Familylove

So this may be long... first time posting. So my husband and I have been together 15 years, married 10 yrs and 1 7 yr old son. We met in a bar, yes I know not the best, I bartended and he drank. he used to drink terribly, pass out in the snow outside sleep in the car cause I couldn't get him out. He got so drunk one night he literally died and had to be taken to the hospital. So after that night I told him that I didn't want that life and I wouldn't do it anymore, my dad was an addict and I knew better. So he changed he stopped drinking then we got married. Slowly the drinking picked back up, then our son was born and honestly we couldn't afford his drinking. So he would occasionally have a few beers here and there or a mixed drink. I am a stay at home mom for our son and have been since he was 6 months old, I went back to work for 1 MONTH and we split days to keep him so we didn't pay child care, he said it was too hard on him to keep watching him so we decided I would stay with him. I love my job by the way !!! So for the last few years he has picked the drinking back up, he has a very good job now. I used to ask "how much did you drink last night?" "Didn't you just buy a case of beer 2 days ago?" He goes to work and he also goes to school online a few days a week and has been for the last 4 years. I have been finding empty liquor bottles in the garage, all sizes, whiskey, moonshine. He started pretty much living in the garage for the last year. He comes home sees our son for 30 minutes then he's in the garage until 1am-4am. One of his best friends said he can't talk to him in the evening when he calls cause he's already drunk by 10pm. I knew he was drinking but I feel like he also started hiding how much he was actually drinking. I confronted him about his bad attitude one day before the drinking started and he said he was in a funk... now the next night I get up at 12pm go to the garage and say why don't you just come to bed, he then goes into telling me how we aren't the same people anymore when we had a kid things changed. He started to get and said he needs to leave that he has to drink so much to get him thru to the next day and he's been having panic attacks and his chest hurts and his legs and feet start to tingle. He also tells me he has to drink to be at our home cause he doesn't want to be here and doesn't want to come home or sleep in the same bed, but he still came to the bed to sleep. He tells me all the things wrong with me and I just sit there and listen, I was blind sided but I still held my cool. He did leave, he got up packed a bag and has been gone to his mom's for 1 week and now his brothers for 4 weeks. When he wanted to have sex he either couldn't preform or couldn't "finish", We are in our 30's. I am just wondering if he is an alcholic or am i crazy? He has me believing this is normal and I know it's not. But my question is what makes someone an alcholic? Is this the type of behavior or is this deppresion, I know the 2 can be connected

ScottFromWI

Wecome to SR Familylove. Only he can admit/accept that he's an alcoholic, but none of his behavior is "normal" in any way. Every bit of what you have shared is very classic symptoms of an alcoholic though, and even if he won't admit it you don't have to put up with any of it as it's not acceptable in any shape or form. The excess drinking, the lying, the blame - all classic addictions signs.

Depression can be "connected" but addiction is a separate and distinct problem. I'm glad he's away from you and your son now - I would not allow him back in the house if he's still drinking in any amount to be honest, but that's got to be your call.

We also have a friends and family section here on the site if you'd like to to check it out - you'll find others who have been in the same situation. Not that you aren't welcome in any forum of course.

Anna

Welcome! It's possible your husband is an alcoholic. That is something he would need to decide himself. And, alcohol is a depressant, so it's likely he is depressed which could be due to the alcohol he is drinking. You said he is also having panic attacks. Many of us here self-medicated anxiety with alcohol and of course, it makes everything much worse.

You might like to check out AlAnon in your town as a support for you. Also we have a Friends & Family forum on this board. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

least

Welcome to the family. What he's doing is not normal. As Scott said, it's classic alcoholic behavior. I hope you'll get some support for yourself.

Familylove

I have checked on the support groups in my area and they meet on Wednesdays. I will be going but I am very nervous. I do not want him to come back honestly, I love him and he has been my world but I can't do it anymore. I have ignored everything just so we didn't fight and I have done anything he has asked. I did also find out after he left that he has a stash of weed in hos garage. I threw it all away and he came back a week later looking for it and was so mad that it was gone. I don't know this person anymore.
I will check on the fire d's and family section, thank you for the suggestion. I just feel lost at this time and I need to figure out how to be me again but at the same time I haven't given up trying to find him help too

Maudcat

Hi, Familylove.
Welcome.
Sorry for your trouble, but glad you found us.
Think you would definitely benefit from the support in Al-Anon or other type of group.
Give it a try. Nothing to lose, and the fellowship is awesome.

zjw

yeah sounds pretty problematic to me. Alcohol is a funny too life doesnt even have to be all that bad yet the alcholic is miserable. Take care of you and your child first.

I can relate to the guy I drank like that and had the same issues as he does. It took so much booze just to put me down at night and i felt it was the only thing worth living for. The only way i got htrough my day was to get drunk every night. I wasnt the garage drinker tho I did it openly in front of my wife and kids. But I think if my wife let me do that I woulda gladly just sat alone in the garage and done it. In my case it was almost like drinking in my chair next to her was the unspoken comprimise so long as i was still around she looked the other way i guess. When my wife really backed off about how much i drank an dall is when i really became unhinged. prior to that her nagging about how much i drank oddly tamed it JUST A TEEENY bit. But when she eased up i got worse before i got better. I think it fast tracked me to getting pretty bad which was prolly good casue the quicker i could hit bottom if you will the quicker i could snap the frick out of it. She didnt do that obn purpose or anything. But whebn i had those panic attacks non stop I came to the realization that something had to change.