Support group question
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
Support group question
Hey
I used to go to aa but I stopped going a few months ago, this is going to sound strange but I always felt more triggered when I left. And I always left in tears from sharing. I feel bad as I liked the group and I kinda just left without letting them know and I know they will prob wonder why im not there.
I dont know why I felt this way or why it made me feel triggered. And I have felt calmer since I stopped going.
I just feel like im missing sober people talk, I want to make friends who are sober too. I love all my friends I have now but they are out having fun and I get that but im kinda getting left behind. Im alone alot of the time and tbh I dont mind it too much but I know its not healthy. Does anyone attend any other support groups they can recommend, and how they work?
thanks lpg
I used to go to aa but I stopped going a few months ago, this is going to sound strange but I always felt more triggered when I left. And I always left in tears from sharing. I feel bad as I liked the group and I kinda just left without letting them know and I know they will prob wonder why im not there.
I dont know why I felt this way or why it made me feel triggered. And I have felt calmer since I stopped going.
I just feel like im missing sober people talk, I want to make friends who are sober too. I love all my friends I have now but they are out having fun and I get that but im kinda getting left behind. Im alone alot of the time and tbh I dont mind it too much but I know its not healthy. Does anyone attend any other support groups they can recommend, and how they work?
thanks lpg
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
If you enjoyed the content of AA meetings, why not just try a different meeting?
There are other support groups like LifeRing, Smart, Celebrate Recovery, etc - have you checked to see if any of those are available? There are online AA meetings too.
You could also check to see if there are any group addiction therapy meetings, some counseling services offer those.
There are other support groups like LifeRing, Smart, Celebrate Recovery, etc - have you checked to see if any of those are available? There are online AA meetings too.
You could also check to see if there are any group addiction therapy meetings, some counseling services offer those.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
I used to feel that way a lot about AA meetings. I desperately wanted to be there, because I needed help and was struggling so much. It was such a relief to hear people who understood what I was going through. But sometimes I felt like thinking about and talking about drinking made me think about drinking more. Sharing was really difficult at first, and I got overwhelmed.
The longer I was there, though, the more I saw that most people are not super emotional in an AA meeting. They can talk about the most horrific experiences calmly, and sometimes even laugh about them. The reason they can do this is that they have time and perspective, and they are no longer in the throes of addiction and addictive thinking. Everyone has situations in their life that are emotional - death, loss, sickness, divorce, abuse. These things will obviously bring up strong emotions when shared in meetings, even for someone with long term sobriety. But even when faced with those situations, someone with a strong program will have the tools to deal with them.
Newcomers are really raw, and understandably so. Working the steps, going to the meetings, and learning to face my demons is what kept me sober, but it didn't happen overnight. I was a freaking mess when I joined. I got anxious to where I couldn't sit still. I cried a lot when I shared. An old-timer (he was probably in his 70s or 80s) told me once to sit with him at his table so I could be "in" the meeting instead of "around" it, lol (there were tables in the center that were usually vacant and everyone sat in a circle around the room). I liked him and wanted to be respectful, so I did. But then I felt even more like everyone was watching me. So I brought a notebook,watercolors, pens, and stickers and made little journaling collages every meeting. I expected to get scolded for not paying attention, but I didn't. It helped me pay attention and internalize what people were saying without being overwhelmed by the emotion of it all. I was there probably every day for over four months.
I guess what I'm saying is that being able to talk about my drinking, my failures, my faults, and the traumatic things I have been through in life WITHOUT bursting into tears was a sign to me that I was dealing with things and growing. But I couldn't hve gotten to that point if I had given up. As they day, we are not a "glum" lot! If your meeting is super sobby an depressing, maybe there are too many newcomers and you can try one with some people with a bit more sobriety.
Meetings (whichever kind you choose) are probably the best place to find sober friends (unless maybe a house of worship of some sort). Since you are desiring that, it is important to find people you can feel comfortable socializing with without alcohol being a factor. So if you are looking for sober friends, I would stick around. You also do not have to share every time. In early sobriety, listening gave me much more perspective than sharing. Now I share so I can pass along the message of hope and relate how I can use the tools of AA to help me overcome my difficulties. As with anything worth having in life, time and patience are your friends. Good luck!
The longer I was there, though, the more I saw that most people are not super emotional in an AA meeting. They can talk about the most horrific experiences calmly, and sometimes even laugh about them. The reason they can do this is that they have time and perspective, and they are no longer in the throes of addiction and addictive thinking. Everyone has situations in their life that are emotional - death, loss, sickness, divorce, abuse. These things will obviously bring up strong emotions when shared in meetings, even for someone with long term sobriety. But even when faced with those situations, someone with a strong program will have the tools to deal with them.
Newcomers are really raw, and understandably so. Working the steps, going to the meetings, and learning to face my demons is what kept me sober, but it didn't happen overnight. I was a freaking mess when I joined. I got anxious to where I couldn't sit still. I cried a lot when I shared. An old-timer (he was probably in his 70s or 80s) told me once to sit with him at his table so I could be "in" the meeting instead of "around" it, lol (there were tables in the center that were usually vacant and everyone sat in a circle around the room). I liked him and wanted to be respectful, so I did. But then I felt even more like everyone was watching me. So I brought a notebook,watercolors, pens, and stickers and made little journaling collages every meeting. I expected to get scolded for not paying attention, but I didn't. It helped me pay attention and internalize what people were saying without being overwhelmed by the emotion of it all. I was there probably every day for over four months.
I guess what I'm saying is that being able to talk about my drinking, my failures, my faults, and the traumatic things I have been through in life WITHOUT bursting into tears was a sign to me that I was dealing with things and growing. But I couldn't hve gotten to that point if I had given up. As they day, we are not a "glum" lot! If your meeting is super sobby an depressing, maybe there are too many newcomers and you can try one with some people with a bit more sobriety.
Meetings (whichever kind you choose) are probably the best place to find sober friends (unless maybe a house of worship of some sort). Since you are desiring that, it is important to find people you can feel comfortable socializing with without alcohol being a factor. So if you are looking for sober friends, I would stick around. You also do not have to share every time. In early sobriety, listening gave me much more perspective than sharing. Now I share so I can pass along the message of hope and relate how I can use the tools of AA to help me overcome my difficulties. As with anything worth having in life, time and patience are your friends. Good luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
Yeah I have often thought about smart and I did try to contact the local group here but it was a wrong number for another support group and the lady seemed quite snippy (this was early in recovery) which made me upset and nervous to retry to find info about it. It was on the smart website I found the number too which is odd.
And I mean I liked the people in aa just not so much the content, maybe because I didn't understand it fully and I never took any of the steps and I didn't know who to ask about being a sponser. Again prob all me and my nervousness. I'm feeling strong in the fact I don't want to drink it's just more for the friendship group support.
I think I just want a relaxed approach and I want to make friends who don't drink. I'm fed up everything in my circle just now either about 'getting on it' or going to a pub not really places I want to hang out anymore. Which starts to make me feel a bit lonely when I'm sat on my tod, plus iv gave up smoking weed recently which makes it even more apparent when I'm alone.
And I mean I liked the people in aa just not so much the content, maybe because I didn't understand it fully and I never took any of the steps and I didn't know who to ask about being a sponser. Again prob all me and my nervousness. I'm feeling strong in the fact I don't want to drink it's just more for the friendship group support.
I think I just want a relaxed approach and I want to make friends who don't drink. I'm fed up everything in my circle just now either about 'getting on it' or going to a pub not really places I want to hang out anymore. Which starts to make me feel a bit lonely when I'm sat on my tod, plus iv gave up smoking weed recently which makes it even more apparent when I'm alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by Gal220 
I used to feel that way a lot about AA meetings. I desperately wanted to be there, because I needed help and was struggling so much. It was such a relief to hear people who understood what I was going through. But sometimes I felt like thinking about and talking about drinking made me think about drinking more.
As for our Lpg's 1st post I would never suggest anyone should worry about such a trigger effect in early sobriety. Operations, therapy, and preventative measures always carry some risk in medicine, but everyone agrees that the risk is worth it when your life is at stake. Same for sobriety.
Now if someone goes to meetings and keeps getting drunk, it could be from some kind of trigger mechanism, but I think it's more likely something else. Triggers abound, and sobriety is all about coping with triggers. The triggers outside of a meeting are much worse than those within.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
It's normal to be emotional and cry in meetings.
Keep going, it gets easier. The talking will help.
Actually no one will wonder why you stopped going. Almost no one. People are in and out of meetings so much. They're not assuming you relapsed. Sometimes people work, change meetings or frankly just don't feel like going. Believe it or not people aren't racking their brains trying to figure out why we missed. They're just not.
Keep going, it gets easier. The talking will help.
Actually no one will wonder why you stopped going. Almost no one. People are in and out of meetings so much. They're not assuming you relapsed. Sometimes people work, change meetings or frankly just don't feel like going. Believe it or not people aren't racking their brains trying to figure out why we missed. They're just not.
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