Random Moosings Crones, kittens, chuckleheads & all other critters welcome!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Hello friends,
Still working too much and trying to process my friend's death. You don't know how much you depend on someone's love and support until they are gone. I mean I loved this guy and he knew it and loved me back, so no regrets (except not forcing him to cardiologist against his will) but it's more the daily dose of "you are one of my favorite people in the world" that I really miss.
I try and feel the love that he gave me, which helps, but its not the same. My youngest daughter gives me this feeling too, but she is growing up (14 now) and I hope will fly on her own wings.
The other thing that I am still struggling with is self sabatoge. Somehow, for now, the procrastination is better, but I am broke, can't pay my taxes on time, and have at least 70K in unbilled time that my clients want to pay! I almost just erased that as it makes me feel like such a loser, but I am putting it out there.
I call it self handicapping -- take the thing you hate the most (losing control, being broke) and then do it to yourself. Its like now that I dont drink I need to find another way to make myself feel bad. I have done it all my life but have decided that my 60th birthday in November (Gilmer and I were almost the same age, but she was way more special) present to myself is going to be to do all that sh$t and then set up habits that keep it together.
It also creates huge stress for my partner as he just doesn't get it, I mean who would really.
Loved this from our CEO,
I said, probably cuz I WANTED off the benzo, but the booze, I still feel very attached to. We are still in a relationship. This one is a very sloppy ending, but at least it is ending.
I have the same -- I wanted to stop smoking, I stopped almost 40 years ago, and I know that I will never ever smoke again. Drinking, I always leave a little door open -- I guess that means we have found my DOC. But my REAL DOC is making myself feel bad.
My other issue is that my dog is dangerous, but he was my friend's best friend and my daughter is in love with him, so he stays but he has some kind of rage. If he thinks something is his and you take it, he attacks full on even from accross the room, my partner has scars to prove it. Not sure what to do, but am going to get the dog shrink in to see him again.
My daughters are great. My eldest bore the brunt of my drinking and still has not fully forgiven me, but we are getting there. She just got her dream job right out of college, which is amazing. I think my friend is helping her from Upstairs. My youngest is 14 and has found a school she loves, has decided she is gay and is as happy as can be.
The weather in Belgium is gray and rainy the last few days, but they say we might get sun for the weekend, which would be nice. Have not had so much work travel, but that changes next week (sad face).
So, that's me for now. Love my chuckleheads.
Still working too much and trying to process my friend's death. You don't know how much you depend on someone's love and support until they are gone. I mean I loved this guy and he knew it and loved me back, so no regrets (except not forcing him to cardiologist against his will) but it's more the daily dose of "you are one of my favorite people in the world" that I really miss.
I try and feel the love that he gave me, which helps, but its not the same. My youngest daughter gives me this feeling too, but she is growing up (14 now) and I hope will fly on her own wings.
The other thing that I am still struggling with is self sabatoge. Somehow, for now, the procrastination is better, but I am broke, can't pay my taxes on time, and have at least 70K in unbilled time that my clients want to pay! I almost just erased that as it makes me feel like such a loser, but I am putting it out there.
I call it self handicapping -- take the thing you hate the most (losing control, being broke) and then do it to yourself. Its like now that I dont drink I need to find another way to make myself feel bad. I have done it all my life but have decided that my 60th birthday in November (Gilmer and I were almost the same age, but she was way more special) present to myself is going to be to do all that sh$t and then set up habits that keep it together.
It also creates huge stress for my partner as he just doesn't get it, I mean who would really.
Loved this from our CEO,
I said, probably cuz I WANTED off the benzo, but the booze, I still feel very attached to. We are still in a relationship. This one is a very sloppy ending, but at least it is ending.
I have the same -- I wanted to stop smoking, I stopped almost 40 years ago, and I know that I will never ever smoke again. Drinking, I always leave a little door open -- I guess that means we have found my DOC. But my REAL DOC is making myself feel bad.
My other issue is that my dog is dangerous, but he was my friend's best friend and my daughter is in love with him, so he stays but he has some kind of rage. If he thinks something is his and you take it, he attacks full on even from accross the room, my partner has scars to prove it. Not sure what to do, but am going to get the dog shrink in to see him again.
My daughters are great. My eldest bore the brunt of my drinking and still has not fully forgiven me, but we are getting there. She just got her dream job right out of college, which is amazing. I think my friend is helping her from Upstairs. My youngest is 14 and has found a school she loves, has decided she is gay and is as happy as can be.
The weather in Belgium is gray and rainy the last few days, but they say we might get sun for the weekend, which would be nice. Have not had so much work travel, but that changes next week (sad face).
So, that's me for now. Love my chuckleheads.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
And we love you, Drops! 
We are here for you. I still miss my mother's love after 25 years. I'm not sure you ever stop missing a real love. Maybe you're not even suppose to.
Hmm, can't really relate to you on the self-sabotage stuff. ... ...
Oh Drops, first of all, I'm glad you did not erase. Letting go of the shame of it is a big part of the battle. You've got to lift the lid on that rotting, festering tub of shht and air it out. The good news is, accounts receivables and financials are very black and white. You can do it! And if you can't, you can hire someone to do it and to put a process in place so you can keep up. Glimmer would (after striking you for saying she is more special than you*) be very proud of you. (*Open fist, of course, she was not an animal).
Dog shrink is a great idea, that behavior is stressful for you all AND the dog.
Hawk, I eat a ton of those things but not in a keto context. The last couple times I gave keto a serious go, my body just could not make the transition to fat burning, and I just got more and more lethargic and out of breath as the weeks went on. Most of my carbs are from sprouted whole grain bread, beans and sweet potato. ...Um, and my treats that I can't seem to give up.
My therapist and I talked about me going on a VERY simple diet of like JUST chicken, eggs and rice for a week. Just to see what happens as far as my fixation on food and treats. We both agree it would be very interesting and essentially like dropping a nuclear bomb on my food addictions. But as much as I would like to find the freedom you are finding, I honestly don't think I can do it.
I agree with you about sweeteners. When I do have the devil beverage in the morning, if I put stevia in it, I notice I am starving by lunch time. When I don't put sweetner in, or even when I just put a little brown sugar in, I do not get that.
Keep us updated, I am interested in your progress. You too, Drops. Thanks for the meaty updates, you two. Now how 'bout the rest of the peanut gallery??
We are here for you. I still miss my mother's love after 25 years. I'm not sure you ever stop missing a real love. Maybe you're not even suppose to. Hmm, can't really relate to you on the self-sabotage stuff. ... ...
Oh Drops, first of all, I'm glad you did not erase. Letting go of the shame of it is a big part of the battle. You've got to lift the lid on that rotting, festering tub of shht and air it out. The good news is, accounts receivables and financials are very black and white. You can do it! And if you can't, you can hire someone to do it and to put a process in place so you can keep up. Glimmer would (after striking you for saying she is more special than you*) be very proud of you. (*Open fist, of course, she was not an animal). Dog shrink is a great idea, that behavior is stressful for you all AND the dog.
Hawk, I eat a ton of those things but not in a keto context. The last couple times I gave keto a serious go, my body just could not make the transition to fat burning, and I just got more and more lethargic and out of breath as the weeks went on. Most of my carbs are from sprouted whole grain bread, beans and sweet potato. ...Um, and my treats that I can't seem to give up.
My therapist and I talked about me going on a VERY simple diet of like JUST chicken, eggs and rice for a week. Just to see what happens as far as my fixation on food and treats. We both agree it would be very interesting and essentially like dropping a nuclear bomb on my food addictions. But as much as I would like to find the freedom you are finding, I honestly don't think I can do it.
I agree with you about sweeteners. When I do have the devil beverage in the morning, if I put stevia in it, I notice I am starving by lunch time. When I don't put sweetner in, or even when I just put a little brown sugar in, I do not get that.
Keep us updated, I am interested in your progress. You too, Drops. Thanks for the meaty updates, you two. Now how 'bout the rest of the peanut gallery??
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
February is Poor Food Choices Month!
And so was January!
I've been in hibernate mode since Christmas. Fattening up for the big sleep. Missing lots of work due to really bad winter weather (I do home health visits for the county.) I've always had trouble with unexpected time off: yay, no work, I can get extra drunk! Now that I'm abstaining, it's yay, no work, I can eat my weight in mac & cheese!
Carbs are comforting and delicious. When I drastically cut them (the butter diet), I lost 45 pounds. And my cholesterol numbers improved. But I'm in a really bad downward spiral right now: not working enough, no sunlight, eating poorly and sleeping too much. It's winter in northern Michigan...blech.
Today's snowstorm was so severe, I barely made it to the store for apple fritters and frozen pizza. And smokes. And Diet Pepsi. Basic survival essentials.
I'm sure I'm just SAD (the disorder, not the mood.) I've always had trouble with February: quit more jobs, had more mini-breakdowns, enrolled in more rehabs, than any other month of the year. A very long 28 days...I'm probably also carrying toxic levels of aspartame, sucralose, and stevia in my system (because sugar is bad, you know.)
So there's my contribution from the frozen tundra! If we ever have Spring, maybe my mood will thaw out. Here's hoping...
And so was January!
I've been in hibernate mode since Christmas. Fattening up for the big sleep. Missing lots of work due to really bad winter weather (I do home health visits for the county.) I've always had trouble with unexpected time off: yay, no work, I can get extra drunk! Now that I'm abstaining, it's yay, no work, I can eat my weight in mac & cheese!
Carbs are comforting and delicious. When I drastically cut them (the butter diet), I lost 45 pounds. And my cholesterol numbers improved. But I'm in a really bad downward spiral right now: not working enough, no sunlight, eating poorly and sleeping too much. It's winter in northern Michigan...blech.
Today's snowstorm was so severe, I barely made it to the store for apple fritters and frozen pizza. And smokes. And Diet Pepsi. Basic survival essentials.
I'm sure I'm just SAD (the disorder, not the mood.) I've always had trouble with February: quit more jobs, had more mini-breakdowns, enrolled in more rehabs, than any other month of the year. A very long 28 days...I'm probably also carrying toxic levels of aspartame, sucralose, and stevia in my system (because sugar is bad, you know.)
So there's my contribution from the frozen tundra! If we ever have Spring, maybe my mood will thaw out. Here's hoping...
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
O, come on girl, the thread is young and we can both still smash it! We can be all (kind of somewhat) shiny and new by 500!
Holy Moly Arp! Looks like a lot of us could do better. Please eat a vegetable! 
Originally Posted by Arpeggioh 
...apple fritters and frozen pizza. And smokes. And Diet Pepsi. .
Holy Moly Arp! Looks like a lot of us could do better. Please eat a vegetable! Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Sorry Arpeggioh that sounds rough. I had to leave the midwest (more than once) for the sake of my mental health, winters weren't the only factor but probably the straw that broke the camels back. It's a special kind of misery which I don't wish to re-visit. Well maybe visit, just never live in again.
I also quit sugar.. except for on holidays, and of course Valentines day counts. That turned into 3 days of eating pre-made cookie dough straight from the package. Thankfully it's gone now, and I'm re committed. I also used to say I'd never start drinking diet soda (because of the aspertame) but now here I am, doing exactly that every day.
Congrats O on taking down the tree! Keep us posted on the leap.
I also quit sugar.. except for on holidays, and of course Valentines day counts. That turned into 3 days of eating pre-made cookie dough straight from the package. Thankfully it's gone now, and I'm re committed. I also used to say I'd never start drinking diet soda (because of the aspertame) but now here I am, doing exactly that every day.
Congrats O on taking down the tree! Keep us posted on the leap.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Drops, I'm so sorry you are suffering from the loss of your friend. So glad you had him to begin with, too.
I'm poised for the leap, and anxious as all get out to say so.
Here I go!
I'm poised for the leap, and anxious as all get out to say so.
Here I go!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I'm shaky today, but less so than other recent Mondays. I am somewhat queasy too, but again less so than of late.
I am more convinced that I will pass the liquor store without stopping than I've been in a long long time.
Thanks for the mojo, kids and cattle.
I am more convinced that I will pass the liquor store without stopping than I've been in a long long time.
Thanks for the mojo, kids and cattle.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Originally Posted by Cow
Hawk, I eat a ton of those things but not in a keto context. The last couple times I gave keto a serious go, my body just could not make the transition to fat burning, and I just got more and more lethargic and out of breath as the weeks went on. Most of my carbs are from sprouted whole grain bread, beans and sweet potato. ...Um, and my treats that I can't seem to give up.
There is a period where things get worse before they get better.
Perhaps it is like the benzo withdrawal--you have to go slow and back off but keep moving towards the goal.
Here's a bit of reading that may help:
https://charliefoundation.org/keto-f...rial-disorder/
dropsie and Arp--I hope things are getting a bit better
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Originally Posted by Cow
Hawk, I eat a ton of those things but not in a keto context. The last couple times I gave keto a serious go, my body just could not make the transition to fat burning, and I just got more and more lethargic and out of breath as the weeks went on. Most of my carbs are from sprouted whole grain bread, beans and sweet potato. ...Um, and my treats that I can't seem to give up.
There is a period where things get worse before they get better.
Perhaps it is like the benzo withdrawal--you have to go slow and back off but keep moving towards the goal.
Here's a bit of reading that may help:
https://charliefoundation.org/keto-f...rial-disorder/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30027365
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Home safe and dry, your poor poor AV,
Good, relish Its pain and revel in the idea youve freed yourself from the destruction indulging It played out in mind , body and soul.
Welcome back, stick around this side may not be guaranteed rainbows, but sure as hell isnt guaranteed disintegration.
Nothing sucks forever, unless you let it.
Good, relish Its pain and revel in the idea youve freed yourself from the destruction indulging It played out in mind , body and soul.
Welcome back, stick around this side may not be guaranteed rainbows, but sure as hell isnt guaranteed disintegration.
Nothing sucks forever, unless you let it.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Up for four hours in the middle of the night, strange dreams, headache this morning. You know, the usual. I know I'm lucky to sleep at all, some people don't sleep for days when they first start off.
Friends, you know I become prolific: would you like me to start my own thread for this part? I don't want to make this thread all about me.
How goes with all of you?
Friends, you know I become prolific: would you like me to start my own thread for this part? I don't want to make this thread all about me.
How goes with all of you?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
