Ace101

I am SUCH a failure. I can't do this on my own. I did something completely horrible last night. It's too long and complicated to explain but it was all my fault and because of me drinking. I completely lost one of my good friends and I'm not sure about the other one. NOW on top of just being unhappy about my drinking I'm sitting here alone and pissed off and feeling like a complete idiot about myself. The only thing I hate more then drinking is when I *uck up like this and now I have to sit and obssess about this all alone. Things could not be at more lower spot for me. I'm not really a depressed kind of person. But right now it's just not working out for me. Nothing is. EVER. The only thing worse then causing problems and feeling like a complete **** bag is knowing it's all my fault. And knowing that I'm sitting here trying not to start drinking tonight. This is kind of off the subject and This SOOO isn't his fault but I practically have no husband or a marriage. I mean in theory it's nice. I have the ring. But for the second year in a row he's gone. Through all the holidays and I have all this crap going on. And when he calls I have to just suck it up and PRETEND I'm happy so he doesn't worry about us. I mean he has enough on his plate over there with out worrying about us here. A call home should be a happy thing, not a sad one. But, Well I'm S I C K of this. I didn't get married to raise my son alone or to be alone myself. But look at me and how ungrateful I am. "I" am the ONLY person in the world who can take something as honorable as what my husband is doing and turn it around to pity party me. So we're sacrificing! Lots of people are. But dammit I'm sick of sacrificing. So here I am. I have no friends, no husband, no marriage, and no self control, no ANYTHING. ALL I have is alcohol (and SHAME) and its the root of all my problems and yet I just want more. I'm sick of this. Not only that but I can't do this anymore. I have to stop this. I have to. There's no other option.[/COLOR]

Music

If I was a betting man, I'd say you've probably been through this before. Know this: As long as you're drawing a breath, you can do something about the spot you're in. I can't guarantee anything else but I can guarantee this. If you want to stop drinking bad enough to make the decision to do so, and are willing to do whatever it takes, you never have to drink again, which means you'll never have to feel again, the way you feel right now. Make a call to AA and get to a meeting. Find someone to talk to and tell them what's going on. That's what I did a long time ago and I haven't had to drink since that day. You've just got to want to quit.

Dunitall

Ace

Sounds like you're totally overwhelmed by your situation.

This makes it the perfect time for you to do something about it. Please know that you are not alone now and you never have to be. People here and at AA are always around to support you.

The good thing about AA is that the situation (s) which overwhelm you can be broken down into small manageable steps. Heck you've already started on the first step by recognising that you have become powerless over alcohol and that as a result, your life has become unmanageable. Realising that and wanting to do something about it really means that you are on the road already.

Give your local AA a call and get to a meeting as soon as possible. You will find so much strength, hope and encouragement from fellow sufferers. It really does work.

What have you to lose? Go on pick up the phone.

Let us know how you get on.

Rich

Time2Surrender

Ace,everyone has to hit their bottom.Whatever it may be.Sooner or later you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.Hopefully you have had enough.Try AA.You will never have to do this alone again.Heres the link for AA in Kansashttp://www.theagapecenter.com/AAinUSA/Kansas.htm and here is a link for some Alano clubs in Kansas http://www.grrr.net/alano.html#ksAlano clubs are really cool.I am fortunate enough to have one near my house.These are private clubs open to anyone seeking recovery.You can go there during the day to have a safe and clean place to hang out.Many of them serve food,coffee etc,and a few also have pool tables,video games,tv,etc.Most of them have meetings there too.A great place for someone new in recovery. I dont know if any of the Alano clubs are in you area,but Im sure you can find a meeting nearby.Go check it out.And when they ask if there are any newcomers,raise your hand and introduce your self.You will find plenty of support there,and also be able to meet new people and make friends with other recovering alcoholics.Anyway,hang in there and keep coming back here and posting.Let us know whats going on and how your doing.

Peter

Make the call Ace, give yourself a break.

IMHomerSimpson

You can make things soooooooooo much easier on yourself.I mean every part of your life can go "back to feeling normal" IF you stop drinking.I can actually say Im happy now.Last night I got in a laughing spell which has not happened in years,what a downer alcohol can be when you abuse it.Im getting close to my 30 day mark and what a difference in my whole,everyday life.

Chy

I read your other post and can only say if you want it bad enough you'll make the call. We've seen it all in the rooms, you can take your kid, you can have someone pick you up, there's not one justifiable reason I can think of to keep you from going.

Ace101

Thank you for the links. I've looked at them in detail and I have a place I plan on calling tomorrow. Just for an assessment.

2dayzmuse

Isn't that just typical of drinking alcohol? We have every intentions of quitting on our own, in time. We have the best intentions and plans of getting help and getting sober. Somewhere between then and now, something horrible always goes wrong. Sometimes the unimaginable or an irreparable incident takes place. It just isn't worth taking anymore chances. I hope you find a solution soon. Take care Ace...your in my thoughts.

LeAnne

BubbaBob

...call NOW. We drunks are the best procrastinators in the world.

There is not a treatment center/assesment center anywhere worth anything without a 24/7 emergency line. Use it.

BubbaBob
"I got sober and was disappointed God did not fix everything NOW, on my schedule.
I thought He should throw open the gates of heaven and let me in.
Instead, I found that He had opened the gates of hell and let me out."

SpiritPath

Ace,
I know how you feel. I'm feeling the same way. You've got to take the advice of those who know better. I'm at the point today that if I can make it through the next hour without running for a drink, I'm doing ok. I hope you're doing okay, in this moment, too.

Cap3

Hey Ace,you are no longer all alone.Ive often heard it said and i believe this to be true,that failure is an....event....its not a.... person....People can,and do change if they are willing to.No amount of guilt ,feeling bad,will change the events.,of the past.It happened.Its over.Even if others want to bang me over the head about what i did.I cant change it.All i can do,is ask their forgiveness,forgive myself,and take positive action,that this wont happen again.If sober,it wont,happen again.Today my past,is a tool that i use to help others with.Through AA i no longer feel such remorse that i want to drink over it.Im just not that person,anymore.,saying or doing those things.And doing steps 4-9,relieved me of the bondage of my past,in AA.I use to be in a visious,cycle.First id get drunk.Make ass out of self.Feel horrible about what i did.So much remorse,guilt,that id get drunk again.Make ass out of self again.Feel remorse next day,,.Well you can see where im going with this.Sound familiar?The only way out,,was to do something different,positive.And for myself that was to go to AA.Its all up to...you..God Bless,,and take care!!!!!!