New Year and New Challenges
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 568
New Year and New Challenges
I am trying to de-clutter and simply my life.
First challenge is trying to downsize my wardrobe so I am making myself wear everything in my closet (if it fits) at least one day. If I like it I will keep it and if I don't I toss it. It's funny the thought "that really looks so cute on the hanger ... not so much on me!"
This is my second week of getting to work an hour early and making my bed everyday.
I missed working out 2 days last week and that is laying heavy on me so I will refocus on making sure I get that in this week.
A friend just confided in me that her bf (and possibly her future husband) of 2 years just gave her herpes. He didn't know he had it. They are both so broken right now and I just don't know what to say. She thinks her life is ruined and she keeps saying that she doesn't want to live anymore. I didn't know anything about the virus until now; now I'm reading everything I can about it.
She feels betrayed by him even though she knows he didn't know he had it. I have told her to get counseling and maybe join a support group. I feel absolutely helpless to her right now. If anyone has gone thru this I sure could use suggestions on how to be there for her as a friend.
Happy first Monday of the new year!
First challenge is trying to downsize my wardrobe so I am making myself wear everything in my closet (if it fits) at least one day. If I like it I will keep it and if I don't I toss it. It's funny the thought "that really looks so cute on the hanger ... not so much on me!"
This is my second week of getting to work an hour early and making my bed everyday.
I missed working out 2 days last week and that is laying heavy on me so I will refocus on making sure I get that in this week.
A friend just confided in me that her bf (and possibly her future husband) of 2 years just gave her herpes. He didn't know he had it. They are both so broken right now and I just don't know what to say. She thinks her life is ruined and she keeps saying that she doesn't want to live anymore. I didn't know anything about the virus until now; now I'm reading everything I can about it.
She feels betrayed by him even though she knows he didn't know he had it. I have told her to get counseling and maybe join a support group. I feel absolutely helpless to her right now. If anyone has gone thru this I sure could use suggestions on how to be there for her as a friend.
Happy first Monday of the new year!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Great work on all the steps you are taking to improve your life LadyBug - it's amazing what you can do even with just one hour a day, isn't it?
Regarding your friends, it's great that you can be there to help - but try to remember that you need to focus on your own problems first and foremost. It's very unfortunate what's happened to her, but you can't change what's done and the advice you've given is good. There are places both of them can get help with the physical and mental side of the issues. Intervening in their relationship is probably not a good idea, especially when you are fragile yourself with your newfound sobriety.
The one exception I'd make is that you say she "doesn't want to live anymore". If she's literally making suicidal threats or speaking about actions to end her life that is an emergency.
Regarding your friends, it's great that you can be there to help - but try to remember that you need to focus on your own problems first and foremost. It's very unfortunate what's happened to her, but you can't change what's done and the advice you've given is good. There are places both of them can get help with the physical and mental side of the issues. Intervening in their relationship is probably not a good idea, especially when you are fragile yourself with your newfound sobriety.
The one exception I'd make is that you say she "doesn't want to live anymore". If she's literally making suicidal threats or speaking about actions to end her life that is an emergency.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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Love what is going on with YOU, Ladybug (sympathy for your friend, for sure, but agree with Scott's comments there)!!
It was absolutely critical to me that I change a LOT of habits when I quit drinking - a LOT that seemed to be about anything but drinking! Things like keeping my apartment clean, organizing my closet and getting rid of stuff, making my bed....tip of the iceberg!
It took me awhile but gaining that balance of routine and free-ness, of how much organization I need and what makes me feel peaceful or stressed to see in my home, all kinds of stuff. Whatever lends itself to making my life calmer and more efficient (I always get up well before I need to be somewhere, bc I hate jumping up and running out the door, because I do about an hour's worth- or more- of recovery work in the morning, because I like to have lots of coffee....).
Glad you are here and sharing!
It was absolutely critical to me that I change a LOT of habits when I quit drinking - a LOT that seemed to be about anything but drinking! Things like keeping my apartment clean, organizing my closet and getting rid of stuff, making my bed....tip of the iceberg!
It took me awhile but gaining that balance of routine and free-ness, of how much organization I need and what makes me feel peaceful or stressed to see in my home, all kinds of stuff. Whatever lends itself to making my life calmer and more efficient (I always get up well before I need to be somewhere, bc I hate jumping up and running out the door, because I do about an hour's worth- or more- of recovery work in the morning, because I like to have lots of coffee....).
Glad you are here and sharing!
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
Ladybug- good job on de-cluttering simplifying things. It is important to me to live simply. It is a rule I try to live by. One thing that is important to me to is eating healthy. Seems much easier to do also when not drinking. I'm sorry about your friend. I would just be there for her and listen.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I completely relate to the downsizing 'thing'. I'm moving to Cali from a 3k sq ft house (which I will rent until I return) to a bonus room at my aging parents house. So I'm getting rid of everything. I have so much crap in my closet....feels good just to donate donate donate.
Ok you've never heard of herpes? How does that happen? Most of us have hsv1, we get it when we're kids...sharing toys, drinks etc. Some people have symptoms, most don't. Hsv2, the kind that operates in the southern regions (ie below the waste line) is less common, but still everywhere. It can also migrate north (the mouth) but less likely. It is not a death sentence. Tell your friend there are all kinds of anti virals now that really keep it at bay. And outbreaks can be very rare....its all about maintaining the immune system. She should get screened for HPV too because men have no symptoms for that one and there are a few strains that can cause cervical cancer. Also not a death sentence if found out early. I grew up in the 70's and 80s when aids was just becoming a 'thing'. No one knew what it really was so education was really important. They now have a vaccine for HPV (the cancer causing ones) which is great so my daughters generation never has to experience that at least. Tell her to calm down. But get screened for other diseases.
Ok that's my psa for today. Haha.
Ok you've never heard of herpes? How does that happen? Most of us have hsv1, we get it when we're kids...sharing toys, drinks etc. Some people have symptoms, most don't. Hsv2, the kind that operates in the southern regions (ie below the waste line) is less common, but still everywhere. It can also migrate north (the mouth) but less likely. It is not a death sentence. Tell your friend there are all kinds of anti virals now that really keep it at bay. And outbreaks can be very rare....its all about maintaining the immune system. She should get screened for HPV too because men have no symptoms for that one and there are a few strains that can cause cervical cancer. Also not a death sentence if found out early. I grew up in the 70's and 80s when aids was just becoming a 'thing'. No one knew what it really was so education was really important. They now have a vaccine for HPV (the cancer causing ones) which is great so my daughters generation never has to experience that at least. Tell her to calm down. But get screened for other diseases.
Ok that's my psa for today. Haha.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well I would never tell someone to calm down when they just got a lifelong chronic medical diagnosis. I think all you can do is just listen. She's going to work through this. It's a shock but herpes is very manageable. Again, I wouldn't say that to her.
This is her issue, stay on your side of the street and don't give advice on this. Too volatile. This acute phase of discovery is going to die down.
This is her issue, stay on your side of the street and don't give advice on this. Too volatile. This acute phase of discovery is going to die down.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
I completely relate to the downsizing 'thing'. I'm moving to Cali from a 3k sq ft house (which I will rent until I return) to a bonus room at my aging parents house. So I'm getting rid of everything. I have so much crap in my closet....feels good just to donate donate donate.
Ok you've never heard of herpes? How does that happen? Most of us have hsv1, we get it when we're kids...sharing toys, drinks etc. Some people have symptoms, most don't. Hsv2, the kind that operates in the southern regions (ie below the waste line) is less common, but still everywhere. It can also migrate north (the mouth) but less likely. It is not a death sentence. Tell your friend there are all kinds of anti virals now that really keep it at bay. And outbreaks can be very rare....its all about maintaining the immune system. She should get screened for HPV too because men have no symptoms for that one and there are a few strains that can cause cervical cancer. Also not a death sentence if found out early. I grew up in the 70's and 80s when aids was just becoming a 'thing'. No one knew what it really was so education was really important. They now have a vaccine for HPV (the cancer causing ones) which is great so my daughters generation never has to experience that at least. Tell her to calm down. But get screened for other diseases.
Ok that's my psa for today. Haha.
Ok you've never heard of herpes? How does that happen? Most of us have hsv1, we get it when we're kids...sharing toys, drinks etc. Some people have symptoms, most don't. Hsv2, the kind that operates in the southern regions (ie below the waste line) is less common, but still everywhere. It can also migrate north (the mouth) but less likely. It is not a death sentence. Tell your friend there are all kinds of anti virals now that really keep it at bay. And outbreaks can be very rare....its all about maintaining the immune system. She should get screened for HPV too because men have no symptoms for that one and there are a few strains that can cause cervical cancer. Also not a death sentence if found out early. I grew up in the 70's and 80s when aids was just becoming a 'thing'. No one knew what it really was so education was really important. They now have a vaccine for HPV (the cancer causing ones) which is great so my daughters generation never has to experience that at least. Tell her to calm down. But get screened for other diseases.
Ok that's my psa for today. Haha.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well I would never tell someone to calm down when they just got a lifelong chronic medical diagnosis. I think all you can do is just listen. She's going to work through this. It's a shock but herpes is very manageable. Again, I wouldn't say that to her.
This is her issue, stay on your side of the street and don't give advice on this. Too volatile. This acute phase of discovery is going to die down.
This is her issue, stay on your side of the street and don't give advice on this. Too volatile. This acute phase of discovery is going to die down.
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