Giving up Control
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 9
Giving up Control
The hardest thing for me to get sober was giving up control. I knew that if I entered a detox or rehab, or told other people the extent of my drinking (everyday, all day drinker) that I would have to go to a facility where I couldn't drink and the thought of going without drinking was just unbearable.
The night I got sober I stayed up all night. I had a revelation in the shower where I cried out to whatever God was out there for help, and I felt the fullness of its support, and I knew in that moment, that it would carry me through everything.
Like I said I stayed up the whole night. At 5 or 6 am I started to call detox facilities in the area. One that was just a few miles away picked up and told me that if I showed up at 9am they would be able to see about admitting me. I woke my dad and told him the Gods honest truth (I can't stop drinking, I think im very sick, I need to go to this address).
At the detox I was in a room where I had to put pen to paper and sign an agreement that I would stay there for a minimum of 4 nights. I sat there with that pen in my hand for what felt like 5 minutes. I told my Dad "maybe I overreacted, maybe if I just go home and sleep it off I will be fine"
The feeling I got when I did sign that paper was a feeling of absolute surrender and giving up control. I didn't know what was going to happen in detox, but I finally was able to give up the control of doing things my way.
Since that day, October 23rd of 2017, I have been continuously sober. I am 23 years old and want to live life as a sober man.
The night I got sober I stayed up all night. I had a revelation in the shower where I cried out to whatever God was out there for help, and I felt the fullness of its support, and I knew in that moment, that it would carry me through everything.
Like I said I stayed up the whole night. At 5 or 6 am I started to call detox facilities in the area. One that was just a few miles away picked up and told me that if I showed up at 9am they would be able to see about admitting me. I woke my dad and told him the Gods honest truth (I can't stop drinking, I think im very sick, I need to go to this address).
At the detox I was in a room where I had to put pen to paper and sign an agreement that I would stay there for a minimum of 4 nights. I sat there with that pen in my hand for what felt like 5 minutes. I told my Dad "maybe I overreacted, maybe if I just go home and sleep it off I will be fine"
The feeling I got when I did sign that paper was a feeling of absolute surrender and giving up control. I didn't know what was going to happen in detox, but I finally was able to give up the control of doing things my way.
Since that day, October 23rd of 2017, I have been continuously sober. I am 23 years old and want to live life as a sober man.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
A powerful story Diggity - and congrats on your continued sobriety. I too felt very scared when I finally made the choice to quit...but also very empowered and relieved at the same time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
really great read.
your not wanting to give up control really screams at me. I quit with beer in the fridge and didnt wanna let them go. I never told people i had a problem for fear they migth later try to hold me accountable and keep me from drinking...
Even now almost 8 years sober there is the addict part of me that is mad that those closest too me would hold me accountable if i ever slipped up. I still want that control over my life. the power to go screw up if i want and screw them and what they say. But thats the addict in me. I have to surrender and realize that this is just the way thtat it is.
and honestly I should be thankful that someone might try and hold me accountable and keep me from screwing myself over again. (but yep inside as i write this that inner addict just squirms but i wanna keep that cork in the bottle)
your not wanting to give up control really screams at me. I quit with beer in the fridge and didnt wanna let them go. I never told people i had a problem for fear they migth later try to hold me accountable and keep me from drinking...
Even now almost 8 years sober there is the addict part of me that is mad that those closest too me would hold me accountable if i ever slipped up. I still want that control over my life. the power to go screw up if i want and screw them and what they say. But thats the addict in me. I have to surrender and realize that this is just the way thtat it is.
and honestly I should be thankful that someone might try and hold me accountable and keep me from screwing myself over again. (but yep inside as i write this that inner addict just squirms but i wanna keep that cork in the bottle)
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
It's a delicious paradox that by giving up on our attempts to control our drinking, accepting that it's poison for us and we must keep it out of our bodies forever, that simple realization puts us back in control of our lives. I choose to focus much more on the latter fact; that's the frame that really clicks for me.
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