Day 10, since another pledge after last relapse
Lalacookee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 15
Day 10, since another pledge after last relapse
Each time I think it might possibly be different. I gave up for 3 months, I didn’t have so much alcohol etc. 1 year later, same place, blackouts, feelings of dread (even though I ate and drank water throughout) the bad stuff is still happening. It feels unfair. Why can’t I moderate and have an off switch, be sensible, remember the night and go home feeling happy without ruining the following day or more, being sick as a pig?
So I start the sober journey again, and looking for ways to make it stick this time. One year no beer challenge? Anyone tried that?
So I start the sober journey again, and looking for ways to make it stick this time. One year no beer challenge? Anyone tried that?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back lala. For me it had to be all or nothing. It’s not fair, and it’s not logical so you’ll never find an answer to the “why” question. And based on the overwhelming evidence, you can never go back to “normal” drinking. Every cycle of drinking/quitting gets progressively worse each time, whether you quit for a day or a month or a year or even a decade.
The good news of course is that you can also choose to be sober forever. And if you do I can guarantee you won’t regret that decision. You’ll find a lot of support and info here on how to do that too.
The good news of course is that you can also choose to be sober forever. And if you do I can guarantee you won’t regret that decision. You’ll find a lot of support and info here on how to do that too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by lalacookee 
. One year no beer challenge? Anyone tried that?
alcoholism isnt something i care to challenge. i made a decision to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol, then got into the action of recovery.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
My reaction to alcohol never really changed from day one. First time I drank , I blacked out and instead of being horrified , I thought it was greatest thing ever.
Not the blacking out part , but the feeling of getting a good buzz and feeding it , literally couldn’t understand how everyone didn’t want to that every chance you could.
Three decades of drinking all of it fueled by that underlying appreciation of getting a real good buzz.
Married and started family sort of young , quit smoking pot and seriously curtailed alcohol consumption for a few years, almost effortlessly. But only for a handful of years , suppose I missed it enough and deserved it enough to go back to it.
Could kind of keep it control enough to avoid most social and legal repercussions, but given/making the proper opportunities and I’d always be to take advantage and drink my full. If you love drinking enough , drinking enough means passing out , at least that’s how I define drinking. And when I drank , I never didn’t love it.
The deep deep pleasure I got from drinking had its costs, though. Being an intoxication enthusiast comes with corrosive effects to mind , body and soul.
Part of me still loves the buzz and me drinking , I had to lock that part up, that part will literally kill all the other ‘parts’ of me , the parts that know the buzz isn’t worth it , in any sense, even if the love of it there.
Took three decades to really learn that .
I quit for good , because I never didn’t love it.
The weirdest and honestly most surprising part is that( knowing I’m quit for good ) , I don’t miss it , I prefer not even though I know part of me would still love it.
Quit for good, because you enjoy it .
Rootin for ya
Not the blacking out part , but the feeling of getting a good buzz and feeding it , literally couldn’t understand how everyone didn’t want to that every chance you could.
Three decades of drinking all of it fueled by that underlying appreciation of getting a real good buzz.
Married and started family sort of young , quit smoking pot and seriously curtailed alcohol consumption for a few years, almost effortlessly. But only for a handful of years , suppose I missed it enough and deserved it enough to go back to it.
Could kind of keep it control enough to avoid most social and legal repercussions, but given/making the proper opportunities and I’d always be to take advantage and drink my full. If you love drinking enough , drinking enough means passing out , at least that’s how I define drinking. And when I drank , I never didn’t love it.
The deep deep pleasure I got from drinking had its costs, though. Being an intoxication enthusiast comes with corrosive effects to mind , body and soul.
Part of me still loves the buzz and me drinking , I had to lock that part up, that part will literally kill all the other ‘parts’ of me , the parts that know the buzz isn’t worth it , in any sense, even if the love of it there.
Took three decades to really learn that .
I quit for good , because I never didn’t love it.
The weirdest and honestly most surprising part is that( knowing I’m quit for good ) , I don’t miss it , I prefer not even though I know part of me would still love it.
Quit for good, because you enjoy it .
Rootin for ya
Lalacookee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 15
Thanks
Thanks so much for your responses. I’m so grateful to feel I’m not alone. I won’t do the one year no beer, I’ll pocket that cash. I’ll just definitely use the support on here. I’ve decided to definitely quit all the festivals (even the one I have an expensive ticket for) because I know it is just a vulnerable place for me to be and too tempting. I guess I find them uncomfortable so drink to get over that little hurdle and have a laugh with people, then always ends up the same. Drink to excess and blackout! Grr I have kids and I’m the only one to take care of them. Me drinking, is selfish. I know that. I know I need to quit forever, for them. (I don’t drink that often, it’s just often the same situation if I do). It’s not worth it!
My daughter even said I was happier when I wasn’t drinking at all. She hates me drinking. I’ve definitely messed up a lot of things in my life due to alcohol and it prevents me being by best self. I need to stop letting alcohol stand in the way of my life! Here’s to becoming our best selves! 💪
My daughter even said I was happier when I wasn’t drinking at all. She hates me drinking. I’ve definitely messed up a lot of things in my life due to alcohol and it prevents me being by best self. I need to stop letting alcohol stand in the way of my life! Here’s to becoming our best selves! 💪
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome aboard lalacookee 
I had to get over that - fair or not, it just was.
Luckily I found that a sober life is far better than i imagined it could be - it's a little tough in the beginning to make the change but I prefer being sober now.
I think you will too
It feels unfair. Why can’t I moderate and have an off switch, be sensible, remember the night and go home feeling happy without ruining the following day or more, being sick as a pig?
Luckily I found that a sober life is far better than i imagined it could be - it's a little tough in the beginning to make the change but I prefer being sober now.
I think you will too
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
My ex-wife always used to say that people always claimed to want justice, but what they really wanted (and needed) was mercy.
Gotta get your mind around how things really are, it's sure not easy at times! For a lot of people including me, the way things are is that a life free of alcohol is the best of all possible worlds, and we should always be grateful we have access to it while we're still alive.
Gotta get your mind around how things really are, it's sure not easy at times! For a lot of people including me, the way things are is that a life free of alcohol is the best of all possible worlds, and we should always be grateful we have access to it while we're still alive.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Your use of the word “pledge” in this thread title led me to check into it further because I have discovered that there is something almost magical about a certain kind of pledge.
Due to the complexity of life, almost all pledges have various conditions attached to them regarding their fulfillment. This is why we have ethics, morals, laws, lawyers, governments, etc. It all helps in getting things done and identifying all those “conditions” to “pledges”.
————
When I contemplated the pledge of permanent abstinence from alcohol, though, I discovered an absolutely amazing set of features regarding that particular pledge.
1 - It requires absolutely ZERO physical action to succeed perfectly and forever.
2 - It relies upon absolutely ZERO other people to succeed perfectly and forever.
3 a - When I look down and stick out my upper and lower lips and tongue, I see them there about three inches from my eyes on either side of my nose. I know they will always be there for me to see and feel and could never be farther away or out of my control. I also know that’s the only way into my mouth and the only way alcohol had ever entered my body.
3 b - I know alcohol is a very specific and regulated mind altering chemical liquid that requires a series of complex steps to ever end up in a vessel held in one of my hands.
3 c - So, there is ZERO possibility alcohol could show up in my bloodstream without a very complex series of very deliberate and conscious actions completely within my, and my alone, control.
4 - After however much debate on whether to do it, I can finally establish the pledge “I will never drink again!” for myself in about five to ten seconds of thinking those five words slowly and deliberately. This includes my deciding I will never change my mind no matter what and knowing what that means a month later, a year later, a decade later, and even on my deathbed.
As I see it, these four features makes the problem of addiction a nice kind of problem to have to solve.
————
Its not very often a pledge can be so absolutely pristine and absolute, but those four points make it clear why such is the case. The pledge of permanent abstinence truly seems magical to me in its ironclad capacity to change my life in a profound way that quite quickly becomes effortless.
With that pledge, I am easily able to identify my Addictive Voice trying to remind me of how much I need that deeply pleasurable assault of chemically enhanced stupidity and that whole lifestyle I had created around IT. But that Addictive Voice has ZERO control over my voluntary muscles. It is only an isolated recall of that specific past pleasure from alcohol.
Now, much later, I recall that drinking lifestyle as an extremely pathetic attempt of my early adulthood to keep getting that pleasure and make everything else work out, too. It failed miserably. It lasted about a decade until I gave up and turned against my Beast of booze. Addictive Voice Recognition Technique makes that turning all the easier. I highly recommend it.
This pledge has a very prominent place in American history, and has been successful for millions even though there are strong and various forces in society opposing it.
Due to the complexity of life, almost all pledges have various conditions attached to them regarding their fulfillment. This is why we have ethics, morals, laws, lawyers, governments, etc. It all helps in getting things done and identifying all those “conditions” to “pledges”.
————
When I contemplated the pledge of permanent abstinence from alcohol, though, I discovered an absolutely amazing set of features regarding that particular pledge.
1 - It requires absolutely ZERO physical action to succeed perfectly and forever.
2 - It relies upon absolutely ZERO other people to succeed perfectly and forever.
3 a - When I look down and stick out my upper and lower lips and tongue, I see them there about three inches from my eyes on either side of my nose. I know they will always be there for me to see and feel and could never be farther away or out of my control. I also know that’s the only way into my mouth and the only way alcohol had ever entered my body.
3 b - I know alcohol is a very specific and regulated mind altering chemical liquid that requires a series of complex steps to ever end up in a vessel held in one of my hands.
3 c - So, there is ZERO possibility alcohol could show up in my bloodstream without a very complex series of very deliberate and conscious actions completely within my, and my alone, control.
4 - After however much debate on whether to do it, I can finally establish the pledge “I will never drink again!” for myself in about five to ten seconds of thinking those five words slowly and deliberately. This includes my deciding I will never change my mind no matter what and knowing what that means a month later, a year later, a decade later, and even on my deathbed.
As I see it, these four features makes the problem of addiction a nice kind of problem to have to solve.
————
Its not very often a pledge can be so absolutely pristine and absolute, but those four points make it clear why such is the case. The pledge of permanent abstinence truly seems magical to me in its ironclad capacity to change my life in a profound way that quite quickly becomes effortless.
With that pledge, I am easily able to identify my Addictive Voice trying to remind me of how much I need that deeply pleasurable assault of chemically enhanced stupidity and that whole lifestyle I had created around IT. But that Addictive Voice has ZERO control over my voluntary muscles. It is only an isolated recall of that specific past pleasure from alcohol.
Now, much later, I recall that drinking lifestyle as an extremely pathetic attempt of my early adulthood to keep getting that pleasure and make everything else work out, too. It failed miserably. It lasted about a decade until I gave up and turned against my Beast of booze. Addictive Voice Recognition Technique makes that turning all the easier. I highly recommend it.
This pledge has a very prominent place in American history, and has been successful for millions even though there are strong and various forces in society opposing it.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
There are great threads about AVRT /RR here on SR in the Secular recovery forum and its subforums.
I highly recommend those ideas to all intoxication enthusiasts.
Alcohol's a bitch, no need to be Its.
I highly recommend those ideas to all intoxication enthusiasts.
Alcohol's a bitch, no need to be Its.
Lalacookee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by dwtbd
There are great threads about AVRT /RR here on SR in the Secular recovery forum and its subforums.
I highly recommend those ideas to all intoxication enthusiasts.
Alcohol's a bitch, no need to be Its.
I highly recommend those ideas to all intoxication enthusiasts.
Alcohol's a bitch, no need to be Its.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
You'll find several threads in these two forums:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...r-connections/
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ased-recovery/
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...r-connections/
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ased-recovery/
D
Lalacookee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
I wouldn't challenge alcohol because it would win. All I can be sure of is I'm not drinking TODAY. Last time I checked it's been over ten thousand days.
I’m on 28 days now and feel fine. I went to the pub yesterday for a lovely meal, and my 11 year old daughter was out with friends. I was glad I didn’t have any issue with needing to collect her. Usually I would have had a couple of pints. I would have wanted to have collected her before the pub, so I could have a couple. She ended up having a sleepover and I have woken up with no hangover and no crippling anxiety! I’m enjoying being sober!
😀
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
It doesn't matter if you eat and drink water during a binge. You're fighting a losing battle due to the side effects of alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence.
It just flushes the water out of your system due to how your kidneys work. The food doesn't get digested properly because your liver will prioritize metabolizing alcohol and alcohol interferes with absorption in your gut anyway.
Just something I read in your post. If you have alcoholism, it doesn't matter what you do other than drink; it will kill you if not treated. In fact, I believe I have liver damage, but I know it will probably get better with abstinence. I'm avoiding the doctor because I can't afford one right now, but if it doesn't go away, I will certainly go in.
I'm sorry to be completely blunt about this, but I don't have much more to offer than brutal honesty right now.
It just flushes the water out of your system due to how your kidneys work. The food doesn't get digested properly because your liver will prioritize metabolizing alcohol and alcohol interferes with absorption in your gut anyway.
Just something I read in your post. If you have alcoholism, it doesn't matter what you do other than drink; it will kill you if not treated. In fact, I believe I have liver damage, but I know it will probably get better with abstinence. I'm avoiding the doctor because I can't afford one right now, but if it doesn't go away, I will certainly go in.
I'm sorry to be completely blunt about this, but I don't have much more to offer than brutal honesty right now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Welcome back lala. For me it had to be all or nothing. It’s not fair, and it’s not logical so you’ll never find an answer to the “why” question. And based on the overwhelming evidence, you can never go back to “normal” drinking. Every cycle of drinking/quitting gets progressively worse each time, whether you quit for a day or a month or a year or even a decade.
The good news of course is that you can also choose to be sober forever. And if you do I can guarantee you won’t regret that decision. You’ll find a lot of support and info here on how to do that too.
The good news of course is that you can also choose to be sober forever. And if you do I can guarantee you won’t regret that decision. You’ll find a lot of support and info here on how to do that too.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
