Notices

My journey

Old 07-23-2018, 05:10 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
slipnslide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
My journey

Today is (yet again) my day one. I left the bar yesterday afternoon around 4:30pm. It’s 7:00am now. 14.5hrs later. And boy is the regret real. Why do I have such a hard time with this cycle? I go overboard. Hate myself. Say I’m going to stop drinking totally. Do so for a few weeks. And then I’m presenting with an opportunity and I tell myself that I can control it. Do so for several weeks. And then bam. Drink too much again. The cycle is consistent. And unchanging. So maybe I “journal” here. Every day. Even if to say “Day X: nothing to report but no booze”. I dunno. I am telling my 2 closest friends I’m done drinking. I’m telling my brother, who has been sober now for about 9mo. I’m telling my husband.

What else is missing from my “plan”
slipnslide is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 05:16 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Why do I have such a hard time with this cycle?

many alcoholics can have the obsession that some day they will be able to control their drinking.many of us wanted to believe we were like other people- we could have a few drinks and walk away with no ill consequences.
many have taken that thought into some pretty deep depths of alcoholism. some even to death.

what i think youre missing from your plan is addressing the alcoholism- a plan that involves action of change.
there are quite a few options of recovery plans/programs available.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 05:25 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
Have you told yourself ? that you're done?
It might seem like a semantic difference only, but telling everyone that you are done in hopes that that will keep you 'done' , isn't what will get you 'there'.

You could make a permanent , unconditional commitment to abstain, you can decide to quit.
"I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind" is/was the only plan that worked for me. It's a Big Plan from AVRT, great threads on those ideas here on SR in the Secular Recovery forum and subforums.

Making a Big Plan and using AVRT to live comfortably with residual desire will definitely get you there.

I told my wife loads of times I was done getting plastered, telling her didn't help. Deciding to quit , telling myself I was done was the ticket.

" Do or do not, there is no try" wisest thing a muppet ever said.

You can Do it, rootin for ya
dwtbd is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 06:19 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
slipnslide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Dwtbd: i have told myself I don’t want to live this way. Or feel this way again. Or lose my family. My freedom. My control. My dignity.

So I just say out loud: I am never going to drink again, my unhealthy relationship with alcohol is over?
slipnslide is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 06:32 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,416
Good morning, slipnslide. I know just how you're feeling. Here's where the misery can end.

I had many Day Ones - and now I have over 10 yrs. sober. I had to finally admit that each time it was in my system I was inviting danger & chaos into my life. I got dui's, created havoc - all while insisting I could control the amounts I drank. I was desperate to not let go of it - but why? It was no longer fun in any way. A temporary feeling of elation, and then a huge letdown, remorse, guilt. It's so wonderful when we lay it down for the last time. We are getting free, not giving anything up. You can do it this time, slipnslide.
Hevyn is online now  
Old 07-23-2018, 06:47 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by slipnslide View Post
So I just say out loud: I am never going to drink again, my unhealthy relationship with alcohol is over?
That can certainly be part of a plan, but it's a lot more than just "saying" it.

Imagine you were going to build a house. Would your plan be as simple as just saying out loud "I am going to build a house"? Most people would likely have a drawing of what they want the house to look like, a blueprint, a list of materials, permits, etc.

Getting sober is no different - you need to identify the issue and then formulate a plan to address it. And most of us also have underlying issues to face when we quit, those may require their own separate plan too.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 06:55 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,328
I'm glad to see you back and working on a plan.

My suggestion is to come up with things to do that will help you to feel good. Removing alcohol from the mix is essential, but I don't think that will work for lasting recovery. I needed to do a lot of soul-searching and come up with things that brought some peace and joy to my life.
Anna is online now  
Old 07-23-2018, 07:24 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ined-long.html (AVRT Explained (long))

slipnslide
There in Secular recovery is a great thread to see the ideas I'm talking about, AVRT really resonated with me , check it out, more to it than I could explain in one post , yeah ?

As to the BP , the big plan , if you meet someone and they tell you they used to drink but no longer do and never plan to again, what do you imagine they 'thought
to themselves when they decided that? Even without ever having heard of AVRT/RR it wouldn't be much different, yeah?

To get 'there' they would have to make that pledge to themselves , no ? AVRT articulates what to do with doubt about your ability to remain abstinent and what to do about any thoughts, feelings or images of future drinks. ( separate from and ignore them), how to recognize the AV and shut it down.

Any doubt in your ability to quit based on past successes at getting more drinks , is your AV , learning how to 'hear' it and assigning its motivations as nothing more than keeping the addiction alive will show that the motivation to keep the addiction alive isn't coming from your truer more rational self, yeah?

You don't come to SR and ask advice on how to remain chained to indulging the desire for booze , yeah ? YOU are looking to get out from under IT and YOU CAN, screw IT. Rootin for ya
dwtbd is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 03:21 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
slipnslide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
It’s been 24hrs since I last drank. Which isn’t unusual. It’s not hard for me NOT to drink. But hard for me to stop when I do drink. I’m not worried about today. I’m worried about 9-14days from now. But today was full of conversation with my husband. To find my outlet. To figure out my triggers. And to find out why I want to drink in the first place. To give myself something to bring more Satisfaction yo my life. And that I never want to drink again and how to remember the reasons why I don’t want to drink anymore when the memory of this guilt and shame go hazy.
slipnslide is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 03:21 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
I agree with the others here who've said that recovery means action.

It would be good to think that a simple declaration could change our lives but I made that 'I will not drink' declaration many times and went back to drinking anyway - often the same day, or even the same hour.

I needed to do a few other things as well.

The first thing was be prepared for discomfort.

The early days can be rough and the one tool we have to deal with rough days is no longer a viable option for us.

Support will help. I recommend posting more than just 'day 6' or whatever - really talk about whats going on, where you need help etc.

I also recommend posting more than just once a day or every few days. you really need to work hard at not drinking.

If SR is not enough help for you, consider real life supports like AA or other meeting based groups, or Rational Recovery, as dwtbd describes above.

It would be great too if we didn't have to make any changes to our lives - but my whole life was geared to drinking.

I needed to make changes to the way I had fun, the way I solved problems, the way I dealt with pain...you get the picture.

Again, not easy but that's where the support comes in again.

Looking for the reasons we drink can be useful - but not at the cost of action. Action really is key.

This is a good link to get you started on what a good recovery action plan might look like for you

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

Put the effort into your recovery - you'll get back what you put in slipnslide

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 04:52 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
NYCDoglvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
What has always worked for me is I just don't drink TODAY. Yes, life is full of stress, we all encounter it. I take my stress to my sponsor and meetings, somehow they're lifted by that or I get help in going through ordeals. I've found that when I cut back on meetings denial and rationalization cloud my thinking.
NYCDoglvr is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 05:11 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I finally after many years realized that for me, the equation is binary. I either drink or I don't drink. I honestly had no intention of not drinking when I was drinking and though I could come up with plenty of plausible reasons "why" the real why is because I'm an alcoholic.

I think your equation is binary too?

Flip it on its head.
Instead of figuring out why you drink, instead decide you don't care - you're just not going to drink. If that's all you accomplish in a day, do that and be proud of it.

For me, the furthest I've gotten thus far is "I don't drink now.' But since it's always now, it's working for me. Sure I have thoughts of drinking in the future, but that future is gradually moving out from "maybe next week" to "maybe in two months." I have faith that before two months is up I'll have moved the goalposts again. Maybe to December, maybe to never. But right now it doesn't matter. I don't drink now.

You can do this, I know it.

O
Obladi is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 07:06 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
slipnslide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
Flip it on its head.
Instead of figuring out why you drink, instead decide you don't care - you're just not going to drink.
This is pretty good. I know a big contributor to my drinking excessively is my anxiety and my constant need to over analyze life. But in constant control of life. To be perfect in life. So my need go find the reason WHY for my drinking is just another examine if hoe I over analyze everything. It’s disabling. And a big actual reason for my drinking. I need to learn to just .... let go of the why and focus on not drinking.
slipnslide is offline  
Old 07-23-2018, 11:26 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by slipnslide View Post

So I just say out loud: I am never going to drink again, my unhealthy relationship with alcohol is over?
Well, yeah. Millions of people over history have stopped drinking that way. They just wake up one morning and realise - that's it, no more!

It works for most problem drinkers but it does not work for alcoholics of my type. I found I could not stop no matter how great the wish. I had a million good reasons, not one with sufficent power to stop. Lack of power was my dilemna.

In a way this is what step 2 in the AA program is about. Finding a path or method that will fix the problem. Self reliance is always the first stop, and most people will succeed with that.

Some will believe there is some outside circumstance that is causing their problem, so they will make many changes. Jobs, girlfriends, towns, only to find that the problem persists regardless. Next comes the professionals and many will succeed in that. It can be a pretty long list.

Some of us in AA call it step zero, where you work through this list ticking off all the things that didn't work. Most of us have to find this out for ourselves. Rare indeed is the alcoholic can just up and start learning from someone elses mistakes.

But there comes a point where we run out of options. There is nothing left in the way of human aid available, and our own self reliance has let us down completely. Lack of power. So the only thing left is to consoder if we are willing to believe that a power greater than ourselves, the same power that helped those other folks in AA, could work for me too. Am I willing to entertain the possibility. Not a pleasant spot to find oneself in. It is the essence of what "being done" means. Am I done with my way, am I willing to try some ideas other than my own?
Gottalife is offline  
Old 07-24-2018, 01:24 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
slipnslide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Day 2: coming up on the end of day two. And again... today it wasn’t hard to not drink. Nor have I forgotten the reason why I never want to drink again. But the anxiety, guilt, shame and sadness from my last drink is starting to fade. That can get dangerous. Because once that totally fades is when the social pressure to drink again starts to weigh on me and i start to wonder what the harm is in one-two drinks. But at least for today, I won’t drink. I will, however, begin my journey to get back into shape. I used to be very fitness oriented and since having 2 kids back to back, I just sort of let myself go a little. I’m not overweight. Or unhealthy. Yet. But I’m not FIT anymore like I used to be. Time to get back into those happy-healthy-good habits.
slipnslide is offline  
Old 07-24-2018, 02:23 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I'm not sure that anxiety, guilt, shame and sadness are good things to hold onto. In fact, I'm pretty sure they're not.

I think the only thing you need to hold onto is the certainty that you simply Can Not Drink. In time, I believe that will transform to a good thought/feeling for you. In fact that time should be now because you're almost to Day 3!

Celebrate sober you.

O
Obladi is offline  
Old 07-24-2018, 08:28 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
slipnslide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
I think my biggest focus lately has been to transfer my outlets. To something more healthy. I’m going to try .... reading my bible again with regularity. Journaling. Being more honoring to my body with my food choices. Def cut out alcohol, I notice when I drink, be it in moderation or more, I tend to be more anxious and worried. Be more aware of my fitness.... I need more positive outlets to my built up natural response to challenges. I need positivity. Happiness. And I want it to be real. Not intoxication or medication. I want true self acceptance.
slipnslide is offline  
Old 07-25-2018, 07:42 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
slipnslide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Day 3 started 5 hrs ago. I was busy working, I played soccer tonight. Had dinner with my family. And now watching a show with my husband. I saw a friend today and she was drinking one of those spiked soda waters. And asked if I wanted to try it. I was like, nah... but thanks. It was fine. No fireworks or big sense of longing. Or even pride for saying no. It just was. Tomorrow is going to be s lot of the same. Filled with work. Kids. Stress. But I’ll be alright.
slipnslide is offline  
Old 07-26-2018, 08:31 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by slipnslide View Post
Day 3 started 5 hrs ago. I was busy working, I played soccer tonight. Had dinner with my family. And now watching a show with my husband. I saw a friend today and she was drinking one of those spiked soda waters. And asked if I wanted to try it. I was like, nah... but thanks. It was fine. No fireworks or big sense of longing. Or even pride for saying no. It just was. Tomorrow is going to be s lot of the same. Filled with work. Kids. Stress. But I’ll be alright.
Congrats on your day 3, I had start over as well and so far it hasn’t been too bad because I’m busy with taking care of the kids and getting them ready to start school in a few weeks. I am nervous about once school starts and the boredom kicks in. Well not really boredom because I have a 3 year old to chase after all day but my other 2 will be in school. Part of my plan is to find a hobby that will help me get back in shape. I feel like we are similar in a lot of ways. Also those spiked soda waters were my downfall! No carbs, low calorie.. I would start drinking them at lunch time. Good job resisting even a sip.. keep up the good work
SickInLove is offline  
Old 07-26-2018, 10:08 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 83
You are back to being sober, and that's the key. I was a serial relapser for many years. Rather than looking at all of those as failures, I chose now to see them as positive steps that eventually got me here. I stay sober with the help of AA and my sponsor. I do not believe AA is the only path. But what I do like about it is the sense of being among fellow travelers who understand this condition and what getting sober and staying sober is like.
feldknocker is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:03 PM.