Living alone..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Living alone..
I'll take any and all advice I can get for stopping drinking when living alone. I was in the ER for 3 days each time, 4 visits last year for alcohol withdrawal, I'm 36 now. I can't do that again but I still can't keep myself from drinking, I can go 2 days or so without drinking but thats the max...on the good side if I'm going to have alcohol withdrawal it always happens within 6-8 hours so lasting 2 days shows I've managed to cut down a bit, but I was to stop completely =\ My main problem is that I live alone just with my animals. So after that 2 days sober start my cravings take over, no matter what I do or say to myself I can't stop the cravings and caving in after 2 days. The longest period of time I've been sober in years was last July after my first and hardest withdrawal in the er for 3 days with a pulse over 300, I only lasted 27 days sober from that. I still remember how amazing I felt during those days, waking up by 8 or 9 am instead of 2 pm, eating MUCH less, lost over 20lb in 27 days which I've gained back, so much more active in taking care of my house inside and out, walked my dogs 2 miles a day, 20k steps a day on my fit bit, and my eczema almost went away completely, all those memories always help me stop drinking.. but those cravings while alone after 2 days always cave me in no matter how much I try to fight them
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
For me it was important to be around others that are active in sobriety, especially early on. Have you considered participating in recovery group meetings? Counseling/therapy would be an option too. Actively involving yourself with an online recovery community like SR on a daily/regular basis would help too. Last time you posted here you had just gone through another serious withdrawal. You mentioned you were going to try AA - did you follow through on that? You only posted once in that thread and did not return - you need to actively engage yourself in the recovery group/plan no matter what it might be.
Bottom line though, "cravings" are simply thoughts inside your head. You have to make a conscious decision as to how you will react - and not drinking is just as much an option as drinking. That's where the support network comes in- if you have phone numbers to call, places to log in, etc - you can engage them first to keep you on the right track.
Bottom line though, "cravings" are simply thoughts inside your head. You have to make a conscious decision as to how you will react - and not drinking is just as much an option as drinking. That's where the support network comes in- if you have phone numbers to call, places to log in, etc - you can engage them first to keep you on the right track.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 252
I have to talk to people, Spanked. Whether it be on here, at meetings, phone calls, or simply writing in my journal, I have to let it out. I also try really hard to stay busy. It does get easier the longer you go. You have to want sobriety more than your AV tries to tell you that you want a drink. I had to get spanked pretty damn hard before that became the case for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
SBL- your words resonate. My story is well documented at SR- but 3y ago- I was living alone (first time ever) in a very unsafe place (little choice) drinking 5L of rotgut wine a day. I lost 50kg, almost died of self neglect.
I never had felt so completely alone or unwanted...…
It all comes down to connection. I drank to seek oblivion, to escape the hurt and pain. Because I was alone. So I drank alone, to avoid being alone- because I was alone.
The only way to make a connection- is to make a connection. I tried walking for hours, libraries, church (I looked so unwell no one came near me).
The first real connection I made was at a meeting. I did not have to listen, just be with humans. Free too. Stuff slowly got and is getting better.
Also coupled with the booze was very unstable clinical depression- the perfect storm, so I now have regular checks on this with my GP.
Also- I post at SR every day, just to remind myself to be committed to recovery- daily support is extremely important. I see a psychologist as well- for brain stuff. I post on different threads- common ones, in the newcomer's forum- much more likely to get replies, interact- share and learn.
Support to you.
I never had felt so completely alone or unwanted...…
It all comes down to connection. I drank to seek oblivion, to escape the hurt and pain. Because I was alone. So I drank alone, to avoid being alone- because I was alone.
The only way to make a connection- is to make a connection. I tried walking for hours, libraries, church (I looked so unwell no one came near me).
The first real connection I made was at a meeting. I did not have to listen, just be with humans. Free too. Stuff slowly got and is getting better.
Also coupled with the booze was very unstable clinical depression- the perfect storm, so I now have regular checks on this with my GP.
Also- I post at SR every day, just to remind myself to be committed to recovery- daily support is extremely important. I see a psychologist as well- for brain stuff. I post on different threads- common ones, in the newcomer's forum- much more likely to get replies, interact- share and learn.
Support to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
For me it was important to be around others that are active in sobriety, especially early on. Have you considered participating in recovery group meetings? Counseling/therapy would be an option too. Actively involving yourself with an online recovery community like SR on a daily/regular basis would help too.
Bottom line though, "cravings" are simply thoughts inside your head. You have to make a conscious decision as to how you will react - and not drinking is just as much an option as drinking. That's where the support network comes in- if you have phone numbers to call, places to log in, etc - you can engage them first to keep you on the right track.
Bottom line though, "cravings" are simply thoughts inside your head. You have to make a conscious decision as to how you will react - and not drinking is just as much an option as drinking. That's where the support network comes in- if you have phone numbers to call, places to log in, etc - you can engage them first to keep you on the right track.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I deal with anxiety as well SPL, so I understand. Very likely a lot of my drinking was a failed attempt at self-medication. And to be honest it initially worked, but of course after a while it made things worse.
Trying a different meeting would be a good idea. Not sure where in Ohio you live but if it's close to one of the larger metropolitan areas there are likely dozens of meetings daily. Also check for Life Ring, Celebrate Recovery, or other secular groups - there are many.
The bottom line though is that it's going to be hard work. And no matter what route you choose there will be things that you will have to do that you don't want to. With AA, working the steps is the most important part anyway and most of that is done on your own with the help of a sponsor.
You have a lot of reasons why things won't work in your reply...you need to start thinking about what will work and doing it.
Trying a different meeting would be a good idea. Not sure where in Ohio you live but if it's close to one of the larger metropolitan areas there are likely dozens of meetings daily. Also check for Life Ring, Celebrate Recovery, or other secular groups - there are many.
The bottom line though is that it's going to be hard work. And no matter what route you choose there will be things that you will have to do that you don't want to. With AA, working the steps is the most important part anyway and most of that is done on your own with the help of a sponsor.
You have a lot of reasons why things won't work in your reply...you need to start thinking about what will work and doing it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I always gave in to cravings too, until I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. It was hard to resist, but I did, and it got easier over time. After a few months sober, I lost the desire to drink. Now at 9 yrs, I rarely think about it.
You have to go thru the discomfort of withdrawal to get sober. It's a rough week or so, but you can do it.
I live alone too, me and 3 cats and 1 dog. It was hard breaking the habit of drinking but I was determined to succeed, and with effort, I did.
You have to go thru the discomfort of withdrawal to get sober. It's a rough week or so, but you can do it.
I live alone too, me and 3 cats and 1 dog. It was hard breaking the habit of drinking but I was determined to succeed, and with effort, I did.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I also live alone, but I have to know that I am not really alone in going through this trip.
After forty years of extreme drinking I needed a lot of help to get me started on the path to recovery. I availed myself of all the opportunities that were put before me to learn how to cope with not drinking under either circumstances or based upon feelings. It didn't stick all at once, but it was a great beginning. As I continued to learn and to try harder and with different things it has become easier.
Whatever you can fit into your schedule each day to act upon not drinking, to get out the urges to pick up and to ride through them, whatever mental assistance is required, it's all worth it.
Today I rely upon SR every day to keep me centered, but I started with a lot more than that. Human suffering usually requires help from others when it's presented in extreme form to be alleviated. I have a grab bag of things I use to deal with my thoughts, but I know where to go when I need either real human contact or the online form of help.
Living alone is now often a peaceful retreat from the things that can cause me anxiety, and it can be that way for you eventually.
After forty years of extreme drinking I needed a lot of help to get me started on the path to recovery. I availed myself of all the opportunities that were put before me to learn how to cope with not drinking under either circumstances or based upon feelings. It didn't stick all at once, but it was a great beginning. As I continued to learn and to try harder and with different things it has become easier.
Whatever you can fit into your schedule each day to act upon not drinking, to get out the urges to pick up and to ride through them, whatever mental assistance is required, it's all worth it.
Today I rely upon SR every day to keep me centered, but I started with a lot more than that. Human suffering usually requires help from others when it's presented in extreme form to be alleviated. I have a grab bag of things I use to deal with my thoughts, but I know where to go when I need either real human contact or the online form of help.
Living alone is now often a peaceful retreat from the things that can cause me anxiety, and it can be that way for you eventually.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Sorry I cant read your post atm right now guener i tried but too drunk il read tomorrow. i jut feel so alone in this world at 36 with social anxiety and depression. i live in cleveland and even tough they claim our clevelend clinic is amazing i cna't find help there. im not blaming them, i know its me i just hate feeling so alone. I just want my life to end already
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I understand, SBL, and I know where depression can take us. Try to get some sleep instead of feeling the torture that you are going through now. I, and all of the SR people in recovery, will be here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I know you’re feeling down. But I agree that AA would be a good place for you.
I’m not religious. I didn’t like what they chanted. I didn’t like the people I met that much (I’m tough to win over period, so that’s not unusual). But I deeply appreciated a group of people who went through, or were going through the exact same hero’s journey I did, taking me in for that hour, sitting with me, letting me talk, giving warm smiles and phone numbers, relating with me, just being there....I didn’t stay for the long haul, but boy when I was desperate and shaking and terrified of drinking and terrified of sobriety and NO ONE ELSE in my entire life understood that? AA was a beautiful thing. Can’t you take from it what you need? Can’t you use it to get through the first month? I had no issues at all using AA to be a gentle support group for me and nothing else. I knew I was done drinking. I just needed to not feel so alone.
Please think about why you are writing it off....human face to face understanding is important in those first weeks. Go utilize that resource.
Please just bypass the religion in AA. It’s not helping you to focus on getting sober. It’s really just helping you get an excuse to continue to drink.
I’m not religious. I didn’t like what they chanted. I didn’t like the people I met that much (I’m tough to win over period, so that’s not unusual). But I deeply appreciated a group of people who went through, or were going through the exact same hero’s journey I did, taking me in for that hour, sitting with me, letting me talk, giving warm smiles and phone numbers, relating with me, just being there....I didn’t stay for the long haul, but boy when I was desperate and shaking and terrified of drinking and terrified of sobriety and NO ONE ELSE in my entire life understood that? AA was a beautiful thing. Can’t you take from it what you need? Can’t you use it to get through the first month? I had no issues at all using AA to be a gentle support group for me and nothing else. I knew I was done drinking. I just needed to not feel so alone.
Please think about why you are writing it off....human face to face understanding is important in those first weeks. Go utilize that resource.
Please just bypass the religion in AA. It’s not helping you to focus on getting sober. It’s really just helping you get an excuse to continue to drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I'm glad you're back SBL.
Just as a little incentive - I lived alone, and I got sober in the same house I used to get drunk in.
I really wanted change, I worked hard at change and I let nothing stand in my way - not anxiety, depression or obsessive thoughts.
I learned on the community here a lot and I spent a lot of time reaching out for help, but also helping others.
I changed my life - and have no regrets, 12 years on
D
Just as a little incentive - I lived alone, and I got sober in the same house I used to get drunk in.
I really wanted change, I worked hard at change and I let nothing stand in my way - not anxiety, depression or obsessive thoughts.
I learned on the community here a lot and I spent a lot of time reaching out for help, but also helping others.
I changed my life - and have no regrets, 12 years on
D
Last edited by Dee74; 01-04-2019 at 01:16 AM.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
I also live alone and like Dee got sober in the same place I used to get drunk in. Your story is very poignant, SpankedbyLife. The fact that you remember how great being sober was and can't seem to get back there. That's exactly how I felt in Jan. 2017, just couldn't seem to put 24 sober hours together, sometimes not even 30 sober minutes it seemed.
There's a part of you that wants the best for yourself, and it hasn't gone anywhere, it's still in there but can't get thru because of the alcohol. What I did was come onto SR every day even if I'd been drinking, spend hours here reading what worked for people, getting in firmly in my mind that my sober self hadn't gone anywhere, I'd just temporarily misplaced it. And I keep tinkering with tactics to get thru Day 1 and then nurtured that tiny flame and managed to keep it going. You can do that do, all the best to you. SR is always here for you when things are bad, never forget that.
There's a part of you that wants the best for yourself, and it hasn't gone anywhere, it's still in there but can't get thru because of the alcohol. What I did was come onto SR every day even if I'd been drinking, spend hours here reading what worked for people, getting in firmly in my mind that my sober self hadn't gone anywhere, I'd just temporarily misplaced it. And I keep tinkering with tactics to get thru Day 1 and then nurtured that tiny flame and managed to keep it going. You can do that do, all the best to you. SR is always here for you when things are bad, never forget that.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I quit while living alone -
and a few ways I did it. I threw myself into AA - not just to create a new habit, but to have the time out of the house. Sometimes I had a ride and other times I had to take the bus or something that made my "excursion" take up even more of my day.
I had to start with basic self care because I was very sick. My early to do lists, other than starting with no alcohol were things like 1 eat twice 2 walk the dog 3 shower.
At home, I spent time reading a LOT - especially recovery memoirs- napping (I was so completely spent)- and catching up on recorded shows I realized I'd barely absorbed bc I had "watched" them drunk.
I know people who committed to MUCH more "extreme" ways of occupying time. I'm in Atlanta, and one guy I know who now has lots of sober time lived alone and he rode the MARTA (our public transport) train to and from the airport/final southbound stop to the most northern stop just into the suburbs. 24 hour loops sometimes.
I was able not to work til about 5-6 wks and then I got a job at a Chick Fil A (fast food place) I could walk to and that structured a good 6-8 hours of my daytime.
I wanted to stay in my apt and my parents didn't really want me living with them (again) so I had to do whatever it took to stay sober, whether I was literally at home alone, or sitting in a bookstore or lunch place like Panera to kill time, or at a meeting.
Regardless of our living or other circumstances, we can get and stay sober if we want it badly enough. You can do it.
I had to start with basic self care because I was very sick. My early to do lists, other than starting with no alcohol were things like 1 eat twice 2 walk the dog 3 shower.
At home, I spent time reading a LOT - especially recovery memoirs- napping (I was so completely spent)- and catching up on recorded shows I realized I'd barely absorbed bc I had "watched" them drunk.
I know people who committed to MUCH more "extreme" ways of occupying time. I'm in Atlanta, and one guy I know who now has lots of sober time lived alone and he rode the MARTA (our public transport) train to and from the airport/final southbound stop to the most northern stop just into the suburbs. 24 hour loops sometimes.
I was able not to work til about 5-6 wks and then I got a job at a Chick Fil A (fast food place) I could walk to and that structured a good 6-8 hours of my daytime.
I wanted to stay in my apt and my parents didn't really want me living with them (again) so I had to do whatever it took to stay sober, whether I was literally at home alone, or sitting in a bookstore or lunch place like Panera to kill time, or at a meeting.
Regardless of our living or other circumstances, we can get and stay sober if we want it badly enough. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
There are plenty of people in all kinds of difficult situations facing various degrees of adversity who have quit drinking. What they all have in common is that they committed to not drinking and then used whatever tools they needed to stick to that commitment and made it a top priority for a good long time until they healed and gradually their lives changed.
Don't drink today, and the next and the next. Everyday make it a priority to go to bed sober. Some people find the one-day-at-a-time mentality effective, others (like me) prefer a lifelong commitment to never drinking again. Both are the same with the message of never drinking right now. We can always be in control in the present moment.
You can do it.
Don't drink today, and the next and the next. Everyday make it a priority to go to bed sober. Some people find the one-day-at-a-time mentality effective, others (like me) prefer a lifelong commitment to never drinking again. Both are the same with the message of never drinking right now. We can always be in control in the present moment.
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I was married when I got sober.
But I spend a good bit of time with my wife many miles away (we work in different cities and visit each other).
We make it work.
I tend to work late, read a lot, watch true crime TV, avoid political shows, etc.
And, of course, talk with people in AA and go to meetings, which I'm going to do in a few minutes.
But I spend a good bit of time with my wife many miles away (we work in different cities and visit each other).
We make it work.
I tend to work late, read a lot, watch true crime TV, avoid political shows, etc.
And, of course, talk with people in AA and go to meetings, which I'm going to do in a few minutes.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I found AA helped. Not the meetings, THE PROGRAM. What I mean is, working the steps made a HUGE difference. Going to meeting helps some people, I'm inclined to believe at least a good % of the people who say it does, but going to meetings isn't all that important to me. Doing the steps (with someone who'd done them and could be a good guide for me) helped me get to the bottom of a looooot of stuff that had been nagging at me for years. Things I learned about in therapy but could never grow past suddenly became things in the rear view mirror for me.
I came out a different person.....changed somehow. Many of the things that had been so "normal" to me like thinking about drinking, wanting to avoid problems rather than face them, how I viewed myself and my life, and many more while maybe still present to a degree....I can now see from an entirely different angle. Most importantly I conduct myself differently now as a result of this new perspective. It's not that I just tried or try to be different.....I was changed and now I AM different.
I came out a different person.....changed somehow. Many of the things that had been so "normal" to me like thinking about drinking, wanting to avoid problems rather than face them, how I viewed myself and my life, and many more while maybe still present to a degree....I can now see from an entirely different angle. Most importantly I conduct myself differently now as a result of this new perspective. It's not that I just tried or try to be different.....I was changed and now I AM different.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Ultimately AA did not work for me. However I went at least 5x a week in early sobriety. I have tenant/roommates but they have their own lives, and I really needed to be around other addicts in recovery. Ultimately the higher power thing wasn't for me, but I went on to other group-based recovery.
PS: Your psychiatrist sounds like an ahole. I've never found one I'd use for anything other than dispensing meds.
IOP programs are KILLER. If there's ANY way you can find the time, if it's a good one it could be amazing for you.
Whatever you do, given what you've said about yourself and social anxiety I feel you need some sort of group-based recovery. Trust me, if I can do AA (terminal agnostic with no faith in faith at all), anyone can. It's always comforting to me that it will always be there if I need it.
Good luck on your journey. The first 5 weeks would have been extremely tough for me if I'd stayed at home with just my dog and a closet full of wine cases. By the time I got home I had no interest in the wine, and any cravings were relatively easy to get through.
Everyone is different, but I think you know what you have to do. Hopefully there's another more secular meeting. If I hear the Lord's Prayer, I'm generally out of that meeting.
PS: Your psychiatrist sounds like an ahole. I've never found one I'd use for anything other than dispensing meds.
IOP programs are KILLER. If there's ANY way you can find the time, if it's a good one it could be amazing for you.
Whatever you do, given what you've said about yourself and social anxiety I feel you need some sort of group-based recovery. Trust me, if I can do AA (terminal agnostic with no faith in faith at all), anyone can. It's always comforting to me that it will always be there if I need it.
Good luck on your journey. The first 5 weeks would have been extremely tough for me if I'd stayed at home with just my dog and a closet full of wine cases. By the time I got home I had no interest in the wine, and any cravings were relatively easy to get through.
Everyone is different, but I think you know what you have to do. Hopefully there's another more secular meeting. If I hear the Lord's Prayer, I'm generally out of that meeting.
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