Define Social Drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
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Define Social Drinking
I've been sober for 4 years now and have no problems socializing with people who are normal drinkers.
I am single and I've tried dating on and off for the last couple of years. I ended a 3 month relationship awhile back. I had great hopes for this relationship but as it progressed I realized this person was just not someone I wanted to spend time with. One of the things that bothered me was his drinking. On our very first date, when he asked me what I wanted to drink, I told him I was a nondrinker. He seemed surprised. During the course of the date he drank two large glasses of beer. On subsequent dates he has always drank, whether it was us being out for dinner, or simple just in the house. On two occasions he drank to excess and I found him quite boorish (this was in a situation where others were drinking). There was only a handful of times when he did not drink. I resented his drinking because dating is an anxiety inducing thing and I had to go through the anxiety unaided but he got to calm his nerves. He had mentioned to me he drinks a beer as soon as he gets home from work because he's hungry. So, he was drinking at least 3 beers a night in my presence that I was aware of.
So what is social drinking? If someone is with a nondrinker and they drink, is this social drinking? When does social drinking cross the line into just drinking?
I'd like to date again sometime, but I'd really like to find someone who doesn't have to drink 2-3 just to relax and enjoy themselves. Am I being unrealistic?
I am single and I've tried dating on and off for the last couple of years. I ended a 3 month relationship awhile back. I had great hopes for this relationship but as it progressed I realized this person was just not someone I wanted to spend time with. One of the things that bothered me was his drinking. On our very first date, when he asked me what I wanted to drink, I told him I was a nondrinker. He seemed surprised. During the course of the date he drank two large glasses of beer. On subsequent dates he has always drank, whether it was us being out for dinner, or simple just in the house. On two occasions he drank to excess and I found him quite boorish (this was in a situation where others were drinking). There was only a handful of times when he did not drink. I resented his drinking because dating is an anxiety inducing thing and I had to go through the anxiety unaided but he got to calm his nerves. He had mentioned to me he drinks a beer as soon as he gets home from work because he's hungry. So, he was drinking at least 3 beers a night in my presence that I was aware of.
So what is social drinking? If someone is with a nondrinker and they drink, is this social drinking? When does social drinking cross the line into just drinking?
I'd like to date again sometime, but I'd really like to find someone who doesn't have to drink 2-3 just to relax and enjoy themselves. Am I being unrealistic?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Sounds like the individual you were with might have had a problem himself.
I don't think there is a quantitative way to answer your question though - just as it's nearly impossible to define alcoholism. To me if drinking is a problem, it's a problem regardless of the quantity.
Can I ask where you met this individual? You mention you have no problem socializing around other drinkers, but maybe the people you are meeting and socializing with really aren't normal drinkers? AKA - are you meeting people in bars and clubs?
I don't think there is a quantitative way to answer your question though - just as it's nearly impossible to define alcoholism. To me if drinking is a problem, it's a problem regardless of the quantity.
Can I ask where you met this individual? You mention you have no problem socializing around other drinkers, but maybe the people you are meeting and socializing with really aren't normal drinkers? AKA - are you meeting people in bars and clubs?
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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This chart is interesting, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...=.af6d7601bd78 Only 1/3 of people average more than two per week, and another 1/3 don't drink at all. So 3 drinks a night puts him in the top 10%.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
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Social drinking is what drinkers who don't think they have a problem call their drinking.
"Oh, I just drink socially," they say. And every social event they attend involves alcohol.
I know I'm generalizing. But "social drinking" as a term, encompasses a lot of excessive drinking.
"Oh, I just drink socially," they say. And every social event they attend involves alcohol.
I know I'm generalizing. But "social drinking" as a term, encompasses a lot of excessive drinking.
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Define Social Drinking
to me social drinking is drinking alcohol in a casual setting without the intent of getting drunk. it isnt feeling the need to drink to have a good time or to relax.
If someone is with a nondrinker and they drink, is this social drinking? When does social drinking cross the line into just drinking?
when its not the above or is happening on a very regular basis.
to me social drinking is drinking alcohol in a casual setting without the intent of getting drunk. it isnt feeling the need to drink to have a good time or to relax.
If someone is with a nondrinker and they drink, is this social drinking? When does social drinking cross the line into just drinking?
when its not the above or is happening on a very regular basis.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
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I always value your insight, Scott. This was someone I've known for a long time. I don't frequent clubs often, and most of my socializing involves people associated with community events.
I suspect that he does have a drinking problem but doesn't equate his health and sleeping problems to his use of alcohol. I think one of the reasons why the relationship didn't work is because deep down I didn't like his drinking.
I suspect that he does have a drinking problem but doesn't equate his health and sleeping problems to his use of alcohol. I think one of the reasons why the relationship didn't work is because deep down I didn't like his drinking.
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl 
Social drinking is what drinkers who don't think they have a problem call their drinking.
"Oh, I just drink socially," they say. And every social event they attend involves alcohol.
I know I'm generalizing. But "social drinking" as a term, encompasses a lot of excessive drinking.
"Oh, I just drink socially," they say. And every social event they attend involves alcohol.
I know I'm generalizing. But "social drinking" as a term, encompasses a lot of excessive drinking.
Plus, if someone has a drink in my presence and I'm not drinking, are they drinking alone?
Last edited by Calicofish; 03-19-2019 at 08:01 AM. Reason: typo
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Originally Posted by Calicofish
I think one of the reasons why the relationship didn't work is because deep down I didn't like his drinking.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
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Social drinking becomes very apparent once you see how much other "normal" people actually drink after you quit. For most its one drink, some its two max. A lot will even chase with a few glasses of water after that ONE drink!
When put in this perspective its no problem to say you are a non drinker because after 15 minutes they are done anyways.
I think that guy had a problem and those "3 beers" a night was a lie, probably closer to 12. Sounded like me before I quit! And yes my excessive drinking ran off many women I dated, even ones that drank a lot.
When put in this perspective its no problem to say you are a non drinker because after 15 minutes they are done anyways.
I think that guy had a problem and those "3 beers" a night was a lie, probably closer to 12. Sounded like me before I quit! And yes my excessive drinking ran off many women I dated, even ones that drank a lot.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
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To me, normal/social drinkers can take it or leave it. If they're out at a club and can't drink due to driving or an early day the next day, it's not a problem and they really don't need to think about it. Generally if they're out or at a function and do drink, it's usually one, maybe 2 or 3 if it's an all day thing spread out over the day. They don't drink until they pass out or throw up (or if they have they can count the times it's happened on one hand and it was when very young), and rarely if ever have more than a slight tired feeling the next day.
It really doesn't matter what he is or how you classify his drinking. What matters is how it affects you. It's clear that he drinks too much for your comfort, and he isn't going to change. I socialise all the time with "normal" drinkers, it's no big deal for me, but your guy would be too much of a drinker for me to consider for a relationship. My ideal relationship would be with a true normie that had a drink every once in a while and could take it or leave it. There's no need for both of us to be sober, and I'm not into the whole AA meeting thing (and if I were I don't think I'd like a partner who went to the same meetings as me!). Someone who is sober and not in AA/NA/CA/CMA etc. would also work.
That's just me, and what would work for me.
It really doesn't matter what he is or how you classify his drinking. What matters is how it affects you. It's clear that he drinks too much for your comfort, and he isn't going to change. I socialise all the time with "normal" drinkers, it's no big deal for me, but your guy would be too much of a drinker for me to consider for a relationship. My ideal relationship would be with a true normie that had a drink every once in a while and could take it or leave it. There's no need for both of us to be sober, and I'm not into the whole AA meeting thing (and if I were I don't think I'd like a partner who went to the same meetings as me!). Someone who is sober and not in AA/NA/CA/CMA etc. would also work.
That's just me, and what would work for me.
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Thanks for all the replies. This relationship was the first serious one I had since I separated from a 28 year marriage. I learned a great deal. One - trust your gut and don't stay with someone just because they are "good on paper". Clearly I was uncomfortable with the drinking. I know the first time he was obviously drunk I was not amused at all and from that moment on, I realized I just didn't like him enough. Three weeks later I ended it.
Sigh....
Sigh....
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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There's nothing social about having a beer when you get home from work because you are hungry. I won't say he has a problem with alcohol, but this is really beside the point.
Your focus should be on what effect his drinking has on you. Personally, I'm not interested in a drinking partner. The search for suitable partners is not easy, and I dated a lot before I got married. To me, that's what dating is all about, the search for a partner. It's great fun until the breakup, but that's just the nature of the thing. Keep looking. Each relationship offers something new, and becomes a learning experience from which you can sort yourself out until you get serious about someone.
Your focus should be on what effect his drinking has on you. Personally, I'm not interested in a drinking partner. The search for suitable partners is not easy, and I dated a lot before I got married. To me, that's what dating is all about, the search for a partner. It's great fun until the breakup, but that's just the nature of the thing. Keep looking. Each relationship offers something new, and becomes a learning experience from which you can sort yourself out until you get serious about someone.
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I was a social drinker. I loved it. I pregamed with whiskey, and kept drinking after the outing, and needed a ride home, but I was a social drinker....and an at home drinker, a day drinker, a weekend drinker, a vacation drinker....
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
I was a social drinker. I loved it. I pregamed with whiskey, and kept drinking after the outing, and needed a ride home, but I was a social drinker....and an at home drinker, a day drinker, a weekend drinker, a vacation drinker....
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My drinking was always social (til the last months, year)....because of where and with whom I socialized.
It was a slow process of acceptance that I was the one choosing that life, therefore parsing words with any "definition" I had of drinking.
Focusing on my choices to benefit my sobriety, in every area of my life, is a great privilege and freedom with which I had to get comfortable. The "risk" of losing someone or being alone or not having friends...has turned out to be unfounded.
It was a slow process of acceptance that I was the one choosing that life, therefore parsing words with any "definition" I had of drinking.
Focusing on my choices to benefit my sobriety, in every area of my life, is a great privilege and freedom with which I had to get comfortable. The "risk" of losing someone or being alone or not having friends...has turned out to be unfounded.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Personally, I have no ideas how to drink socially. My wife is the epitome of a social drinker yet she would never use that term. If she drinks 10 times a year that would be a lot.
Every now and again she will have a glass of wine when cooking and never finishes it. I said to her a while back: Why do you do that? She said what. I said, why do you only drink a half a glass of wine? She said, I guess I forget I have it. THAT is a "social drinker"
I have never in my life forgot I was drinking or had a 1/2 of any drink.
Every now and again she will have a glass of wine when cooking and never finishes it. I said to her a while back: Why do you do that? She said what. I said, why do you only drink a half a glass of wine? She said, I guess I forget I have it. THAT is a "social drinker"
I have never in my life forgot I was drinking or had a 1/2 of any drink.
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