View Poll Results: Are holidays better in sobriety?
Most certianly!
51
77.27%
They're worse.
3
4.55%
Other (please explain)
12
18.18%
Voters: 66. You may not vote on this poll
Are the holidays better in sobriety?
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
I am explaining because I checked “other”. My general existence is much better since becoming sober, I get a lot of anxiety about the holidays, and to be honest I miss my crutch, wine, to take the edge off unfiltered relatives. I am totally grateful to have family and friends but they were much more tolerable back then.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I clicked "other". For me the holidays are no better or worse than they have ever been, what is better is me! Whilst drinking I only saw the bad, the sad and the painful. With a sober mind and clear head I see so many things to be grateful for, I see more of the hapiness around me rather than zooming in and becoming obsessed with the negative aspects. xx
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
It's all in your state of mind.
For me anyway,it's all in your state of mind no matter what day it is.
'You have power over your mind, not outside events. Remember this and you will gain strength.' - Marcus Aurelius.
Don't and you'll be as miserable and unhappy, holiday or not, as you want to be....your choice.
'You have power over your mind, not outside events. Remember this and you will gain strength.' - Marcus Aurelius.
Don't and you'll be as miserable and unhappy, holiday or not, as you want to be....your choice.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
I like the holiday season especially as a child
i dont have a lot good memories growing up with an abuse father
but I don't recall any blowups during the holidays .
my father was a rageaholoc unlike his brothers and father who were alcoholics.
my mother married him because of the fact he wasn't a big drinker.
unfortunately he wasn't a particularly happy man.
i dont have a lot good memories growing up with an abuse father
but I don't recall any blowups during the holidays .
my father was a rageaholoc unlike his brothers and father who were alcoholics.
my mother married him because of the fact he wasn't a big drinker.
unfortunately he wasn't a particularly happy man.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by steve-in-kville 
I voted "other." A lot got better... trying to a slam a few drinks before family gatherings to take the edge off, without making it obvious I was drinking. Or being in a rush to get home so I can drink again. So the entire day I was anxious and just wanted to get the whole party and over with. So I guess being sober I don't need to worry about hiding the fact I am half in the bag at gatherings. That's the good part.
The other side is something I am still finding my way through: after I sobered up my bipolar came to the surface. So that's a unique element and this Christmas will be the first. Big crowds get to me a bit. I have our first banquet tonight and another two more over the course of the next few days.
The other side is something I am still finding my way through: after I sobered up my bipolar came to the surface. So that's a unique element and this Christmas will be the first. Big crowds get to me a bit. I have our first banquet tonight and another two more over the course of the next few days.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by Ken33xx
I like the holiday season especially as a child
i dont have a lot good memories growing up with an abuse father
but I don't recall any blowups during the holidays .
my father was a rageaholoc unlike his brothers and father who were alcoholics.
my mother married him because of the fact he wasn't a big drinker.
unfortunately he wasn't a particularly happy man.
i dont have a lot good memories growing up with an abuse father
but I don't recall any blowups during the holidays .
my father was a rageaholoc unlike his brothers and father who were alcoholics.
my mother married him because of the fact he wasn't a big drinker.
unfortunately he wasn't a particularly happy man.
He was short-tempered and would use the disparity in our sizes in a coercive manner.
He was a bully - at least until I sobered up and told him that, if he wanted trouble, he had come to the right place, which seemed to fix things and, to quote Hank Williams, Jr., give him an "attitude adjustment".
But my father's rather domineering behavior was dwarfed by my mother's chronic alcoholism.
I wish them well, wherever the wound up after they died, but I don't give them much thought at all these days.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 252
Everything is better in sobriety. Having said that, going through the holidays by yourself, especially when you had plans to be with someone else, sucks. Lots of shame and guilt because it's entirely my fault. Not to mention the loneliness. But I am still glad I am going through it sober and that on Dec 26 I will have no regrets as to my actions over the holiday itself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 343
Apologies
I am sorry in advance but am not coping. Have been calling lifefline 8 times since last night not sleeping. Sober for 4 + weeks spending Xmas alone my eldest daughter nearly 21 came by for what I thought would be for at least an hour and ended up being 2 mins since my sister was waiting for her in the car which she failed to tell me then rushing out forgetting her present and I dont know how to feel anymore about anything or anyone. All I do is keep on apologisingand giving but it all feels like I am dead. I am trying to be sober and feel that instead I am getting worse. I lost all support and I am exhausted mentally, feeling wise,physically, emotionally....and I dont know what or how to feel about this unexpected 2min visit....its the 25th here already and I feel defeated. Any advise please?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by Gettingcloser
In all honesty, when I was able to drink responsibly I loved to drink on the holidays. It was a wonderful way to relax and my sense of humor was at its best. For those who can drink normally I totally get it.
That being said I am grateful to be where I am today. I will see a lot more bad then good in the drinking that goes on around me this holiday. I am glad that I am not in that place anymore and I am living my life with eyes wide open.
That being said I am grateful to be where I am today. I will see a lot more bad then good in the drinking that goes on around me this holiday. I am glad that I am not in that place anymore and I am living my life with eyes wide open.
I myself unfortunately am struggling in a sober way and am trying to reconnect and be grateful for the little things in my life but yes its hard. I am proud of you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 343
thanks
Originally Posted by dafunbra
Everything is better in sobriety. Having said that, going through the holidays by yourself, especially when you had plans to be with someone else, sucks. Lots of shame and guilt because it's entirely my fault. Not to mention the loneliness. But I am still glad I am going through it sober and that on Dec 26 I will have no regrets as to my actions over the holiday itself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by JJanew2017
This is very interesting - I was diagnosed as bipolar about 5 mo after quitting drinking too. Probably self medicated all those years prior. Did you have any inkling of illness before you quit?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi Sidney - I'm sorry you're struggling,
The best advice I can give you is stay sober - its the fundamental step towards getting the life you want back.
I had to mend a lot of fences but staying sober helped me do that, in time.
I wish the same for you too
in the meantime - lean on this community as much as you need to - you are not alone
D
The best advice I can give you is stay sober - its the fundamental step towards getting the life you want back.
I had to mend a lot of fences but staying sober helped me do that, in time.
I wish the same for you too
in the meantime - lean on this community as much as you need to - you are not alone
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Man....what a bloody mess of s#it that was for me today.
just...ughhhhh..
I went to my cousin's house...My one bother was once again MIA, the other side of the family didn't show up, and both my parents were a solid vomit stain.
They invited old childhood friends of mine and i'm sure it was meant well, but what a horrific pant load of bulls#it that felt like.
I hated almost every minute of it.
I was a ball of anxiety the ENTIRE time.
Too many people, too many memories and too much bad blood over the years.
I wanted to run out of there the ENTIRE time I was there.
At least I hid it all well. Everyone had a great time but me and I came home and took a 5 hour decompression nap.
....what a nightmare.
Merry Christmas everyone!! Happy holidays too!
just...ughhhhh..
I went to my cousin's house...My one bother was once again MIA, the other side of the family didn't show up, and both my parents were a solid vomit stain.
They invited old childhood friends of mine and i'm sure it was meant well, but what a horrific pant load of bulls#it that felt like.
I hated almost every minute of it.
I was a ball of anxiety the ENTIRE time.
Too many people, too many memories and too much bad blood over the years.
I wanted to run out of there the ENTIRE time I was there.
At least I hid it all well. Everyone had a great time but me and I came home and took a 5 hour decompression nap.
....what a nightmare.
Merry Christmas everyone!! Happy holidays too!
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I have never been too keen on the holiday season whether I was sober or not. I guess I'd say they are better just because I know I'm not going to embarrass myself in front of family/friends or drive drunk and put other lives at risk. Plus I'm usually burned out by Christmas day by the airing of grievances and the feats of strength celebrated on Festivus celebrated on the 23rd.
Festivus...for the rest of us!
Festivus...for the rest of us!
Semi-Professional Philosopher
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by JJanew2017
This is very interesting - I was diagnosed as bipolar about 5 mo after quitting drinking too. Probably self medicated all those years prior. Did you have any inkling of illness before you quit?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I've found my people.
I just try to keep myself alive and fed over this week. January 1 is a huge relief for me. It means all the materialism and parties are over. I felt the same way when I drank.
They wonder why we drank and why we isolate? So. Many. Expectations. So many crazy things with which to cope.
I do not like Christmas. This is my fifth consecutive one sober and it is (mostly) over. Thank you baby Jesus. I'm sorry but your birthday stresses me out.
I just try to keep myself alive and fed over this week. January 1 is a huge relief for me. It means all the materialism and parties are over. I felt the same way when I drank.
They wonder why we drank and why we isolate? So. Many. Expectations. So many crazy things with which to cope.
I do not like Christmas. This is my fifth consecutive one sober and it is (mostly) over. Thank you baby Jesus. I'm sorry but your birthday stresses me out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
I have always liked the holiday season. Christmas, New Years and my birthday all in one week.
While I grew up in a dysfunctional family the holiday season was the one time of the year in which I have no bad memories.
Now.... that said do I want to fly to see my brother and his wife who I don`t care much for? No.
Do I want to fly to see my sister ? Not particularly.
Do they want to fly over to see me? Nope.
However, there is no bad blood.
So we see each other on occasions like weddings, funerals or when we happen to be in the area.
I know too many both families where members don`t get along.
I happy to keep things neutral.
I can only imagine how screwed up our relationship would be today if I hadn`t gotten sober.
While I grew up in a dysfunctional family the holiday season was the one time of the year in which I have no bad memories.
Now.... that said do I want to fly to see my brother and his wife who I don`t care much for? No.
Do I want to fly to see my sister ? Not particularly.
Do they want to fly over to see me? Nope.
However, there is no bad blood.
So we see each other on occasions like weddings, funerals or when we happen to be in the area.
I know too many both families where members don`t get along.
I happy to keep things neutral.
I can only imagine how screwed up our relationship would be today if I hadn`t gotten sober.
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