emotional lifes too short
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emotional lifes too short
when i quit drinking i remember being pretty emotional and that was new to me. cry when i'm sad cry when i'm happy cry for no reason that kinda stuff. Almost like my emtoinos got magnified. I cant say that i like it. I mean crying tears of joy sounds like a godo thing but I'm not sure i like feeling such intensity of emotion so often.
fast forward 7+ years and its happening more and more and its seems to revolve around life being too short. Like my kid will ask how old will you be when i'm 40 and I think i'll be dead then i just wanna go cry my eyes out that i wont be here for my kids etc..
Top this all off i got to thinking last night i could end up with lung cancer over night from all the smokeing i did. I really might not be about of the woods on that possiblity.
I duno if this is middle age crisis crap? I hope it doesnt get worse.
I also think too like ok so if life is short why am i wasting my time working and crap why not go and enjoy myself seize the day like if you new you had a week to live would you bother going into the office? not that i only have a week to live i could have decades or a month i dunno.
anyone else get this does it get easier? is it just a middle age thing? i'm 41 now so maybe this is just normal ?
fast forward 7+ years and its happening more and more and its seems to revolve around life being too short. Like my kid will ask how old will you be when i'm 40 and I think i'll be dead then i just wanna go cry my eyes out that i wont be here for my kids etc..
Top this all off i got to thinking last night i could end up with lung cancer over night from all the smokeing i did. I really might not be about of the woods on that possiblity.
I duno if this is middle age crisis crap? I hope it doesnt get worse.
I also think too like ok so if life is short why am i wasting my time working and crap why not go and enjoy myself seize the day like if you new you had a week to live would you bother going into the office? not that i only have a week to live i could have decades or a month i dunno.
anyone else get this does it get easier? is it just a middle age thing? i'm 41 now so maybe this is just normal ?
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It sounds like you are spending way too much time worrying about the past and past actions, and what they might mean for the future.
That keeps you out of the present moment, which is clearly where your heart wants to be.
No wonder time feels short--stay right here right now like you do when you're running--training the mind to do that is pretty hard, I admit, but at least a finger pointing towards an answer perhaps?
You've had a rough time with the job stuff zjw--with a family to support, I can't imagine how hard things must feel at times but you're still sober and that's something really good
That keeps you out of the present moment, which is clearly where your heart wants to be.
No wonder time feels short--stay right here right now like you do when you're running--training the mind to do that is pretty hard, I admit, but at least a finger pointing towards an answer perhaps?
You've had a rough time with the job stuff zjw--with a family to support, I can't imagine how hard things must feel at times but you're still sober and that's something really good
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I have found that life itself is really a rollecoaster ZJW. I quit drinking, i worked on my health, got counseling, and did all the right things and it really helped. Overall I feel much better than I ever have in my entire life. Having said that I still have bad days occasionally. Sometimes I can't get motivated, sometimes my anxiety kicks in and causes insomnia/worry, sometimes I wonder the whole "why am i even here" question, etc.
One thing that helps me on those days is to look back and see how much I have actually accomplished. Getting out the gratitude list is a great place to start.
But I also think of acceptance. Accepting that life in general is hard. It's easy to see others on TV or social media talking about how awesome things are, but in reality those people have bad days just like we do.
One thing that helps me on those days is to look back and see how much I have actually accomplished. Getting out the gratitude list is a great place to start.
But I also think of acceptance. Accepting that life in general is hard. It's easy to see others on TV or social media talking about how awesome things are, but in reality those people have bad days just like we do.
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 02-11-2019 at 09:26 AM.
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Originally Posted by zjw 
I also think too like ok so if life is short why am i wasting my time working and crap why not go and enjoy myself seize the day like if you new you had a week to live would you bother going into the office? not that i only have a week to live i could have decades or a month i dunno.
Life is fleeting. So don't waste it. And that includes bemoaning the fact that it is fleeting.
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I started reading this book today by Jordan Peterson and talks about order and chaos and trying to find the balance between the two. Enough order so life is stable, but enough chaos so we don't get too comfortable that we stop pushing ourselves or becoming disheartened or overwhelmed by too much.
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Yeah i think on some level when i see my life not play out like in the movies it ticks me off. At the same time I realize too it might be playing out just like it does in the movies its just that im in the drivers seat and its a bit more scary from this first person perspective and the movie aint over yet so how can i determine anything.
But that part of me that just wishes it would all be perfect needs to be continueally slapped and reminded theres no garantees in life. Just get up each day take a swing at it go to bed and repeat it all over again its about all you can do and quite frankly i'm fortunate to be able to do that much.
to hawkeye's point I think the stress this past year has magnified my emotional issues. Its kinda hard when your worried if its all slipping away. One day i wonder if my life is just headed straight down the ******* and i'm going to find myself in an even worse spot a year from now. Of course it could be headed in the other direction as well. This constant tug each way and scary unknowns I guess has me pretty sensitive.
Given my situation yeah i got thoughts in my head like how will i tell the kids we lost the house etc... Like if it comes to that i know no big deal i'll get through it no biggie. But no doubt about it having to tell that to your kids is crap. But thats life too. Been in worse places.
but again to hawkeyes point even thinking about that stuff isnt being very present is it? But as these thoughts slip through its hard.
Gratitude works great for me to battle it. but again. i'm super sensitive to that too. I can go over my gratitude list and just cry becasue i'm so damn fortunate its not even funny.
I'm not sure I like being so sensitive. Or maybe i'm just not used to having the thigns i'm grateful for mean so much to me.
I raise the thread cause ive been through stressful times before but the emtional aspect this go around is more extreme. maybe its because i was drunk the last time i had to hand a big scary issue so i'm not used to any of this.
But i'm also wondering if its the onset of a mid life crisis or something.
But that part of me that just wishes it would all be perfect needs to be continueally slapped and reminded theres no garantees in life. Just get up each day take a swing at it go to bed and repeat it all over again its about all you can do and quite frankly i'm fortunate to be able to do that much.
to hawkeye's point I think the stress this past year has magnified my emotional issues. Its kinda hard when your worried if its all slipping away. One day i wonder if my life is just headed straight down the ******* and i'm going to find myself in an even worse spot a year from now. Of course it could be headed in the other direction as well. This constant tug each way and scary unknowns I guess has me pretty sensitive.
Given my situation yeah i got thoughts in my head like how will i tell the kids we lost the house etc... Like if it comes to that i know no big deal i'll get through it no biggie. But no doubt about it having to tell that to your kids is crap. But thats life too. Been in worse places.
but again to hawkeyes point even thinking about that stuff isnt being very present is it? But as these thoughts slip through its hard.
Gratitude works great for me to battle it. but again. i'm super sensitive to that too. I can go over my gratitude list and just cry becasue i'm so damn fortunate its not even funny.
I'm not sure I like being so sensitive. Or maybe i'm just not used to having the thigns i'm grateful for mean so much to me.
I raise the thread cause ive been through stressful times before but the emtional aspect this go around is more extreme. maybe its because i was drunk the last time i had to hand a big scary issue so i'm not used to any of this.
But i'm also wondering if its the onset of a mid life crisis or something.
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The middle age thing really affects me too.
Not to the extent you describe, zj, but to some extent.
Ideally in my 40s, I'd like to be taking stock of my achievements and planning for further success. I mostly think of the time I wasted battling the bottle and the insufferable ass that made me into.
But hey, there's still time for amazing things and I REALLY believe that.
Emotions are powerful, and I have learned to just ride along with them. It can be an interesting thing to do.
Not to the extent you describe, zj, but to some extent.
Ideally in my 40s, I'd like to be taking stock of my achievements and planning for further success. I mostly think of the time I wasted battling the bottle and the insufferable ass that made me into.
But hey, there's still time for amazing things and I REALLY believe that.
Emotions are powerful, and I have learned to just ride along with them. It can be an interesting thing to do.
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I was blessed to have a sponsor who encouraged me to stop projecting. Add to that I was always wrong, nothing turned out the way I predicted. How I stopped was to tell myself "Stop!" when I found myself projecting and "changing the channel" by going to a meeting and talking to another alcoholic. It helps to stop running with the self-centered fear so common in our thinking.
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When I turned 40, I vowed to not go softly into the night.
I turn 62 in a couple of months.
I've been blessed with a great life.
Not necessarily an easy life, but a great life nonetheless.
Even though I should actuarially have 25% of my life remaining, I think and act as if I'm your age.
I work, I exercise, I eat judiciously, I don't drink, I have lived most of my adult life sober, I still love and pursue knowledge, I play a good bit.
All in all, a very good life.
I hope that your best years are ahead of you, Z.
I hope I have some sober ones left also.
I turn 62 in a couple of months.
I've been blessed with a great life.
Not necessarily an easy life, but a great life nonetheless.
Even though I should actuarially have 25% of my life remaining, I think and act as if I'm your age.
I work, I exercise, I eat judiciously, I don't drink, I have lived most of my adult life sober, I still love and pursue knowledge, I play a good bit.
All in all, a very good life.
I hope that your best years are ahead of you, Z.
I hope I have some sober ones left also.
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Midlife has really knocked me around, it’s made me question everything and so many things I believed to be significant have now become unimportant, so many things I felt were true somehow don’t seem true at all, the way I feel about people has changed, the way I think about myself has changed. Life takes hold of us and reminds us that we might be on the other side of life now, where most of it has been lived, and how are we going to live it now?
What Hawkeye said about the present moment is true, for once we are not numbing ourselves from that gift, and sober cah and others with their obviously real gratefulness for their lives: what we focus on does become our reality.
That doesn’t make the grappling with life or its meaning as we age any easier, though.
What do I do? I spent a lot of time being irresponsible, so most days I try to think about the responsible things I need to do. Some days it’s my job, which is heavy engagement, and sometimes it’s getting some vacuuming done, but no matter what it is, doing the next small right thing at least helps put my attention on living, on living the present moment. At the end of the day if you go to bed and feel like you were a pretty good person that day, like you did your best with what you had to offer that day, then it was a good day. And what is life but a bunch of days piled up on each other, until we breathe no more.
What Hawkeye said about the present moment is true, for once we are not numbing ourselves from that gift, and sober cah and others with their obviously real gratefulness for their lives: what we focus on does become our reality.
That doesn’t make the grappling with life or its meaning as we age any easier, though.
What do I do? I spent a lot of time being irresponsible, so most days I try to think about the responsible things I need to do. Some days it’s my job, which is heavy engagement, and sometimes it’s getting some vacuuming done, but no matter what it is, doing the next small right thing at least helps put my attention on living, on living the present moment. At the end of the day if you go to bed and feel like you were a pretty good person that day, like you did your best with what you had to offer that day, then it was a good day. And what is life but a bunch of days piled up on each other, until we breathe no more.
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Originally Posted by zjw
anyone else get this does it get easier? is it just a middle age thing? i'm 41 now so maybe this is just normal ?
When I read your post the first thing I thought of was depression. Crying often is not really typical, in general.
Now, is that normal for you? Again, hard to say. I would suggest going to see a therapist, at the very least your GP to discuss this. He/she might send you to a therapist or psychiatrist. It may be depression, it may not, but if it is there is lots of help out there and you don't need to suffer so much.
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People were bashing FB in another thread but I think there's some really good stuff on there. This I posted today:
If you don't leave your past in the past it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away.
Doesn't apply to emotions per se but it's good advice on finding the good in every day.
If you don't leave your past in the past it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away.
Doesn't apply to emotions per se but it's good advice on finding the good in every day.
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Hello,
I am now 48, and I certainly feel like I wish I could slow things down some, especially as I watch my kids growing up so fast.
However, in the past few years I've had a few life events that have forced me to re-evaluate my priorities and also to really work on remaining in the present.
I have found mindfulness to be a really big part of my recovery, it might be something you'd like to look into.
I am now 48, and I certainly feel like I wish I could slow things down some, especially as I watch my kids growing up so fast.
However, in the past few years I've had a few life events that have forced me to re-evaluate my priorities and also to really work on remaining in the present.
I have found mindfulness to be a really big part of my recovery, it might be something you'd like to look into.
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My dad used to say, "It's fine to live like today's your last as long as you're working and planning like you are going to live to 100.
Hey zjw. I'm sorry this has got you down. Everyone has to face their own mortality sometime but that doesn't make it easy..
I went through this in my 40s. I was sure my wild crazy life would kill me now I'm sober. It hasn't yet.
I was sure I'd never get over wasting those years - but I've done a lot with the nearly 12 years sobrity I have
It's still sometimes a jolt to realise my life more is half over. (I'm not going to live to 104 folks lol)
It literally seems like yesterday I was 18 but then I remember how long ago that was,
I don't know how much time I have left - but it seems counter productive for me to obsess over it.
Much better IMO to live my sober life to the full and keep striving to do the things I want to do.
Some of you may remember Gilmer. She found out she had cancer late last year and passed early this year - maybe read her thread 'A Different Path' some time.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rent-path.html (A Different Path)
I don't think it will make anyone despair that life is short - but hey you can use your own discretion.
To me it's a great example of someone facing death with courage, faith and humour.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 02-12-2019 at 11:50 PM.
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Yeh I think it’s some depression it’s hard to remain positive when the outlook is bleak or unknown at best. I think I’m just overly emotional too tho probably from the extreme circumstances I got going on
i know I need to be present I have it tattooed on me even I guess I don’t wanna be very present I r I’m having a hard time doing so lately because I’m angry too over my situation
but I’m had a few fleeting present moments and they where nice today but I quickly chose to go back to being upset and such about my situation today I can own that I chose to be upset today anyhow I guess
i know I need to be present I have it tattooed on me even I guess I don’t wanna be very present I r I’m having a hard time doing so lately because I’m angry too over my situation
but I’m had a few fleeting present moments and they where nice today but I quickly chose to go back to being upset and such about my situation today I can own that I chose to be upset today anyhow I guess
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Also: I think it’s perfect for you to post it here.
That’s what we do here: support each other. How often do people feel like they have to go through their dark days alone, so they can be strong for others in real life?
We don’t numb ourselves any more, so there’s going to be pain, completely felt. We understand.
That’s what we do here: support each other. How often do people feel like they have to go through their dark days alone, so they can be strong for others in real life?
We don’t numb ourselves any more, so there’s going to be pain, completely felt. We understand.
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yeah this thread started off with griping about being overly emotional. But i'm also realizing that i'm spending a ton of time dwelling on my problems many of which have no immediate solution or any solution at all that i can see. So i'm doing the round and round thing hashing them out and in so doing i'm loosing the present moment routinely.
The question i usualy ask myself in this predicament is "where am i" am i here in this present moment or am i off in la la land thinking about the past present future or some other problem obsessing etc..
I realize i'm only cheating myself out of enjoyment of the present moment.
I guess things are kind of intense and its harder and harder to be aware of the present moment. Before i lost my job i was getting good and handling life and staying present despite my probelms. I had settled into a routine and such. But ever since then that routines been routinely screwed with and i've been off kilter ever since strugglign to find my bearings.
The question i usualy ask myself in this predicament is "where am i" am i here in this present moment or am i off in la la land thinking about the past present future or some other problem obsessing etc..
I realize i'm only cheating myself out of enjoyment of the present moment.
I guess things are kind of intense and its harder and harder to be aware of the present moment. Before i lost my job i was getting good and handling life and staying present despite my probelms. I had settled into a routine and such. But ever since then that routines been routinely screwed with and i've been off kilter ever since strugglign to find my bearings.
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Originally Posted by BillieJean1
I started reading this book today by Jordan Peterson and talks about order and chaos and trying to find the balance between the two. Enough order so life is stable, but enough chaos so we don't get too comfortable that we stop pushing ourselves or becoming disheartened or overwhelmed by too much.
In our journey in life, for me anyway, there came a time/event that made me realize that we don't know how much time we have. "Life is not a dressed rehearsal" as the saying goes. My suggestion today is that if there is something you really want to do, go and do it now.
I did that. It wasn't easy to jump out of the rut (grave with the ends knocked out) that life in normal civilization can become. Plenty of guilt associated with breaking with old routines - I should be doing this or that. But I had a new purpose and that eventually won out.
Seriously, no one knows how much time they have. A common regret of people at the end of their road is not to do with what they did, but rather what they didn't do.
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yeah its true gottalife
I guess where i get torn too is things like OH lifes too short. So for example i ponder taking my kids camping. Course i dont have the money. but i'm like maybe i'll just huck it on a credit card. Live for hte moment make some memories they wont be young forever. I can always make more money but I cant always make more time etc..
But there is that other part of me that says no buckle down work save get your finances in order and get back on your feet then maybe think about those things.
The problem with the prudent responsable approach is I'll turn myself into a robot with a strong back and put anything fun off for a later day as we execute the 5 year plan... if you will. Then 5 years from now i'll look back and be like GAH i coulda this or that.
Course If i rack up debt i'll look back and go GAAA why did i do that.
I cant really win.
I think in my case i got some depression going on. I know when i wake up and feel well rested and so on my whole demeanor and life outlook is different. I'm energetic and enthusiastic. This rarely happens. I rarely wake up feeling like that. Instead i wake up and its like instant weight of the world on my mind and it just crushes any enthusiasm i coulda had etc..
I guess where i get torn too is things like OH lifes too short. So for example i ponder taking my kids camping. Course i dont have the money. but i'm like maybe i'll just huck it on a credit card. Live for hte moment make some memories they wont be young forever. I can always make more money but I cant always make more time etc..
But there is that other part of me that says no buckle down work save get your finances in order and get back on your feet then maybe think about those things.
The problem with the prudent responsable approach is I'll turn myself into a robot with a strong back and put anything fun off for a later day as we execute the 5 year plan... if you will. Then 5 years from now i'll look back and be like GAH i coulda this or that.
Course If i rack up debt i'll look back and go GAAA why did i do that.
I cant really win.
I think in my case i got some depression going on. I know when i wake up and feel well rested and so on my whole demeanor and life outlook is different. I'm energetic and enthusiastic. This rarely happens. I rarely wake up feeling like that. Instead i wake up and its like instant weight of the world on my mind and it just crushes any enthusiasm i coulda had etc..
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