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Friday Night, Sober... HOPEFULLY.

Old 03-08-2019, 04:46 AM
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Friday Night, Sober... HOPEFULLY.

Hey all, and happy weekend (almost!)
I've been sober for going on just about two weeks now, and it feels great. The cravings have been eating me alive lately, but I manage to sweat right on through them.

This weekend is different than the one that I managed to stay sober through. I'll have zero responsibility (outside of keeping care of my own self.) I don't have to work.
This evening, I'm meeting up with some friends who I haven't seen in half a month. We used to see each other almost daily. They drink, but definitely not at all like I do/did. They'll probably each have a beer or maybe two with dinner. If we were going to eat two weeks ago, I would've just skipped the food part about dinner completely, and would've been swimming in liquor before their desserts came out. Why did they even keep me around?
Anyhow, one day at a time... I don't want to miss dinner because I miss these girls a whole lot.
What are some of your suggestions to stay sober? I find that once I get to eating, the cravings diminish and I can focus on what I'm doing.
Thanks for any input.
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Old 03-08-2019, 04:51 AM
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Glad you are sharing and good job on 2 wks!

I have to say what I allllways do - don't go. I didn't socialize with drinkers for quite awhile. My sobriety came first, physically then as the emotionally sober priority and that meant focusing on only things that supported that.

Plenty of folks will likely chime in that they did choose to socialize early on (which is very much where you are - for ME, I called myself in early sobriety til close to my 2d year, even though I knew I'd stay sober from the beginning bc it was life or death and I wanted to live). The key thing people who do it successfully have is a plan. I did this too when I began going out and about.

Drive yourself, leave if you begin to get squirrely, have an answer if your friends ask you why you aren't drinking (here, I believe in saying whatever you need to at this point), and plan ahead what you will order to drink.

A very good tool is called "playing the tape forward." Imagine what will happen if you have the first drink...literally, think thru each next thing that you know will happen, what kind of specific thing happened before that made you decide to quit.

Ultimately, it's not about hoping you will be sober at the end of tonight. You get to choose.

Let us know how it goes and what you decide.
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Old 03-08-2019, 05:22 AM
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I imagine this isn't what you want to hear, but I also suggest not going. You say that cravings are eating you alive, and going out will put you in a situation where you would normally get drunk whether or not your friends do. And it sounds like they don't know you're trying to quit, and will order drinks and you'll feel pressured to order "just one", too.

We have to protect our sobriety especially early on, and that means changing what we do and who we spend time with. Putting ourselves in risky situations like this usually means relapse and starting over after more damage. There will come a time when a night out like this is no big deal, no stress or worry and just a nice night out, but it sounds to me like now isn't the right time to test those waters.
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Old 03-08-2019, 05:31 AM
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Another vote for staying home.

I know it seems like a huge sacrifice - and you'll hear a voice telling you that you never be able to go out again if you stay sober - but thats just not true.

I can go anywhere and be with anyone now - but I had to work up to that.

I was a fragile vessel for a while.

I had to stay away from drinkers and drinking for a while until I grew some 'sober muscles'.

D
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Old 03-08-2019, 09:14 AM
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"A fragile vessel" - perfect way to put it. And realizing, accepting, and even finding comfort in knowing that's exactly what I was proved very successful in me dealing with things in life I truly HAD to - and not adding things I didn't. Like going out with drinking friends when I was newly sober.
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Old 03-08-2019, 09:26 AM
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Originally Posted by WindPines View Post
Hey all, and happy weekend (almost!)
I've been sober for going on just about two weeks now, and it feels great. The cravings have been eating me alive lately, but I manage to sweat right on through them.

This weekend is different than the one that I managed to stay sober through. I'll have zero responsibility (outside of keeping care of my own self.) I don't have to work.
This evening, I'm meeting up with some friends who I haven't seen in half a month. We used to see each other almost daily. They drink, but definitely not at all like I do/did. They'll probably each have a beer or maybe two with dinner. If we were going to eat two weeks ago, I would've just skipped the food part about dinner completely, and would've been swimming in liquor before their desserts came out. Why did they even keep me around?
Anyhow, one day at a time... I don't want to miss dinner because I miss these girls a whole lot.
What are some of your suggestions to stay sober? I find that once I get to eating, the cravings diminish and I can focus on what I'm doing.
Thanks for any input.
I'd also suggest you skip the dinner this time. Not that you won't be able to meet people for these types of events soon, but look at all the red flags you raise right in your post above.

Do they know you have quit drinking? What will you say if they ask you why you aren't or offer to buy you a drink?

Another thing you need to ask yourself is this - what is the real purpose of the dinner? Is it to eat and talk, or is it to drink? Even if your friends don't drink as much as you do, they still might view alcohol as one of the main reasons for the get-together. And if that's the case, you are going to be extremely uncomfortable. If your cravings are "eating you alive" now - imagine what they will be like when someone is sitting right next to you ordering you a drink - or even places one in your hand.
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Old 03-08-2019, 01:36 PM
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Hi Wind Pines, I'm in the same boat and I can share a little of what I'm going to do. I'm using Lent as the reason I'm not drinking. In fact, I went out with some guys last week who I go out with pretty often (drinking guys) and you know what?

I always thought these guys were big boozers, etc. but when I was with them and not drinking, they actually weren't. Do you know who was though......yep me. What a "sobering" experience to drink with people when you're not drinking and realizing what a reckless drinker I was....
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Old 03-08-2019, 05:37 PM
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I just do this:

Instead of “sober Friday night, HOPEFULLY,”

It’s “sober Friday night, DEFINITELY!”

Always sober, never drinking, no question about it. The questions about drinking have been removed from my test.

Best wishes.
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Old 03-09-2019, 03:01 AM
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WP, let us know what you chose to do last night, from whether you chose to go, or not.
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Old 03-10-2019, 03:50 AM
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WindPines, let us know what happened.
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Old 03-11-2019, 11:15 AM
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Hope you're doing well, WindPines.
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