Ken33xx

There it is.

It wasn't until I could "see" the never ending problems associated with drinking simple weren't going away that I seriously thought about stopping. Sure it was apparent to others I had a problem with alcohol and I knew I needed to cut back. However, I couldn't fathom complete abstinence. Cutting back o.k. but I didn't want to stop completely.

That is until alcohol just wore me out. Until I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Now, this didn't happen right away but over a period of several years.

However, once getting sober it didn't take long for me to realize two things: 1. most people can and do drink responsibly and 2. how much better I began to feel especially in the morning.

columbus

Here's an interesting, useful approach from the Newcomer's Forum:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ible-care.html (Treat yourself like someone you are responsible to care for)

August252015

How did I make it stop?

I quit.

I didn't want to die, which was quickly becoming my last job of my drinking career.

Bethany57

This is so true...my rescue dog has done more for my mental health than any medication or drug has ever done...not only mental but physical health.

Dave42001

Bingo!

Stayingsassy

And my goodness, it’s a lot to ask of people when they quit drinking, but you are right Steve, it is the only way.

It’s like the black demon seeps into every single corner and cranny of your life. Cutting it out of your life is more than just not lifting a bottle to your lips, it’s a 24 hour a day, seven day a week commitment with all new routines, new coping mechanisms, new ways of looking at hard times, at celebrations, at family and friends, your entire lens of life changes. And if you stay sober it changes on its own whether you want it to or not, and that can also be such a huge adjustment.

Then, returning to drinking sets you back to square one and it starts all over again with the same cravings and the same life.

That’s why so many do relapse.

You have to want it, it has to be a final solution, and you have to feel that internal need to walk away from your drinking life without looking back.

I had a lot of black, dark experiences at the end and those are what I remember, so I kept walking toward the light. There wasn’t any light left back there.

SoberCAH

For me, it was the fear of losing my career, which, such as it was at that time, seemed to be about all I had in my life.

And feeling mentally, emotionally and physically beat up everyday for years on end certainly contributed to my decision.

But my true decision to seek sobriety manifested itself in a complete surrender on my part and walking into the door of a treatment center and asking for help - simple as that.

I quit fighting the bottle because it won every time.

I capitulated.

The people at the treatment center gave me the help I needed, and I have been doing what they suggested ever since, for a pretty good while now.

Your original post really resonated with me a lot, because it described my mental state right before I got help.

I no longer have those demons that you write about.

Now, I have peace.

And you can, too.

Please, for yourself, seek that help and do what they tell you to do.

NYCDoglvr

Fear is one of the best motivators around. I came within a hair's breath of dying while drinking and I knew if I continued I'd die. The "gift of desperation" led me to the doors of AA where I took every suggestion. Some 27 years later I still know it's do this or die.

ardy

you all just don't realize how much you mean to each other to me to life and so much.. ok I need a tissue .. long day.. my Daughters best friend Sister in Life and so much is dying of a cancer.. not drink not drugs or over done in life but cancer . they have been best friends for 41 years melly is 46 years old this March.. Beth Dear Heart Beth .. have a photo in my mind of them laughing and the music is Freeze Frame 1984 they were 12 jr. high.. I took the photo. and now Beth has but a few months with her Husband and son and maybe not even that.. she is so grand a true kid of the 1980's to college and Maid of Honor and the Lady that held the key for melly's life if something were to happen to her in England for the 3 years she lived there...

how do you become the caring person I know you are. keep reading and answering all of these posts from so many that are lost. or at least think they are.. and know what I can feel when someone reaches across that void of darkness to me and says I am here Ardy really... why did I stop my
Children and my Son Ivan's life as a new diabetic in 1980... had to be the top of my game every second.. and he will be 49 in a couple of days... why did my Eddie Lee give it all up.. and I mean cold turkey GIVE IT UP everything. me .. I said have a great F ki g life and I am gone.. and left... yep he gave it up for me.. his brain will never be the same after the morphine that was given by a Doctor for 8 years.. but I have great memories of life from 1992-2008.... and moment in between... what do you want really what do you want to love forever.. what will break your heart.... answer those and you have a huge key to Why and How Come and I really Want Forever.. love a Mom a Lady Clown just ardy...

gaffo

I am a 53 year old man who has been sober for 7 years now, 4 without weed and 25 without cigs but who's counting? I guess that makes me an experienced quitter so I have a little advice.

Before I quit drinking I was afraid of the AA crowd, due to some weird experiences that I won't go into. Suffice to say that I eventually came to see them as my back up in sobriety though I didn't actually end up using them. I quit with this website and the help of my sober friends. I hung out with a very drunk and stoned crowd for years and there are always quitters in a crowd like that.

I initially quit to "channel my inner badass". I was sick of the disability that drinking had become. Even though I had such high tolerance that I could watch fellow drinkers descend into alcohol oblivion before my very eyes and still feel in control I knew that it was all a charade. Just because I got up on time and went through the motions of success didn't mean that I was well. I wanted to be the best that I could be.

The people here who tell you not to over analyze it and dwell on the reasons for drinking/not drinking are right on in my opinion. In the end I just had to quit, to "not allow" myself to drink anymore. No reasons necessary. Of course it was torture and I thought about drinking until I thought I was going to lose my damn mind. Eventually the constant thoughts about drinking stopped and I was able to get on with life. How long this takes varies from person to person.

I started to enjoy the things that I couldn't while drunk. I'm a father so there were those things of course, not the least of which is being ready for anything at anytime (see "channeling my inner badass"). There are other things , though. Like breakfast. I always hated breakfast but now that I don't have hangovers I love it. I learned to make great omelettes. I'm no longer annoyed by sober people. Actually, I'm annoyed by drunk people!!

I had to accept that the party was over and that's a good thing. I once heard George Carlin say that you need to recognize when things aren't good for you anymore. Well, it happens. I stopped drinking and people stopped coming over to hang out and I don't miss them. With hindsight I've come to realize that some people hung out with drunk me to assure themselves that "at least they aren't as bad as that guy" and when "that guy" quit it made them uncomfortable.

As far as the pot thing goes, I've gotten in trouble here before because I separated pot and alcohol and I assumed that it would work for everyone and I was wrong. I quit drinking first and tried to lean on pot, which is cheap, legal and plentiful where I live. I was shocked that pot without alcohol made me uncomfortably stoned (imagine that!). It didn't cause me to relapse but it certainly didn't help anything and it was a relief when I finally just let it go. It was just another piece of my flawed reward system that had to go.

I hope I didn't make things worse. The bottom line is just don't drink. Start out one minute at a time and it will get better. Three months was great, now beat that. Remember that every minute that you don't drink is a minute that you don't have to repeat. I wouldn't repeat a single second of my early sobriety except to get where I am today. Good luck!

DayTrader

Pretty much the same thing for me. I was paralyzed (although I didn't recognize it at the time) and couldn't grow because I refused to truly accept my reality AS reality. Instead, I was hell-bent in my belief that if I could figure out the why, I could somehow go back in time and make changes to alter my current reality. It sounds funny to me now but at the time, it seemed to make sense.

Eventually I was convinced to try things differently. Rather than focus on why, maybe Mike, it would make more sense to focus on what to do now, or next, given your current circumstances regardless of why it is they are what they are. Like most people in early recovery, I resisted this idea.... much to my detriment. Eventually, I got so angry, so frustrated, so discontent, that I figured I'd give this "new idea" a shot. I'd do my best to try and learn how to grow and move forward instead of spending so much time trying to figure out how and why I got here. It started to make sense... if one was to wake up out of a sleep and find themselves sitting in the middle of a busy road full of cars, the FIRST move is to get off the damn road, not waste time trying to figure out how I got there.

It helped that my grand-sponsor (about 56 years old at the time) was in a wheelchair and had been since he was 18 as the result of a drunken / drug-riddled motorcycle accident. This guy was awesome. He was soooooo focused on being the best person he could be TODAY, that it was inspiring. He didn't sit and bitch about the wheelchair, that he couldn't walk, or complain about all the BIG challenges he had to face on a daily basis that I would never have to deal with..... Nope, he was always talking about what was happening now, how he hoped to improve today, and what he was doing to become a better person so he'd be able to be stronger in the future.

I started to see proof that focusing on the NOW, my present reality, might really work for me like it was working for this guy I respected so much. At first, it was pretty scary - this trying to live in a new way, but I found it actually started to work...... even for me...... even though I didn't think it was going to.

Eventually I got to the point that I'm thankful I got as sick and as bad as I got. It was the wake-up call that I needed. All the gentle nudges and tiny intuitions I'd received along the way to my bottom weren't enough to get my attention. I'm glad I eventually hit the point where I was sick and tired of being the person I'd become and was FINALLY willing to start taking a lot of corrective action to become more of the person I'd hoped to be..... the type of person I'd always pretended I was.

least

I tried to 'understand' why I drank, but that didn't help. I had to stop drinking, no matter what, and I wanted it with all my heart and soul. One of my biggest reasons was my dogs and cats. I take good care of them sober, drinking, not so much. If I stay sober I'll always be able to love and care for them, and that's my goal in life - to make my critters happy.

You have to find your own reason to stay sober. It could be as simple as just wanting to live a better, healthier life.

August252015

how are you today, Arthox?