SoberBeard

I don’t really know where to start, one this journey has been very long and scary to say the least. Also how do you sum up all the problems and falls in one post? I guess that’s why we come back and share, day in and day out. I guess ill start where it all began back in 2004 in the Marine Corps. Drinking in the military has always been a badge of honor,something you do with your fellow comrades without a second thought. That’s where my drinking career started.you would never not catch me stopping by the post exchange on the way to the barracks and holding a 30 pack of beer in my hands. To most of us that lived in the barracks this was our daily tithing, we just had to do it anything else would have been abnormal, and of course drinking under age was not just allowed but was fully encouraged. Once honorably discharged the problem just fallowed me, now mind you while all this was going on I was suffering from severe migraines and seizures(Very Scary). not saying drinking was the answer but it damn sure helped. Following my parents to a new state and new life the drinking came with me, It was my coping for the medical issues, it was my social crutch to meet new friends and try and fit in into a new area totally foreign to me. I would usually drinking almost everyday back then, some beers during the day then I would find a local bar I could walk to(No licence due to medial condition) and close that place out. This would happen day in and day out for years. Friendships and relationships came and went, all were a facade based on drinking and or getting drunk together. Fast forward to 2009 I met the greatest person I would ever come to know, hint she ends up becoming my wife. After meeting her I would say the drinking slowed down a bit, I would drink a few beers everyday and close out the bar maybe a few times a week or on weekends. We would argue and fight here and there like normal couples do, most of the time related to or fueled by the drink. At one point, Don’t ask me how, I was able to quit for and entire year in 2015. I don’t really know what was different then now, it was driving that could have helped. I also fully relinquishment my sobriety and my life into God’s hands. During that year I had my first child, I thought this is great I'm sober, I'm going to be a great dad and be there for my family 100%. Sadly around Christmas I picked it back up again, I don’t really remember when or how but I was back on the silver bullet. Now this time was different mind you, I drank here and there, I closed the bar on special occasions only..Birthdays,weddings etc… I grabbed a beer here and there, then as most of you know it does not stop there, It builds up steam to a blackout or a fight or some dumb place you would never be caught dead in. This continued for the next few years until my second child came. Between then me and my wife would argue about my drinking, I’d quit wholeheartedly with every intention of being sober indefinitely. Then would come the phase of me trying to control it by have two here and there, you know? Never more than two, lol. Right?
Now I did this time in and time out, this vicious cycle of pure hell. Now here I am finally laying this all out so I can be the father and husband I was destined to be, or die trying. As of now I haven't been able to drive for a few years now, so getting to a meeting or sober recovery group is like non existent. With the two children and my wife working full time and me being a stay at home dad, its damn near impossible to make it to one. Is there a place I can start online or some other resource to get a plan started based on my situation? I have already went to the V.A, they are willing to have me part of their program, but want me to do inpatient for a month 70 miles away and that just cant happen. My drinking hasn’t been to the point of blackouts or bar closings for quit a while, its to the point where I sneak a drink here and there once my wife relieves me after she comes home. Sometimes its less and sometimes its more, to me I feel like I'm just using it as an escape at this point. I am mentally and physically committed to this phase being over, I have been for years now. I just cant get past a week sober to save my life, the evil temptation gets me every time. I feel if I had a group or a program I could fallow and hold on to It would make it much easier to full-fill my goals. Thanks for listening to my rant, I hope to be another full timer on here and stay sober finally.

SoberHappy

Flyersfan

Hey I read your entire post and thank you for your service , you are braver than I. I also am sorry about the seizures and I know that is scary as my brother gets them but I have not had one personally. Have you seen a doctor about a medication to help with that ? Could you pay out of pocket if the VA is 70 miles away?

Take care!

SoberBeard

rascalwhiteoak

Hi SoberDad. I've benefited from the knowledge here at SR, and as soberhappy said, I also follow a handful of sobriety podcasts. I listen to them mostly on the weekends when my mind tends to wander.

This is a great community — spend some time here

Mtphc

Hey hang in there, I know it's not easy. I had a heck of a time staying sober, oh did I try, so many relapses. Finally i went to rehab and i think that's what saved me. Please dont give up. I have a family too and for the life of me i couldn't stop. I finally did and proud to say that I'm 5 months sober now.

ScottFromWI

Welcome SoberBeard. If the options you have aren't good ones, look for others. You'll find a fantastic network of support here on SR 24/7 365 days a year. There are also live AA and other support group meetings held via the internet every day for free. There's a lot of really good reading out there too via books, web and podcasts.

I'd still recommend taking advantage of whatever local resources you can find, because having local face to face support is really important early on. Being around other people seeking help for the same problem cannot be replaced - whether it's virtual or real.

NYCDoglvr

Bravo, the first step is the hardest. I came close to dying from alcohol and was desperate to stayed sober. Since my will got me drunk, I took suggestions from other alcoholics and started out with 90 meetings in 90 days. It's the incredible support that kept me sober and coming back. A big hug!