Stayingsassy

So at work, someone was drinking a nonalcoholic beer, and his wife was telling me how good this beer is, but there were some others they liked too, like clausthaler, or st. Pauli girl, that sometimes you want a beer, but you don’t want the effect. I looked at this open beer, part of it was poured in a glass. It looked like it had a halo around it. Or maybe fireworks shooting out of the mouth of it, and I wanted it very badly. I picked it up and smelled it. I had visions of drinking one after working out. Or while wrapping presents. I was wondering what my family would think. I thought why not, why is this a big deal, I just want the taste of beer sometimes, there isn’t any alcohol....I started planning to buy it at Trader Joe’s, I started working it all out how I was going to buy it and have it and when.

I got in my car and sort of “woke up.” It’s not the beer, so much. It’s the part of my brain that thinks it’s found the holy grail and wants to hunt it down and make it a life changer....yeah, no. That part of my brain is sick. So, no.

Paying attention, always. What’s waking up in my head and why? Is this a good thinking path? No? And why?

Sigh. Recovery work. Always. Vigilance, I must stay vigilant when my sober brain smells that something in me is off.

ScottFromWI

Great story Sassy, and great work on your part getting through it. And the point about it being not even really about the actual substance is very on-point.

I went down the NA beer rabbit hole a few times myself, and as much as I told myself it was for the "taste"...it tastes like crap ;-)

Ghostlight1

No N/A for me.
I can watch a commercial for booze, and it frightens me that I've drank every one of them-and I mean every one. That's how I drank.
Alcohol free has no attraction to me. I remember what they taste like, and mind you, it's been ten years since I've had a drink.
I don't need to taste it, I don't need it to bring back memories of those bad old days and I certainly would never actually drink it.
Why?

I can't tempt myself. I can't enjoy it. There is no point.
Fortunately for me, I have my alcoholic house in order, and the closer I can get to a drink, N/A or not, the closer I am to a relapse. I know this as a fact for me.
I don't feel deprived. Let those who partake and enjoy themselves, or, drink themselves to death with real booze. It's their life.
It's none of my business what others in my life do, unless they want help with their drinking.
And for that I will be there.

Stayingsassy

Yes. It’s not technically drinking, but it looks like beer, smells like beer, tastes like beer (crappy, still it is a beer beverage) and that association is pretty damned strong. Seems like it opens a door. My addiction knew it too, my lord I was lit up like a Christmas tree, and that part was what tipped me off.

Oh! And I was thinking I just wouldn’t tell anyone here. . Keep it my own secret. Ha, what a load of weird thinking.

Stayingsassy

I don’t feel deprived either, but I sure as hell would if I drank, I’d feel deprived night and day unless I allowed myself to continue drinking all the time.

Ghostlight1

Deprived. Right, right. I would feel deprived if I were in early sobriety and everyone else was drinking. For sure.
Boy, my mind would be so focused on where the next drink was coming from.
Drinking was my life. And I did feel deprived in early sobriety. Man what a battle that was.
Best to you Sassy. You made the right decision, I think.

Dee74

Yeah it's not about lack of alcohol content for me but the behaviours it awakens.

When my AV would start to get all gourmand and go on and on about the taste of beer, I'd remind it of the times I drank beer with cigarette butts in it.

Good times.

D

Ghostlight1

Excellent! I'd drink those beers, too.
Why risk waking a sleeping giant?

Stayingsassy

Sleeping giant, indeed. Oh, the mental gymnastics about when, where and how much I would drink and then breaking all the drinking rules each time.


Just no. Peace and serenity are fine with me.

dwtbd

".. that sometimes you want a beer, but you don’t want the effect. "

What kind of whackos do they employ ?! lol

I never tried an n/a beer , not too much because I fear some slippery slope reaction , more just because I can't believe they don't taste like crap. Nothing I hate more than going to a restaurant, ordering and being assured "yeah we have rootbeer" and then getting a birchbeer, blech

As a purely taste centric beverage choice I don't think NA beers are dangerous but that's just for me, yeah?

But.. if I saw a coworker enjoying and commenting on sweet tea recipe and then found myself thinking about and planning the perfect setting and how this one choice wold affect what I was doing while imbibing, coupled with even a nano second of thinking /doubt about relating this simple fact to anyone would lead me to think there was in fact more going on than 'just' a nice glass of sweet tea , yeah ?

"I" may conceivably ( though I highly doubt, because of the blech) order an O'Douls ()sp?) on the spur of the moment, my AV on the other hand would start thinking about ordering one six hours in advance and paint a nice cozy picture of how great it would be to have one

NYCDoglvr

As Bill W. wrote, "alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful". So glad you were able to pass it by. And yes, we must always be vigilant.

Stayingsassy

Haha. A patient and his wife, elderly Germans. Probably never had more than two beers in their lives, and just didn’t like being tipsy. Not coworkers. It’s not a common libation for the office!

And yes, the kind of hoops my mind went through would never happen with tea.

sortofhomecomin

Another AA member explained it well to me: "non-alcoholic beer is for non-alcoholics".

Stayingsassy

I personally liked N/A beers. When I was pregnant with my first child I was in my twenties and just avoiding alcohol for the baby (not quitting, just stopping for ten months) so I regularly bought n/a beer. Usually I only drank one or two, but I’d find myself taking a six pack of n/a’s to the backyard to deal with a hard day, just like before, only I’d drink maybe 4-5, and put the rest in the refrigerator. I tried all of them and actually liked sharps best. My husband played in bands even back then and I was visibly pregnant and I’d buy an n/a at the bar. At my wedding, I was 7 months pregnant, and I drank n/a’s then.

It didn’t make me drink the real thing, and they actually were a little more refreshing because they didn’t taste or dehydrate like alcohol.

But again, as I type this, too much attention being paid to drinking beer.

MindfulMan

I loved beer, and used to make it. I found a good NA beer and bought two sixers of it months ago. I have most of it left, as I drink it with Asian food sometimes, and other than that don't really want it.

If i felt it was leading towards drinking the real thing I'd throw it out.

dwtbd

Yeah , there's drinkin' :the way to introduce alcohol into the bloodstream and drinking: the act of satisfying a thirst
I never took 4-5 cans of Pepsi into the backyard, except on picnics( to share )

JeffreyAK

Yeah, I think the reality for those of us who turned into problem drinkers is, we really *do* want the effect and tempt ourselves by sniffing, drinking NA beer, etc., until one day we do what you almost did: "F'it, I want the real stuff".

I've had similar reactions to smells and tastes in the past, I think the good news is they fade in time, and things like whiffs of hand sanitizer or faint taste of alcohol in foods don't bother me at all anymore. The other good news is, I have absolutely no interest in NA beer, because once you take away the buzz or anticipation of buzz, it really doesn't taste good anyways.

Congratulations on waking up and not taking that next step!

FBL

I drank beer to get drunk. Period. Therefore, NA beer (which actually contains alcohol) holds no appeal for me.

Stayingsassy

Yep, 0.5 percent. Drink six and you’re close to finishing a real beer.

Arpeggioh

"Obsession." Not just a fragrance from Calvin Klein...