Reasons VS Excuses
 

REASONS VS. EXCUSES
by Gary Ryan Blair

The Difference Between a Reason and an Excuse

IF YOU”RE FEELING a little emotionally fragile, you may want to read this one later.

Or never.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

I have a confession to make…I’m sick and tired of people’s whining, complaining, rationalizing and justifying why their life is a succession of unfinished endeavors.

People who have lost and regained weight like a yoyo on steroids…people who start projects but never bring them to a finish…people with the highest intentions and who deliver the lowest of results…YET they’re still looking for a quick fix, an easy solution, a silver bullet.

As someone who is constantly dealing with people who want to create positive change in their life (relationships, finances, career, health, appearance, attitude, lifestyle, etc.), I hear way too many excuses.

As a rule, I have more people tell me why they can’t change than why they can.

And while I acknowledge that we all have challenges, hurdles and obstacles to navigate and negotiate along our path…in my humble opinion, most reasons (for not doing something) are in fact, not reasons at all.

They are nothing more than sad, pathetic and cheap excuses.

There are a thousand excuses for every failure but never a good reason.
– Mark Twain
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REASONS VS. EXCUSES

So, what is the difference between a Reason and an Excuse?

According to the dictionary…there’s absolutely no differentiation. And that’s where the problem starts.

Both reason and excuse are defined as an explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.

What do you say we put an end to that nonsense, right here…right now?


The fact is…there’s a HUGE difference between a reason and an excuse.

This one health related example perfectly illustrates the difference for everyone.

A reason for not going for a run is, “I have a broken leg.”

An excuse is, “I don’t have the time.”

It’s sad, yet so very true…far too many people have developed an unequaled gift for making excuses in every imaginable way possible… finances, career, hobbies, relationships, etc…

ALLOW ME TO BOTTOM LINE this for you…excuses are personality defects; the dirty ring around the collar of your performance which carry the distinct whiff of mediocrity.

The tragedy of the average person is that they have become dependent on the deception, false belief, and unfortunately ease of use associated with making excuses.

I know of no enemy more insidious or vicious than excuses. It’s an enemy that poses a clear and present danger to your future.

Precisely because there is no textbook definition that presents a clear distinction between the two…we are left with one option: EXAMINE THE RESULTS.

The difference between reasons and excuses lies in the results of each; the actions that follow, the repercussions and consequences as well as how an individual is affected by the events that cause each.

It’s what we do with each that determines the difference.

If you are the excuse making type…you have a strong tendency to view an excuse as the result of an uncontrollable event that you deem as an exoneration of your tasks, responsibilities or plans.

You see it as a legitimate justification for immunity of your sins…for revoking all that is expected of you.

A reason on the other hand is a stimulus that causes something to change or happen, giving you cause to reroute your actions and manage to stay in control of the results you wanted without turning it into an excuse.

Excuses and reasons on the surface share a similar strand of DNA, but what you do with each is what differentiates them.

Excuses are negative and irresponsible…while reasons are natural occurrences, and if acted upon they lead to responsible, results-driven behavior.

Here’s a very good rule of thumb…every reason must have a resulting action.

Now that’s a point worthy of repeating…every reason must have a resulting action.

The main function of a reason is not to justify, but to explain. Reason implies that fault is sincerely recognized and accepted….and that you take accountability for your actions.

An excuse exists to justify, blame or defend a fault…with the intent to absolve oneself of accountability. An excuse will NEVER be followed by positive, goal-directed or solution-oriented behavior.

Excuses bring productivity to a screeching halt. They waste time and murder potential. They are tools of cowards and weaklings…weapons of destruction that undermine ones reputation, credibility and future prospects. Do not associate with them. Ever.

One final thought and perhaps a warning…you can have results or excuses, not both.

I find this type of thinking causes me to retreat into paralysis and inaction. It's too easy to get overwhelmed by the harsh critic.

Cognitive testing, yes. There is a great deal of truth here. But taken with a grain of salt.

Sometimes I need to figure out the "why" of excuses. Willpower didn't work to get me sober or get my body into premium shape, and it doesn't work as a primary tool to make my life better.

"Just do it" works better as a Nike slogan than as a life strategy.

Sometimes I need to figure out the "why" of excuses. Willpower didn't work to get me sober or get my body into premium shape, and it doesn't work as a primary tool to make my life better.

"Just do it" works better as a Nike slogan than as a life strategy.[/QUOT]

I feel like knowing why you are doing something, as in alcoholism, shows you the reason why you are doing something. Continuing to participate in your alcoholism is using the why as an excuse. **Not sure I'm making sense ** I am one of those all or nothing kind of people. If I quit drinking I do it the NIKE way. If I am drinking again I'm doing it the NIKE way. LOL This article was for me and after I read it I wanted to share because excuse and reason are so close to meaning the same thing. For example. If I am drinking because I am lonely. Is being lonely a reason or an excuse?

I view them as one in the same ;-) There is no good "reason" for me to drink, ever.

To the sensible observer there is no good reason for an alcoholic to drink, but for the alcholic, there is no sane reason.

For myself, I also don't even like the frame of "triggers" that some people use. That's not a useful way for me to think, I've found. But there are a zillion ways to get sober and stay sober, to each his own as they say!

Well, what are we talking about? Money? If someone is going to moan and groan about their lack of finances and aren't willing to take positive type of action so be it. I may not have a lot sympathy.

One the other hand for many people money isn't that important. As long as they have a roof over their head and food on the table it's all good.

But with regards to alcoholism this (reasons vs. excuses) becomes a bit tricky. There were areas of my life in which I was reasonably focused during my years of alcoholic drinking. Granted this wasn't particularly true the last few years but I was still showing up to work on time.

Now, I'm sitting here typing when I should be going to the gym. But it's cold outside! Just do it. So, I'm going to go later I hope.

Unfortunately, that never worked with drinking. I could never just... put down the bottle.

Why?

Am I weak-willed? Do I have an allergy? Is alcoholism hereditary? Or am I just plain f-ed up?

Who knows? Probably a bit of each.

What I do know is if I don't pick up that first drink I won't have to worry about craving a second, third and so on.

When I went to my in-laws over the holidays I watch two fellows during the course of four hours nursed two drinks each.

The bottle of whiskey sat on the table and when I left it was 2/3 full.

I never needed a reason/excuse or gave a damn. What I wanted... was to drink.

The difference between a reason and an excuse in my mind is that reasons are based on unbiased fact and excuses are based on motive.

I notice that with people that can have a drink and not drink until the entire bottle is empty and then want more if they haven't passed out.

With the new years resolutions I have decided to start journaling every day. I can say I suck at it tremendously but it has started making me think of my choice of words and what they really mean. Goals/Resolutions - Reasons/Excuses. Somebody stop me! LOL

I think the author should take some tolerance lessons and learn humility. Talk about judging!

I didn't read it as being judgmental.

The concept of and discussion of triggers is both reason and excuse, like the word "slip" (another one I detest as it implies an accident not a choice)....and ALL of these words add up, multiple or somehow otherwise end up with "explaining" - read: justifying, etc- DRINKING. Period.

The whys and wherefores are academic pursuits that this alcoholic can't afford to dwell in, as they can lead to resentments, among other dire places my mind goes, and critically: do nothing to support my main priority, emotional sobriety.

But, that's just me.

While I find the academic distinction between reasons and excuses interesting, I find some of the conclusions made by the original author to be concrete bound by the definitions put forth and only marginally useful in living in the gray world that is faced by people as we make judgments on what to do at a particular time.

An excuse exists to justify, blame or defend a fault…with the intent to absolve oneself of accountability. An excuse will NEVER be followed by positive, goal-directed or solution-oriented behavior.

Excuses bring productivity to a screeching halt. They waste time and murder potential. They are tools of cowards and weaklings…weapons of destruction that undermine ones reputation, credibility and future prospects. Do not associate with them. Ever.E

That seems pretty extreme to me. If I have made excuses, it is find for others to challenge my reasoning, but it's not always an act of cowardice to weigh outcomes and to make imperfect decisions. I don't know of anyone that is able to govern her or his life by such fixed norms. When it comes to drinking, I prefer to see it as a boundary that I shouldn't (will not willingly) cross, but I'm not in some way acting as a sub-human as could be inferred by the conclusions made by the writer.

Sorry but I've read through your first post and it still confused me as to what the distinction you were making was.

I think the difference between accusing someone of having an excuse rather than realising it is then trying to understand why they are the way they are is, it is easier to say someone is making excuses. You don't have to think about problems or complexity when you can simply say, it's just an excuse.

The thing is, you can never necessarily understand another's situation. Not entirely. I always think what if it isn't an excuse? What if at that moment they literally are trapped emotionally. They are limited to inertia by a brain that is unable to 'ignite' the body into action.

I think it is too easy when you have recovered to say stop doing this, stop doing that. It reminds me of successful people who think they have the 'key' to success. Sometimes it is just random but nobody likes to hear that about 'their' success! Much more pleasing to say 'I did it'. They forget the help and guidance they got on the way. The circumstances that were pleasing and opportunities that were fortunate.

Let me guess if someone was to ask you 'how do I stop making excuses ?', You 'd say, 'easy, stop making excuses.'

Let me just say on thing that relative once said to me, 'those that are successful forget so easily how difficult it was for them at one point. They soon forget how it feels'.

And I agree with him. If your life started going to pot again I'm not sure you'd have the same attitude as you do now.

The thing is, if the reason for everyone's failings was that they were making excuses, I'm pretty sure we'd find out pretty quickly not to make excuses. I think sometimes yes, we do feel down about our situation. You'd probably call it self-pity, regardless, I think it would simply be a symptom of many other symptoms of having a hard time. People's attitude reflects their situation. It is very difficult to maintain positivity when you are struggling for years and years but so easy when things are going the way you want them to.

Recovery is complex, it depends on a variety of factors. Negativity, excuses and unproductive thinking changes through the guidance of recovery or through a moment of realising I need to get off here. I need to turn around. It will rarely happen by people ranting and pointing out to a person to stop being selfish.

I will say to you, I'm sick of hearing people who have recovered thinking they can say what the hell they want to people who are struggling. It is often damn rude and negative and only acts to condemn that person. So many of you need to stop pretending you give advice because you genuinely care, no it is more about you and how you want to validate your own sense of achievement. We are people struggling, not bloody brain dead fools.

I agree with several of the other posters that, when it comes to drinking, the terms "reason", "excuse", "trigger" or whatever other term one chooses, are not in my lexicon.

I try to work the program and stay tight with God and let others deal with semantics.

I like the post as it relates to other aspects of life (work, financial responsibility, etc.).

So very true!

Thank you for your response. I like how the post relates to all the aspects of my life. My work and daily life in general. I found one of the things I'm working on is getting up in the mornings. I would use the excuse for coming into the office right at opening time of "I'm not a morning person". My goal is to get into the office an hour early every morning before the doors are open. There are no excuses or reasons for me not to except I choose not to. I did it all last week and will continue to do it until it becomes a habit.

I will say to you, I'm sick of hearing people who have recovered thinking they can say what the hell they want to people who are struggling. It is often damn rude and negative and only acts to condemn that person. So many of you need to stop pretending you give advice because you genuinely care, no it is more about you and how you want to validate your own sense of achievement. We are people struggling, not bloody brain dead fools.[/QUOTE]

I am sorry. I was not giving advice or being judgmental. I was trying to open a discussion over an article I read. I have not recovered ... I am in recovery and have never thought anyone on this site is a bloody brain dead fool. I would not have days sober if it wasn't for the great people here on SR. I am so sorry I offended you, it was not my intention.