FindingMyNext

Aggggghhhhhh the freaking IRRITABILITY!!!!
I'm at 531 days and navigating my second sober holiday season. In a lot of ways I'm doing great... life better than ever. And I've dealt with irritability all along, but for some reason these past few days (weeks, maybe) I'm so irritated I want to scream.
I have a 11 and 8 year old, and I feel like the worst mother ever (even SAYING this makes me feel guilty!) but sometimes I just want them to STOP TALKING. Stop fighting, whining, complaining, talkingtalkingtalking. Stop NEEDING.
Which I know isn't fair... of course they are all those things. They're kids.
Irritated at my husband, too. Even his chewing grates on me.
I know it's not them.... it's all me. I wish I could find a place of zen and peace. I don't snap and nag-- I just stay quiet. But inside I want to freaking BURST.

Wish I could be better than this. I exercise a lot (hot yoga) but that doesn't seem to be enough lately. I just feel like an open wound and EVERY SINGLE THING is salt in the wound. It's times like this that a drink would make it all numb.

Is this normal?!? Maybe it's just what a 45-year-old tired working mother feels anyway, regardless of alcoholism?

Dee74

I think Xmas can be a stressful time, especially for parents, alcoholic or not...

but ^ this needs attention when you're an alcoholic.

Is there any way you can get some downtime? send them to a friends house, or relatives? Get them to pitch in a little more?

what kind of sober support do you have? is SR it?

D

Ghostlight1

I've been sober over nine years and I'm still irritable.
I was just talking on the phone with a friend who was eating while talking. This irritated the hell out of me and I cut the conversation short.
Random people irritate me. On the subway, in restaurants . Any where.
I guess I'm just irritable by nature.

I'm also sometimes short tempered. I hate these things about myself.
I couldn't imagine having children. I can totally see why they irritate you.
Personally, for what it's worth, I don't think your irritability is a symptom of being sober since you have so much sober time.
I feel for you. I'm the same way. It just is my personality.

I don't like it, but I can't help it.

Mango212

I'm not alcoholic. Yoga, for me, releases a lot of muscle memory/trauma/emotions to process. Hot yoga is very therapeutic, and releases things quicker.

least

I don't know if you already do, but if not, start practicing gratitude every day. Each day find at least one thing you're grateful for, no matter how small. Make it a habit. I found it helped me a lot, and made me a lot happier too.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

plop

Is it possible for you to get any time just for yourself? I've noticed that at our age (I'm 44) we need all the rest we can get, whether we are alcoholics or not. It sounds like your irritablity has a lot to do with chronic stress.

FindingMyNext

This is probably exactly the problem. I love being alone, but it never, ever, ever, ever happens. My job is as a school principal, which is literally in my neighborhood, and my kids go there, and my husband works there, I can't even go to the grocery store without running into someone from my community, and so my whole life is all intertwined together and I'm ALWAYS "on." I often feel like a tree with a thousand woodpeckers going at me. Sometimes I think I would give my arm for an hour alone.

Dee, yes, the holidays are hard. All the family stuff.... blech.
SR is my only support for the alcoholism piece. Exercise helps with the rest of it, but obviously I need some sort of release beyond that.
Have to think on it before I pop

Thanks, Ghostlight. That helped.

RaiseAnchor

I definitely can get behind this. I don't have nine years (you rule, by the way) under my belt but enough to feel confident in my sobriety. I found that I have become far more "direct" about what I expect out of others. I've definitely become a bit of a nag at times and it's something I need to keep in check. *Usually* it just means I need to eat something. "Hanger" is a real thing, I think. XD

AtomicBlue

Finding, I’m in the same boat as you with this being my second sober holiday season (470 days sober). Close to 40 also. I’m having problems with irritability right now. It happens from time to time. Really been praying a lot for patience with my 5 year old child. I find this happens when I get off my schedule. Couldn’t go to my regular AA meeting, missed yoga etc. I will be going to an extra AA meeting tonight or tomorrow morning. This usually helps me tremendously. We all have our different tools. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.

FindingMyNext

Wellllllll, AtomicBlue, that's exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you.

WaterOx

What can I say. The holidays are crap and should be illegal.

My two cents

BullDog777

You have to make time. I get irritable too.

Almost 3 years in and i have a 13 year old teenage daughter. I also have a wife and 2 of one of my cousins' kids stay with us a lot because mom's in jail and their dad is a piece of s#it..

I'm the only male in a house full of screaming teenagers and sometimes I can't stand it. Their not only incredibly loud, but inconsiderate slobs who can't pick up anything unless their was a $100 bill attached to it.

I NEED quiet.

I often hang out in the garage. Or in my office.....where ever i go, 2 things are certain. I lock the doors behind me and I have on my headphones. Like the ones that cut off all noise when I go to the gun range. I have an extra pair I walk around the house with. Their too loud for me.

It's the only way for me to get any peace some days.

The only thing I've been able to successfully lobby for is the "quiet hour" In which everyone either does their homework or does something creative....but all devices and TVs are off.

That helps a little.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier in that manner, but the longer I stay sober the more they wanna include me. Don't get me wrong. I love them all very much, but 24/7 is a bit much for me when I spent more than half my life in virtual isolation.

I've just gotten better at picking my battles on when I insist it's time to leave dad alone.

ScottFromWI

Yes, stress is a very normal part of everyone's lives unfortunately - not just alcoholics either. The biggest issue we have is that we have to learn how to face those problems head on - rather than running away to a bottle, which was our default response in the past. And it's hard - VERY hard at times. But it's a necessary part of getting sober. Lots of good suggestions here already - I used the concept of Mindfulness a lot - and meditation too. Good thing about meditation is that you can do it anywhere, anytime - and all you need is 5 minutes - literally.

Delilah1

Finding some time for you is definitely important. I have three kids and work full time, so I know this can be difficult, but it helps. I find walking everyday helpful, I think it's a combination of exercise, and nature. I also have worked hard on remaining present, worrying about past or future has caused me anxiety, so I have done some work around mindfulness.

My kids are 15, 14, and 11, and time is really starting to go by way too fast. I'm trying to enjoy every moment, the big and the small. I spend s lot of time shuttling my kids to activities, and have found that time in the car, especially when just one of them is a great time to chat.

On the really crazy days I find escaping to a bath with a nook helpful.

DriGuy

I actually think you are on to something. Not all problems come from drinking. Big ones do of course, but there are other problems beyond that and are unrelated to problems with alcoholism. You might be experiencing that. I don't know. My experience is that drinking won't help those problems. Dull the pain? Not really. Not for me anyway. Those same problems were there drunk or not.

Life is stressful. Job, marriage, family, annoying people all stressed me, as they do you, and you and I might be representative of that group that is easily stressed. I look at others, and see people doing fine with the things that stress me. On the other hand I look at people on disability because of PTS, or so they claim, and they look totally unstressed to me.

But sometimes I've felt stressed to the point where I wanted to run from the house screaming like a possessed person. I didn't of course. Usually, I quietly snuck out for some alone time, but the stress persisted. Sobriety reduced it somewhat, but by that time, I was divorced, and two years later, I retired. Job--done, Marriage--gone, Stress--reduced to a minimum and getting better. Annoying people are still there, but I avoid the worst of them. And if they are idiots, I laugh at them, until I can't take it and then I leave, or sometimes I just ignore them. I never had kids. I imagine that to be the most stressful thing of all, unless you had good kids, but if they were kids like me, it would probably drive me nuts.

My advice is don't drink. It won't help. If it dulls the misery for you, then maybe drink. Then you will be a dull drunk, and of little use in solving the problem.

Most of all, I seriously wish you the best, even if it sounds like I might be brushing this problem off without the seriousness it deserves. But I told you how I got rid of mine. It maybe isn't how you will do it. Also, professional counseling might help, as it did for me.

CJHolden

I don't know where we got this idea that in sobriety we would feel good all the time. We had emotional highs and lows before we drank and we'll have them long after. Just like everyone else both drunk and sober. We need to get rid of the notion that we are dry drunks or failing in our sobriety somehow every time we have a lingering negative emotion. It's human.

DriGuy

I already punched the "thanks" button, but I really agree with this one. "Dry drunk" is an oxymoron, although it may have some value as a metaphor. I actually kind of resent it though. Oops! There's a resentment. I must be a dry drunk. I'm still thinking like an alcoholic... or maybe it's just because I'm just a semantic Nazi. Not everything revolves around alcoholism. Uh oh. Junior is acting up. Is he a dry drunk... or maybe it's because he's just four. Lot's of sober normies do a poor job of coping. Are they dry drunks? Let's not get carried away with our alcoholism. I try not to continually dwell on my past life. Somehow, I don't think it's helpful. I just need to keep making the choice not to drink, and that hardly ever comes up anymore, so why make such a big issue out of it?

Edit: Actually it's closer to the truth to say the choice to drink "never" comes up anymore. Not drinking is just something I do today. I don't stop and ask myself whether I want to drink or not. It's become more of a reflex than a choice to not drink.

MindfulMan

I'm at 560 days and ready to bite everyone's head off. Maybe it's normal?

AAPJ

Let's see... 45-year-old tired working mother of two; local school principal & husband works there too.... wonders why she is irritable?

You my friend have a very stressful lifestyle. You must have a lot of positive attributes or you would not be the school principal. But almost anyone in this situation would be operating at a very high level of stress. What really pushes you into a super stress mode is the fact that your job isn't something you can turn off. Being the principal and living in the community you serve is a 24x7 commitment. Obviously you realize that alcohol won't help the situation but in your case it seems to me that alcohol was only one of the causes of your irritability. If possible I suggest that you consider either getting re-assigned as the principal of a school outside the area where you live or moving to live in an area outside your school district. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Bunny211

I feel you! I am approaching 4 years and still irritable as HELL. If anything, it has gotten worse in sobriety - not better. I am working on meditating, exercise, taking time out for me, spiritual seeking etc. I'm pretty desperate. UGH. Not fun. Sending you a big hug!!!