle, because it gets you to drink again.
Do this instead: look at your relapse with a detached yet critical eye. “Well, that happened. Why did it happen? What was my line of thinking before I went through the steps to drink? What self talk will I use to stop that from happening? First of all, it was unpleasant. I feel sick. I feel terrible. I lost two days to alcohol. I know I don’t want to go through that again. Let’s take steps in the right direction. I could sink into this, but I won’t.”
Any one of us is susceptible to drinking at any time, and I look at that like avoiding a bus hitting me in the street. It will kill me. I drink buckets when I drink. It’s not a matter of maybe this will kill me it’s a matter of when. So I avoid the path of the bus.
Glad you went to a meeting, that shows your addiction you’re now in control. You could have used that same hour to buy alcohol. But you didn’t. You chose a meeting instead: so you’ve already restarted your sobriety, eyes forward. Don’t punish yourself...teach yourself, instead.
Surly redhead is right: the shame you are feeling....while understandable, must be seen as a trick your addiction is using to get you to use. It’s this line of manipulation: “I screwed up again, I’ll never make it, I let everyone down...”. Don’t let it do that to you, the addiction loves this angle, because it gets you to drink again.
Do this instead: look at your relapse with a detached yet critical eye. “Well, that happened. Why did it happen? What was my line of thinking before I went through the steps to drink? What self talk will I use to stop that from happening? First of all, it was unpleasant. I feel sick. I feel terrible. I lost two days to alcohol. I know I don’t want to go through that again. Let’s take steps in the right direction. I could sink into this, but I won’t.”
Any one of us is susceptible to drinking at any time, and I look at that like avoiding a bus hitting me in the street. It will kill me. I drink buckets when I drink. It’s not a matter of maybe this will kill me it’s a matter of when. So I avoid the path of the bus.
Glad you went to a meeting, that shows your addiction you’re now in control. You could have used that same hour to buy alcohol. But you didn’t. You chose a meeting instead: so you’ve already restarted your sobriety, eyes forward. Don’t punish yourself...teach yourself, instead.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Relapse CAN be a part of addiction, it doesn't have to be a part of our recovery. Indeed, it is common and hopefully putting aside the shame in it for the sake of our sobriety, as you are working to do Gabe, is the first step to getting on a permanent path this time (along with not drinking again, of course).
What are your plans today?
What are your plans today?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Thanks so much everyone. I'm really ill today. Horrific night of withdrawals and no sleep, so had to stay off work. I feel awful about everything but I'm just trying to get through it.
I went to the doctor this morning, which really helped. She was really compassionate and it helped me find some compassion for myself. It's all about self-care today. I'm going back on antabuse tomorrow, going to meetings and coming back here too (if you'll have me!).
I know how to do this and I will do this. I spent all night praying. I know I have it in me to cut ties with alcohol. I hate it and I want to be free. I have felt worse in the last 48hours than I have in 5 months. I just want that back.
I'll keep you posted. Sorry for not replying individually, but I've read everyones posts and they have really helped x
I went to the doctor this morning, which really helped. She was really compassionate and it helped me find some compassion for myself. It's all about self-care today. I'm going back on antabuse tomorrow, going to meetings and coming back here too (if you'll have me!).
I know how to do this and I will do this. I spent all night praying. I know I have it in me to cut ties with alcohol. I hate it and I want to be free. I have felt worse in the last 48hours than I have in 5 months. I just want that back.
I'll keep you posted. Sorry for not replying individually, but I've read everyones posts and they have really helped x
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
I'm glad you're back. I remember being in the hospital and even on all of the medication i was on and how sedated I was a lot of the time, I would still shake from time to time.
A nurse saw me giggling at myself, holding my hand in the air and she asked what the hell i was doing. I told her, I was shaking, and this would be the last time.
This can be the last time you go through these horrific withdrawals. You never have to feel like this again.
One thing I kept in my back pocket, that I'll share with you is something my doctor said to me. He said, "Every time you go out,these withdrawals are going to be harder and harder to get through. If you don't get this now, it can always be worse."
I was done with the pain and the hopelessness. This way of life is an amazing one. Just hang in there.
A nurse saw me giggling at myself, holding my hand in the air and she asked what the hell i was doing. I told her, I was shaking, and this would be the last time.
This can be the last time you go through these horrific withdrawals. You never have to feel like this again.
One thing I kept in my back pocket, that I'll share with you is something my doctor said to me. He said, "Every time you go out,these withdrawals are going to be harder and harder to get through. If you don't get this now, it can always be worse."
I was done with the pain and the hopelessness. This way of life is an amazing one. Just hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,643
Originally Posted by Gabe1980 
the really scary thing is I started drinking again this morning.I had it in my head it would be different this time. I even bought a book about controlled drinking! I knew it was just rubbish but I wanted it to be true. dust myself off and start over, thanks so much for replying
My drinking goes all day every day until I can't do it anymore.
Then I lay in bed hiding because of the anxiety only to emerge 3 days later if I'm lucky.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by BullDog777
I'm glad you're back. I remember being in the hospital and even on all of the medication i was on and how sedated I was a lot of the time, I would still shake from time to time.
A nurse saw me giggling at myself, holding my hand in the air and she asked what the hell i was doing. I told her, I was shaking, and this would be the last time.
This can be the last time you go through these horrific withdrawals. You never have to feel like this again.
One thing I kept in my back pocket, that I'll share with you is something my doctor said to me. He said, "Every time you go out,these withdrawals are going to be harder and harder to get through. If you don't get this now, it can always be worse."
I was done with the pain and the hopelessness. This way of life is an amazing one. Just hang in there.
A nurse saw me giggling at myself, holding my hand in the air and she asked what the hell i was doing. I told her, I was shaking, and this would be the last time.
This can be the last time you go through these horrific withdrawals. You never have to feel like this again.
One thing I kept in my back pocket, that I'll share with you is something my doctor said to me. He said, "Every time you go out,these withdrawals are going to be harder and harder to get through. If you don't get this now, it can always be worse."
I was done with the pain and the hopelessness. This way of life is an amazing one. Just hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe
I know this feeling. It's probably because we discover over the course of our alcoholism that a drink in the morning takes the pain away.
My drinking goes all day every day until I can't do it anymore.
Then I lay in bed hiding because of the anxiety only to emerge 3 days later if I'm lucky.
My drinking goes all day every day until I can't do it anymore.
Then I lay in bed hiding because of the anxiety only to emerge 3 days later if I'm lucky.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
As you can imagine, I've been doing a considerable amount of thinking and praying today. I've also taken some steps to properly address the reasons why this happened. I'm thinking out loud, so to speak, but any thoughts or suggestions would be so helpful;
1) Part of the reason I relapsed this time was that I haven't been completely honest about the severity of my alcohol problem with people I'm close to. I've minimised it an that has helped me lie to myself.
I told my husband now that I drink in the morning - every single time- when I drink. I also told him about the withdrawal symptoms and what I understood about kindling. I have started speaking to my family about it too, who are supportive. I need them to understand and get on board with the fact that I CANNOT drink EVER.
2) My relapsing has gone from every 4 days, to every six weeks, to now every few months. Each time my symptoms of withdrawal get worse and I fear for my health and sanity more.
This is a good thing because I can use the fear. The first thing I am going today if properly commit to meetings and the steps. I am going to do what every single long-term sober person has told me here to do, have a solid plan, prioritise my recovery and work it day to day. I have had a decent plan in some ways but what was missing was more support. I've been healthier and more active, my self-care has been better and I've been more in balance but I'v been isolated and I need other sober people, working a programme, around me.
Come here to keep learning and to connect - thank you!
Acknowledge and be grateful every day to be sober. I can truly say that in all sincerity as I have been so, so happy. I need to protect it.
3) Stinking thinking - have been saying all sorts of **** to myself in the last couple of weeks about moderation, about drinking in a way that 'compliments ' how happy I am now, like drinking would complete things. Somewhere in the middle of that I knew it was lies. If I had checked that out with people in recovery they would have told me. Instead I checked it out with people I know would have wanted me to drink and they told me what I wanted to hear.
Any thoughts of drinking - check them out with the right people, who know my relationship with alcohol and what it will do to me.
Slept all day and I think I'm getting on the right side of it now. Still scared half to death but don't think I am going to die, this time. In two days alcohol has taken my physical and mental health, my peace and any positive feelings I had about myself, not to mention the patience and harmony in my marriage.
I respect everyone here so much for making SR integral to your recovery and your life. Thank you for helping me over the last few days. I'm not going anywhere. Love Gabe xx
1) Part of the reason I relapsed this time was that I haven't been completely honest about the severity of my alcohol problem with people I'm close to. I've minimised it an that has helped me lie to myself.
I told my husband now that I drink in the morning - every single time- when I drink. I also told him about the withdrawal symptoms and what I understood about kindling. I have started speaking to my family about it too, who are supportive. I need them to understand and get on board with the fact that I CANNOT drink EVER.
2) My relapsing has gone from every 4 days, to every six weeks, to now every few months. Each time my symptoms of withdrawal get worse and I fear for my health and sanity more.
This is a good thing because I can use the fear. The first thing I am going today if properly commit to meetings and the steps. I am going to do what every single long-term sober person has told me here to do, have a solid plan, prioritise my recovery and work it day to day. I have had a decent plan in some ways but what was missing was more support. I've been healthier and more active, my self-care has been better and I've been more in balance but I'v been isolated and I need other sober people, working a programme, around me.
Come here to keep learning and to connect - thank you!
Acknowledge and be grateful every day to be sober. I can truly say that in all sincerity as I have been so, so happy. I need to protect it.
3) Stinking thinking - have been saying all sorts of **** to myself in the last couple of weeks about moderation, about drinking in a way that 'compliments ' how happy I am now, like drinking would complete things. Somewhere in the middle of that I knew it was lies. If I had checked that out with people in recovery they would have told me. Instead I checked it out with people I know would have wanted me to drink and they told me what I wanted to hear.
Any thoughts of drinking - check them out with the right people, who know my relationship with alcohol and what it will do to me.
Slept all day and I think I'm getting on the right side of it now. Still scared half to death but don't think I am going to die, this time. In two days alcohol has taken my physical and mental health, my peace and any positive feelings I had about myself, not to mention the patience and harmony in my marriage.
I respect everyone here so much for making SR integral to your recovery and your life. Thank you for helping me over the last few days. I'm not going anywhere. Love Gabe xx
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