Lpg

Hey everyone

Iv not been here for a while life has been busy. 457 days booze free today still the best decision iv ever made in my life to date I never regret it although its hard sometimes.
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I ditched a party last night of a work colleague, I just couldn't be around alcohol yesterday. Iv never done this before, made a decision for myself and my soberity, any other time I have forced myself to go to the party out of guilt. I do feel guilty as I said I wasn't feeling great, he didn't reply to my message and will be back to work on Tuesday and have to make up some illness. The last party of this colleague I went to the guy forced alcohol upto my face holding my head, he knows I don't drink and it made me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, and as I was leaving work on Saturday he made jokes as I said I wasnt feeling great and his reply 'oh just have a drink' it really annoys me and I don't know how to tell him to quit it I find it really rude when I have already explained to him about it. Any ideas how to approach this situation?

Thanks lpg

AAPJ

Seems like the right decision to me. While I am personally comfortable going to parties and other events where alcohol is served I would never go near an event where people shoved alcohol in my face like you described. The guy is simply a jerk. No reason to spend time with a person like him.

ChloeRose63

Just stay focused on what is important. Your sobriety is worth so much more than some 'jerk'.
I would not waste any energy thinking about some stupid party that you had no interest in attending. Move forward knowing you did what was best for YOU! You are the only person that matters and you did the right thing. Award yourself for not compromising your standards. I commend your convictions!

tomsteve

youre allowed to set boundaries

August252015

Thanks for sharing, lpg- my $0.02 on what to say is basically, short and sweet and whatever you want. My first sponsor used to say "No is a complete sentence." So not worrying about the other person's thoughts etc is fine - bc we are likely overblowing how much they really care (even those who indicated they did at the time of the party, etc).

I'm 3 yr sober next wk. My policy is still to exit stage left anytime I want or need to, for whatever reason connected to my sanity, sobriety, emotional state then, whatever. I matter most in this case. I don't have to self-eject nearly as much these days, also say no in the first place to whatever I want, and it is much easier than it was at first. Still just as legit.

Have a good start to the week - I bet you've got plenty to focus on and accomplish that don't have to do with lingering concern over this incident.

ScottFromWI

Congrats on 457 days LPG, that's fantastic! Lots of great advice here already, but as far as how you should approach the situation i'd say you already did and handled it very well. You set a boundary and kept it - end of story. As far as the other individual i'd say just cut off contact completely - he's not someone that you need in your life anyway. If he still continues, honestly i'd report his behavior to a supervisor - it's harassment plain and simple.

Lpg

Thanks guys for the advice and making me feel a lot less guilty, wasn't sure if I was being over the top but I know now my soberity is what to put first and I don't want to feel uncomfortable about it either.

Thanks August short and sweet is how I shall keep it. You guys are right he was being a jerk, Iv not experienced anyone act like that towards me not drinking its very odd.

I haven't came out directly and told him I'm an alcoholic but I don't feel I should really have to, and I can only imagine he would poke more fun at me. I simply said it makes me act out of control and it's not suited to me but he just doesn't seem to take that and feels the need to keep making stupid comments around it.

​​​​​Thanks guys

nez

I wouldn't feel guilty about ditching a party where the host made me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable at a previous party, to me that is only good sense and watching out for my own well being.

I would be happy to explain why if the subject of my non-attendance ever came up and I wouldn't feel the need to mention alcohol in the explanation; I would merely say that at the last party he hosted he went to great lengths to force me into something, and it made me embarrassed and uncomfortable.

RecklessEric

Don't feel guilty.
You may get to a point where you love parties again but don't put yourself through the hell that is drunk people if you're not absolutely ok with it.

MindfulMan

Guy sounds like a piece of work.

Even when I drank, I had to put up with tons of people trying to get me to smoke weed. "This strain is different." "It'll help you relax." "Oh, just smoke a joint." And passing on countless joints that were sent my way.

I LOATHE weed. It makes me feel violently ill.

Wonder if there's a way you could gently but firmly set a boundary with this guy that you don't drink, you're fine with not drinking and you would appreciate him not pushing alcohol on you.

Dropsie

Or just decide not to play with a bully.

What a jerk.

You may have to work him but I would take him off the Xmas card list.

I always love this "No is a complete sentence."

Lpg

Certain friends I go to party's with I have a wonderful time but I just like to feel comfortable with the people I'm with. Im incredibly lucky as my friends are all mainly supportive and I value those friendships massively. Just certain party's with certain people put me on edge.
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Thanks guys I'm glad for this page I came into work and tbh I don't think he is bothered in the slightest I didn't attend so that's fine. Worry over lol. I will choose my company from now on now I realise nothing bad comes of making a desicion to keep my soberity safe. At the end of the day iv worked too hard to feel ashamed embarrassed or uncomfortable about it.

Dropsie

Truer words were never said.

NYCDoglvr

A good rule of thumb: "no" is a complete sentence. You owe no one an excuse or explanation about not drinking. It's like a diabetic has to have his/her insulin and puts that above all else. Congrats on your recovery!

SoberCAH

My next RSVP would be "No thanks."

You don't have to have people like this in your life.

I don't.

It would be altogether appropriate if you go to his office and let him know that what he did at the last party wasn't funny and that you will not be attending any more.

Lpg

Your so right. Thank you

Lpg

Yeah I was thinking about pulling him up for it but I have to say I'm terrible at confrontation I don't do well with this. Think it's a confidence thing I get all nervous and choke on my words lol either that or I cry.

Snowydelrico

One word about feeling guilty ‘dont’
You’ve done nothing wrong.
Feel liberated , that’s a much better feeling

Dee74

12 years on, no one remembers I missed a party lpg

D

Stayingsassy

I hate weed too! Always felt like such a weirdo passing it up, was always just the WRONG high, I was always a simple drunk from the start.

Good work lpg. It’s tough. This is one example of what I mean when I talk about changing our lives completely. It takes a lot of bravery, a lot of standing alone and firm in our decisions. It also is very empowering for us as individuals.