Another recovery post

Old 01-31-2019, 04:06 PM
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Another recovery post

I feel, well I need to quit as I've posted here before. I know there can only be 1 slippery slope with alcohol but what makes it difficult are the MH problems and Aspergers.

I know I've said it before but this is the hard thing.

1: Town and no drinking:

The symptoms I experience with MH problems and Aspergers are hell. Shaking, dizziness, brain fog. I try and go about my business but the symptoms let me down.

I get funny looks when I'm physically shaking. I sometimes experience people laughing and making fun of me. Occasionally people might try and make small talk, of which I only respond with "yes", nodding and nervous laughter because I can't think clearly due to brain fog.

As has happened before, I go home, suicidal because of this and have seriously harmed myself.

2. Town and drinking.

Symptoms get to that point of being too much. Pub, neck 3 pints.

No shaking, brain fog is lifted. I'm not that bad at small talk because of it. All good.

Do I want to quit? Yes, mostly I do.

I'm just so desperate for that help and support. I've been saying this to the NHS staff for years now.

The NHS have failed me because staff I have seen have never given me the right help. I'm even going through a process now where I have requested my medical records because I believe somewhere down the line, someone has put on my records that my problems are mild and trivial.

It's a postcode lottery isn't it? Other people with similar problems in other towns have that support I'm literally crying out for.

The main reprieve is there's this woman who felt sorry for me from a MH forum, that comes and visits occasionally. She helps me out, accompanying me places and stuff. Do I drink or consider drinking with her? No.
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Old 01-31-2019, 05:26 PM
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From other thread:

TY Guener.

There's nothing in this area at all really. I do have that person who felt bad for me on a MH forum but she lives miles away and I rarely get to see her.

With everything there's deep bereavement issues as well and I've legit even said to my GP about self medicating with alcohol who has told me "Well, you aren't harming anyone, there's no problem with that".

It does occasionally go too far, but that's if I'm talking to people. I can have 2 or 3, stop, self medicated and go about my business without symptoms. If I have 2 or 3 and then self medicated, and people at the pub talk to me, I get carried away topping myself up because that could be the first interaction with people in weeks. Sometimes ending up drinking too much and making an idiot of myself.

Yet I then wake up the next day, knowing I was too drunk, which would be a prompt to quit drinking altogether. I feel sad about going too far but also know that alcohol helps so chances are I won't be free of it.

The tricky part is knowing what the symptoms have caused me. Missed chances of relationships, missed chances of making friends, a good education and even employment. Yet those same symptoms ruin my life now.

The messed up thing is here in the UK we have Maximus who are disability assessors. They assess weather someone is fit to work or not and inform the DWP of this.

There is a lot of news about them refusing people benefits who are really ill. So to get them, someone needs to be in a dire situation.

I had CBT up until October last year. The therapist played down my symptoms and told me I should be looking at going to a back to work group and have a work adviser.

I was assessed again for disability benefits in November.

The assessment staff told me I'm simply not fit enough to work. How my symptoms are so obvious that I would have trouble finding a job and they were surprised the NHS aren't giving me access to the help and support I clearly need.

I was given the highest rate of disability benefits for 2 years. This was with no medical evidence provided to them. They just saw how I was.
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Old 02-01-2019, 09:18 AM
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I'm sorry you are having difficulties getting the proper help for your health problems Sam. I'm not sure what MH is to be honest but it does not sound pleasant to experience the shaking and other symptoms. I'm hoping there is a proper treatment and that you can get the help you need.

I had a lot of those same symptoms you mention ( brain fog, dizzyness, balance issues ) for quite some time after I quit too, but in my case it was anxiety partly at cause, and just my body needing time to heal. It took literally about 2 years after I quit for most of it to completely subside. I know that's a long time, but I drank every day for close to 3 I likely did a lot of damage to my mind and body.
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Old 02-06-2019, 04:46 PM
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Thanks for the post Scott.

I guess the thing is, those symptoms were always there and it's why I started drinking.

The crazy thing is today I sat at home with a number of beers available and I haven't touched a drop.

I think what I want is to end this path I'm on because as everyone here would know. Alcohol is so damaging and highly addictive.

Michael J Fox once said, when he had his diagnosis of Parkinson's, he couldn't bear it and would drink. He was on a slippery slope and eventually stopped drinking to accept his illness and deal with his life.

I'm certainly on that slope, but with mental health issues.
The symptoms are so distressing for me that they affect every aspect of my life. Literally.

I accept my mental health issues and fully accept I need help. Yet the NHS services have been so rubbish, I haven't been given any proper help or support when I visit doctors.

Of course living with those health problems without help just isn't sustainable.

Drinking reduces those symptoms, temporarily.

The big issue for me is if I was given the right NHS help and support for my MH problems, I wouldn't drink at all. Hand on heart, that would be it.

Without that support, I just don't feel I have a reason to stop self medicating with alcohol. Although I know its going to be a problem that will happen
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