Stayingsassy

Thankfully, instead of the fancy open bar, cocktails, lines of shots, sexual aggression, vomiting in bathrooms craziness, the owner chose a bowling alley, beer, tacos and casual dress. Partly to avoid all of the above, on purpose, he is choosing different kinds of venues.

Of course people drinking beer around me is no issue, and it’s nice that people will be doing something other than sitting around getting smashed. I will not even be having tacos, because I’ve been putting a decent (not perfect) effort into a keto lifestyle and don’t want to mess that up too much either!

Grungehead

The bowling, tacos and casual dress sound like way more fun to the sober me. I remember the active drinking me getting half-way lit just to show up at the formal, boozy Christmas parties. And depending on what year it was I probably had a little baggie full of white powder to keep me entertained through the boring conversations.

Stayingsassy

Yes, I pre gamed every time, all the time. Its all alcoholism of course, but I know now that the pre gaming was partly social anxiety. It’s been rough going out sober for that reason. I have zero desire to return to drinking, but not having that shield for the first time in a long time is hard. I put off going out for a year. Now, I am enjoying poking my head out in the social scene a bit. It gives me something to clean up for, put makeup on for, fit into jeans for....sometimes hanging out at home for a prolonged period of time can lead to obesity and depression, for me. I needed that year at home and I think most people do. But I’m enjoying going out again now that a lot of the weirdness in my head has gone.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you've got the right attitude Sassy, hope all goes well.

Stayingsassy

You know what, I have to say to you folks, going to a party with something fun to do is the best. I wasn’t eating cupcakes or drinking cocktails, but I played a mean pool game (basically just by accident, I suck at pool) and a very bad bowling game, and I talked with lots of people, and it was a good time.

I’ve gone out twice this month and haven’t regretted either outing, glad I did not stay home.

But I do think people need to know they are secure in their sobriety before going out socially. Booze is everywhere, really. I turned down a tray of champagne, another of rose, one of whiskey, and one of something else (rum maybe? I don’t know) and turning down drinks and ordering my own non alcohol choices is automatic and not a big deal. It’s also not a big deal to talk about my sobriety in public. It’s not a conversation, but I do mention it here and there. If those things seem like a big deal to you still...wait.

There was a beautiful table laid out with meats, shrimp, sautéed squash, good cheese, etc. I easily stayed keto.

And drove the husband home.

MissPerfumado

I now look at Christmas parties completely differently. They used to be a chance to get totally wasted. I'd get there early and start, and just keep going. There were some ugly evenings.

Now I spend as little time as possible at them.

I'm also on the more senior side of things these days. So in addition to the usual reminders of workplace policies on harassment etc., there are now emails with instructions to senior team members to ensure there is responsible service of alcohol, to look out for people who might be over doing it, to make sure people eat enough, and so on.

The times they may be a-changin'. I certainly hope so. I would like to think as a society we are evolving in the right direction. I would love to see the end of the drunken debauched Christmas party, personally.

SoberCAH

These holiday-related threads always hit home, because most of us are confronted with them and because most involve heavy drinking.

I actually enjoy these parties quite a bit, but our firm's Christmas party is not an over-indulgent bacchanal and I dearly love the people with whom I work.

It took me a long time to get to the point that I had done various things sober that I used to do drunk (e.g. going to car races, football games, etc.).

But I have to confess that, even after being sober for a pretty good while now, bowling is something that I don't think I have done sober.

I think I need to give it a spin.

D122y

stay,

I have chosen to never deny myself or my family anything during my new way of life. I am very confident I will never drink again.

I don't need meetings or therapy. I understand what booze is and what it does (in my own way) and that is enough to never ever drink the poison again.

I don't deny myself at the parties. I eat everything in a reasonable amount, enjoy soft drinks, and people watch. I have a more disciplined lifestyle, but at parties it is game on (thanks to SR, minus the booze).

This year's party was pretty good, but I feel guilty because I spent too much on raffle tickets ($60) and messed up my ticket order. Real rookie move.

I actually stayed late and went to the night club with all the young people afterwards. It was in the casino where the party was, so it was just an elevator ride down.

There were several designated drivers that were sober as well.

I enjoyed dancing a bit and bonding with my bosses and coworkers. Many appreciated that I hung around. I was the creepy older guy to some I figure.

I didn't get in any trouble and as the night drug on I snuck out and drove home careful to watch out for crazy drunk drivers. I had a couple of people that cut me off so aggressively on the way. I am positive they were drunk.

There was some temptation to drink, but I don't drink anymore. The next day, I felt nice and normal. Yay!

This one guy tried like crazy to buy me a drink, but the bartender got him to back off. It was a little awkward. The guy was wasted and likely in a black out.

Have fun.

Thanks.

Cosima11

To be honest, announcing to my colleagues (and I mean the new ones in this career I'm attempting to break into, not my bar co-workers who I've become very comfortable being honest with) that I'm sober still feels like kind of a big deal. I'd prefer to just avoid the topic as long as possible.. And if it comes down to it I'll just say it's for health reasons or something like that.

It's also weird since I've taken like a year long hiatus from this company but a couple people there do know I used to drink (I actually ran into the guy who is technically/sort of my boss at a bar shortly after I was initially hired there... awkward).

Anyway I find it funny that I work around alcohol constantly and never feel tempted to drink, but the potential embarrassment of people "finding out" about my problem is more of a danger to my sobriety than the actual alcohol. If that makes any sense..

Glad you had a good time and have found your peace with it all!

Arpeggioh

Sassy: a keto-friendly Christmas spread sounds divine; I keep running into huge plates of home-baked sugar treats; I'm getting better at grabbing a tiny bite and getting away quickly.

Cosima: I don't blame you for not wishing to announce "Alcoholism" to a new set of colleagues. I tend to avoid words like that, or even "problem" when I reference my choice to not drink: "No thanks, alcohol doesn't agree with me" is enough explanation for most people who don't know me well. "I was a wretched slobbering drunk" is only for close friends!

dwtbd

Cosima
We will almost do anything to avoid that feeling , yeah ? I think the fear of the potential for embarrassment is even a stronger inhibitor , man all the things I've done and more importantly not done in life to avoid that particular suck ass feeling of embarrassment , they came up with quite the doosie when they invented that one, lol.

I can , like you , get along much better with my rational side, the side that can see that the 'actual alcohol' is not something to fear, I can make the rational case that I have power to decide whether or not to put the crap in my mouth.

But the side that threatens 'me'with the experience of embarrassment and I just about lose it, lol. The human condition really , eh ?

I'm liking the image of 'life' as the snake /serpent eating its own tail thingy, the whole ying yang , the search for balance .

What pisses my off sometimes is how good , at times, my AV can play on Me by skewing the balance or search thereof , but then cosmically that's its job , lol !

So .. rationally, how is it again that you not drinking is a 'problem' potentially fraught with embarrassment if known by x, y , or z ?

YOU don't drink, you just don't, let them get over the idea not drinking alcohol is 'problematic' , in any sense.

Teetotalers are badass, seriously

Cosima11

Arpeggioh, you made me laugh with the wretched slobbering drunk part, honestly if people only knew the half of it..

dwtbd, I appreciate your sentiments. Sometimes boiling it down with good ole logic and rationality is the best way to go. And even that fear argument from my AV is illogical, since the embarrassment of being an active drunk far outweighs any fleeting awkwardness of just saying "I don't drink (anymore)". Also true it's a problem that's been solved, so calling attention to or fixating on it is also somewhat of an AV con. So in year 2 I'm finding I can either stay locked away in my house forever, or I can face the discomfort and live my life anyway.. and I'd much prefer the second option.

Enough about me, sorry for always crashing your threads Sassy!

Stayingsassy

No problem Cosima. . Thought I’d address the talking about your problem thing.

Honestly: if it were my work party, I’d say, “I don’t drink. I stopped drinking.”

I mentioned my sobriety at this one because some people were involved in my last relapse (the text disaster) so they sort of already know about my lushy history, I have also been smashed at their parties and had to be carried out once or twice, and there are a couple of very old friends at my husbands work.

So I did say “I got sober 15 months ago” at this one, but I would never, ever say it at my own workplace. However it ends there. No drinking stories. No explanations. Most people just say “oh really,” then drop it because they find the whole subject kind of boring.

Only alcohol addicts find it endlessly entertaining to discuss recovery all the time.

I have mentioned several times at my own work that “I don’t drink” or “I stopped drinking a while ago,” just in conversation.

Don’t assume people will think of alcoholism if you say you stopped drinking, most people think alcoholics are dirty gutter drunks, not professional women.

Dropsie

Great thread Sass.

I also just say "I dont drink," people who know me well in my work life have asked why, and I say that "I feel and sleep so much better -- they should try it". Usually ends the conversation.

Happy holidays. Its a tough time for keto, good for you.

PS. Sober bowling rocks

Stayingsassy

Indeed it does!!!

Husbands party managing coworkers have literally no clue how much this sober girl appreciated a party like that.

It’s about what you do for fun while you’re out, not about the drink in your hand!