Markaburke

I've read this forum many times, but never posted. I have a pretty serious drinking problem and things spun out of control for me over the past two days. I've been going to AA meetings here and there, and have probably only drank about 5 times in 5 months. My wife went out of town and I ended up getting really drunk, basically going on a bender drinking the next morning. My mother and law had to come to get my son because I was too drunk to take him to day care. It was humiliating. My wife is disgusted with me and If I don't stop drinking she will divorce me. I've gone through periods of sobriety, but never enjoyed it much. I have no choice but to stop drinking but I have no idea how. I plan to go to a meeting tomorrow and try to be more active in AA and get a sponsor. I'm just at the end if my rope and I doubt that I'm going to get more chances with this thing. (without getting a divorce) I just can never drink again and it really scares me.

Ellie May 1001

Hi there. Sorry to hear this.

I have never been to AA but I have had professional counselling in the past which I found really helpful. I understand that things are different in the US as you don't have to pay for it in the UK but I think that its horses for courses and group meetings aren't for everyone. You have do find what works for you.

One thing that strikes me though is you say you haven't enjoyed being sober much and that you have 'no choice' but to stop drinking. Don't you want to stop drinking?

I am not being judgemental in anyway its just that I would give anything to go back to my sobriety (I was sober for 6 years at one point) and that I was never happier. All relapse has done for me is destroy my life and progress the addiction to the point where I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be free of it again.

Do you not think you would be better off without it?

Markaburke

I do think I would be better off without it. I'm just pretty intimidated at the thought of life without alcohol. I've just never been able to do it for more than a few months. Something needs to change though. I've got to get lasting sobriety this time.

sonic0311

Get help. AA is great for many, but not for everyone. I too use a professional counselor that I can call on any time and see regularly one on one. That has worked for me where AA didn't. But whatever you choose, you have to find the right thing that works for you. That is where I would recommend you put the most energy into. And keep thinking of your wife and child. Think of when you had to call your mother in law for help, and the humiliation that you felt. Those are the things to rely on when temptation hits. Good luck!!

HTown

You are intimidated by life without alcohol? Like you cannot imagine life without alcohol? Scary to give it up? Or you are intimidated by the scale or magnitude of the work before you to get sober? How big a job it is?

DayTrader

Add in "work the 12 steps......because that's REALLY where the juice is" and you're home free!

Warning - don't get caught up in the false hope that I used to get from "meeting makers make it." Well, I suppose some of them do, but those are ppl who didn't really need AA to begin with. They had the ability to stop drinking, maintain being stopped and successfully manage their life in a way that they truly enjoy. Working the steps is for the ppl who can't manage to do all of those at the same time (stop drinking, stay stopped, and live a happy/serene life while sober in spite of life's circumstances).

As for your other comments, it's pretty healthy to be fed up with yourself. By the time most of us are willing to surrender to AA, it's a safe bet we've been living in a manner that violates even OUR own values. To go through life living in a way that is unacceptable, hurting damn near everyone we come into contact with and NOT feel bad about it..... well, isn't that what sociopaths do? -- have the ability to hurt others and not experience any guilt or shame?

Let's not also forget that there is an appropriate amount of guilt/shame and then there's what most of us alkies like to do - take it to the absolute limit. That's what I used to do - just get to the point where I absolutely looooooooathed myself. All things considered though, I suppose I'm grateful for all that pain because it finally motivated me enough to get serious about working the steps and no longer being a hanger-on at meetings hoping I could recover via osmosis.

JeffreyAK

Do you want to quit? I may be trying to read between the lines and failing, but it sounds like you don't really want to quit but feel you're forced to quit by wife, mother-in-law, etc. If so, what do you think it would take for you to really want, for yourself, to quit and stop the madness forever? Honestly I've never seen long-term success in quitting by someone who is compelled by external forces to quit - there's always going to be a reason to chuck it, like when your wife is out of time and you feel like it's party time.

MindfulMan

I'm over a year and a half without a drink. I don't use the word sober. I don't like it. Who wants to be "sober?"

Life is so much happier and more fulfilling without alcohol. I haven't the slightest desire to drink. I don't even have that classic wish of "if I could just have one or two." I don't want ANY.

Trust me, at first I felt the same way that you are expressing now. "NEVER? REALLY? I can't imagine that, it sounds so dull and lifeless." What I found was the longer I experienced life without alcohol the less appealing that drinking became, at this point the idea is a bit revolting.

I have far more fun doing EVERYTHING without alcohol. Parties, meals, celebrations, dates, weightlifting, hiking, going to the beach. Unaltered sex is mindblowing to someone that never had it for years without booze and/or coke.

Give it a chance and be honest with yourself. Drinking is really not much fun..

LaceyDallas

Zebra1275

I just can never drink again and it really scares me.

Why?

Alcohol is not your friend. Alcohol is doing everything it can to destroy your life.