Is "rolling back the tape" healthy?
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 1,021
Is "rolling back the tape" healthy?
We talk about this from time to time here on SR. I do it when I feel I am vulnerable to relapse. I often ask if I really want to be the "old Steve" or the "new & improved Steve." Thinking of those years spent drinking day in and day out causes mixed emotions: sometimes I chuckle, sometimes I cringe. Many times I am thankful my wife didn't take the family and leave me. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not in jail, or even alive for that matter.
There were no good times, or perhaps very few when I was an active drunk. 90% of the time, I have the "old tapes" in a shoebox under the bed, so to speak. Is it healthy to drag them out and play them?? Does it re-enforce your sobriety??
Please comment and share.
There were no good times, or perhaps very few when I was an active drunk. 90% of the time, I have the "old tapes" in a shoebox under the bed, so to speak. Is it healthy to drag them out and play them?? Does it re-enforce your sobriety??
Please comment and share.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
My drinking was directly linked to my clinical depression. I didn't crave alcohol but I did desperately want to escape the hell that was in my mind.
I am mentally so much better as well as alcohol free for 6+ months.
I am so incredibly grateful to be where I am today and actually want to live. My gratitude comes from remembering where I was.
There will come a day when those memories will no longer be needed but for now I find it to be a helpful part of my recovery.
I am mentally so much better as well as alcohol free for 6+ months.
I am so incredibly grateful to be where I am today and actually want to live. My gratitude comes from remembering where I was.
There will come a day when those memories will no longer be needed but for now I find it to be a helpful part of my recovery.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I used to play them all the time. Then I stopped, because I would go weeks without thinking about drinking, then months. I have often wondered if it's a two edged sword. Chuckling over that guy in the past who almost seems like someone unrecognizable can bring on gratitude, which is helpful in sobriety. On the other hand, if you're not even thinking about drinking, why play the old tape? It's only going to make you think about drinking, albeit with a different perspective. But is this always a good thing? I'm not sure.
I've been hanging out here for a month or two now, and I haven't thought this much about drinking in the last 10 years. I'm wondering if I'm helping myself or not. One of the reasons I quit going to AA was that I didn't want to focus on drinking anymore.
Crap! Now, I'm scaring myself.
I've been hanging out here for a month or two now, and I haven't thought this much about drinking in the last 10 years. I'm wondering if I'm helping myself or not. One of the reasons I quit going to AA was that I didn't want to focus on drinking anymore.
Crap! Now, I'm scaring myself.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by steve-in-kville 
We talk about this from time to time here on SR. I do it when I feel I am vulnerable to relapse. I often ask if I really want to be the "old Steve" or the "new & improved Steve." Thinking of those years spent drinking day in and day out causes mixed emotions: sometimes I chuckle, sometimes I cringe. Many times I am thankful my wife didn't take the family and leave me. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not in jail, or even alive for that matter.
There were no good times, or perhaps very few when I was an active drunk. 90% of the time, I have the "old tapes" in a shoebox under the bed, so to speak. Is it healthy to drag them out and play them?? Does it re-enforce your sobriety??
Please comment and share.
There were no good times, or perhaps very few when I was an active drunk. 90% of the time, I have the "old tapes" in a shoebox under the bed, so to speak. Is it healthy to drag them out and play them?? Does it re-enforce your sobriety??
Please comment and share.
Such a waste of my 20's.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
There's a lot of good lessons to be learned
from playing those tapes to avoid repeating
old unhealthy behaviors and are definitely
useful when incorporating them in our everyday
recovery life.
from playing those tapes to avoid repeating
old unhealthy behaviors and are definitely
useful when incorporating them in our everyday
recovery life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I don't drag out the memories as a tool for staying sober, but I am not removed from those consequences yet either. For a person who has episodes of (treated) depression, I have learned that I should not ruminate on negative thoughts, as I just tend to beat myself up over them more than anything else. I use the same techniques for setting aside negative feelings of possible drinking that I use to manage any other troubling ideas or emotions.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
I have a different take on "playing the tape forward." I don't really focus on the things I did drunk, the pain I caused others, depressive thoughts in general.
Instead, I just remember how damned miserable I was. I have very few "good" memories from my drinking days. When the occasional thought goes through my mind that "I could drink," they're almost laughable; knowing that it will never be different this time, or next time, and remembering how lost and hopeless I felt, it's a simple decision to stay sober and avoid a lot of pain.
Reading here every day is not like a walk down memory lane, keeping me focused on alcohol; instead it's a relief: thank God that's not me anymore.
Instead, I just remember how damned miserable I was. I have very few "good" memories from my drinking days. When the occasional thought goes through my mind that "I could drink," they're almost laughable; knowing that it will never be different this time, or next time, and remembering how lost and hopeless I felt, it's a simple decision to stay sober and avoid a lot of pain.
Reading here every day is not like a walk down memory lane, keeping me focused on alcohol; instead it's a relief: thank God that's not me anymore.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
I was in a 3-month outpatient program, starting a couple months after I quit. There were a lot of people coming and going in and out, and every time someone new joined the group, we repeated the same ritual - tell the new person, and the rest of the group, how we wound up in the group and where we are now. It became a kind of running joke, oh no, here comes someone new, now we have to rehash all this old stuff again, for about the 10th time.
But the counselors had a reason, and they told us the reason - it was to keep everything fresh in our minds so we didn't "forget" especially in the critical first year when we were most likely to relapse. So playing back the old tapes meant narrating them to the group, again and again, so they stayed fresh on our minds.
I still go to a drop-in group now and then, a few times a year, and part of the reason is so I don't forget where I was 8 years ago. In a way, that also amounts to pulling out the shoebox and playing the tapes again, though I don't have to narrate them anymore. I reckon for me personally, the only path I can imagine that leads back to drinking someday is the one that has me forgetting where I was and how bad things were. So I remind myself now and then, just habitually, so I don't ever forget.
But the counselors had a reason, and they told us the reason - it was to keep everything fresh in our minds so we didn't "forget" especially in the critical first year when we were most likely to relapse. So playing back the old tapes meant narrating them to the group, again and again, so they stayed fresh on our minds.
I still go to a drop-in group now and then, a few times a year, and part of the reason is so I don't forget where I was 8 years ago. In a way, that also amounts to pulling out the shoebox and playing the tapes again, though I don't have to narrate them anymore. I reckon for me personally, the only path I can imagine that leads back to drinking someday is the one that has me forgetting where I was and how bad things were. So I remind myself now and then, just habitually, so I don't ever forget.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I am not familiar with the expression, but my one word answer to your question is NO.
When something from my past comes up, especially if it does as more than a fleeting thought (at which I quickly acknowledge how grateful I am that such and such is in my past) then I look at whether there's a specific something about it that's bothering me, and if I need to do something. Recently, some things have been persisting and I haven't been able to let go of some new frustrations and resentments, so I went as far as to do another 4th step.
For more "routine" stuff, they go back into the "box" in my head that my sponsor described as her method - something pops out, we acknowledge it, are reminded why it was so (awful, hurtful, illegal, whatever) and are grateful we don't have to do (it) again. And back in the box it goes.
To me, that's what it means to "...not dwell on the past nor shut the door on it."
When something from my past comes up, especially if it does as more than a fleeting thought (at which I quickly acknowledge how grateful I am that such and such is in my past) then I look at whether there's a specific something about it that's bothering me, and if I need to do something. Recently, some things have been persisting and I haven't been able to let go of some new frustrations and resentments, so I went as far as to do another 4th step.
For more "routine" stuff, they go back into the "box" in my head that my sponsor described as her method - something pops out, we acknowledge it, are reminded why it was so (awful, hurtful, illegal, whatever) and are grateful we don't have to do (it) again. And back in the box it goes.
To me, that's what it means to "...not dwell on the past nor shut the door on it."
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by JeffreyAK
I was in a 3-month outpatient program, starting a couple months after I quit. There were a lot of people coming and going in and out, and every time someone new joined the group, we repeated the same ritual - tell the new person, and the rest of the group, how we wound up in the group and where we are now. It became a kind of running joke, oh no, here comes someone new, now we have to rehash all this old stuff again, for about the 10th time.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Personally, I think that while it's is good to be aware of what alcohol did to us it is not healthy to dwell in the past in all its gritty details. It can lead to guilt, self-loathing and self-flagellation pretty easily.
I try to live in the present moment while making positive plans toward the future.
What is done is done, like Freshstart always says: Onward!
I try to live in the present moment while making positive plans toward the future.
What is done is done, like Freshstart always says: Onward!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
Steve- a great question- or more importantly, a great reflection. I see my memories of booze thus
- I am coming up to 3y sober, and I have dozens of uninvited memories that pop into my mind- triggered by other memories, or a car, a book- whatever. Because my cognitive function was so badly damaged with the burns I got- the presence of these memories rings true a thing I think happens to us all. We look back on these memories- with 'sober eyes', so we can create a new narrative, reprocess and repack them- without the harmful feelings that originally came with them
- There is a great difference between proactively looking at the past- to learn, reflect, journal, remind and ruminating.
The self saucing pity party is a very dangerous place to be...self pity is a catalyst to relapse.
I live my memories 24/7- especially at the moment with my burnt right hand (because of booze) recovering from corrective surgery. It reminds me of the consequences of such horrible times. I even use it as a CBT tool- whenever I pass a shop selling booze- I look at my hand and remind myself where booze led me. Like Pavlov's dog.
Conclusion?
So long as we do not live in the past, romanticise ('war stories') it or feel sorry for ourselves- it is a valuable resource to proactive learning and healing.
- I am coming up to 3y sober, and I have dozens of uninvited memories that pop into my mind- triggered by other memories, or a car, a book- whatever. Because my cognitive function was so badly damaged with the burns I got- the presence of these memories rings true a thing I think happens to us all. We look back on these memories- with 'sober eyes', so we can create a new narrative, reprocess and repack them- without the harmful feelings that originally came with them
- There is a great difference between proactively looking at the past- to learn, reflect, journal, remind and ruminating.
The self saucing pity party is a very dangerous place to be...self pity is a catalyst to relapse.
I live my memories 24/7- especially at the moment with my burnt right hand (because of booze) recovering from corrective surgery. It reminds me of the consequences of such horrible times. I even use it as a CBT tool- whenever I pass a shop selling booze- I look at my hand and remind myself where booze led me. Like Pavlov's dog.
Conclusion?
So long as we do not live in the past, romanticise ('war stories') it or feel sorry for ourselves- it is a valuable resource to proactive learning and healing.
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I've only heard it playing the tape through to the end - rolling the tape back puts a different emphasis on it to me.
Playing the tape through to the end was helpful for me in the early days - I had to think past the desire to drink and focus on the consequences.
Seems intuitive to me now but I wasn't exactly in my right mind back then.
Its a tool for staying sober not a means to wallow in the bad things we're done or the shame or guilt or anything like that.
I can see where simply 'rolling the tape back' without focusing on the outcome might not help.
There are other tools - urge surfing, cost benefit analysis etc, using you support network.....If anyone finds themselves wallowing 'playing the tape' maybe its not an appropriate tool for them to use, I guess?
D
Playing the tape through to the end was helpful for me in the early days - I had to think past the desire to drink and focus on the consequences.
Seems intuitive to me now but I wasn't exactly in my right mind back then.
Its a tool for staying sober not a means to wallow in the bad things we're done or the shame or guilt or anything like that.
I can see where simply 'rolling the tape back' without focusing on the outcome might not help.
There are other tools - urge surfing, cost benefit analysis etc, using you support network.....If anyone finds themselves wallowing 'playing the tape' maybe its not an appropriate tool for them to use, I guess?
D
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Carlotta
Personally, I think that while it's is good to be aware of what alcohol did to us it is not healthy to dwell in the past in all its gritty details. It can lead to guilt, self-loathing and self-flagellation pretty easily.
I try to live in the present moment while making positive plans toward the future.
What is done is done, like Freshstart always says: Onward!
I try to live in the present moment while making positive plans toward the future.
What is done is done, like Freshstart always says: Onward!
On the other hand having played the drink out I am under no illusion I can ever again do so responsibly either.
Now what I won't do is sit around with friends from back in the day and listen to them go on and on about how I did this or how I did that. Especially if my wife is present.
We've already did this and they had their laughs. Fair enough.
These days I want to discuss the present and not what happened 40 years ago.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Dee74
I've only heard it playing the tape through to the end - rolling the tape back puts a different emphasis on it to me.
Playing the tape through to the end was helpful for me in the early days - I had to think past the desire to drink and focus on the consequences.
Seems intuitive to me now but I wasn't exactly in my right mind back then.
Its a tool for staying sober not a means to wallow in the bad things we're done or the shame or guilt or anything like that.
I can see where simply 'rolling the tape back' without focusing on the outcome might not help.
There are other tools - urge surfing, cost benefit analysis etc, using you support network.....If anyone finds themselves wallowing 'playing the tape' maybe its not an appropriate tool for them to use, I guess?
D
Playing the tape through to the end was helpful for me in the early days - I had to think past the desire to drink and focus on the consequences.
Seems intuitive to me now but I wasn't exactly in my right mind back then.
Its a tool for staying sober not a means to wallow in the bad things we're done or the shame or guilt or anything like that.
I can see where simply 'rolling the tape back' without focusing on the outcome might not help.
There are other tools - urge surfing, cost benefit analysis etc, using you support network.....If anyone finds themselves wallowing 'playing the tape' maybe its not an appropriate tool for them to use, I guess?
D
Now I abused pot like everything else but it didn't bring me down like the bottle did. So, I thought how nice it would be to get high. Then I thought but that would lead me to pour Kahlúa in my morning coffee.
Unfortunately, the last time I was alone in my brothers home and drinking UPS delivered a package. The doorbell rang which set off their dog. This startled me and I broke the glass door of the stereo system I was using.
That's the tape...and it always ends bad.
The only question is the degree.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
The AA advice is if you are thinking of a drink, then think of the worst your drinking brought you to and decide if you want that again. I am not here to push AA, but they make sense on a lot of stuff in my view, particularly on this one.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I go back, but just for a minute now. I still get the question in my head (it’s not MY question, but it shows up in there) “maybe you could drink again?” And I quickly....like a flash memory....go back to the jugs of alcohol I tossed back and I remember quickly, and answer quickly, and it’s done with no drama at all. I got practice, yo. 
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